Afraid to fail
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Realistically you are going to have your ups and downs during this process, but there are ways you can set yourself up to push through the tough times a little easier.
Consistency - have little ways to monitor your progress that you are 100% committed to, even when you are not happy with the results. For me, this means that I weigh and track my weight every day, and I accurately log my food intake here even if I've gone over. I try not to attach value judgements to these things and instead use them as data so I can track my progress over time. Even if you only take measurements once a month, having that little ritual helps you keep your focus on your ultimate goal. It's going to be different for everyone, but being consistent is the key.
Accountability - I have multiple ways I keep myself accountable, with friends, here, and with periodic fitness goals and competitions. I know that if I miss a day logging here someone will notice and comment, and if I skip the gym without a good excuse my friends there will notice. Some days you are going to struggle and sometimes it's the thought of not wanting to let those people down that gives me a little push to stay on track.
Focus - You really have to narrow down your reasons for wanting to do this. I've lost weight before, but I've only really been successful at it when it's coming from a place of self-care and love, not criticism. This is a personal thing for everyone. Some people just really like to eat, and some people have an emotional connection to food, but until you figure out what brought you to your highest weight and find ways to refocus that energy it's going to be a bit scary. I replaced most of my bad habits with good ones, but sometimes old behaviors start creeping back in and that's when I need to be really honest with myself and remember my goals and why I have them.
And finally, surrounding yourself with people who have had success at this is always a good idea, which is why I lurk here all the time. Fear is a totally normal thing and I think most people here are probably a bit scared of regaining. You just have to push past the fear and give it your best shot anyway.
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All of the above. For me, its also about reflecting on those times when you do something that compromises your goal, and understanding why (without beating yourself up about it). Surprisingly, if you give a name to that reason - 'loneliness', 'stress', 'fear', it reduces it's impact.2
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Small goals are the key to big successes.
set yourself goals and review them at least twice a month.
I recommend 5 goals to be kept in play.
1. Very short term. What is your goal for this week?
2. Short term. What is your goal for the next 4 weeks?
3. Medium term. What is your goal for the next 3 months?
4. Longer term. What is your goal for the next 6 months?
5. Long term. What is your goal for the next year?
Keep these smart*, share them with someone that is also working towards goals and motivate one another.
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Specific to you
Measurable, How much?
Achievable, Can it be done? Is it realistic for you?
Relevant, Why is this your goal?
Time Bound, By when?
I like this, (and I confess I have not read the entire thread before starting this), but I would recommend being careful not to use the scale as a part of #1 and even really #2. Weight fluctuations, which are normal, can derail you if you feel like you failed because you didn't lose weight in a week (or enough) in 4 weeks. You could be right on track and not realize it because the scale can fool you.
I would also recommend goals that include being able to do things you haven't been able to do before. Exercise works wonders in that area. Just doing it regularly you can't help but get better, even if it's slow. You can do this.1 -
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senor_jeff wrote: »You said, your friend made you run, but then you stopped.. how come? I know for me, I love running now as all those extra calories I burn running allows me to enjoy things like chocolate etc
Running was enjoyable the more that I did it, but it did strain my body/knees a bit. It may be something that I try to get back into again as I get lighter0 -
terr91payette14 wrote: »I've honestly lost count of how many times ive come back to myfitnesspal. I really think you have to your mind set for this to succeed. I've never been able to log everything as long as I have this go around. And I truly believe it's because my outlook is different now. I'm only about a month in but that's longer than any other time I've attempted this. And I look at what I'm doing so different. Instead of all or nothing I'm making small changes. The first week or so I didn't try staying under cals, instead I tried seeing how many I currently eat. That was such an eye opener for me. And I have a looong way to go but I'm already feeling successful because I know I will be. One day at a time.
Good point! I've got to learn to take the small steps. I can get so bullish at times and I have to remember it's a lifetime process!0 -
Yes, I feel this exact way at least once a month. During those times, I try to think along these lines:
1. NOT trying is automatic failure. At least trying means I MIGHT get there.
2. I go back to my "why" list and read it. Has anything changed? (it helps keep me motivated!) If it's changed, I alter the reasons, to keep me going.
3. why am I not afraid of staying heavy or heavier MORE than I'm afraid of trying and maybe failing?
4. Am I focusing on a number on the scale or my overall health? i find that too often I get focused on that darn number, but forget that I actually want to be healthier! Yes, it includes weight loss, and I think as long as I keep trying, I can get there. It just might take a while longer than I want it to.
5. HOW can I help myself succeed? Knowing my weaknesses helps me to set up plans to combat them, thus empowering myself to achieve my goal.
6. Realizing that my motivation needs to come from me, and not rely on anyone else was a big eye opener. I thought I needed a support system, aka close friends or friends who would keep me accountable. They failed. After 2-3 months of going to the gym, neither "accountability friend" has asked even once how I am doing. Screw them, I'm doing this despite them!
7. and the biggest ... it's a mind game. You're going to have to learn to not chase that "fear" rabbit and go for the gold. Don't focus on the negative, focus on what you really want and why you want it. Focus on what can help you reach your goals. Don't get distracted. Don't get discouraged when your scale can't tell you when you have retained a little water, and not gained fat. Don't get frustrated when your scale wont budge because you're burning fat while toning muscle.
So ask yourself.. are you going to do it or not? Do saying I'm afraid.. be more afraid of what happens if you DON'T do it. Look forward to getting into smaller sized clothes or being able to participate more with family members. Be proud that you're taking control of your body, rather than letting your body discourage you from what you want.1 -
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Don't think of this in terms of losing weight, but look deeper to the habits you formed that led to where you are now.
Write down 5 bad habits you want to change. Scratch off 4 and focus on the one you believe will add the most value. Replace that one bad habit with one positive habit. Once this become habitual - reinforced through routine and repetition - rinse and repeat this exercise. Write down 5, scratch off 4 and keep going.
This is a marathon, not a sprint.
This sounds like a great practice! I can't wait to use this.0 -
The only time you will fail is when you completely give up on the idea of loosing weight. As long as you hit that gym with good intention and nutrition the same way regardless of f***ups and set backs you are not failing. Only quitting for ever is failing.
Also one thing that helped me was finding what I loved to do in regards to fitness and motivation.
in 2004 I was 275LBS Teenager in high school. I started to workout because of my weight and fell in love with BB.
by 2008 Graduation I was 195LBS @ 12% BF. Then I joined the military which cut down on my gains from all the endurance based PT we did to roughly 170LBS for about 4 years. Got out of the military and ballooned up to 260LBS because I was like YAY no more forced PT sessions LOL. Cut back down to 178LBS and been slow bulking to 215LBS @17%BF which Im cutting now for summer readiness.
Let me tell you in all my years of working out and fitness there wasnt a completely linear time when I would bulk or cut without fuc*ing up my diet and or falling off the band wagon. But Darnit I always got back up on and on the train. All the mini victories will lead to your long term success no matter what! Also all the mini Victories will build your confidence along the way which is always helpful.
Good luck to you and enjoy the journey!
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Wow! I am completely blown away by how much support I've gotten on this post. I've been trying to keep to myself for a long time and keep my weight loss "private". I didn't really add any friends and definitely have been trying to go it alone. It has been so hard to deal with this journey and my feelings/thoughts on my own, but right now I feel so encouraged! Thank you ALL for your words and advice. Please feel free to add me as a friend!7
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You don't have to be perfect.1
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yeah all thats been said. The most successful people realize its a lifestyle not a diet. If yo udont enjoy it it wont last. fit what you love in, Find ways to enjoy exercise (youve done this) research and find what your body needs/likes and fine tune it. Drop broscience and woo and just enjoy the ride. Knowledge is very very helpful. You know what you need, And once you take the time to experiment youll find what you like and slowly but surely your set for life because before you know it your habits all change.
Zero need to dive right in and crash and burn doing it to fast. Yo-yo dieting isnt fun, Fit healthy lifestyle is. The only way youll fail is if you give up. Change your thinking, One bad day wont hurt, But if you take that and then spend a month hating yourself and saying screw it i messed up it will.
Iv lost 95 pounds in 11 months and iv had quite a few yummy delicious cheat days, And the world didnt end (not that im recommending it-especially before you find your routine- just saying not the end of the end)1 -
aamerine08 wrote: »Wow! I am completely blown away by how much support I've gotten on this post. I've been trying to keep to myself for a long time and keep my weight loss "private". I didn't really add any friends and definitely have been trying to go it alone. It has been so hard to deal with this journey and my feelings/thoughts on my own, but right now I feel so encouraged! Thank you ALL for your words and advice. Please feel free to add me as a friend!
My journey is to lose 100+ lbs, I don't know where I would be without the help and advice I've found here the past months. Now I have confidence I'll make this goal by the end of the year.3 -
One more thing to keep in mind. You are now feeling pumped and supported. There is a certain honeymoon phase where you're super motivated. When that wears off you will need habits to fall on. That's the reason most people here proposed realistic sustainable changes, because there WILL be days where things won't go to plan. It's important to understand that this is normal and stop stressing about being perfect all the time. A day where you feel like you're faltering shouldn't discourage you, just simply pick up where you left off as soon as you are able. In the long run that's loads better than giving up altogether.5
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amusedmonkey wrote: »One more thing to keep in mind. You are now feeling pumped and supported. There is a certain honeymoon phase where you're super motivated. When that wears off you will need habits to fall on. That's the reason most people here proposed realistic sustainable changes, because there WILL be days where things won't go to plan. It's important to understand that this is normal and stop stressing about being perfect all the time. A day where you feel like you're faltering shouldn't discourage you, just simply pick up where you left off as soon as you are able. In the long run that's loads better than giving up altogether.
When you said stop stressing about being perfect, to me was about the biggest moment in my life when I realized that haha! Once you do that little thing I swear life becomes easy not to mention much less cortisol lol1 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »One more thing to keep in mind. You are now feeling pumped and supported. There is a certain honeymoon phase where you're super motivated. When that wears off you will need habits to fall on. That's the reason most people here proposed realistic sustainable changes, because there WILL be days where things won't go to plan. It's important to understand that this is normal and stop stressing about being perfect all the time. A day where you feel like you're faltering shouldn't discourage you, just simply pick up where you left off as soon as you are able. In the long run that's loads better than giving up altogether.
Thank you for this!0 -
I know many have suggested short terms goals, I would suggest adding an even shorter goal. One day. You can do this for one day. Stay within your calories. Exercise for so long. Don't tell yourself you'll "do it tomorrow". And don't give up just because one day was bad. You have a fresh start each day.
Sometimes you'll want to raid the kitchen and undo your hard work for the day. Tell yourself you can make it this one day. Just a few more hours until bedtime, whatever you need to do. Then in the morning, success!
After sticking to it each day, you build a routine and it feels totally normal. And good. And the weight will fall off and you'll have energy. And you'll rub your ever flattening tummy as you lay in bed. And you'll have to buy new clothes, including underwear! It'll be great and crazy and frustrating, but it will be worth it. You got this!2 -
It is possible that you are also afraid to succeed! We all hide behind our weight and use it sometimes as an excuse for a lot of things. As you lose weight, people start to comment and say how nice we look - we are suddenly thrown into the limelight - no hiding. That can be a bit scary too. Enjoy every pound gone and promise yourself not to get it back - its a marathon, not a sprint. I am back after a long break and so am also nervous about failing/succeeding!2
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Anything WORTH doing has a chance of failure. There is literally nothing important you can't fail at: jobs, relationships, school, hobbies, and yourself. So recognize that there is no completely safe option in life.
Also, reframe "failure". It's easy to get into a state of mind that failure is automatically permanent and unable to be change. OR...and here's the big OR... it's just an OUTCOME. Something was missing that didn't lead to success this time. Or a chance was taken and it didn't work out this time. But that does not mean such a failure is the end to the story...you get to write a new page, a new chapter.
I don't like Trump but I have to give grudging respect that he doesn't let failure (and there have been a heckuva lot of them) define him. I won't say be like Trump (he also doesn't have a lot of self-reflection or insight) but realize failure isn't the end of anything.2 -
I know many have suggested short terms goals, I would suggest adding an even shorter goal. One day. You can do this for one day. Stay within your calories. Exercise for so long. Don't tell yourself you'll "do it tomorrow". And don't give up just because one day was bad. You have a fresh start each day.
Sometimes you'll want to raid the kitchen and undo your hard work for the day. Tell yourself you can make it this one day. Just a few more hours until bedtime, whatever you need to do. Then in the morning, success!
After sticking to it each day, you build a routine and it feels totally normal. And good. And the weight will fall off and you'll have energy. And you'll rub your ever flattening tummy as you lay in bed. And you'll have to buy new clothes, including underwear! It'll be great and crazy and frustrating, but it will be worth it. You got this!
You are awesome! Thank for for this #JustOneDay1 -
kenyonhaff wrote: »Anything WORTH doing has a chance of failure. There is literally nothing important you can't fail at: jobs, relationships, school, hobbies, and yourself. So recognize that there is no completely safe option in life.
Also, reframe "failure". It's easy to get into a state of mind that failure is automatically permanent and unable to be change. OR...and here's the big OR... it's just an OUTCOME. Something was missing that didn't lead to success this time. Or a chance was taken and it didn't work out this time. But that does not mean such a failure is the end to the story...you get to write a new page, a new chapter.
I don't like Trump but I have to give grudging respect that he doesn't let failure (and there have been a heckuva lot of them) define him. I won't say be like Trump (he also doesn't have a lot of self-reflection or insight) but realize failure isn't the end of anything.
Love it. Thanks!1 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »One more thing to keep in mind. You are now feeling pumped and supported. There is a certain honeymoon phase where you're super motivated. When that wears off you will need habits to fall on. That's the reason most people here proposed realistic sustainable changes, because there WILL be days where things won't go to plan. It's important to understand that this is normal and stop stressing about being perfect all the time. A day where you feel like you're faltering shouldn't discourage you, just simply pick up where you left off as soon as you are able. In the long run that's loads better than giving up altogether.
As someone who's now been in maintenance for a few years, (so on the 'other side' of things), I agree that this is spot on. Now is the time to learn how the mechanics of weight loss/maintenance actually work, and to put into place sustainable and realistic practices, that you'll be able to do for the rest of your life. There's going to be a lot of 'high' moments in this process and most likely just as many 'low' moments. Getting things figured out now will help you through those rough moments.
A little example-I've been in a bit of a maintenance funk lately, and had just got done whining about it in the maintenance forum section Wednesday night, when my dd had a freak accident and we ended up in the ER/hospital stay. A totally unexpected (horrible) life moment, where my nice little routine went out the window. But, even through all of that-what I've learned about CICO/weight management is so ingrained in me, that I was able to make calorie appropriate choices at the hospital cafeteria, without even having to think about it/stress that I was messing up. Knowing how to do that, in the midst of all of life's curve-balls, is what will make you successful long term.3 -
Many are responding to this post because we can relate. We all have some fears or may have experienced past failed weight loss. How many times have I started a diet on a Monday and not even made it to dinner without "blowing it" - hundreds of times. How many times have I successfully lost 10, 20 or 30 pounds and kept it off for a year or longer over 25 years of yo-yoing, several times. All that experience has allowed me to understand that weight loss and maintenance is a lifestyle - not a goal I can check off as completed and ignore because I'm bored with it. Now, by reading these posts and understanding the MFP process of CICO, there is less fear of failure because it is math and awareness, not magic, luck or the latest diet secret that will help maintain the weight loss.0
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