Grief, Anxiety, and Undereating - But Progress!!! :)

Ayesha4417

I haven't posted in forever, and I think I may actually only have one "friend" left from a few years ago (yay katzba... apologies if I don't have your name correct - going on memory).

I was last "active" about three years ago, and have been hit-or-miss the last few months. In the last three years, my marriage was struggling, my mom had cancer and later died a month after my grampa did. It was a 2.5 year cancer battle and she died at home. I bought the house, got divorced, struggled with the house, bad relationship, mental breakdown (psych ward), moved, can't sell the house, scammed by a "handyman", let myself care about someone again and got my heart broken again, don't like my job. I was maintaining my weight loss until about eight months ago - and then packed on about 40 pounds even though I didn't change my eating habits or exercise. Stress, I guess.

I don't check in here every day, and felt really guilty as if I was a failure because of it. But I choose to celebrate instead. I wear a fitbit and am increasing my daily steps. I have "alternative" sources of exercise that keep me busy - cleaning, bowling, yoga, belly dance. I'm making amazing progress as far as activity.

My struggle is actually undereating. I'm overweight, but I think my body has been in starvation mode for years. I just don't care about food. I know people look at "fat" people and think that they'd do better if they'd just put the fork down. I'm proud of the fact that I eat a meal a day - it used to be every other or every third day.

I need to work on that, and I will. But I don't log my food because it causes me anxiety. Maybe that will change and maybe someday I'll be happy to see that I "logged my food and am under my calorie goal". For now, I just appreciate where I am compared to where I was.

Until then, I'll keep logging my exercise but not stressing about logging in every day. I love seeing katzba's progress (and am in awe of her log-in streak - holy crap, you're an inspiration!).

I'm too tired to "compete", but I do appreciate a community of support. I lurk in the boards sometimes, and silently cheer on others.

I'm posting this as my status, and if I can figure out how to do it on my phone, will see if I can post this as a group - maybe there are other people in a similar boat.

If so, great - if not, also fine. I love my baby steps. I get impatient for results, but I see positive progress. I'm proud of all of us here.

tiptoethruthetulips

Welcome back, you've been through a tough time but it sounds like you have an inner strength that is holding you in good stead.

Good luck!