Spouse commenting on what I eat
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Yeah, tell him to mind his own beeswax. If he and his sewing circle want to gossip about you, they can do it on their time and can leave you out of it.2
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We all need accountability. If you've expressed to him that you want to eat better, then he's trying to help you achieve that. A good friend or spouse will tell you the truth, even if you don't like it. A fake friend or poor spouse will lie to you and let you hear what you want.
Every day cannot be a cheat day or you'll never get where you want to be. I get it if a stranger or co-worker or acquaintance is commenting on what you eat, that's out of line, but your husband or a good friend, ABSOLUTELY within the realm of good spouse/friend behavior.3 -
We all need accountability. If you've expressed to him that you want to eat better, then he's trying to help you achieve that. A good friend or spouse will tell you the truth, even if you don't like it. A fake friend or poor spouse will lie to you and let you hear what you want.
Every day cannot be a cheat day or you'll never get where you want to be. I get it if a stranger or co-worker or acquaintance is commenting on what you eat, that's out of line, but your husband or a good friend, ABSOLUTELY within the realm of good spouse/friend behavior.
I have to agree.
It irks me to high heavens when my SO comments on what I eat. He has even gone as far to say "You shouldn't eat those chips before dinner, how about you wait until after dinner and see if you still want them?". That in itself set me on fire. But he meant the best. He has seen how much hard work I have been putting in, and doesn't want it to unravel. He knows me well enough to know that one "treat" will turn into a daily "treat" which turns into a daily cheat meal.. After I had dinner, I didn't want the chips, and was well under my calorie budget for the day. All thanks to him. I was very thankful for his recommendation later on. Sometimes we need someone there for moral support, and to swat our hands when we reach for the junk. To remind us of the journey we are on, and let us know we arent alone. There have been multiple days now that I would have sat on the couch with a big bag of junk and then felt miserable, if my SO hadnt recommended something else. He knows me well enough.
Perhaps this is the same for your hubby. Maybe hes not jealous or suffering from low self esteem like others have mentioned. Maybe he is genuinely proud of how far you have come, seen how happy it has made you, and wants to continue on? As any good husband would want, maybe he wants to see you become happier and happier?
Perhaps ask him for a recommendation instead? "If you don't want me to eat ____, what should I grab?" Maybe involving him will help with your journey, and may just be the start of his!
Long story short, try not to see him as the enemy, and try to remember he's a friend. A loving spouse who you married for a reason, not a person that is intentionally trying to bring you down. Perhaps he just wants the best for you.
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My husband did this the other night. Saw the empty ice cream tub in the trash and said, "Did you eat ALL the ice cream?" I went from zero to pissed instantly. One - there wasn't much ice cream left in the container. Two - it fit in my day. Three- Nunya damn business.
I don't have an answer, just sympathizing. I hope you find something that works for both of you.2 -
We all need accountability. If you've expressed to him that you want to eat better, then he's trying to help you achieve that. A good friend or spouse will tell you the truth, even if you don't like it. A fake friend or poor spouse will lie to you and let you hear what you want.
Every day cannot be a cheat day or you'll never get where you want to be. I get it if a stranger or co-worker or acquaintance is commenting on what you eat, that's out of line, but your husband or a good friend, ABSOLUTELY within the realm of good spouse/friend behavior.
I have to agree.
It irks me to high heavens when my SO comments on what I eat. He has even gone as far to say "You shouldn't eat those chips before dinner, how about you wait until after dinner and see if you still want them?". That in itself set me on fire. But he meant the best. He has seen how much hard work I have been putting in, and doesn't want it to unravel. He knows me well enough to know that one "treat" will turn into a daily "treat" which turns into a daily cheat meal.. After I had dinner, I didn't want the chips, and was well under my calorie budget for the day. All thanks to him. I was very thankful for his recommendation later on. Sometimes we need someone there for moral support, and to swat our hands when we reach for the junk. To remind us of the journey we are on, and let us know we arent alone. There have been multiple days now that I would have sat on the couch with a big bag of junk and then felt miserable, if my SO hadnt recommended something else. He knows me well enough.
Perhaps this is the same for your hubby. Maybe hes not jealous or suffering from low self esteem like others have mentioned. Maybe he is genuinely proud of how far you have come, seen how happy it has made you, and wants to continue on? As any good husband would want, maybe he wants to see you become happier and happier?
Perhaps ask him for a recommendation instead? "If you don't want me to eat ____, what should I grab?" Maybe involving him will help with your journey, and may just be the start of his!
Long story short, try not to see him as the enemy, and try to remember he's a friend. A loving spouse who you married for a reason, not a person that is intentionally trying to bring you down. Perhaps he just wants the best for you.
i would agree with this, if you had had a conversation about wanting your husband to support you and tell you if he thought you were doing something wrong in your diet...2 -
Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
I have a similar situation, but with my mother. She comments all the time about something I'm eating not being on my diet. I point out to her that I'm not on a diet and that I can eat whatever I want as long as I stay within my calorie limit for the day. I know for a fact that I'm getting healthier and fitter and smarter about my food choices, so I suspect that her comments...and likely your husband's as well...are expressions of displaced guilt over her own failure to do anything about getting healthier, fitter, and smarter about food choices.1 -
Tell him it's starting to piss you off and that he needs to stop commenting. Let him know that it's not helpful and you want him to STOP. If he cares about how you feel he will.
My husband has probably made one or two comments since we've been together, but he was actually being helpful.0 -
I have told him multiple times how it makes me feel but nothing changes. I'm not sure if he thinks he's being motivating but he should know by my hostile response that its not how it comes across.
1. "Hey, I've asked you repeatedly to stop this and nothing changes. It makes me feel like you don't respect me enough to stop doing something when I tell you it bothers me a lot. That's really not a trivial thing in a relationship.
Comments about my eating are off-limits, and please don't talk about my eating habits with friends either."
2. "Remember I laid down some boundaries about you being disrespectful toward me by constantly commenting on my eating even though I told you those comments were off-limits? I've decided to start talking to a counselor about what my options are when I'm in a marriage with someone who can't respect requests this important to me. Just an FYI."6 -
Glad the marriage counselors are here..
Is divorce just the standard answer people have nowadays to any marital frustrations?
Don't listen to that advice, its rubbish.
Unless you are doing this weight loss journey 100% behind closed doors, and 100% on your own, I don't see where a husband isn't allowed to make comments. Its not totally about the comments he makes(unless its rude, insults or fat shaming), its also about your reaction to them. Words only hold the strength of power you give them. Have a sit down talk. Find out if these comments are based from his personal guilt, his way of encouraging you, or down right malicious intent. I think you already know the intent, but are frustrated. That's okay too. I totally understand how un-motivating those comments are. But the less power you give them, the less they will matter.
As you know, marriage is a joint effort. Perhaps try to come to a meeting point. Less comments from him, less emotional reactions on your end. That's what worked best for me, I had to stop being so fragile in regards to the topic. Hopefully you can find a happy medium.
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Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
I have similar issues with my boyfriend, but maybe not as bad. I try to explain to him that I have had an extremely unhealthy relationship with food in the past, and it doesn't help when he tries to tell me I'm "cheating" if I have ice cream for dessert, because he doesn't know what I ate the rest of the day and he doesn't know that I planned for it. However, he believes he is an expert on this sort of thing since he used to be very athletic and read a lot of fitness magazines and believes you should eat plain chicken and rice to obtain your goals.
I try to avoid these conversations as much as possible.1 -
Meeting halfway in this situation means he makes a comment you've repeatedly told him is not constructive to your goals, and you tell him to cram it with walnuts.
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Glad the marriage counselors are here..
Is divorce just the standard answer people have nowadays to any marital frustrations?
Don't listen to that advice, its rubbish.
Unless you are doing this weight loss journey 100% behind closed doors, and 100% on your own, I don't see where a husband isn't allowed to make comments. Its not totally about the comments he makes(unless its rude, insults or fat shaming), its also about your reaction to them. Words only hold the strength of power you give them. Have a sit down talk. Find out if these comments are based from his personal guilt, his way of encouraging you, or down right malicious intent. I think you already know the intent, but are frustrated. That's okay too. I totally understand how un-motivating those comments are. But the less power you give them, the less they will matter.
As you know, marriage is a joint effort. Perhaps try to come to a meeting point. Less comments from him, less emotional reactions on your end. That's what worked best for me, I had to stop being so fragile in regards to the topic. Hopefully you can find a happy medium.
Irony.3 -
Do you cook dinner for him? I'd stop cooking for him. Wonder how great his food choices would be then...0
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+1 for a stern conversation with hubby. He's being a d*ick. Not enough of a reason to divorce him on its own I would say, provided it's not part of an overall pattern of controlling behaviour. But potentially temporary banishment to the sofa if you've spoken to him before about it and he's not listened.
I think you need to have a conversation with the friend too, if he's been commenting about "undoing" gym work. It's really not his place to judge your dieting method and tattle on you to your husband. He is also being a d*ck.1 -
Say "ok" in the most monotone voice you can muster like your absolutely bored with the "conversation". Your reaction feeds him; if you ignore him eventually he will tire. We men are like children.1
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meganridenour wrote: »Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
I have similar issues with my boyfriend, but maybe not as bad. I try to explain to him that I have had an extremely unhealthy relationship with food in the past, and it doesn't help when he tries to tell me I'm "cheating" if I have ice cream for dessert, because he doesn't know what I ate the rest of the day and he doesn't know that I planned for it. However, he believes he is an expert on this sort of thing since he used to be very athletic and read a lot of fitness magazines and believes you should eat plain chicken and rice to obtain your goals.
I try to avoid these conversations as much as possible.
my ex was the same! he honestly believes that the only way to lose weight is to eat chicken and vegetables for every meal, not that he has any interest in losing weight. in the year we were together i lost 20 pounds and he gained close to 50, all while telling me that i was fat and making the wrong food choices.0 -
All these people saying divorce him or tell him off? NO. Marriage is a blessing. It should be treated as such. Treat your SO like a damn God/Goddess. Marriage is about honesty and spoiling each other rotten. Be 100% honest with you how you feel and keep at it. Try to avoid arguments. This is all down to his own insecurities.
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I understand, I have an ex who used to comment on what I ate (he said he was concerned about my health). He may truly have been trying to be helpful, but I didn't ask for his help or opinion. It made me more self-conscious than anything. I had dinner with his family once and his mom argued with me about milk. It was a weird experience, but it explained some things.
I have to agree with @Larissa_NY. This as a matter of respect. You've asked him repeatedly to stop and he won't. A sterner discussion needs to be had.1 -
The friend and hubby coincidentally had coffee together later in the day. Nothing sinister about him telling on me though he made the comment to my hubby about undoing my gym efforts. I hadn't thought about it but he was in fact judging me as well. There's obviously a gender difference here with the relationship with food and effort exerted at the gym. Now I think about it even my trainer, also male, made a comment. You'd think I'd committed a crime or something. Maybe I should get a spray bottle & squirt hubby like you do when training a dog.
Huh? Do guys really get together and casually gossip about their wives' diet and exercise activities? That seems so bizarre to me.
Just stop involving other people in your weight loss efforts, do your thing, and put people on ignore (walk away) if they start giving you crap about your choices. You're an adult. You don't need scolding and babysitting. Most of the time, if you don't talk about it, people won't even notice what you're doing. When you tell people your business, they see it as an invitation to "get involved."0 -
Why don't you let him read your post? Sometimes people can take information in better when they read it.1
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