Spouse commenting on what I eat

tabletop_joe

Meeting halfway in this situation means he makes a comment you've repeatedly told him is not constructive to your goals, and you tell him to cram it with walnuts.

Chef_Barbell

kenzienal wrote: »

Glad the marriage counselors are here..

Is divorce just the standard answer people have nowadays to any marital frustrations?

Don't listen to that advice, its rubbish.

Unless you are doing this weight loss journey 100% behind closed doors, and 100% on your own, I don't see where a husband isn't allowed to make comments. Its not totally about the comments he makes(unless its rude, insults or fat shaming), its also about your reaction to them. Words only hold the strength of power you give them. Have a sit down talk. Find out if these comments are based from his personal guilt, his way of encouraging you, or down right malicious intent. I think you already know the intent, but are frustrated. That's okay too. I totally understand how un-motivating those comments are. But the less power you give them, the less they will matter.

As you know, marriage is a joint effort. Perhaps try to come to a meeting point. Less comments from him, less emotional reactions on your end. That's what worked best for me, I had to stop being so fragile in regards to the topic. Hopefully you can find a happy medium.

Irony.

deputy_randolph

Do you cook dinner for him? I'd stop cooking for him. Wonder how great his food choices would be then...

mumblemagic

+1 for a stern conversation with hubby. He's being a d*ick. Not enough of a reason to divorce him on its own I would say, provided it's not part of an overall pattern of controlling behaviour. But potentially temporary banishment to the sofa if you've spoken to him before about it and he's not listened.

I think you need to have a conversation with the friend too, if he's been commenting about "undoing" gym work. It's really not his place to judge your dieting method and tattle on you to your husband. He is also being a d*ck.

2011rocket3touring

Say "ok" in the most monotone voice you can muster like your absolutely bored with the "conversation". Your reaction feeds him; if you ignore him eventually he will tire. We men are like children.

jessiferrrb

meganridenour wrote: »

kimothy38 wrote: »

Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.

I have similar issues with my boyfriend, but maybe not as bad. I try to explain to him that I have had an extremely unhealthy relationship with food in the past, and it doesn't help when he tries to tell me I'm "cheating" if I have ice cream for dessert, because he doesn't know what I ate the rest of the day and he doesn't know that I planned for it. However, he believes he is an expert on this sort of thing since he used to be very athletic and read a lot of fitness magazines and believes you should eat plain chicken and rice to obtain your goals.
I try to avoid these conversations as much as possible.

my ex was the same! he honestly believes that the only way to lose weight is to eat chicken and vegetables for every meal, not that he has any interest in losing weight. in the year we were together i lost 20 pounds and he gained close to 50, all while telling me that i was fat and making the wrong food choices.

charlireah

All these people saying divorce him or tell him off? NO. Marriage is a blessing. It should be treated as such. Treat your SO like a damn God/Goddess. Marriage is about honesty and spoiling each other rotten. Be 100% honest with you how you feel and keep at it. Try to avoid arguments. This is all down to his own insecurities.

WickedPineapple

I understand, I have an ex who used to comment on what I ate (he said he was concerned about my health). He may truly have been trying to be helpful, but I didn't ask for his help or opinion. It made me more self-conscious than anything. I had dinner with his family once and his mom argued with me about milk. It was a weird experience, but it explained some things.

I have to agree with @Larissa_NY. This as a matter of respect. You've asked him repeatedly to stop and he won't. A sterner discussion needs to be had.

jenilla1

kimothy38 wrote: »

The friend and hubby coincidentally had coffee together later in the day. Nothing sinister about him telling on me though he made the comment to my hubby about undoing my gym efforts. I hadn't thought about it but he was in fact judging me as well. There's obviously a gender difference here with the relationship with food and effort exerted at the gym. Now I think about it even my trainer, also male, made a comment. You'd think I'd committed a crime or something. Maybe I should get a spray bottle & squirt hubby like you do when training a dog.

Huh? Do guys really get together and casually gossip about their wives' diet and exercise activities? That seems so bizarre to me.

Just stop involving other people in your weight loss efforts, do your thing, and put people on ignore (walk away) if they start giving you crap about your choices. You're an adult. You don't need scolding and babysitting. Most of the time, if you don't talk about it, people won't even notice what you're doing. When you tell people your business, they see it as an invitation to "get involved."

Riskay123

Why don't you let him read your post? Sometimes people can take information in better when they read it.

kimothy38

Thanks for all your comments - hilarious, supportive, useful. I've calmed down today and resumed speaking to him. I'll leave it a few more days before discussing it with him without having a mental.