MOTHER IN LAWS
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cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »MIL's are super difficult. Mine thinks I don't like her just because I'm not all fake and Super cheery all the time.
Or if I get defensive when she tries to mother me and she knows this pisses me off.
I lost my mum when I was 13, I don't want anyone else to mother me I'm a grown man damn it. She always compares her dad dieing when she was in her 40's of cancer to me finding my mum after she killed herself.
It's nothing like the same thing.
Sorry I shouldn't rant about this *kitten* but her problems are always worse than yours. I've put up with it for 13 years so far and I can see why she is single.
The FIL is an absolute hero and Saint. I love him like he were my own dad.
No thats totally different. Im so sorry for your loss
No need, it was a long time ago. It's just one of those impossible things in life.
Your Mil is bullying you though and if your husband doesn't step in, it could get ugly.
Its happened before. When I talked to her about her behavior POLITELY last time she reacted like I called her names and hit her. Cried to my husband. He defended her. He is a major mama's boy... like I said she ruined my husbands last marriage.
Sorry but your MIL didn't ruin the marriage, your husband did. This dynamic isn't exclusive to Mexican families. Your husband needs to stand up for you or nothing will change. You are his spouse which means you're supposed to come first. He needs to make a choice instead of trying to play monkey in the middle.1 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »Ya'll wont believe what just happened. The pediatrician sent me a text asking for me to do bloodwork on our baby... my husband says for me to f off and go to hel for taking our son to do mandatory bloodwork. He does this infront of his mom. His mother is poisoning him against me... she convinced him winston doesn't need the bloodwork and Im only doing it to watch ny son cry. If she is not out of my house tonight I am going to spazz out on my husband
cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »This woman will not be happy until my husband gives her all of his money. I think she wants my husband to die so she can get all of his business's. She encourages my husband to get very drunk every single night. When I complain about his health being very bad and his ulcers he cant seem to get rid of or even his bloody stool she gets angry at me and says I need to shut up because a good wife does not complain about her husbands bad habits. Like I said, she only wants his money...
I have no doubt that your MIL is a psycho BUT your husband is a grown *kitten* adult and he is fully capable of standing up to his mother and not getting drunk if he doesn't want to.
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Yikes. She is an awful person, wishing so much unhappiness on her own children (the sadness of a SO leaving can be horrible) and she is obviously trying to do it again.
I'd just stop opening the door to her. Keep it locked. Change the locks if she has a key.
I love my MIL. She's super sweet. No complaints at all actually. My FIL is also great. No wonder their son is so wonderful.
One of my grandfather-in-laws is a total crazy man though. Like... he's entertaining and doesn't insult me to my face. But ... just.. so old fashioned about everything that he's offensive. Pretty sure he still uses the N-word, he thinks homosexuals are going to cause the Apocalypse, he's incredibly sexist (he has informed me that if our baby is a boy he will come visit every day/move in and if it's a girl he will come every week or month instead... I'm hoping for a girl purely because of this lol). He also plays STRONG favouritism with his grandchildren. My husband is his favourite. To the point my husband gets gifts on his brother or sister's birthday but his brother or sister don't get gifts or don't get gifts on my husbands birthday.
He's friendly and easy to talk to, and when he says something cruel he laughs like it's a joke... but you can tell he means it. But that's ok (well I mean it's not ok. But I can't change him... so I will tolerate him. And he's never done anything bad to me other than insult my religion (I'm Catholic he's Protestant but we're all Christian) - which I have to admit he doesn't do as often now that he realizes that it makes his son go to church more!). I still love that the whole "in law" family is close and acts as a good family unit.1 -
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. As a MIL myself, I feel it's my responsibility to be loving and kind to my DIL's. They are family and hopefully will give me grandchildren to love, but she will be their mother, not me!
Sadly your MIL doesn't see it the same way. She is controlling, disrespectful & narcissistic. Even if there is a cultural issue, your husband has a responsibility to get this under control. If she cannot respect you, she shouldn't be in your home. You mentioned that in Mexico MIL's are in charge. Maybe so, but when she comes to America she needs to understand our culture is very different & she isn't in charge of you!
But it is your husband's responsibility to set her straight. She won't listen to anyone else.
She's already cost him one marriage. Is he willing to sacrifice another due to her bullying behaviors?
How can you encourage him to deal with her? Is the first wife willing to speak up for you?
I wish you luck with this. Please keep us updated.1 -
I have an overbearing MIL, but we've met in the middle over the past 20 or so odd years. She was extremely difficult and opinionated at first. I have two sons, ages 14 and 10. I have already told them when they get married, their spouse comes first, not me! Ha! I think MIL's are jealous of sons' wives because they are no longer #1 in their son's eyes. I'm sorry you are going through this. You may need to sit down with her and explain how you feel and you will NOT accept this behavior any longer.0
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no, all mothers in law are not insane, but yours sucks. mothers in law - or any family member or friend who bullies and takes advantage - are horrible, and can upset your marriage, your kids and your life. if you can't back her down by telling her you will not allow her to criticize or insult you in your own home, it's time for your husband to say something. it sounds like she may resent you because you aren't his first wife, but only your husband and his ex are responsible for that, not you.
my second mother in law wonderful, just wonderful in every way (except her driving). my first one was wild, so everyone's relationship with her was an up and down thing, but overall she and i were close. after i divorced her son, she became more of a friend and family member, and i was one of the family who was with her when she passed on. my husband had such problems with his parents that i never met them.1 -
I feel so much better after venting. Its was so bottled up. Hopefully when I come home she will be gone. In order to prevent this from happening again instead of complaining about her to my husband which has no impact (he just takes her side by saying she doesnt understand english?!?) ok yes, she might not know what Im saying to her 50% of the time but I can hear her insults
Im just going to hop a plane and visit my family members. Seen flights as low as 45$ round trip to Florida, colorado and as low as 150$ for michigan. Hasta la vista bebe yo no quero mi esposo mama 
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Ella es muy loca... beso mi nacha jajajaja1
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Hopefully my spelling and grammer is not too bad LOL0
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cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »Or perhaps a health problem is causing her to behave this way? She shaking has gotten worse. She is obviously not normal. My grandmother is very steady. My husbands mom is covered in bruises and scratches from being so fidgety and clumsy.
Parkinson's? It causes dementia too. In any case, your husband and his mother are clearly abusing you, imho. If your husband won't let you take your child to the doctor, it could be a child neglect case too. Time to talk to a lawyer2 -
She sounds like a nightmare... I am so lucky to have a super chill, funny, supportive MIL.
What does your husband say about all of this? It should be his job to tell his mother to back off and treat his wife with respect. And set some boundaries if she's causing problems in your family and marriage.
^^^^^ This. He needs to let her know that until she can treat you with respect she isn't welcome in your home. Hard, but necessary.1 -
cabronlobos wrote: »cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »My mother in law is driving me insane. She visits a lot. List of attacks by mother in law
1. Bashing me for being skinny, she says the gym is bad for mothers.
2. Attacking me for dust in cupboard and chocolate on floor. This was the day after I had 8 children at my house and I made a HUGE party for them. I literally had been cleaning non stop.
3. When I talk to her she ignores me and faces the other direction
4. Talking bad about me to her son after I complain to my husband about her screaming waking up our baby (she screams everything)
5. Her creating gigantic messes and leaving them for me to clean, last week she visted for a week and left behind tons of sugary foods on the counter (she said they were not supposed to be in fridge or cupboard) and she created millions of ants/cockroaches
6. Forcing my baby to sleep whenever she is left alone with him (not often) this makes him cry all day and ALL BLOODY NIGHT GRRRRRRR
7. Her ignoring anything I say because its NOT spanish! If she tries she does understand english, she just complains to my husband that he choose a gringa as a wife grrrrrrrrr
8. She does this to her daughters boyfriend as well! Aparently he is not good enough even though he is a kind man, a long time friend of the family and works in a swat team (police officer)
9. Yesterday husbands ex wife came to our house to hang out with her children (she is wonderful, I love her!) my mother in law spent hours talking to her in spanish and blew me off when I tried complimenting her! She turned the other direction and asked my husbands ex wife what she thought of her new coat.
10. Little insults all bloody day
I know I will never be good enough because everyone says that she is a mega *kitten* to anyone that is married or dates her children but regardless it still annoys me! Hubby's ex wife said my mother in law and her family helped influence her divorcing my husband.... thats how bad they are! But they are nice to her now because she is not with my husband.
Are all mother in laws INSANE?!?!? I hear people complain alot about them! I treat her with nothing but kindness. Cant wait till she leaves back for Mexico today!
You have not learned to communicate in Spanish being married to a Mexican man? Not saying you need to speak it fluently.....but every gringa I have dated for more than a few months could usually understand it well enough even if they could not speak it....
Right?
How difficult is it to understand: " Make me a sandwich "
In Spanish, French, German, Italian, Russia, Japanese or Canadian?1 -
cabronlobos wrote: »cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »My mother in law is driving me insane. She visits a lot. List of attacks by mother in law
1. Bashing me for being skinny, she says the gym is bad for mothers.
2. Attacking me for dust in cupboard and chocolate on floor. This was the day after I had 8 children at my house and I made a HUGE party for them. I literally had been cleaning non stop.
3. When I talk to her she ignores me and faces the other direction
4. Talking bad about me to her son after I complain to my husband about her screaming waking up our baby (she screams everything)
5. Her creating gigantic messes and leaving them for me to clean, last week she visted for a week and left behind tons of sugary foods on the counter (she said they were not supposed to be in fridge or cupboard) and she created millions of ants/cockroaches
6. Forcing my baby to sleep whenever she is left alone with him (not often) this makes him cry all day and ALL BLOODY NIGHT GRRRRRRR
7. Her ignoring anything I say because its NOT spanish! If she tries she does understand english, she just complains to my husband that he choose a gringa as a wife grrrrrrrrr
8. She does this to her daughters boyfriend as well! Aparently he is not good enough even though he is a kind man, a long time friend of the family and works in a swat team (police officer)
9. Yesterday husbands ex wife came to our house to hang out with her children (she is wonderful, I love her!) my mother in law spent hours talking to her in spanish and blew me off when I tried complimenting her! She turned the other direction and asked my husbands ex wife what she thought of her new coat.
10. Little insults all bloody day
I know I will never be good enough because everyone says that she is a mega *kitten* to anyone that is married or dates her children but regardless it still annoys me! Hubby's ex wife said my mother in law and her family helped influence her divorcing my husband.... thats how bad they are! But they are nice to her now because she is not with my husband.
Are all mother in laws INSANE?!?!? I hear people complain alot about them! I treat her with nothing but kindness. Cant wait till she leaves back for Mexico today!
You have not learned to communicate in Spanish being married to a Mexican man? Not saying you need to speak it fluently.....but every gringa I have dated for more than a few months could usually understand it well enough even if they could not speak it....
So your blaming me for not being fluent in spanish? Im not originally from texas. First time I heard spanish was after I moved here. Its VERY different hearing it your entire life but choosing to not pay attention to the language. The brain processes learning language differently as an adult if you were not brought up in a bilinguage household as a child. Chances are the women you dated were morons that did not pay attention to spanish while listening to it their entire lives. I understand a decent amount of spanish... much more than anyone else in my hometown or in my entire family. I can easily get around in Mexico... but no one teaches me spanish. When I ask my husband what a word means he ignores me 99% of the time. So its been a very slow process. I only know roughly 1,000-2,000 spanish words which is not enough to be anywhere near bilingual. My mother in law grew up in an English learning environment and while I havent been to Mexico in almost 2 years she has been in the USA fully submerged in english for at least 6 months worth of days. If anyone is the one that is not too bright it would be her. She barely knows more english then I know spanish. When I said she was saying mean words to me 1/2 the time it was in spanish.
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I'm lucky. I love my MIL. In fact she could live with us if she wanted because she'd do all the cooking and is a much better cook than I am.
OP, one of the best things you can do is move an HOUR away. Far enough to visit, but too much of a hassle for relatives to come over everyday.
And it's YOUR HOME. Tell her she's not allowed over if she can't respect you.
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Yes. Talk about sex you have with her boy.Ironandwine69 wrote: »My mother in law loves me. She talks to me more than she talks to her son.
Which is a problem..
Anybody knows how to make your mother in law stop calling you?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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When I communicate to her in spanish she mistakes anything I say as something else. She see's the words coming out of my mouth as negative before they come out. So if I say "yo trabajo mucho, fiesta for ninos, muy suseo (spelling?) yo clean casa todo dia yesterday and today" she will mistake it as something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I know I use a little english in the words but come on, she should try to work with me, its been 60 years she has spent learning english, going to english schools, spending many YEARS in the USA. She is just being mean. Those words are what I told her when she complained about a few dishes in the sink and a chocolate on the ground. Meanwhile the entire house was spotless besides that. Having 8 children visiting while you set up a huge easter party is not easy to clean up especially if your the only adult taking care of everyone.0
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She sounds like a nightmare, you need to set the boundaries 100%, show her who's boss! Nothing worse then a annoying in law0
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cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »When I communicate to her in spanish she mistakes anything I say as something else. She see's the words coming out of my mouth as negative before they come out. So if I say "yo trabajo mucho, fiesta for ninos, muy suseo (spelling?) yo clean casa todo dia yesterday and today" she will mistake it as something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I know I use a little english in the words but come on, she should try to work with me, its been 60 years she has spent learning english, going to english schools, spending many YEARS in the USA. She is just being mean. Those words are what I told her when she complained about a few dishes in the sink and a chocolate on the ground. Meanwhile the entire house was spotless besides that. Having 8 children visiting while you set up a huge easter party is not easy to clean up especially if your the only adult taking care of everyone.
But if you would have looked her dead in the eye and handed her the mop, there would be no mistaking what you meant? She already thinks you're rude and evil, you might as well enjoy the reputation.
PS: do you use Doulingo app? I just started and find it addictive, could do as little as five minutes per day. I'm gonna be listening to some Spanish podcasts next so I'm somewhat immersed in the language on an ongoing basis.1
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