Embarrassed by trying to lose weight

xcaranicolex

To make a long story short- my husband mentioned in a large family gathering about my working out and tracking calories. First all the ladies (who admittedly are at least a generation older than me and mostly obese) started w the whole thing about how I don't need to lose (I do), that calorie counting will dry my breastmilk and cause my 3 month old to starve (it won't) and making comments about what I ate that day (I already felt bad as I was above my calories for day but chocked it up to the stress of the funeral). Anyway, they all started laughing at me basically saying i wasn't going to lose weight that way, and basically calling me vain for trying.

Prior to pregnancy I had lost 35lbs, so it's not that I don't know I can do it but I ended up feeling so embarrassed! Do you still feel that way? Does that go away? How to you politely respond or cope w ppl like that?

MelanieCN77

Either confront it straight on (why are you laughing at me?) or steer the conversation somewhere else very pointedly and repeatedly do so if they drift back.

cmriverside

People can be so thoughtless.

You'll have to come up with your own way of dealing with that, but I think just ignoring it and changing the subject is the best tactic myself.

nrbutton

Weight is such a sensitive topic, I just don't talk about it. I don't talk about my calories, what I eat, or when I work out. I only tell my husband when I've hit a new decade in my weight loss ie. I just hit the 160's. It's my journey and it's no one else's business unless they are struggling with their weight and honestly want to learn how to lose it, then I'll tell them how I'm doing it. Otherwise it's like religion, if the person isn't ready to hear about it then it'll just end badly for both of us

inertiastrength

That's pretty rude. Sadly when people succeed or attempt to lose weight, people close to them can get uncomfortable because it forces them to make more excuses as to why they don't/won't. I'd probably be rude af so I won't offer you my advice but I will say I'm sorry they're adding stress to an already challenging thing. Oh, and while it may not be immediate, your results will shut them up nicely. Hopefully at Christmas you can show up hot af and eat all the foods and trigger them back

Blitzia

I'm with you - I wouldn't say that I'm embarrassed about trying to lose weight (why should I be? I'm getting healthier!) but my weight loss is definitely something I put in the "nobody else's business" category. I recognize that not everyone is going to be supportive, so I don't mention it to anyone unless I know they're someone that won't offer an unwanted opinion.

Now that the cat's out of the bag with your family though, there's not much you can do except recognize that their opinion doesn't matter. As you said, you've done it before so you *know* you can do it again. If they don't believe you can, forget them; your results will speak for themself. I wouldn't really bother with trying to argue with them or engage about your weight loss. Depending on my mood, I might just placate them, thank them for the advice and smile because I know I'm going to keep on calorie counting, exercising, and doing what I want.

rugratz2015

They should be ashamed of themselves talking to you like that!!! You do your thing and teach them a lesson by losing weight for the next time you meet, but be careful when you stop bf as that was my downfall x

reichardtjessica

I can deff agree. My hubby likes to make comments and it kinda ticks me off. I would rather i bring it up then be bombarded with questions from family. I told his mom I lost 17lbs and she said "really where?" like really! Some people just have no filter and can be clueless to the fact that's its not only hard as hell to lose weight but its a sensitive subject to most! But when I'm smaller and healthier then they won't be laughing then! Don't let them discourage you let this add fuel to your fire. When you hit your goal weight you'll be thanking everyone for their negative comments because that gave you the extra push to actually get the job done then rub it in their face! This is just a small step in this journey!

seximama2017

It's all about action! Don't say anything. The results will speak for itself. Just laugh it off and keep doing you (unless you are me and jab back with something like, "Nah! I'm tired of looking like you;)! In the end, you have to live with you not them. I have always been head-strong and have done everything I wanted to do with no request for assistance or need of permission. Isn't that why you do it, for yourself? People can really be "haters" and if they are older it could be that they are jealous and can't go back if they wanted to. So again, you do you, boo! Charge on and keep truckn!

Kullerva

I was almost 200 lb before anyone said anything. When I started to lose, everyone told me not to. ("You don't need to!" "It won't work!") Aside from my mom (who was the one who said things and took a bag of cookies away from me), they were all dead wrong.

glenelliott5872

Your mum is awesome. I love the idea of an honest mum doing the right thing

WendyLeigh1119

My mother is like that, but not as aggressively. I was always super-thin and muscular naturally until I hit 32....then it all changed. But my mother has been an unsuccessful yo-yo dieter since I was a child and now that I am working out and dieting, she makes negative and nasty comments and I brush them off because I know she's merely terrified that I'll succeed on my first try. Her comments only make me more determined to do it right and maintain it.

Those people are jealous and ashamed of their owen failures and projecting them onto you. If you must say something, I'd be straight up and say "Just because you failed, doesn't mean I will. But either way, your negative comments aren't helpful or in good taste, so I prefer you keep them to yourselves until you want to be the loving, supportive family you SHOULD be."

There's no excuse for tolerating that kind of behavior. Family, friends, coworkers, or ANYONE. Standing up for yourself and your health is part of the permanent, healthier lifestyle you are working for.

missmagnoliablossom

"How interesting that you think so. Anyway, have you seen Aunt Janice lately? What's she up to?"

Don't be embarrassed. Don't engage. Don't let other people negatively influence your journey. It's easier said than done, but success is the best revenge.

Orphia

xcaranicolex wrote: »

To make a long story short- my husband mentioned in a large family gathering about my working out and tracking calories. First all the ladies (who admittedly are at least a generation older than me and mostly obese) started w the whole thing about how I don't need to lose (I do), that calorie counting will dry my breastmilk and cause my 3 month old to starve (it won't) and making comments about what I ate that day (I already felt bad as I was above my calories for day but chocked it up to the stress of the funeral). Anyway, they all started laughing at me basically saying i wasn't going to lose weight that way, and basically calling me vain for trying.

Prior to pregnancy I had lost 35lbs, so it's not that I don't know I can do it but I ended up feeling so embarrassed! Do you still feel that way? Does that go away? How to you politely respond or cope w ppl like that?

They have no right to be rude and laugh at you, even if they feel bad about being obese when you're trying to be a healthy weight.

They *might* have a right to be concerned about you if you've got your calorie limit set too low.

AFAIK breastfeeding takes care of your calorie deficit and you should have your MFP goals set to "maintain weight".

Kind regards and apologies if you already know this.

shyhall

Just politely point out that you want a healthy long life, free of disbeties, strokes, heart attacks, vascular dementia. That you want to live long enough to see your grand children and great grand children. It might make the oldies think about their own lifestyle, ask if any of them want to buddy up and lose weight with you.
Ps don't disrespect their feelings if they are at least a generation older they are probably middle aged or over. As you get older it gets harder to lose weight for various reasons, not to mention the menopausal challenges for ladies. Middle age brings its own problems the last thing on your mind can be dieting.

Unknown

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prattiger65

The older I get, the more I recognize my own failings. The human animal is very nasty to others. I do completely understand how you feel and it is valid, but I would suggest that you extend grace to the others, at least that helps me. People just suck, find a way to love them anyway.

JeromeBarry1

I am blessed to be the youngest of my large passel of relatives. The fatties already died and the only ones left are the thinny health freaks. The thinny health freaks are old.

RachelElser

First off, why did your husband open his big mouth? If you haven't yet already, tell him that what he did is not okay and he is NOT to do so again.

As for dealing with them, it depends on how close you are to them. You can confront them, "actually my Dr says that's *kitten*, and I'll go with his information since he's, you know, my DOCTOR" or Polite "Hmm, thanks for your concern" and change the topic. Or just walk away. Just because they are talking doesn't mean you have to stay and listen.

Therealobi1

Every one will have an opinion. Eventually they will get bored. Laugh it off and carry on with your journey. Just because they can't you can.
Stick on mfp and talk about weight loss all day long if you cant at home.
Good luck

Lorilynn_37

I got embarrassed at Christmas dinner this last year. I have a very verbal monster in law!
Last year I was put on all types of meds for depression, anxiety and ptsd. Well in front of everyone she says "have you talked to your doctor about all this weight your putting on"?
I sat through came home and balled!
My meds make very tired but I've been following all the tips on mfp counting calories. Last week I started doing some in home exercises.
Well this weekend my husbands parents stopped by. And she says "oh you've lost a little weight" I said yes I've been counting calories. She then says" your gonna need to do a lot more than just that".
My husband finally spoke up and said "mom shut up your words are rude, she's been trying".

I've lost 32 pounds just following mfp with little to no exercise so to me that's progress.
Some people are just naturally rude or they don't have an open mind. Although it makes you feel embarrassed or really ticked off.

Do it for you! And do what works for you!

YalithKBK

Two threads with the same topic. I'll reiterate what I said in the other. I don't take *kitten* from people. If they want to make negative comments about a positive change I'm making in my life, then they have no business being in my life. Yes, they may be family, but family should be supportive of you genuinely working to make yourself healthier. If all they're giving you is negativity, then they are not people you should be wasting your time with.

toxikon

That sucks. Hopefully your husband learned that he shouldn't bring that up again without your consent. If not - make sure to talk to him about it.

Weight loss is such a hot button topic that I only discuss it with my partner. I don't even talk to my friends about it, because they all have their own opinions about it. I hate getting into discussions like that. I have one friend who still makes a point to make fun of our low-carb diets whenever he sees us - it's really annoying.

StaciMarie1974

Focus on doing what is best for you & your family. The extended family is reacting from ignorance, jealousy, and denial.

Chadxx

They just don't want to succeed because they don't want to face the fact that they are obese and that they are reason. If they can't support the idea that you are trying to improve your health, *kitten* 'em. That extremely *kitten* on their part. Just do you and let them see your great results while they make excuses and neglect their health.

As for your husband, he probably mentioned it because he was proud of you. In the future, if don't want him to say anything, just let him know. We are simple creatures, really. We aren't mind readers.

Iamnotasenior

My response would be "Well you know I feel like I have to be very careful about my and my family's diet since obesity runs in our family, by the way have you seen Uncle George and his new wife lately? I heard they went to Hawaii?"

solieco1

Iamnotasenior wrote: »

My response would be "Well you know I feel like I have to be very careful about my and my family's diet since obesity runs in our family, by the way have you seen Uncle George and his new wife lately? I heard they went to Hawaii?"

^^^ This. People love to talk about themselves. Just let it roll off you and turn the conversation.

CSARdiver

xcaranicolex wrote: »

To make a long story short- my husband mentioned in a large family gathering about my working out and tracking calories. First all the ladies (who admittedly are at least a generation older than me and mostly obese) started w the whole thing about how I don't need to lose (I do), that calorie counting will dry my breastmilk and cause my 3 month old to starve (it won't) and making comments about what I ate that day (I already felt bad as I was above my calories for day but chocked it up to the stress of the funeral). Anyway, they all started laughing at me basically saying i wasn't going to lose weight that way, and basically calling me vain for trying.

Prior to pregnancy I had lost 35lbs, so it's not that I don't know I can do it but I ended up feeling so embarrassed! Do you still feel that way? Does that go away? How to you politely respond or cope w ppl like that?

Respond with logic. Is it crazy to balance your checkbook? Is it vain to want to change something for the better?

Remove these people if possible, minimize if family. Understand that their mental process cannot accept you changing for the better, because if you could, they could. They are not ready to accept this and embracing their status as victims.

The best way to handle this is by proving them wrong.

StarvingDiva

I definitely put it in the none of anyones business category. I find when other people know you are trying to actively lose weight, they suddenly become the food police, "can you eat that?" "Don't eat too fast?" "is bread allowed?" I never like to announce it to anyone that way I can do what I want. I am already tracking my food and fitness, I don't need anyone else in my family/friends tracking it on their own too.

I would just talk to your husband about sharing things like that without talking to you first. Just explain it made you uncomfortable. Nobody should be laughing at you for trying to get healthier.

kristikitter

I would (because when people aren't nice to me, I am a TURBO *kitten* back) join in the laughter and say, "Hahaha yeah I should give up and in a few years I'll have some nice curves like you guys!"

Sounds like they're insecure, not to mention rude.

Sunna_W

I'm from the south and that's just how we do it down here. A new mom is an open book and the subject of lurid discussions that we wouldn't dream of having in an otherwise "polite" society. The fact that are in your business means that they care -- and they have nothing better to focus on. I would recommend checking in with your ob / pediatrician just so that *NEXT* time, you can look them straight in the eye and smile and say, "Oh, bless your heart for your concern. I did run this by Dr. so and so, and s/he is on board with my plan." Just give them a hug or pat their arm and ask them about how they deal with colic or something.... focus their attention on something they can talk about themselves instead of you. Hang in there!