Bride-to-be on countdown - join me?

BrideToBeCoco

I had my final fitting this morning for my wedding dress. It should have been the happiest of experiences but I came away feeling despondent and upset. Why? There are lots of reasons but the main one being I simply don't feel worthy enough to be marrying my perfect fiance while I am carrying this extra weight.
I've had several health issues over the past 12 months but prior to that I was a happy 9st 4lb, eating a relatively balanced diet and training in the gym 5 times a week. Sadly, due to an operation and many post-op complications, I have been unable to exercise whatsoever for the past year. This has resulted in me gaining 1 stone. Although a stone isn't a great deal of weight to lose, I have really struggled this past couple of months to get back into eating healthily and training regularly.
Whilst my fitness levels remain very good, I am struggling enormously with motivation, willpower and enthusiasm. It is almost like I am self-sabotaging my efforts - if I'm being honest, because I don't believe I deserve to be happy and to be marrying the man of my dreams when I look like this.
As I walked back down the street from the wedding dress shop, I made a decision, I have 38 days to go until the BIG DAY and I'm going to make every single one of those days count.
First thing tomorrow morning I will take a 'before' photo, weigh and measure myself and then get back on track with my chosen diet, a low carb diet. Carbs have always left me feeling terribly bloated and I find I am able to stick to a low carb way of eating easily and without feeling deprived.
I am going to exercise 6 days a week - 5 min warm-up, a 15 minute HIIT routine and then 40 minutes of body and free weight training. I have qualifications in TRX training and have attended many training courses in the fitness industry so I know my knowledge of exercise and training is good.
Since getting the all clear a couple of months ago, I have lost count of the times that I have started out with good intentions on a Monday but have given up by Wednesday. I know what I need to be eating and what I need to cut down on but that just makes it all the more frustrating that I seem to be unable to stick to doing it.
I've come to the conclusion that I need to make myself accountable to someone other than myself so that is why I have started this blog. If anyone reading this can find it in their hearts to help keep me accountable and give me some much needed motivation and positivity, I would be eternally grateful.
38 days and counting - I CAN and I WILL xxx

LearningToFly13

I'll respond. I'm 33. I am a young mother of two young kids. They're my life. I found out I had an aggressive breast cancer 2cyears ago. I'm still recovering...oh and not only am I missing a breast and my hair..im 4 stone heavier thanks to treatment. And I hurt ALL the time. Everywhere. I would LOVE to be 10 stone and getting married. Get a grip and enjoy your life. You're loved. And healthy