I feel like a failure and can't forgive myself

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  • run2chill
    run2chill Posts: 14 Member
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    My heart goes out to you honey. I know what this can feel like and I think trying to do something a bit different for you each day could help you feel more like you. Tonight I tried different ways of putting my eye shadow on to see what looks good on my eyes. It was simple fun. But it was all I needed to connect with myself for a bit. Do see if you can get CBT counselling....or read a book. I am doing both at the moment. ..xxxx good luck xx xxx
  • LonniJay
    LonniJay Posts: 3,740 Member
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    I honestly think you need marriage counselling so you and your husband can learn to communicate. You should be able to talk without being scared and know that you have his support.

    I also think you need to talk to your doc about ppd and ppa and be HONEST. A lot of people feel ashamed of postpartum depression but it's common and there is no shame in having it. I have postpartum depression and anxiety but ignored until my child was eight months and I thought about hurting myself.

    I also suggest maybe light exercise and getting out for walks and stop pressuring yourself so much. I started exercising and it definitely helped my outlook on things. I think you need to focus on your mental health and marriage problems before your weight. Like you said, just take it a day at a time and don't pressure yourself so much.

    I am no professional and these are just my opinions based on the information given. You are in no way a failure. You are just a postpartum mom who is trying too hard and putting way too much pressure on herself. We are here to support you no matter what. :)
  • CoachJen71
    CoachJen71 Posts: 1,200 Member
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    xmarye wrote: »
    ...
    I still had a breakdown later that night after listening to a voicemail my mother left me, I thought something was deeply wrong with her by the tone of her voice and as I called back she didn't answer so I started imagining the worst scenarios, I started feeling my throat close up on me and breathing was difficult and tears were running down my cheeks uncontrollably. My husband stayed by my side and talked to me until I got calm and he helped distract me by engaging me into a conversation in which he brought me to realize that how irrational my fears were. I ended up talking to my mother and everything was fine she said, she was only really tired from a bad day at work.

    Before going to bed I read my emails and apparently I would have done a mistake at work... I started stressing over it and it kept me from falling asleep for hours even though I was really tired.
    ....

    I am so happy you were able to talk to hubby, and that it went so well! *hugs*

    I'm still in favor of checking in with your doctor about hormone imbalances, tho. My brain chemistry has called the shots for years, and for the longest time I blamed myself for so many character flaws that turned out to be chemically/hormonally driven. Please rule the physiological stuff out, or you might wind up like me trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole for no good reason.
  • UnicornAmandaPanda
    UnicornAmandaPanda Posts: 161 Member
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    You are absolutely not a failure! Make an appt with your Dr or a counselor... find some mommy and baby activities, mom meet up group, and just please know you are worth this.. you are the perfect parent for that baby... I am sending love your way.. message me if you would like.
  • xmarye
    xmarye Posts: 385 Member
    edited April 2017
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    I did find a Zumba class I want to start next week, just around the corner with some other moms. Hoping to make a few friends since I just moved to this town last week. I also signed up for a craft fundraising activity next month. A good opportunity to get involved with the community, meet new people and I get to bring home a nice decor piece I made myself for our porch. Also, all the profits go to a local old folks residence so that's great! I also reached out to a girl I met recently and we're going out for a coffee tomorrow, just us girls. It will be nice to have some time to myself out of the house!! The fact that it's getting nice out will definitely help spending more time outside and lifting my mood as well as keep me busy while staying active. I just moved to a really small village in the country so I try to walk everywhere I can on top of it! The extra time spent outside is great for my little ones too :)

    I realized before falling asleep yesterday that I haven't had a panic attack all day! WIN :smiley: ♥

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