You know what's not motivational and supportive? Loose skin. Kittens to hell.... /whining

Geocitiesuser

Nothing I can do but keep getting my fit on. No amount of muscle is going to fix this. Deep breath. I'm paying a price for the sloth and gluttony of my life. Poor eating habits as a child turn into poor eating habits as an adult, and by the time you figure it out it's too late. There's no coming back from being fat it seems.

I can't imagine what my life would have been had I never been fat. So much wasted potential. Like a star that never burned. No one "likes" the fat guy, and no one is going to like the guy covered in wrinkled up skin either. This is why we need to fix the obesity epidemic for the younger generation. Being fat will ruin your life, and there is a whole fat culture right now destroying our youth. It's too late for me.

Don't be me. Don't get fat. This is horrible. It krinkles. Everywhere. At the bottom of the bicep. On the inner thigh. Along my torso where my love handles were.

Deep breath.

It's still worth getting fit and staying fit. I'm not 100% why sometimes, but I know it is. Can't stop now. Better to be ugly from loose skin than ugly from being fat. I'll say my prayer's to god that this hideous mess tightens up over time with good nutrition and taking care of health.

baconslave

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

Nothing I can do but keep getting my fit on. No amount of muscle is going to fix this. Deep breath. I'm paying a price for the sloth and gluttony of my life. Poor eating habits as a child turn into poor eating habits as an adult, and by the time you figure it out it's too late. There's no coming back from being fat it seems.

I can't imagine what my life would have been had I never been fat. So much wasted potential. Like a star that never burned. No one "likes" the fat guy, and no one is going to like the guy covered in wrinkled up skin either. This is why we need to fix the obesity epidemic for the younger generation. Being fat will ruin your life, and there is a whole fat culture right now destroying our youth. It's too late for me.

Don't be me. Don't get fat. This is horrible. It krinkles. Everywhere. At the bottom of the bicep. On the inner thigh. Along my torso where my love handles were.

Deep breath.

It's still worth getting fit and staying fit. I'm not 100% why sometimes, but I know it is. Can't stop now. Better to be ugly from loose skin than ugly from being fat. I'll say my prayer's to god that this hideous mess tightens up over time with good nutrition and taking care of health.

Battle scars, friend. Battle scars. But you're on the other side of it. That's something to be proud of.

I lost 90lbs. I'm facing the consequences of past decisions. But I did something about my unhealthy eating. I can run, jump, escape from zombies. I can carry my 114lb teenage daughter if I needed to. I'll never wear a bikini. But my one-piece is rockin'! I'm strong as hell. So eff the stretch marks. I honestly don't care about them any more. What is, is. But my husband couldn't be happier. He has better things to do than look at the scars on the skin.

Geocitiesuser

I will most likely never have a daughter/child or another wife/SO because of said battle scars. It's been a very bitter pill to swallow for a very long time. Somedays I am at peace with it. Others, like today, I am not. Deep breath. Calm. Monty Python did a great song about looking at the bright side of life, I think I'll give a whistle.

baconslave

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

I will most likely never have a daughter/child or another wife/SO because of said battle scars. It's been a very bitter pill to swallow for a very long time. Somedays I am at peace with it. Others, like today, I am not. Deep breath. Calm. Monty Python did a great song about looking at the bright side of life, I think I'll give a whistle.

I doubt that. There are a lot of superficial people. But they aren't all like that. My man married me when I was 250lb, because he SAW me underneath the physical imperfections. You just haven't met yours yet.

jenilla1

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

...No one "likes" the fat guy, and no one is going to like the guy covered in wrinkled up skin either....

Don't be me. Don't get fat. This is horrible. It krinkles. Everywhere. At the bottom of the bicep. On the inner thigh. Along my torso where my love handles were...

...It's still worth getting fit and staying fit....

There are plenty of people who like (and love) fat guys and guys with excess, wrinkled skin. It may not be optimal, but it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker. Most of the people I know who match that description have loving partners. Some don't. And some of the people who aren't fat and wrinkled are alone. What tends to be less attractive is related more to character than physicality, for example, a lack of motivation, poor self-esteem, and/or a bad attitude in general. People don't like that. Fat people with a negative outlook are going to have a tougher time being liked than fat people with a fun, positive outlook. Just like anybody else.

Some of the most attractive people are attractive because they are positive and full of joy. When you love yourself, it shows. People love to be around people who feel good about themselves AND who make others feel good about themselves. Although, I concede that it's going to be harder to keep a good attitude when you feel trapped in a body you hate. If you can come to appreciate and feel gratitude for all the GOOD things about you, maybe you'll become kinder to yourself and more forgiving of the flaws. And when you have compassion and caring for yourself, it will begin to radiate outward and draw others in.

I agree with you that it's best to avoid becoming obese in the first place, since then you will never have to deal with the consequences of it. A certain amount of overweight seems to be remedied easily, but each person has a genetic threshold where they begin to do permanent damage (such as excess skin that doesn't bounce back, etc.) if they gain too much weight. Perhaps if people were educated about the permanent effects of massive weight gain and loss, fewer people would opt to let their weight get so far out of control. For most people in your situation it's a little late for that, though. I think learning to accept yourself now as a person who is actively making your best effort to be the best version of you that you can be is the key to being content and happy. And it's totally still worth getting and staying fit!!! (For me anyway, good health is key to a good life.)

There are people here who are content to live with excess skin and see it as a reminder of their hard work and success. But that's not going to be true for everybody. Others opt for surgical skin removal procedures. And a few find that it takes a long, long time, but some of that skin does eventually improve. But you're not alone out there. There are literally thousands of people going through this.

LadyLilion

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

I will most likely never have a daughter/child or another wife/SO because of said battle scars. It's been a very bitter pill to swallow for a very long time. Somedays I am at peace with it. Others, like today, I am not. Deep breath. Calm. Monty Python did a great song about looking at the bright side of life, I think I'll give a whistle.

Dude, don't be so negative. The right woman won't care if you have the skin of a sharpei or if you're still fat for that matter. I've been heavy my whole life. I've had lots of boyfriend's and two husbands. Fine, husband 1 was no prize, in fact, pretty much an @ss, but he was good looking and slim. #2 is the finest man I've ever known. He's no male model... but I love him from his bald head to his gnarly feet and every tubby, hairy inch in between. If you aren't superficial yourself, you'll meet her, just keep hope alive.

megdnoorman

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

I will most likely never have a daughter/child or another wife/SO because of said battle scars. It's been a very bitter pill to swallow for a very long time. Somedays I am at peace with it. Others, like today, I am not. Deep breath. Calm. Monty Python did a great song about looking at the bright side of life, I think I'll give a whistle.

I think you're selling yourself a little short here. I looked at the profile pic. You've got some things working in your favor.

Take your moment to express frustration and then move forward. There are worse things in the world than excess skin, and tons of people would take a good personality, someone who will treat them well, and any number of other traits, even if that comes with excess skin, extra weight, etc.

As others have mentioned, confidence is attractive. From your weight loss success, it's sounds like you have a lot to be proud of. Channel the things you are happy about or proud of and let them be the thing that people remember you for. All is not lost. Don't give up.

Heather4448

Well... I'm proud of you. I've read your posts and you seem like a genuinely cool, caring guy. There is someone out there for you and that person will show up when you least expect it!

Geocitiesuser

I gave the thread a bit of a wrong vibe. Most days I could care less what women think of me. Whats frustrating is that the leaner I get, the more wrinkled the skin is. Aesthetically, for ME, it is like moving backwards. Instead of looking better in the mirror, in some ways it is looking worse. I'm not off track or anything. My plan to get very lean and maintain it is still moving forward at a solid pace, but the reality is setting in that the skin issues are more significant than I originally thought. All i can do is hope it gets better on its own. Sure I could get surgery, but I can think of better things to spend 20k and 2 months on so.... Deep breath. It's a little disappointing to get so far through the rat race to find the cheese is half rotten at the end. Eating the good parts is all I can do and its a bit humiliating i didn't get there sooner, because now it really is too late.

Don't let kids be fat. Fat kids turn into fat adults. Then this happens.

megdnoorman

I can understand that. I gained 70+ lbs when I was pregnant (so over the course of 9 months) and it ruined the skin around my abdomen and upper thighs.

I have tons of stretch marks and a lot of loose skin I'm happy to have lost the weight but I know genetics aren't in my favor in terms of losing the excess skin. It's weird to literally tuck your skin into your shorts... I am also skeptical about surgery because of cost and recovery time.

I never had serious weight issues prior to pregnancy beyond being underweight from disordered habits / compulsions, and then slightly overweight (in a YoYo pattern). I'm really determined to not let "weight" be a focus for my child as it was for my husband and I to varying outcomes. We are just focusing on not keeping junk in the house, exposing our son to a variety of nutritious foods, and keeping him very active (which he loves... I imagine all toddlers just want to run around and swim all day, so this is not a challenge). I agree it's much easier to never develop weight issues than it is to try and fix them later -- so true with so many things.

alaskandelight

Dude, do I ever relate. This issue was actually a major reason why I stopped working so hard on losing weight. I lost 130lbs and was completely overwhelmed by the excess skin. Since I have been overweight since age 3, I don't know what my healthy weight is. My BMI indicates that I need to lose 190lbs from my heaviest. I just couldn't keep going and have the skin get even worse. I even told people this to excuse both my reduced dedication and the sag. So I "maintained" for a while and gradually, over time (2.5 years) I started to gain weight back. I don't think all of it is fat because I didn't go totally off the rails, I'm shaped, strong and did keep up a active lifestyle. I do know that I have bad food intuition/patterns (again see childhood) and I lost track of my mindfulness. During this time some of the skin retracted (I literally do tons of things to help with this because I hate it) and the rest of it filled in when I gained 50lbs back. I was kind of happy and sad about this. Now that I've refocused my efforts (-10lbs) I'm pretty excited to see the signs of loose skin again. Part of this issue is mental. Even when I was at my lowest, I still couldn't see past the skin. Man, do I wish I could tell me then to not worry about it and keep going. A big part of this journey is processing and healing. You have to remember that no matter your size, you will always be the same person. Even if you get skin removal and there is scarcely a trace that you were once overweight, you will always have the scars from the ordeal on the inside. You have to put time in on acknowledging and healing those. Love comes at the most unexpected time and in the most unexpected form, but taking the proactive effort to love yourself first is going to make it easier for you to maintain a long term relationship. Keep up the good fight!

Penthesilea514

Never say never You could also find someone who went through the same thing as you with excess skin and all- but being negative about your own may shut down that person from opening up about their experience. Try to stay positive, and keep rocking your battle scars because it takes a LOT of time, dedication, consistency, and perseverance to do what you did- and those are important relationship traits as well

Good luck!

PaulaWallaDingDong

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

I will most likely never have a daughter/child or another wife/SO because of said battle scars.

However you feel about yourself, take solace in the fact that this snippet^ is 100% bullcrap.

Geocitiesuser

Not really. I'm self aware enough to know that I don't fit the bill for the people I'm interested in. As mentioned earlier, it's a bitter pill that took a long time to swallow. I instead fill my free time on my health, career, and hobbies and have found personal fulfillment far beyond that I have ever found in a relationship. A family and the american dream would have been nice, but just like everyone else I have standards. Maybe one day I'll get "lucky" and find someone who meshes with my standards and I mesh with theirs, but holding my breath would be a losing game.

This thread isn't about my dating or lack of, and it was wrong of me to include it. But as the thread was titled, I was whining because I've put in a lot of effort to find myself at a place where "hard work" can no longer bring me past.

The context of this thread is that it is highly demotivating that getting very lean also means the unattractive wrinkles in my skin increase with every pound lost. It is frustrating when progress is no longer aesthetic, and arguabley is going in the opposite direction now.

alaskandelight

Whoa, whoa, whoa....no dude. You are NOT going in the wrong direction. That's your old self-conscious, unhealthy self trying to trick you. DO NOT believe that. That's exactly what screwed me over and set me back...50lbs. Best believe I will not let you pitty party yourself into seeing your future accomplishments as a set backs for aesthetics. It didn't take you a day gain to get here and it's gonna take some time to adjust. Start looking at methods for promoting circulation and toning skin (coconut oil, skin brushing, biotin supplement, compression wear, avoiding parabens in your body wash and shampoo....). These little things may not fix things 100%, but you will feel better just knowing you're trying to manage the situation. Go to some fancy cosmetic shops and flirt with girls while they consult you on the best skin reducing products they got. (which may or may not be bogus.) Yeah, they will be trying to sell you things, but I have noooo doubt they will be really impressed that you are willing to be vulnerable (usually only women bring these thing up in shops like this) and tell you how awesome you are to get where you are! Maybe you need to hear that from someone in person. This may be pushing it, but hey two for one...ladies and toning! ;-)

Standards are good...and it's ok to rant, but there is always hope!!

mila_lova

Geocitiesuser wrote: »

Not really. I'm self aware enough to know that I don't fit the bill for the people I'm interested in. As mentioned earlier, it's a bitter pill that took a long time to swallow. I instead fill my free time on my health, career, and hobbies and have found personal fulfillment far beyond that I have ever found in a relationship. A family and the american dream would have been nice, but just like everyone else I have standards. Maybe one day I'll get "lucky" and find someone who meshes with my standards and I mesh with theirs, but holding my breath would be a losing game.

This thread isn't about my dating or lack of, and it was wrong of me to include it. But as the thread was titled, I was whining because I've put in a lot of effort to find myself at a place where "hard work" can no longer bring me past.

The context of this thread is that it is highly demotivating that getting very lean also means the unattractive wrinkles in my skin increase with every pound lost. It is frustrating when progress is no longer aesthetic, and arguabley is going in the opposite direction now.

What are your standards? Don't try to land a Barbie dude. If you're a little more realistic with your physical standards, you might find a really fulfilling relationship. You have loose skin? She might have loose skin, stretch marks, cellulite. Big deal. Why should women have to look like porn stars with smooth skin, not an ounce of fat besides t&a no blemishes etc. I feel like the standards men impose on women can be way harsher than the other way around. Women are not objects here to please you.

Sorry I get really touchy about this stuff.

middlehaitch

I think all of us go through reflective times saying what if - I know I do.
A little wallow is fine. Glad it is off your chest. Now on with life.

You know who you may have been and you know who you are now. It sounds as though you are doing fine.

Cheers, h.

LeeBGoode

After my last relationship ended, I had a realization that there are things about me that reduce the size of my dating pool. At first, this launched me into despair. But now, I'm glad for it. I will need nothing less than an open minded, kind, caring person. Nothing sad about that

Geocitiesuser

mila_lova wrote: »

Women are not objects here to please you.

Sorry I get really touchy about this stuff.

Nor are men. You can't assume what my standards are or if they are even physical. If you think the standards imposed on women are more harsh, you have not paid attention to what the modern dating scene is like. Both genders are completely out of their mind, and I'd much rather be by myself than pander to the vast majority of them. Do not blame men because I promise you the problem of unrealistic standards by sub-par people is not gender specific.

I would delete this thread now if I could. To re-iterate, I was complaining about the loose skin for my own aesthetic reasons. It's only a byproduct that it is un-aesthetic to others. It would have been nice for the skin to tighten up and to have a killer bod. That's all. It's not happening.

Fat children is child abuse.

Therealobi1

you can ask the mods to delete if you wish
good luck and well done