How to gain body confidence??

Lauramumto4

I'm having a real big problem with confidence in my body.
I've lost about 50lb (4stone). I have 4 children, my last birth was 2 years ago. I now weigh 13.6 stone (UK), not sure what that is in pounds. My husband regularly says wow you're looking skinny! It's so obvious how much weight I've lost. Even friends say it. But I'm not satisfied. I never expected to lose my baby belly. And I can tell now that I'll always have loose skin on my thighs. I know they'll be there forever, I've accepted that they'll never be the same as before being a mum. But I feel disgusting still. I want to be happy and confident with my body and my achievements, but I feel obsessed about it now. I want to lose at least 1.5-2 stone more but know the loose skin will look worse I think.
I suppose my main concern is my husband. Although he's very supportive and encouraging, I worry I disgust him and he's too kind to say anything. I just want to not care about my body anymore! How do I get to that point??? I worry about everything else in life, I want this particular worry to go away!!!

Geocitiesuser

Not caring about your body is a bad thing. Depending on your goals so is "precelebrating"! People complimenting you doesn't mean you're not overweight anymore, it just means they are recognizing your hard work.

So keep up the hard work and you will "love yourself" more and more as you start to get into the physique you want!

Machka9

Well, for a start, you might try going with a different user name.

Secondly, how much exercise do you do? It might be worth trying several different things to see what suits you. Sometimes getting involved in sports/exercise does wonders for self esteem.

And thirdly ... patience! If you're going to lose the loose skin, it can take 2 years for it to start to tighten up. But again, occasionally exercise can help.


BTW - 13.6 stone is 86.4 kg. You can go into google and type: 13.6 stone in ___ and it will tell you.

moontyrant

If you want to start building confidence you could practice taking selfies. You don't even have to keep them- put them on Snapchat or something.
Start wearing clothes that make you feel good, not necessarily sweats and a t shirt but outfits that make you like the way you look in them.
Idk if there are people who feel truly neutral about their bodies. Your body is where you live, it shapes who you are and how you act and how you think. You deserve to feel good about it. even if you only feel good for two seconds a day you're heading in the right direction.
Now if you actively hate your body and you don't want to anymore, you could try adjusting the way you think. When you catch a hateful thought like "my thighs take up so much space ugh gross" derail that thought with something more positive like "my thighs take up so much space but I'm allowed to take up space, because I'm a person." You could even go for radical acceptance, which runs like "I am a hideous swamp monster BUT that doesn't mean I'm not a human or that I don't deserve to care for myself." So if you feel like "my husband is just saying nice things bc he likes me" follow up with "but he's not much of a liar so at least some of what he says has to have a basis in reality."
Or if you really feel like you cannot take pride in the way you look, steer your thoughts away from your image and to something else. Maybe it's something you can do now that you couldn't do before, like now you can deadlift a large dog, or now you can fit in the space under your bed. Or something you take pride in doing, like being the worlds best kazoo player or parent or a responsible motorist. So a thought could run like "I am a horrifying swamp monster AND that's not the most important thing about me."
You could spend your entire life learning to like yourself let alone love yourself. I'm still trying to get there myself. It's worth it. Give it time.

Luna3386

I think it's okay to keep working on your body and trying to be positive on it. Be patient!

I really came around to loving myself last year. You can't compare it to anyone else.

I think I just focused on: I have created/sustained/birthed 3 big babies, breastfed for a combined 38 months, had 2 abdominal surgeries. I have been there when my kids were sick, and that meant often not going to the gym, etc. Yeah, I'm not a super model but I shouldn't be comparing myself to them.

I know my kids love me. I know my husband loves me.

I also focused on looking at myself​ as other look at me. This was inspired by a young lady that I know. She thinks she is ugly and fat. We go fishing at the lake, or on a 15 mile bike ride and she wears jeans and a hoodie. We went to the pool- she wore shorts and a long sleeved shirt and just put her legs in. Have I ever once looked at her and thought anything negative? No! She is gorgeous and not fat at all. We all have skewed body image but it's just that, skewed.

EttaMaeMartin

chunkster2015 wrote: »

I'm having a real big problem with confidence in my body.
I've lost about 50lb (4stone). I have 4 children, my last birth was 2 years ago. I now weigh 13.6 stone (UK), not sure what that is in pounds. My husband regularly says wow you're looking skinny! It's so obvious how much weight I've lost. Even friends say it. But I'm not satisfied. I never expected to lose my baby belly. And I can tell now that I'll always have loose skin on my thighs. I know they'll be there forever, I've accepted that they'll never be the same as before being a mum. But I feel disgusting still. I want to be happy and confident with my body and my achievements, but I feel obsessed about it now. I want to lose at least 1.5-2 stone more but know the loose skin will look worse I think.
I suppose my main concern is my husband. Although he's very supportive and encouraging, I worry I disgust him and he's too kind to say anything. I just want to not care about my body anymore! How do I get to that point??? I worry about everything else in life, I want this particular worry to go away!!!

" If you do not believe you are awesome, no one else will" a quote from one of my favorite yoga instructor's. Yoga is amazing for toning up and for self-esteem. All levels, All welcome.

lorrpb

Listen to and believe your husband! I find that exercise helps my body image because I can do things at 62 I could never do when younger. Some days I still feel fat (after losing 150 lb) and other days I feel quite good. I just have to turn off the negative voices and listen to the positive ones. I like to look at progress pics and "before" pics because they reinforce how far I've come.

goldthistime

Exercise works for me in preventing those negative thoughts. Cardio for mood improvement in general and strength training for confidence. Sometimes positive self talk works but I think it's a tricky skill to learn. Still working on it.

Morganbennett1

To start, Wow that is a great loss! Be proud of that, you worked hard and you deserve to feel good about it. Secondly, the loose skin will tighten up after awhile if you continue to eat healthy foods and exercise, it will take time though. Finally, your husband should love you for the wonderful, beautiful person you are, scars and all. Ask him for an honest opinion, see what he says, and go from there. It sounds like you are getting into your own head too much. Find some clothes that make you feel amazing and treat yourself to a relaxing day, then get to the gym and work it!

lainy1979

I've been too thin. I've been overweight. Now I'm somewhere in between and find it hard to recognise how I'm feeling about my new shape. The only way I've been able to be accepting of it is to try completely new things, stuff that's exclusive to me now that I never did at 8 stone or at 13 stone and its given me a whole heap of brand new confidence! Zumba is great fun, even if you only attend one class per week it makes a difference & won't cost much. I've attended body confidence/burlesque classes and they're amazing, women of all shapes & sizes releasing their inner goddess!! Don't disregard what you've achieved so far losing 4 stone is incredible and your husband is acknowledging that loss. What I would say is that you'll get a greater sense of accomplishment if you start doing this for yourself not for your hubby ☺

88olds

I lost weight on Weight Watchers 11years ago. Unlike 99% of the people there, I did not stop going to the meetings. I've been to hundreds of WW meetings. Almost all women. I've also participated on WW message boards, I have no idea how many discussions on lose skin I've been in. It's a dangerous problem.

No the skin isn't a problem, can be, but not for most people. The danger is in your head. You've done so well but your brain says "Not good enough!"

Not good enough is the step before Why bother?

A couple of thoughts. Weight loss is about accepting life with a few limits. Few people ever get all that they want, and it has little to do with what they have. For myself, I have plenty of loose skin. I passed up my shot a a six pack. But when I was into it I was the best dressed man at my office.

Go get good clothes that fit. I had to go to a tailor, I had no clue how to dress. When you get comliments, and you will, soak them up.

If you are never happy with how you look naked, sounds like your husband doesn't seem to mind. If he's "just" being kind you are a lucky woman. I'm just an old guy rambling on the internet, but in the long run kindness will take you farther than most things. Its greatly under appreciated.

Agree you need a new screen name. Have fun with your family, take your children to the park and run circles around them. Weight loss is liberation. Best wishes.

Lauramumto4

Thank you all so much for your words and suggestions! I've been having a real think about it the last few days. I'm asking myself who am I doing this for, myself or my husband. Yes I do have confidence issues and low self esteem.
I don't quite know who I'm doing it for. I think it's not entirely for myself but I do feel great when I've eaten good and seen a lose on the scales. I feel awful when I eat junk. As we all do.

I have changed my username! I did make this account shortly after having a baby! So I was chunky back then! Haha!

Does loose skin really get a bit tighter in time??

And I definitely wouldn't call anyone else disgusting!! I think all women look normal in my eyes, no matter what shape or size they are!!

Damn it, I think I've just realised, I'm doing this for my husband

tabletop_joe

Pobody's Nerfect. Hood work getting out to the gym and taking steps!

I agree with @88olds and @Gimsteinn1 . You need to be kinder to yourself! Look at all you've done. It's admirable. Loose skin is not that big of a deal, and will reduce a little over time--drink lots of water, use a decent vitamin E enriched lotion, and consider taking a "beauty supplement" (usually marketed as such--has skin, hair and nails beneficial ingredients like collagen, biotin, etc.). It's unlikely it'll ever go away completely, but it's not that big of a deal. Lots of people have it--even extremely attractive people!

Do you have access to someone professional to talk about learning how to work on your self-esteem? Have you considered possible postpartum depression? It's extremely common, even 2 years from last giving birth.

It's so sweet that you're doing this for your husband, but you need to do it for yourself too! Everyone's happier, including your kids and husband, if you stop going through bouts of self-loathing and body mortification.