Help me step away

Faebert

I've had a slightly tough few years. After having two children, I got myself healthy and fit when they were 4 and 2, then my husband left us out of the blue. I have worked so hard since - maintained my goal size, exercise every day and am fitter than ever. I went back to uni aged 34 to do a postgrad degree and now have a new successful career, am dating and on the outside all looks good.

But recently I have succumbed to occasional bingeing and purging in the evenings when I'm home alone with the kids asleep. I'm trying to get help for this and I know how important therapy is to tackle the root causes.

This afternoon, after a tough day, I have bought a load of food for bingeing. And I'm posting for the first time because instead of tearing into it already I have had a moment's pause and I'm trying to tell myself that I could just NOT EAT IT! I am a bit hungry and will need some dinner as I'm at about 900 cals for the day (plus around 300 exercise cals). But I'm scared eating something will lead to me eating the sweet junk I've bought.

This pause is huge for me. Even posting scares me but I'm reaching out in the hope that someone can reply and offer support. Shall I throw it out, or just put it away and the kids will eat it gradually over time and hope that in the next few hours I can stay strong?

Sorry for the epic post but I guess context might help in why I'm here and where I go next.

Thanks in advance for any viewpoints.

ashbabe25

Step away. You don't need the junk food. Think of all the scary ingredients in all of that and what it could be doing to your body (besides the damage purging does). You don't need that. You have us. You can make it through this without the junk.

Faebert

Thank you for your kind words. Makes a big difference. You're right - I don't need it.

__TMac__

The fact that you paused is huge. Celebrate that new-found awareness.

What else can you do for yourself that would feel good, and keep you busy? Hot shower and a cup of tea? Game night with the kids? Can you watch a favorite movie without wanting to eat? Let the kids give you a manicure.

If it were me, I'd get the food out of the house somehow. I can't moderate well. Enlist the help of a friend to store it? Can any of it be returned?

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CharlieBeansmomTracey

ashbabe25 wrote: »

Step away. You don't need the junk food. Think of all the scary ingredients in all of that and what it could be doing to your body (besides the damage purging does). You don't need that. You have us. You can make it through this without the junk.

the purging itself is worse than the junk food. what scary ingredients are you talking about?

abrubru

Binging and purging is another form of trying to gain control over things you don't understand...the fact that you stopped and thought and then took the step to ask for help is huge. You don't need to binge. You do need to think about the fact that your kids see much more than you think...and why when things are going so well are you hurting so much? (Please don't think I am judging just got divorced myself in October of 16, so I get the hurt that goes with it...)
I am an emotional eater...and it took almost 5 months for me to get it under control and work on my health again...you can do this.

livingleanlivingclean

I would bin it. And cover it in something inedible like detergent. You don't need it!

JeromeBarry1

Take it out to the yard and burn it.

sarahbetherck

You need to address how far under your calories you are too. I hope you scrapped the binge food but I also think you should be making sure you're eating enough. You mentioned kids, are you eating healthy meals with them? 900 calories won't sustain you and I would think would make you even more likely to binge.

Faebert

You're right. Modelling a healthy relationship with food for my children is my biggest motivation for overcoming this.

I did get rid of it, and I think eating enough through the day is what I need to focus on so that I achieve some balance. Otherwise I am lurching from one extreme to the other. I'm a very "all or nothing" person but I'm hoping that I can change that.

Thank you all - baby steps forward...