Sabotage?

TTucker1229

This is kinda a vent a lil....I swear my own husband is trying to sabotage me losing weight...I am having a hard time staying motivated. But now I am all in it and not giving up. My own husband is constantly offering me food I shouldn't be eating. I lately have just been telling him no. Well tonight I am having a bad night and we were arguing and I told him how messed up it was too keep offering me food I shouldn't be having. He finally said okay and then tried to say he was testing me and gave me a line about I need to motivate myself and I have to learn to say no. Which I have been doing but he is still offering me food I'm not supposed to be eating....I feel like I'm about to break down... The stress and dieting is not good and when I'm stressed I do one of two things....I eat! (Like binge eat) or don't eat at all (until I'm not stressed which could be days) I just can't give up and this is killing me.

Fitfromfat17

Wow he should be supporting you not bringing you down or 'testing' you! That sounds horrible. I'd have a serious talk to him about how much you want and need to lose weight. He should not be eating any bad foods around you and he should even start eating healthy so there's no temptation in the house. Is that possible? I hope he stops doing that because that would be so hard to deal with everyday. Keep motivated and don't give up!

TTucker1229

timan92 wrote: »

Wow he should be supporting you not bringing you down or 'testing' you! That sounds horrible. I'd have a serious talk to him about how much you want and need to lose weight. He should not be eating any bad foods around you and he should even start eating healthy so there's no temptation in the house. Is that possible? I hope he stops doing that because that would be so hard to deal with everyday. Keep motivated and don't give up!

Yeah it is really hard but I can deal with it. He shouldn't have to change because I am.... Just my thoughts....I normally make him food for his lunch and dinner and then I eat something different. I deal with it and yes I'm tempted to eat a bite or two of his food but I don't do it. Yay! And yes I told him that he needs to stop doing stuff like that. It isn't fair to me.

Alatariel75

Usually, I respond to threads about partner sabotage by saying "you have made a change, it doesn't mean he has to". I disagree with the person above - it's not his responsiblity to remove temptation from the house and one person doesn't get to make the decision to change the eating habits of the whole house.

HOWEVER, the line about "testing you" is complete bollocks and he needs to stop that shiz. That's out of line, and unacceptable. You need to draw a line under it - now that he's admitted to testing you, show him how strong you can be. Next time he offers something, say thank you, take it (the whole thing, if it's a bowl of a pack of something) walk over and drop it in the bin and pour dish soap over it.

When he cracks it, say "you offered it to me, it was mine to do with as I wished". Repeat until he gets the message.

TTucker1229

Alatariel75 wrote: »

Usually, I respond to threads about partner sabotage by saying "you have made a change, it doesn't mean he has to". I disagree with the person above - it's not his responsiblity to remove temptation from the house and one person doesn't get to make the decision to change the eating habits of the whole house.

HOWEVER, the line about "testing you" is complete bollocks and he needs to stop that shiz. That's out of line, and unacceptable. You need to draw a line under it - now that he's admitted to testing you, show him how strong you can be. Next time he offers something, say thank you, take it (the whole thing, if it's a bowl of a pack of something) walk over and drop it in the bin and pour dish soap over it.

When he cracks it, say "you offered it to me, it was mine to do with as I wished". Repeat until he gets the message.

Lol I love that idea..... Also if you read what I commented to the other person I said the same. I am making a change he doesn't have to. So I agree with that as well. Thank you for your comment.

ccsernica

Testing you? Something's seriously weird here. It's hazardous to psychoanalyze anyone over the internet and secondhand to boot, but that sounds like some kind of dominance/control issue right there. Who the kitten does he think he is to be "testing" anyone and deciding what kind of attitude changes you need to make when you show every sign of already having made them?

Seffell

Well I think he needs to start acting like an adult.

TavistockToad

timan92 wrote: »

Wow he should be supporting you not bringing you down or 'testing' you! That sounds horrible. I'd have a serious talk to him about how much you want and need to lose weight. He should not be eating any bad foods around you and he should even start eating healthy so there's no temptation in the house. Is that possible? I hope he stops doing that because that would be so hard to deal with everyday. Keep motivated and don't give up!

rubbish. why should he change what he eats because OP has?

i agree that he shouldn't 'test' her, but to say he should only eat what she eats (you dont even know he if he is overweight) is rubbish.

my husband is bulking while i am cutting, are you saying he shouldnt do that because i'm not?!

kommodevaran

This is bad in so many ways. He should support you, or be neutral, but not actively sabotage you. He can eat anything he wants, and so can you, it's overeating that makes weight management impossible, and thinking about certain foods as off limit makes many of us prone to overeat exactly those foods, and berating ourselves for it, and feeling down makes us even more prone to overeat.

Zipbsky

OP, I think your hubby might have been deflecting when he said he said that he was testing you. Because he said it in the middle of a fight after you accused him of sabotage. It was a lame attempt at defense. Move forward with your goals, he should fall in line once he sees you are serious. Also, try not to give him that much control over your results. What he says, does or eats shouldn't have any bearing on your weight loss.

cerise_noir

W

Alatariel75 wrote: »

Usually, I respond to threads about partner sabotage by saying "you have made a change, it doesn't mean he has to". I disagree with the person above - it's not his responsiblity to remove temptation from the house and one person doesn't get to make the decision to change the eating habits of the whole house.

HOWEVER, the line about "testing you" is complete bollocks and he needs to stop that shiz. That's out of line, and unacceptable. You need to draw a line under it - now that he's admitted to testing you, show him how strong you can be. Next time he offers something, say thank you, take it (the whole thing, if it's a bowl of a pack of something) walk over and drop it in the bin and pour dish soap over it.

When he cracks it, say "you offered it to me, it was mine to do with as I wished". Repeat until he gets the message.

This.


But I am curious: what do you mean by "food you're not supposed to eat"? Weight loss is all about calories and not the food you should/shouldn't be eating. Eat as you would for the rest of your life, just less.

I still eat the same foods as I did when I was 100lbs+ heavier with an eye on nutrition.

Chef_Barbell

Just break up.

bbell1985

My boyfriend can eat A LOT. He offers me his high calorie things. He asks if I want pizza too...but he's just having nice manners. I don't expect him to eat differently. I do see that your husband admitted to "testing you", which is different and kind of rude. Just tell him you don't need him to test you, that self-control is already fatiguing as it is. Offering is one thing, purposely and continuously "testing you" is another.

bagge72

If your boyfriend didn't admit to trying to tempt you, I would say you need to just learn how to say no, because people are going to offer you food all of the time, but since he is doing it for the sole purpose to see if you are going to fail, that kind of makes him an *kitten*, even though he probably thinks he is helping you. But you really should think about this list of foods you shouldn't eat, and maybe this wouldn't have to be as hard as it is. Life's easier when you can incorporate the foods you love in to your daily calorie needs.

sallygroundhog

Tell him you are tested enough by life. You don't need additional testing.
Your home should be a sanctuary where you are supported by people who love you.
You are doing great by saying no so many times. Give yourself a pat on the back.

quiksylver296

Zipbsky wrote: »

OP, I think your hubby might have been deflecting when he said he said that he was testing you. Because he said it in the middle of a fight after you accused him of sabotage. It was a lame attempt at defense. Move forward with your goals, he should fall in line once he sees you are serious. Also, try not to give him that much control over your results. What he says, does or eats shouldn't have any bearing on your weight loss.

That was my thought, too.

rianneonamission

"I don't need you to test me, I am perfectly capable of doing this myself by COOKING YOUR DINNER SEPARATELY FROM MINE AND NOT EATING ANY OF IT, [insert insult of choice here]!"

If that doesn't work then go with the bin suggestion by Alatariel75.

85Cardinals

Set it straight, this Watergate.

VeryKatie

I wouldn't call it sabotage so much as I would call it being rude.

If he was dumping oil all over your food behind your back, that would be sabotage.

pinuplove

I would take anything said in the heat of an argument with a grain of salt. My husband is 100% supportive, but he still offers me food sometimes, out of politeness and because sometimes he just forgets. I don't make a big deal of it, just say no thank you, or sometimes I'll say something like 'I would, but I didn't budget for that today.' Sometimes, if I have the calories and want it, I'll take it.

SuzySunshine99

85Cardinals wrote: »

Set it straight, this Watergate.

Nice Beastie Boys reference.