After the weight is gone

ashcky

This didn't get any traction in the other thread so I thought I'd try here.

So I have been on this journey for 10 months now and everything has changed but I've noticed a lot more changes socially these past couple of weeks. My question is kind of geared towards those that have been overweight all their life. I have been overweight since elementary school, around 3rd grade. At the beginning of this journey I read about how people will treat you differently and I just didn't believe it but now I definitely do. My question is for those of you who have been overweight all your life and are now at a healthy weight how long did it take you to become comfortable with the attention? I get constant compliments, more messages and friend requests on Facebook than ever in my life. It is overwhelming for me at times because my self-image is still stuck at my starting weight. How do you guys deal with it? Thank you!

Geocitiesuser

Enjoy it?

ashcky

I'm just trying to find a way to get used to it. I've lived my entire life never being noticed by people. Now all of a sudden it's like I've entered this elite group but I still see myself the same. Just wondering if anyone had tips on navigating better.

BlueButterfly94

I haven't been too far overweight at any point in my life, but was pretty chubby in school and didn't get any attention at all then/or was bullied and asked whether or not I was pregnant frequently. After high school the weight dropped back off, and around 2 years ago the boys from school suddenly started messaging me and trying to 'hit me up'. I ignore the attention, and even went as far as blocking a couple of them due to some harassment. They missed out, too late now. Lmao. Luckily I don't bump into any of them really out in the world.

ashcky

BlueButterfly94 wrote: »

I haven't been too far overweight at any point in my life, but was pretty chubby in school and didn't get any attention at all then/or was bullied and asked whether or not I was pregnant frequently. After high school the weight dropped back off, and around 2 years ago the boys from school suddenly started messaging me and trying to 'hit me up'. I ignore the attention, and even went as far as blocking a couple of them due to some harassment. They missed out, too late now. Lmao. Luckily I don't bump into any of them really out in the world.

How do you deal with new people you've never met?

usmcmp

ashcky wrote: »

I'm just trying to find a way to get used to it. I've lived my entire life never being noticed by people. Now all of a sudden it's like I've entered this elite group but I still see myself the same. Just wondering if anyone had tips on navigating better.

It's definitely not an elite group and some of those people who wouldn't give you a second look when you were heavy aren't worth getting attention from now. Focus on people who like you for the real stuff you have to offer, not how your body looks. Focus on the kind of people you wouldn't mind your kids being around.

usmcmp

ashcky wrote: »

BlueButterfly94 wrote: »

I haven't been too far overweight at any point in my life, but was pretty chubby in school and didn't get any attention at all then/or was bullied and asked whether or not I was pregnant frequently. After high school the weight dropped back off, and around 2 years ago the boys from school suddenly started messaging me and trying to 'hit me up'. I ignore the attention, and even went as far as blocking a couple of them due to some harassment. They missed out, too late now. Lmao. Luckily I don't bump into any of them really out in the world.

How do you deal with new people you've never met?

On Facebook, ignore. In real life, thank them and then go back to what I was doing. You are under no obligation to pay attention to someone just because they think you have a nice body. If you don't learn how to set boundaries just because people like your body then they will use you and you'll end up hurt.

tabletop_joe

^I'll sign an endorsement to @usmcmp 's comment.

The thing is, we're all socialized based on what we look like. You (and me too!) don't have the tools that someone who's been barraged with compliments and borderline harassment constantly since 13 has. You're lucky that you have the perspective that you do so you can see what's going on, but because you've not had to armor yourself against it. You've had other things to armor yourself against.

I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with it myself. It's too grody-feeling to me.

Leenizi129

Enjoy the new you! You can change a shape but you can never change your soul.
It will tell you who is really your friend who is there for all the wrong reasons. Just be kind and true to yourself.

sarahlifts

My FB is super private. I rarely get requests. My profile photo is of my face not my body. Even if I did get FB friend requests, Strangers aren't allowed into my inner sanctum.

My IG is public and only fitness related. I don't share my IG with people I know bc I don't want to follow them if its not fitness related.
As for Inbox on IG, FB, bodybuilding communities, I don't check them. People can send as many messages as they like. I never see them.
That's how you can handle social media.

As for more attention, it depends on if I am open to it. Usually not esp from the opposite sex, I am married. Walking down the street even if I have no place to go, I look past men never at men. Long gaze far off their shoulder.
In the gym same, I focus on myself and what I'm doing. I speak to no one but the staff upon entry and exit. Get used to people looking. Smile and keep it moving.

In stores, I get offered help where in the past I was ignored, its off putting bc that friggin sucks!!!!

But it is what it is. Our society treats attractive people better than they do those who don't fit the standard. Get used to it. Or get so uncomfortable you gain the weight back. That is what some people end up doing

sarahlifts

ashcky wrote: »

I'm just trying to find a way to get used to it. I've lived my entire life never being noticed by people. Now all of a sudden it's like I've entered this elite group but I still see myself the same. Just wondering if anyone had tips on navigating better.

Its not an elite group. There are plenty of fit attractive people in the world. Don't let the new found attention change who you are at your core.

am I different from who I was before the weight loss, of course, but at my core, I am humble as hell never thinking too much of myself to a point where I rarely post photos of myself on my OWN fb or social media.

We are not elite, we struggle daily with the same things someone medically obese struggles with, self image, worth, cake lol we are not elite

ashcky

sarahlifts wrote: »

ashcky wrote: »

I'm just trying to find a way to get used to it. I've lived my entire life never being noticed by people. Now all of a sudden it's like I've entered this elite group but I still see myself the same. Just wondering if anyone had tips on navigating better.

Its not an elite group. There are plenty of fit attractive people in the world. Don't let the new found attention change who you are at your core.

am I different from who I was before the weight loss, of course, but at my core, I am humble as hell never thinking too much of myself to a point where I rarely post photos of myself on my OWN fb or social media.

We are not elite, we struggle daily with the same things someone medically obese struggles with, self image, worth, cake lol we are not elite

I know we aren't elite but it's like people start putting you in a different category. Super weird!!

Thank you all for your replies! My Facebook is private as well and I usually have mutual friends with the people who have added me but I'm just gonna let them pile up.

Guess I just have to get better at discriminating whether people like me for my appearance or who I really am. Never had to deal with that before but I am in counseling so that should help.