When people think you know what you're doing

zyxst

My husband got his blood word results back and his cholesterol is high enough to require meds. Our GP wants him to lose weight (30# in 6 months) to see how that affects it before she'll prescribe him anything. She also put me in charge of his diet/weight loss.

Yes, I've lost 184#. That doesn't mean I know wtf I'm doing. It means I found what works for me. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety over this.

ETA: Apparently, pictures/gifs don't upload from computers. Bummer.

cwolfman13

That's really rough, particularly when the individual really has to be the one to put in the effort.

Chef_Barbell

That sounds like marital problems waiting to happen. The GP can't refer you to a dietitian?

88olds

Put yourself in charge of finding DH a new doc.

zyxst

88olds wrote: »

Put yourself in charge of finding DH a new doc.

Finding a new GP in Canada is not easy. The current one I only found because she'd just joined the clinic and was accepting new patients.

I'm not going to be dictatorial on my husband's diet. He rarely listens to me about food. I had to ask his high school buddy to talk to him about his weight before hubby would do anything. Now I get to deal with white foods/sugar = bad. As long as hubby doesn't tell me I have to stop eating my foods, I'm not fussed.

Mostly it's that GP thinks me saying "lose weight, honey" is all that needs to happen. Like I said, hubby ignores what I say.

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

That sounds like marital problems waiting to happen. The GP can't refer you to a dietitian?

I didn't ask as we (hubby and I) know it's a matter of him not eating so much. He's not on a special, medical diet, just "lose weight".

This thread is just me whining. Other places I could whine don't get the whole losing weight thing.

L1zardQueen

Does your husband like this idea?

zyxst

Tiny_Dancer_in_Pink wrote: »

Does your husband like this idea?

I would guess not but I haven't specifically asked him, "Do you want me to control everything you eat every day for the rest of your life?"

I don't want to. He's an adult. He's knows and understands what to do to lose weight. He just can't be bothered despite his health and our marital problems.

I guess I'm the only person who's looked at as someone who can get anyone to lose weight because I lost so much.

pamfgil

What does motivate him, competition, a goal, an incentive?. If you can find what will work to get him started he can take charge of his own diet.

TavistockToad

i would have disagreed with the doctor when she said i was in charge of his diet!

MsHarryWinston

Omg. If I were in charge of my husband's diet I would be throwing a blender bottle full of smoothie at his head out of frustration by day 3.

Machka9

Tell him this ... and then leave it up to him:

Entered your information into MFP.
Chose sedentary as your activity level.
Opt to lose 0.5 kg/week (or 1 lb/week).

MFP will give him a number of calories to consume.
Consumed that number of calories.

Also exercised and eat about half your exercise calories back.

Maaike84

i don't think it's part of a healthy relationship to put one person in charge of the other for something that normal adults should be able to control for themselves. You are not his mother, and he is not a child. I know I would get hella annoyed if my husband tried to control my diet without my consent. At the same time, we do keep each other accountable when we have both agreed to do so. Fine balance. I think probably the best thing would be to discuss it with your husband, and if he is not open/willing to suggestions, you have done your part. You are not responsible for his health, he is.

ladyreva78

Poor dear! No one should be "put in charge" of an other rational adult's diet.

deputy_randolph

You've lost 184lbs...you know what you are doing. Now as for being "in charge" of your husband's weight loss, that's on him.

The dr might assume that you are the person who is responsible for cooking. She also might have assumed that'll he be more open to your advice than her advice. He likely be more interested in exercising with you than starting on his own.

Lately, my husband has been taking my diet related advice...he's trying to gain weight. I'm excellent at gaining weight.

BruinsGal_91

MsHarryWinston wrote: »

Omg. If I were in charge of my husband's diet I would be throwing a blender bottle full of smoothie at his head out of frustration by day 3.

Day 3? You've got more patience that I have.

zyxst

Machka9 wrote: »

Tell him this ... and then leave it up to him:

Entered your information into MFP.
Chose sedentary as your activity level.
Opt to lose 0.5 kg/week (or 1 lb/week).

MFP will give him a number of calories to consume.
Consumed that number of calories.

Also exercised and eat about half your exercise calories back.

I did.

2 years ago.

He gained 20#.

NewMeSM75

If I've learned anything in my marriage, it's that you can't change the other person. Until they want to change, no amount of talking, encouragement or nagging will make a difference.

I will say that statin drugs have crappy side effects. I have to take them because diet and exercise didn't help mine. I went through a few before this one but my legs still ache daily from meds. It's no fun.

zyxst

Maaike84 wrote: »

i don't think it's part of a healthy relationship to put one person in charge of the other for something that normal adults should be able to control for themselves. You are not his mother, and he is not a child. I know I would get hella annoyed if my husband tried to control my diet without my consent. At the same time, we do keep each other accountable when we have both agreed to do so. Fine balance. I think probably the best thing would be to discuss it with your husband, and if he is not open/willing to suggestions, you have done your part. You are not responsible for his health, he is.

I know.

My last effort to be helpful was to ask his high school friend to talk to him. They had a good chat about weight loss and eating, which ended with hubby believing white foods are bad, sugar makes you fat, and to not buy potato chips. What cheesed me off is the friend told hubby pretty much what I've been saying - eat less, move more. Apparently being male makes everything you say Gospel.

I cook one meal for us. He eats it and is fine with it, except for veggies unless it's corn or potatoes. Hubby's problem is he eats because he's bored, food is there, he's stressed, etc.. I'm not saying awake until 3 am to slap the snapea crisps out of his hand.

FTR, I have talked with hubby about this. He knows his weight is impacting his health and our marriage. If he loses enough weight to get off BP meds (because his BP is not in the OMGDEATH range), he can do his part in the bedroom (inb4 flagged and warned for that).

I guess, like usual, I didn't articulate myself enough to get my point out.

PEOPLE THINK JUST BECAUSE I LOST WEIGHT MEANS I CAN MAKE MY HUSBAND LOSE WEIGHT. CAN ANYONE SYMPATHIZE/EMPATHIZE WITH ME?

ladyreva78

zyxst wrote: »

Maaike84 wrote: »

i don't think it's part of a healthy relationship to put one person in charge of the other for something that normal adults should be able to control for themselves. You are not his mother, and he is not a child. I know I would get hella annoyed if my husband tried to control my diet without my consent. At the same time, we do keep each other accountable when we have both agreed to do so. Fine balance. I think probably the best thing would be to discuss it with your husband, and if he is not open/willing to suggestions, you have done your part. You are not responsible for his health, he is.

I know.

My last effort to be helpful was to ask his high school friend to talk to him. They had a good chat about weight loss and eating, which ended with hubby believing white foods are bad, sugar makes you fat, and to not buy potato chips. What cheesed me off is the friend told hubby pretty much what I've been saying - eat less, move more. Apparently being male makes everything you say Gospel.

I cook one meal for us. He eats it and is fine with it, except for veggies unless it's corn or potatoes. Hubby's problem is he eats because he's bored, food is there, he's stressed, etc.. I'm not saying awake until 3 am to slap the snapea crisps out of his hand.

FTR, I have talked with hubby about this. He knows his weight is impacting his health and our marriage. If he loses enough weight to get off BP meds (because his BP is not in the OMGDEATH range), he can do his part in the bedroom (inb4 flagged and warned for that).

I guess, like usual, I didn't articulate myself enough to get my point out.

PEOPLE THINK JUST BECAUSE I LOST WEIGHT MEANS I CAN MAKE MY HUSBAND LOSE WEIGHT. CAN ANYONE SYMPATHIZE/EMPATHIZE WITH ME?

Hell yes.

People think that just because I've lost weight, that I should be helping my parents(!!!?) how to lose weight and how come they're still obese when I'm doing so well?

Truth is... you CANNOT make a rational, thinking adult do something he/she does not want to. You CANNOT change other people, only yourself. And you CANNOT expect someone to do the hard work for someone else.

TavistockToad

zyxst wrote: »

Machka9 wrote: »

Tell him this ... and then leave it up to him:

Entered your information into MFP.
Chose sedentary as your activity level.
Opt to lose 0.5 kg/week (or 1 lb/week).

MFP will give him a number of calories to consume.
Consumed that number of calories.

Also exercised and eat about half your exercise calories back.

I did.

2 years ago.

He gained 20#.

sorry but this made me :laugh:

my husband has a bit of a thing about eating 'healthy' - whatever his definition of that is... he often holds something up and says to me 'is this healthy?' to which my response is, 'well in the context of an overall balanced diet, pretty much anything is ok' cos i am an IIFYM kind of girl....

Leenizi129

She should of referred him to a dietian or weightless center. That should not be on you pass the responsibility to the person and just be supportive.

cmriverside

haha, Z.

Yeah, I can empathize. People all the time find out I lost weight and ask me how to do it, then they continue to do that other thing (eat all the food) and complain how they can't lose weight.

I've shortened my answer to, "Eat less, move more," and I refuse to talk further about it because *whine* all they want to do is *whine.*

snowflake954

I've followed your posts over the years--and you're one smart, sarcastic cookie (that's a compliment). If anyone can do this--you can. Yes, I feel sorry for you, yes, it isn't right that you should have the pressure of success or failure on your shoulders. But who else is there? Isn't there some kind of "sneaky" approach that might work?

TR0berts

zyxst wrote: »

PEOPLE THINK JUST BECAUSE I LOST WEIGHT MEANS I CAN MAKE MY HUSBAND LOSE WEIGHT. CAN ANYONE SYMPATHIZE/EMPATHIZE WITH ME?

Unfortunately, yes. And I understand how it is to explain how simple the concept is, just to have the other person think it can't be that simple and insist on trying every fad diet on the planet - but not have any success. You can only hope that someday, he'll "get it."

RamboKitty87

Hey, you can only do so much, I was in denial for years about my weight my mum would beg me to eat better and exercise but I would never listen, I found after years of depression and anxiety and the fact I was about to turn 30 was my wake up call, I am personally having similar issues with my fiancee he has asthma and gets breathy a lot, he moans about needing to lose weight but he's super fussy when it comes to food, he was doing well losing 1-2lb per week for a month then he went to visit his parents for the weekend and put 10lbs on, he was very upset, I have asked him many times to join MFP to log what he eats to see what he is doing wrong but he refuses, I would log it for him but he works so I would have no clue what he's eating there, anyways.... rambling on, basically you can tell him till your blue in the face that he needs to lose weight and eat better but if he doesn't want to change it won't make any difference, if you do the cooking I would suggest get creative and sneak smaller portions, create healthy tasty recipes disguise them as other things, switch things to low fat basically get sneaky

MsArriabella

Umm, if he saw you working to lose 184 lbs and didn't make any changes to his own lifestyle then I'm thinking he's not going to eat better because you tell him to. Good luck getting him to adult!

MsHarryWinston

BruinsGal_91 wrote: »

MsHarryWinston wrote: »

Omg. If I were in charge of my husband's diet I would be throwing a blender bottle full of smoothie at his head out of frustration by day 3.

Day 3? You've got more patience that I have.

Ha! To be perfectly honest I'm probably being rather optimistic about that three day estimate...

tabletop_joe

Wowee, that was really unfair of his doc to put that on you!