When people think you know what you're doing

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zyxst
zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
edited May 2017 in Motivation and Support
My husband got his blood word results back and his cholesterol is high enough to require meds. Our GP wants him to lose weight (30# in 6 months) to see how that affects it before she'll prescribe him anything. She also put me in charge of his diet/weight loss.
tenor.gif
Yes, I've lost 184#. That doesn't mean I know wtf I'm doing. It means I found what works for me. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety over this.

ETA: Apparently, pictures/gifs don't upload from computers. Bummer.
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Replies

  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    That's really rough, particularly when the individual really has to be the one to put in the effort.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    88olds wrote: »
    Put yourself in charge of finding DH a new doc.

    Finding a new GP in Canada is not easy. The current one I only found because she'd just joined the clinic and was accepting new patients.

    I'm not going to be dictatorial on my husband's diet. He rarely listens to me about food. I had to ask his high school buddy to talk to him about his weight before hubby would do anything. Now I get to deal with white foods/sugar = bad. As long as hubby doesn't tell me I have to stop eating my foods, I'm not fussed.

    Mostly it's that GP thinks me saying "lose weight, honey" is all that needs to happen. Like I said, hubby ignores what I say.
    That sounds like marital problems waiting to happen. The GP can't refer you to a dietitian?

    I didn't ask as we (hubby and I) know it's a matter of him not eating so much. He's not on a special, medical diet, just "lose weight".

    This thread is just me whining. Other places I could whine don't get the whole losing weight thing.
  • L1zardQueen
    L1zardQueen Posts: 8,754 Member
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    Does your husband like this idea?
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    Does your husband like this idea?

    I would guess not but I haven't specifically asked him, "Do you want me to control everything you eat every day for the rest of your life?"

    I don't want to. He's an adult. He's knows and understands what to do to lose weight. He just can't be bothered despite his health and our marital problems.

    I guess I'm the only person who's looked at as someone who can get anyone to lose weight because I lost so much.
  • pamfgil
    pamfgil Posts: 449 Member
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    What does motivate him, competition, a goal, an incentive?. If you can find what will work to get him started he can take charge of his own diet.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    i would have disagreed with the doctor when she said i was in charge of his diet!
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,140 Member
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    Tell him this ... and then leave it up to him:

    Entered your information into MFP.
    Chose sedentary as your activity level.
    Opt to lose 0.5 kg/week (or 1 lb/week).

    MFP will give him a number of calories to consume.
    Consumed that number of calories.

    Also exercised and eat about half your exercise calories back.
  • Maaike84
    Maaike84 Posts: 211 Member
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    i don't think it's part of a healthy relationship to put one person in charge of the other for something that normal adults should be able to control for themselves. You are not his mother, and he is not a child. I know I would get hella annoyed if my husband tried to control my diet without my consent. At the same time, we do keep each other accountable when we have both agreed to do so. Fine balance. I think probably the best thing would be to discuss it with your husband, and if he is not open/willing to suggestions, you have done your part. You are not responsible for his health, he is.
  • ladyreva78
    ladyreva78 Posts: 4,080 Member
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    Poor dear! No one should be "put in charge" of an other rational adult's diet.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
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    You've lost 184lbs...you know what you are doing. Now as for being "in charge" of your husband's weight loss, that's on him.

    The dr might assume that you are the person who is responsible for cooking. She also might have assumed that'll he be more open to your advice than her advice. He likely be more interested in exercising with you than starting on his own.

    Lately, my husband has been taking my diet related advice...he's trying to gain weight. I'm excellent at gaining weight.
  • BruinsGal_91
    BruinsGal_91 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Omg. If I were in charge of my husband's diet I would be throwing a blender bottle full of smoothie at his head out of frustration by day 3.

    Day 3? You've got more patience that I have.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    Tell him this ... and then leave it up to him:

    Entered your information into MFP.
    Chose sedentary as your activity level.
    Opt to lose 0.5 kg/week (or 1 lb/week).

    MFP will give him a number of calories to consume.
    Consumed that number of calories.

    Also exercised and eat about half your exercise calories back.

    I did.

    2 years ago.

    He gained 20#.
  • NewMeSM75
    NewMeSM75 Posts: 971 Member
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    If I've learned anything in my marriage, it's that you can't change the other person. Until they want to change, no amount of talking, encouragement or nagging will make a difference.

    I will say that statin drugs have crappy side effects. I have to take them because diet and exercise didn't help mine. I went through a few before this one but my legs still ache daily from meds. It's no fun.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    Maaike84 wrote: »
    i don't think it's part of a healthy relationship to put one person in charge of the other for something that normal adults should be able to control for themselves. You are not his mother, and he is not a child. I know I would get hella annoyed if my husband tried to control my diet without my consent. At the same time, we do keep each other accountable when we have both agreed to do so. Fine balance. I think probably the best thing would be to discuss it with your husband, and if he is not open/willing to suggestions, you have done your part. You are not responsible for his health, he is.

    I know.

    My last effort to be helpful was to ask his high school friend to talk to him. They had a good chat about weight loss and eating, which ended with hubby believing white foods are bad, sugar makes you fat, and to not buy potato chips. What cheesed me off is the friend told hubby pretty much what I've been saying - eat less, move more. Apparently being male makes everything you say Gospel.

    I cook one meal for us. He eats it and is fine with it, except for veggies unless it's corn or potatoes. Hubby's problem is he eats because he's bored, food is there, he's stressed, etc.. I'm not saying awake until 3 am to slap the snapea crisps out of his hand.

    FTR, I have talked with hubby about this. He knows his weight is impacting his health and our marriage. If he loses enough weight to get off BP meds (because his BP is not in the OMGDEATH range), he can do his part in the bedroom (inb4 flagged and warned for that).

    I guess, like usual, I didn't articulate myself enough to get my point out.

    PEOPLE THINK JUST BECAUSE I LOST WEIGHT MEANS I CAN MAKE MY HUSBAND LOSE WEIGHT. CAN ANYONE SYMPATHIZE/EMPATHIZE WITH ME?
  • ladyreva78
    ladyreva78 Posts: 4,080 Member
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    zyxst wrote: »
    Maaike84 wrote: »
    i don't think it's part of a healthy relationship to put one person in charge of the other for something that normal adults should be able to control for themselves. You are not his mother, and he is not a child. I know I would get hella annoyed if my husband tried to control my diet without my consent. At the same time, we do keep each other accountable when we have both agreed to do so. Fine balance. I think probably the best thing would be to discuss it with your husband, and if he is not open/willing to suggestions, you have done your part. You are not responsible for his health, he is.

    I know.

    My last effort to be helpful was to ask his high school friend to talk to him. They had a good chat about weight loss and eating, which ended with hubby believing white foods are bad, sugar makes you fat, and to not buy potato chips. What cheesed me off is the friend told hubby pretty much what I've been saying - eat less, move more. Apparently being male makes everything you say Gospel.

    I cook one meal for us. He eats it and is fine with it, except for veggies unless it's corn or potatoes. Hubby's problem is he eats because he's bored, food is there, he's stressed, etc.. I'm not saying awake until 3 am to slap the snapea crisps out of his hand.

    FTR, I have talked with hubby about this. He knows his weight is impacting his health and our marriage. If he loses enough weight to get off BP meds (because his BP is not in the OMGDEATH range), he can do his part in the bedroom (inb4 flagged and warned for that).

    I guess, like usual, I didn't articulate myself enough to get my point out.

    PEOPLE THINK JUST BECAUSE I LOST WEIGHT MEANS I CAN MAKE MY HUSBAND LOSE WEIGHT. CAN ANYONE SYMPATHIZE/EMPATHIZE WITH ME?

    Hell yes.

    People think that just because I've lost weight, that I should be helping my parents(!!!?) how to lose weight and how come they're still obese when I'm doing so well?

    Truth is... you CANNOT make a rational, thinking adult do something he/she does not want to. You CANNOT change other people, only yourself. And you CANNOT expect someone to do the hard work for someone else.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited May 2017
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    zyxst wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    Tell him this ... and then leave it up to him:

    Entered your information into MFP.
    Chose sedentary as your activity level.
    Opt to lose 0.5 kg/week (or 1 lb/week).

    MFP will give him a number of calories to consume.
    Consumed that number of calories.

    Also exercised and eat about half your exercise calories back.

    I did.

    2 years ago.

    He gained 20#.

    sorry but this made me :laugh:

    my husband has a bit of a thing about eating 'healthy' - whatever his definition of that is... he often holds something up and says to me 'is this healthy?' to which my response is, 'well in the context of an overall balanced diet, pretty much anything is ok' cos i am an IIFYM kind of girl....
  • Leenizi129
    Leenizi129 Posts: 133 Member
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    She should of referred him to a dietian or weightless center. That should not be on you pass the responsibility to the person and just be supportive.