Struggle to motivate myself and feeling self conscious

amyteacake

The past few days I've been trying so hard to motivate myself. I bought a new heart rate monitor to help track my steps and calories while I was at work. I started a new job recently which has stressed me a little bit. I've been trying my best to go to the gym 3 times a week and I've even been trying my best to watch what I'm eating and making more healthy decisions for my lunch and things.

But today I just struggled to motivate myself. A part of me didn't care what I ate. I made sure that I ate well for my breakfast and lunch, but when dinner came around I just didn't care. Ended up having 4 sausages, scrambled eggs and some baked beans, even though the past 2 days I've been eating vegetables and trying out a keto diet again. Part of me just thought "what's even the point?"

I've been feeling incredibly self conscious these past few times. When I was in the gym instead of focusing on my form when I saw myself in the mirror I couldn't help but poke and prod at everything. "Your stomach is still too big" "Your thighs are big" "Your arms jiggle" I hate thinking like this! I am seeing a therapist about self esteem issues but some days it just swarms my mind. I wasn't even that into my workout today but still pushed myself through it so I was able to get it done.

I've lost 2 stone. I still have about 2 stone to go. My main issue area is my stomach/hips and I feel very self conscious about it.

liftorgohome

Maybe you need to get on some antidepressant medication? Everyone is different and how you see your self in the future is how you have to work to get there. You don't lose weight overnight, it's a long journey of disclipline. Maybe just start out with a calorie deficient diet before you go keto.

amyteacake

tjkita wrote: »

Maybe you need to get on some antidepressant medication? Everyone is different and how you see your self in the future is how you have to work to get there. You don't lose weight overnight, it's a long journey of disclipline. Maybe just start out with a calorie deficient diet before you go keto.

I'm on antidepressant medication, have been for about 2 months now. I've been on here for a year now and have been doing a calorie deficit since then. I've done keto in the past and it was only for a few weeks which is how long I would do it this time as well. It's over a year that I've lost 2 stone and I completely understand that weight loss doesn't happen overnight, think it's because I've been feeling self conscious lately it hasn't been helping my motivation

BZAH10

Good to hear you're seeing a therapist already. Self-esteem issues run deep and the sooner you start working on them the better. Hope you find success soon!

No personal experience, but from others close to me, two months is a short period of time for anti-depressants. They take a while to work and you may even need to try a couple different ones.

Other than that, we ALL have days where we feel like just giving up, at least just for the day anyway. And, we all tend to focus on our "bad" spots. Find the things you DO like about yourself and keep reminding yourself of them. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a friend. It takes practice and isn't a perfect solution but it does help to refocus the mind.

Keep it up! You're doing great!

amyteacake

BZAH10 wrote: »

Good to hear you're seeing a therapist already. Self-esteem issues run deep and the sooner you start working on them the better. Hope you find success soon!

No personal experience, but from others close to me, two months is a short period of time for anti-depressants. They take a while to work and you may even need to try a couple different ones.

Other than that, we ALL have days where we feel like just giving up, at least just for the day anyway. And, we all tend to focus on our "bad" spots. Find the things you DO like about yourself and keep reminding yourself of them. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a friend. It takes practice and isn't a perfect solution but it does help to refocus the mind.

Keep it up! You're doing great!

I really needed to see one after how I felt at the start of the year and after leaving my job. I could barely go to the gym so needed to work on it somehow! My self-esteem has always been all over the place and it's something that I just want to kick in the butt! Thank you!

I've never been on anti-depressants before, this is my first time ever taking them. I'm only on a low dosage since it's mainly for my anxiety but I've found that it has helped my depression a bit. I'm know it won't work all at once or some days it won't work at all.

Thank you so so much! I tried my best to force myself to through my workout yesterday even though I just didn't feel up to it. I usually try my best to focus on the things that I like but on days like that I find it quite difficult and it's awful! I'm going to try and start talking to myself like I would a friend, because I would never tell a friend some of the things I say about myself.

Thank you so much!

denadawn10

I feel you on a lot of this. I too am doing the Keto diet but for health reasons (I'm hypoglycemic). I was doing great for about a month then my daughter had an emergency and I fell off the band wagon hard. I'm finding it hard to just get back on it.
I have faith in you, like I have faith in myself, to keep going.

MarvinsAMartian

Seeing a therapist is a great thing you're doing for yourself. The fact that you were able to recognize you needed help takes strength in itself. Fitness, no matter what your goals is a mental game as much as it is a physical one. I've never been diagnosed with depression or the like so I cant imagine the mental roadblock you have to get thru just to get out and work on your body and self image so maybe my words don't mean much here.

That said, I have struggled with self esteem in the past and worked tirelessly for years (on my own) on the mental side of things where I was able to finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I learned to separate my dreams and aspirations for myself from my self value. Dreaming about playing in the NBA and that not being my reality today doesn't take away from my self worth, or diminish my confidence in myself. I don't mean to preach but your post hit me in a soft spot. I just wanted you to know that whatever issues you may be going through that causes you to stumble with your fitness goals, it gets better, you'll figure it out.

Also, stop putting yourself down. Even if its just in your head. There's a reason people tell you to think positive thoughts when they know some bad *kitten* is about to happen. Its because even when it hits the fan, you feel better than you would if you had focused on the negative.

Good luck on your journey Amyteacake.

amyteacake

denadawn10 wrote: »

I feel you on a lot of this. I too am doing the Keto diet but for health reasons (I'm hypoglycemic). I was doing great for about a month then my daughter had an emergency and I fell off the band wagon hard. I'm finding it hard to just get back on it.
I have faith in you, like I have faith in myself, to keep going.

I did keto before and it helped me lose a bit of weight. We all fall off the wagon sometimes and I have faith in you too!

amyteacake

MarvinsAMartian wrote: »

Seeing a therapist is a great thing you're doing for yourself. The fact that you were able to recognize you needed help takes strength in itself. Fitness, no matter what your goals is a mental game as much as it is a physical one. I've never been diagnosed with depression or the like so I cant imagine the mental roadblock you have to get thru just to get out and work on your body and self image so maybe my words don't mean much here.

That said, I have struggled with self esteem in the past and worked tirelessly for years (on my own) on the mental side of things where I was able to finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I learned to separate my dreams and aspirations for myself from my self value. Dreaming about playing in the NBA and that not being my reality today doesn't take away from my self worth, or diminish my confidence in myself. I don't mean to preach but your post hit me in a soft spot. I just wanted you to know that whatever issues you may be going through that causes you to stumble with your fitness goals, it gets better, you'll figure it out.

Also, stop putting yourself down. Even if its just in your head. There's a reason people tell you to think positive thoughts when they know some bad *kitten* is about to happen. Its because even when it hits the fan, you feel better than you would if you had focused on the negative.

Good luck on your journey Amyteacake.

I really needed help after he last few months. They were really tough and I couldn't cope and it wasn't until I started attending therapy that I realised something was wrong with my self esteem and I needed help with it. I truly do believe that fitness is a mental game as well. Some days I feel amazing with it and others I don't. I keep telling myself that it's a process and I will get there eventually, it might take a while and that's okay. I won't have a six pack in take the space of a day!

Thank you so so much. This really helped

Lucas2013

The first thing I would do is recommend to see a therapist. Although all of us on here can give you kind words, a therapist can make you rethink why you feel the way you do. The second thing I would ask is why do you feel it is necessary for you to diet? Do you think that going on a diet and losing some weight will make you happier? If so, why? What is it about yourself that you are unhappy with right now that losing some weight is going to fix? Many people think that having ripped six pack abs and a flat stomach is the key to happiness-- it's not. While losing weight and getting fit might improve your confidence, you will still be the same person on the inside.

So if you are not happy where you are now, why will becoming a smaller version of yourself make you any happier? The key to making any sustainable change in your life is that you must do it for yourself. If you personally find the prospect of six pack abs and a fit physique to be appealing and accordance with your personal desires, then I say by all means, please pursue it, but if you think that you have to because that's what will get you happiness or love, or anything else, you are wrong.

Part of the process of making fitness enjoyable is accepting where you are at right now and where you can go. Accept that while you can attain six pack abs and a pleasant physique, attaining mental soundness is far more important because no matter what size you are at or your level of physical fitness, you carry the same person with you every day. Learn to appreciate what you have and where you can go, but first and foremost, do this for yourself. I think that if more people could learn to appreciate themselves for what they are, the world would be a better place.

Lucas2013

As far as diet goes, make it as simple as possible. Warren Buffet said that successful investing "requires doing a few things right the majority of the time." Get the basics down first and then focus on the details later.

nikkipoooo

Seeing a therapist can really help with changing the way you evaluate yourself, because it will help you do it in a different way that could yield a much truer result. Seeing a therapist can also help you determine if you've got some chemical imbalance issues going on in your brain. I know lots of people are resistant to being on drugs, and I don't blame them but drugs are not the only way to help address chemical needs in your brain... sometimes changing your attitude and behavior can achieve the same result (though it typically takes a little longer and is more work, but it's often a more lasting and "real" effect)


I have some education in neuroscience and behavior, so here's a little background on what's going on in your brain, chemically, for those who are interested in the mechanics of how diet and exercise affect mood... the following description may not seem like chemistry on the face, but all of the stuff that happens in your brain (and lots of the rest of your body) happens because of chemicals called neurotransmitters that act as messengers from one neuron to the next and transmit signals throughout your whole nervous system.

Anything that makes us feel good activates a series of neurons in your brain I'll refer to as a "reward pathway". Food makes most of us feel good because our brains associate it firstly with sustaining life, and also with comfort and happiness when it comes to foods we like (which strengthens the effect)... this means that when we eat those reward pathways are going active, which reinforces the good feeling. When you diet (and even just cutting back on carbs or treats or reducing portions is considered dieting in this sense) 2 things happen:

1. First off, you are depriving your brain of something that previously was activating your reward pathways, and your brain HATES being deprived of rewards, even just a little bit... it's like a tantrumming 3 year-old in that sense, and it will let you know in not so subtle ways that it wants food, and especially the food you love and then you have cravings.
2. The second thing that happens is we assign moral values to foods in an effort to help us choose only the foods that will help us achieve our goals and reject those that will get in the way of our goals. The problem with this is that we then get conflicting signals in our brains, because those foods still light up the reward pathways just as much as ever (and maybe even moreso because they are now "treats") but then they are triggering another process that creates this feeling of shame. Many of us begin to even feel shame for eating at all.

These two processes create a general sense of confused chaos (called cognitive dissonance in some cases) in our brains and most people's minds just don't deal with that very well. It gives you anxiety, and depression and all sorts of bad mood feelings, and lots of us just default to blaming ourselves for being bad, or for getting fat in the first place, or for not working hard enough or whatever. These bad moods can really work against us, because if you start out feeling defeated then it's harder to say no to the little heathenchild in your brain that's screaming and begging and kicking you for not giving it another cupcake and making it eat salad (even though you don't actually dislike salad). It's harder to ignore the soreness, the important TV show, or the snooze button that keep us from getting up and going to the gym.

This is a simplification, of course but I hope it helps give you a general sense of why you're feeling this way, and maybe a more than a little hope that you can get through it, because the wonderful thing about being humans is that we can choose to ignore the messages our brains send us if we decide to. It may be hard at times, but we can almost always tell our minds to kiss off and just do what we want.

amyteacake

Lucas2013 wrote: »

The first thing I would do is recommend to see a therapist. Although all of us on here can give you kind words, a therapist can make you rethink why you feel the way you do. The second thing I would ask is why do you feel it is necessary for you to diet? Do you think that going on a diet and losing some weight will make you happier? If so, why? What is it about yourself that you are unhappy with right now that losing some weight is going to fix? Many people think that having ripped six pack abs and a flat stomach is the key to happiness-- it's not. While losing weight and getting fit might improve your confidence, you will still be the same person on the inside.

So if you are not happy where you are now, why will becoming a smaller version of yourself make you any happier? The key to making any sustainable change in your life is that you must do it for yourself. If you personally find the prospect of six pack abs and a fit physique to be appealing and accordance with your personal desires, then I say by all means, please pursue it, but if you think that you have to because that's what will get you happiness or love, or anything else, you are wrong.

Part of the process of making fitness enjoyable is accepting where you are at right now and where you can go. Accept that while you can attain six pack abs and a pleasant physique, attaining mental soundness is far more important because no matter what size you are at or your level of physical fitness, you carry the same person with you every day. Learn to appreciate what you have and where you can go, but first and foremost, do this for yourself. I think that if more people could learn to appreciate themselves for what they are, the world would be a better place.

I am attending therapy. The main reason that I started dieting and losing weight - have been doing it for a year now - is because I was unhappy with how I looked and personally wanted to get into better shape and become a healthier version of myself as my health and asthma was suffering with how much weight I had put on. I also just wasn't happy with the way I looked. I didn't expect it to make me any happier or to help me gain love or anything like that, I just wanted to get better and change something that I have been miserable with for so long. I was bullied for my weight in high school and it is something that I have struggled with so I have wanted to lose weight for years but this is the first time that I was properly able to do it.

I know it won't make me happier, but some days I just feel unmotivated and self conscious about myself. Wasn't saying that I expected it to make me happier or felt like I had to do it for anyone else. I started doing it for myself

amyteacake

nikkipoooo wrote: »

Seeing a therapist can really help with changing the way you evaluate yourself, because it will help you do it in a different way that could yield a much truer result. Seeing a therapist can also help you determine if you've got some chemical imbalance issues going on in your brain. I know lots of people are resistant to being on drugs, and I don't blame them but drugs are not the only way to help address chemical needs in your brain... sometimes changing your attitude and behavior can achieve the same result (though it typically takes a little longer and is more work, but it's often a more lasting and "real" effect)


I have some education in neuroscience and behavior, so here's a little background on what's going on in your brain, chemically, for those who are interested in the mechanics of how diet and exercise affect mood... the following description may not seem like chemistry on the face, but all of the stuff that happens in your brain (and lots of the rest of your body) happens because of chemicals called neurotransmitters that act as messengers from one neuron to the next and transmit signals throughout your whole nervous system.

Anything that makes us feel good activates a series of neurons in your brain I'll refer to as a "reward pathway". Food makes most of us feel good because our brains associate it firstly with sustaining life, and also with comfort and happiness when it comes to foods we like (which strengthens the effect)... this means that when we eat those reward pathways are going active, which reinforces the good feeling. When you diet (and even just cutting back on carbs or treats or reducing portions is considered dieting in this sense) 2 things happen:

1. First off, you are depriving your brain of something that previously was activating your reward pathways, and your brain HATES being deprived of rewards, even just a little bit... it's like a tantrumming 3 year-old in that sense, and it will let you know in not so subtle ways that it wants food, and especially the food you love and then you have cravings.
2. The second thing that happens is we assign moral values to foods in an effort to help us choose only the foods that will help us achieve our goals and reject those that will get in the way of our goals. The problem with this is that we then get conflicting signals in our brains, because those foods still light up the reward pathways just as much as ever (and maybe even moreso because they are now "treats") but then they are triggering another process that creates this feeling of shame. Many of us begin to even feel shame for eating at all.

These two processes create a general sense of confused chaos (called cognitive dissonance in some cases) in our brains and most people's minds just don't deal with that very well. It gives you anxiety, and depression and all sorts of bad mood feelings, and lots of us just default to blaming ourselves for being bad, or for getting fat in the first place, or for not working hard enough or whatever. These bad moods can really work against us, because if you start out feeling defeated then it's harder to say no to the little heathenchild in your brain that's screaming and begging and kicking you for not giving it another cupcake and making it eat salad (even though you don't actually dislike salad). It's harder to ignore the soreness, the important TV show, or the snooze button that keep us from getting up and going to the gym.

This is a simplification, of course but I hope it helps give you a general sense of why you're feeling this way, and maybe a more than a little hope that you can get through it, because the wonderful thing about being humans is that we can choose to ignore the messages our brains send us if we decide to. It may be hard at times, but we can almost always tell our minds to kiss off and just do what we want.

This was really interesting to read! I had no idea that just something as simple are your brain craving a certain food could guess such an affect! I have had a habit in the past of naming food 'good' or 'bad' - blame it on disordered eating when I was younger - and sometimes I find myself still doing even though I can eat other things and I shouldn't be ashamed of it! I would often feel awful about eating certain things even though I was just treating myself to something and it wasn't even that bad.

I have found that if I deprive myself of a certain food and give myself something else I'm not really satisfied. I'm not happy with what I've eaten either. Thank you for this, it was really interesting to read!

moonstroller

That inner voice that wants to sabotage your efforts is so difficult to ignore. I think we can be more cruel to ourselves than other people can be cruel to us, except children. When I think about some of the things kids in school said to me and called me, it makes me wonder if kids are pure evil walking on the Earth.

Please forgive my digression.

You're doing this for yourself, which is fantastic. When I have that inner voice nagging at me, telling me I should give up, that I'm too weak, or too fat, or whatever it says to break me from my goal, I focus on how far I've come, and how much better I feel after I work out, and that helps me stay motivated.

nikkipoooo

amyteacake wrote: »

This was really interesting to read! I had no idea that just something as simple are your brain craving a certain food could guess such an affect! I have had a habit in the past of naming food 'good' or 'bad' - blame it on disordered eating when I was younger - and sometimes I find myself still doing even though I can eat other things and I shouldn't be ashamed of it! I would often feel awful about eating certain things even though I was just treating myself to something and it wasn't even that bad.

I have found that if I deprive myself of a certain food and give myself something else I'm not really satisfied. I'm not happy with what I've eaten either. Thank you for this, it was really interesting to read!

I'm glad you could relate to it... I know I find it hard to just accept "wisdom" if I don't understand the reasons behind it, and knowing what's going on helps me notice when I'm psyching myself out. It helps to know that your brain bio and psychology aren't set in stone, and you can always override it if you only pay attention to the signals.

amyteacake

moonstroller wrote: »

That inner voice that wants to sabotage your efforts is so difficult to ignore. I think we can be more cruel to ourselves than other people can be cruel to us, except children. When I think about some of the things kids in school said to me and called me, it makes me wonder if kids are pure evil walking on the Earth.

Please forgive my digression.

You're doing this for yourself, which is fantastic. When I have that inner voice nagging at me, telling me I should give up, that I'm too weak, or too fat, or whatever it says to break me from my goal, I focus on how far I've come, and how much better I feel after I work out, and that helps me stay motivated.

The inner voice always does. Kids may be the most pure evil walking on the Earth, but we will never know.

It's okay.

I've been determined to do this for myself from the very start. I did want to prove several people wrong that believed that I couldn't do it and I'm already half way towards my goal weight so I think I have proved them wrong already! The inner voice is always there and it is the hardest to fight. I try my best to push through and eat healthy and get a workout in even if I just don't feel like it or I don't see the point. It's a good way to stay motivated

amyteacake

nikkipoooo wrote: »

amyteacake wrote: »

This was really interesting to read! I had no idea that just something as simple are your brain craving a certain food could guess such an affect! I have had a habit in the past of naming food 'good' or 'bad' - blame it on disordered eating when I was younger - and sometimes I find myself still doing even though I can eat other things and I shouldn't be ashamed of it! I would often feel awful about eating certain things even though I was just treating myself to something and it wasn't even that bad.

I have found that if I deprive myself of a certain food and give myself something else I'm not really satisfied. I'm not happy with what I've eaten either. Thank you for this, it was really interesting to read!

I'm glad you could relate to it... I know I find it hard to just accept "wisdom" if I don't understand the reasons behind it, and knowing what's going on helps me notice when I'm psyching myself out. It helps to know that your brain bio and psychology aren't set in stone, and you can always override it if you only pay attention to the signals.

Accepting wisdom can be pretty hard and some people don't really want to hear it a lot of the time or refuse to believe it! It is a good way to figure out what's going on and why you're feeling this way. They aren't at all and they can be changed, may take some time.

Leenizi129

Turn around and look.at how far you have come and learn to.love yourself that person needs you to give her some slack. Your doing great!

moonstroller

Yes, you have proven them wrong, and you have also proven that you are strong.

amyteacake

Leenizi129 wrote: »

Turn around and look.at how far you have come and learn to.love yourself that person needs you to give her some slack. Your doing great!

Thank you! I have come so far and I'm not in the same place I was when I started.