feeling ganged up on

boopsiegrl

it seems like there is always a inherance or reason why I need to over eat if its not people popping in with food its a holiday or a speicial occassion I know I can say no but it just is to early for me to be strong yet Please no lectures just people that are going through what I am and can offer suggestions. I feel beat up enough

cmriverside

Well, it's really up to you to develop strategies to deal with food. It's always going to be there, and if you need to lose weight, you'll have to come up with things to say to people.

"No, thanks," is sufficient.

Plan ahead, have your set meal times and don't snack outside those meal times. It's up to you and you alone what you put in your body, right?

As far as holidays, I have days where I eat way over my goal. Not secretaries day or my neighbor's anniversary, though. I do it on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, my birthday. . .and sometimes at a party or whatever. Sometimes. I had to learn to eat at mealtime, and learn what to eat. It's a process, it takes a while to learn. Try not to beat yourself up, and don't let one day define the rest of the week.

Leverfam

I completely understand ... it's always someone's birthday or some other lovely event but the challenge is still real. When left to my own defenses, I am on program ... everything is measured and I feel in control. It's when people want to go out to eat or there is an event. I know it may sound bad but if I can't control the situation, I regretfully decline ... but if I can control it there's no problem. I always say I'm very picky (and I am a vegetarian) so why don't we go here - usually that works! This way I have already gone on their website and selected a 'safe' option for me and I can plan my day around it!! Best of luck ... feel free to friend me!

Chef_Barbell

Saying no is a skill you will need to learn.

Theo166

Suck it up, Buttercup. Tracking and saying 'no' is hard for everyone.

If you are just starting, maybe goal maintenance or a slight deficit while you get into a rhythm of eating to plan. Then you'll have some cushion to say yes.

JeromeBarry1

I work in a place that has free candy and snacks.
I observed that some of the employees do not eat them. I learned to not eat them. It's possible to not eat them.
Nobody can make you eat them. You just have to learn who is in charge of this relationship.

perkymommy

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

I work in a place that has free candy and snacks.
I observed that some of the employees do not eat them. I learned to not eat them. It's possible to not eat them.
Nobody can make you eat them. You just have to learn who is in charge of this relationship.

This. We are in control of what we choose to eat or not eat. I have children and get in situations where there is a lot of food sometimes but I just have to eat within my limits.

Lourdesong

I'm not sure why you feel beat up or ganged up upon given what I understand you have described your situation to be: that you find yourself presented with opportunities to indulge in overeating.

And who doesn't?

I think the way you are framing your problem (I.e. that you are a victim of or a passive participant in a world that is 'happening to you') may be part of the problem.

If you want to indulge you don't have to overeat. You can also do things like eat a light lunch or even skip a meal in preparation for holidays and such. You don't necessarily have to say no to anyone if you find that difficult, but you can plan to have "some" indulgences without using the fact that you had "some" as an excuse to greenlight yourself to then eat way more than you need to.

Good luck, and please do think about how you frame your problems and how or if it benefits you.

Sara2652

I get it! At this point I'm really focusing on progress not perfection.

I have a lot of eating behaviors and tweaks in my diet I need to make so I've decided as long as I'm moving in the right direction as a whole I'm going to be proud of the changes. I'm not a believer in over deprivation. Also really thinking about what is worth it and whats not and learning to say no to whats not. We are adults and really nobody else needs to be getting emotional over what I put in my mouth...ie don't worry about hurting the host/hostesses feelings if you don't want to try their apple pie.

DietPrada

I work in an office of 130 people. It's always someone's birthday. There's always left over food in the kitchen. There's always a charity box full of chocolates. There's always someone wanting to go out for lunch for someone's goodbye. Then on the weekends there's my MIL who caters for 30 every time you pop in for a coffee. So yeah, life happens. I've lost 90lbs. Other people's food is not my problem. Participate in the social without stuffing food in your face. I generally nurse a coffee and make conversation.

TheVonada

I get it. There are always reasons to overdo it. Even in my own kitchen, there are temptations in the freezer or the refrigerator or the cupboards.
When it's a holiday or a social gathering at work, or even when going out to eat, it's all about choices. Do I want to enjoy myself? Yes. Does my enjoyment solely hinge on that food? No. Will eating a little extra today ruin me for the week? No - not if I'm not stuffing myself silly. My friends and coworkers all know that I'm working hard to lose weight, so when we're sitting around the table and I pass on a dish or skip dessert, they understand. And they also understand if I decide that I am going to go back for a second piece of cake, or order another sushi roll.
I also carry a 32-oz water bottle around with me most of the time. That way, if I'm starting to feel hungry, I take a couple swallows and wait a few minutes. If it turns out I'm ACTUALLY hungry, then I'll grab a snack or something... but it also allows me to be in control of the situations around me, even when there are cookies or chips or whatever in our break room.
I've never felt judged for my eating decisions. If someone has an issue with me taking my health back into my own hands, that's their problem, not mine.

boopsiegrl

thank you all for sharing with me I will have to learn from each of you how to work things in, or say No I just don't want everyone knowing I am trying to lose weight I have tried so many times before and I don't want food police telling me what to eat
again thanks and I will keep on plugging along

yoherbs421

DietPrada wrote: »

I work in an office of 130 people. It's always someone's birthday.

Lmao food everywhere all the time!

Yea OP I feel ya. I have a big family and we prepare a feast fit for kings. I had to train myself to eat less.

When I started eating less my stomach shrunk. Now I feel fuller way faster. Eat less for a few weeks your body will adjust.

Buddy of mine was always struggling with weight. When we ate out he was done his plate in less than 5 mins then he tells me I take long. He didnt realize he totally bypassed his brains signal to tell him he was full, plus all that food he ate must have caused a serious insulin spike creating fat storage. See, he ate a surplus and didnt realize it, cause he ate too fast!

Slow down, eat slower, savour your food. Before you know it you feel full (satiety). Then you eat less. There are more tips and tricks to learn that will turn your body into a fatburning machine read a little you will surely find a lot that will help. All the best!

BrettWithPKU

boopsiegrl wrote: »

it seems like there is always a inherance or reason why I need to over eat if its not people popping in with food its a holiday or a speicial occassion I know I can say no but it just is to early for me to be strong yet Please no lectures just people that are going through what I am and can offer suggestions. I feel beat up enough

If I understand, it's quite possible I'm in this same trap.

Because if there's food in the open, I graze. And when I order something at a restaurant, I never leave leftovers. But I'm generally only put in these situations during special occasions.

However, there are a lot of special occasions in the spring--and I don't think people realize that until the time comes.

My present strategy is to eat healthy and exercise during "normal time", and out-lose my special-occasion gains. Not ideal, but if this is your strategy, the most important thing is to NEVER let "normal time" go to waste. Hit your goals for 100% of your normal days; you can have fun when the next special occasion comes.

pinuplove

boopsiegrl wrote: »

it seems like there is always a inherance or reason why I need to over eat if its not people popping in with food its a holiday or a speicial occassion I know I can say no but it just is to early for me to be strong yet Please no lectures just people that are going through what I am and can offer suggestions. I feel beat up enough

You said no lectures, and I'll try my best not to. But you choice of title for this thread sort of indicates a victim attitude toward weight loss. Perhaps it was just a poor choice of words. Why on earth would you feel ganged up on because holidays or visitors or special occasions happen while you're restricting calories? That's life. It will never go away. There will always be a 'reason' to overeat if you let it be. Get good at saying no - both to yourself and to others.

Bry_Fitness70

What is the downside of refusing food? A frowny face from coworkers? Disappointment in you for not being "fun"
(if one defines eating snacks as the epitome of fun)? It is more important for me to eat according to my rules than to be a part of some clique that prioritizes social overeating...

If it really is that important for you in terms of your perception as a "team player" and may hurt you careerwise (as bizarre as that sounds I think it is a real thing in some workplaces), grab a napkin, take something, explain that you are busy or full and are taking it back to your desk to eat later, and then secretly dispose of it later.

angela2520682

the same thing happened to me at the beginning of my diet, but I was strict because of how much I had to lose and I didn't want people to know that I was trying to lose weight because if I failed, everybody would be thinking "I knew she couldn't do it". this kind of thinking made me believe I had to hide my diet from everyone,and eat junk food in public. I came from a family of food lovers, so every special occasion revolved around a buffet table.
But now its easier to say no. Not because I am stronger, but because everyone knows I'll say no, so they never ask lol.

Desalinadokaz

I feel your pain because I've been exactly where you are. Previously I have always eaten badly and people get used to that. When I started this journey, my willpower was paper-thin and I can completely understand why you are finding it difficult.

It used to be that when I went out, people would pressure me to have a dessert, have a bit more food but I had to think about my goal, what I wanted to achieve and how I was doing it. 'No thank you' was a starting point but at times I had to be a bit more forceful. Even now there are people that I'm not keen on going out for a meal with because of the pressure to eat more, drink alcohol etc. I can say no and I do but the constant pressure feels like a battle of wills and it makes the whole experience a lot less fun.

You have to decide when your exception periods will be and stick to them. Explain to people around you. They may even support you!

lynn_glenmont

boopsiegrl wrote: »

thank you all for sharing with me I will have to learn from each of you how to work things in, or say No I just don't want everyone knowing I am trying to lose weight I have tried so many times before and I don't want food police telling me what to eat
again thanks and I will keep on plugging along

You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you are saying, "no, thank you." If someone is rude enough to ask, look surprised (astonished is better), blink, shake your head slightly, and say, "I'm sorry, that's personal." If they persist, say, "I can't believe you asked that, much less after I told you it was personal." If they ask again, just walk away.

boopsiegrl

poor words probably I just meant that people pressure me and events are always before me and I am not strong yet don't make so much out of my opening

boopsiegrl

thanks so much for all the help and understanding just trying to figure out how to handle social and people