Looking for support

SkiGeek

Hi everyone.

I recently returned to MFP after a long hiatus.

For years, I have had a very bad Relationship with food/body image. (Binge/starvation/psych problems, rinse, repeat) and it took a long time to find a balance with it. I'm not saying I'm perfect (I still have lots of weight to lose, I still get super anxious at time, especially at weight-ins) and don't even start me on clothes shopping (crying in the changing booth, wanting to die, you know, awesome way love yourself...)

It took me a while, but what really saved me was skiing. I used to ski a lot when I was a kid but stopped for close to 20 years. Two years ago, going back on the slopes was hard and scary, so I rented gear (quickly bought my own boots though) but I made it my mantra to go slow, listen to my body. I was NOT competing against anyone (especially not myself at first). But I was there to have fun, and if I go one or two slopes one evening, so be it. The next one I would try to do more, and more, and so on and so on. Until by the end of the winter, I was able to ski for 3 hours without stopping other than chairlifts and was more confidant on intermediate slopes. Even finished with a few expert.

This in itself took a lot of effort for me (former competitive athlete) but I managed to finish the season without breaking anything and keeping the main goal to ‘’have fun, get out, take some fresh air’’

Overall, this made me lose about 30+ pounds. I know I probably gained back a few but it’s still lower than when I started.

Last season was even better, I didin't really lose weight I think (I haven't checked in months), but I lost inches (since I couldn't wear my first pair of ski pants) and I had way more endurance and improved my technique. ((I ski around 3 evening a week and one day on the weekends... not enough for me but what can I do)

Now my biggest worry is that I’m back on here, I know I need to weight myself and take measurement and it scares me like you wouldn’t believe. I’m worried if I see the numbers I’ll realize how fat I am and that I’ll be hopeless and binge… ooooor become obsessive over it and starve again (which would be bad) and weight myself twice a day and freak out at every gram.

I’m still working a lot on that… So if anyone has tips or ideas how to overcome this crippling fear, or how to avoid saying ‘’F***it I’ll eat as much as I want’’ or ‘’I got to stop eating!’’ I’m all ears

Hoshiko

What are your goals? In other words, why are you back on MFP?

I overcame my scale anxiety by weighing and tracking fluctuations every day with Libra, but in your case it sounds like it might be counter-productive right now. Weight naturally goes up and down depending on the hour, day or week. You're in a good place mentally, no need to push yourself too far too fast. Is there something else you can use as a measure of success? Measuring once a month?

Personally, the thing that is saving my sanity is that my biggest goal right now is logging accurately and daily. I set my deficit for 1 lb/week and if I go over my calories for the day I don't beat myself up over it, but I DO log it. It takes the pressure off and helps me focus on realistic goals. I'm not perfect, and this way of thinking has helped me lose 40 lbs so far. I know that as long as I'm eating below my maintenance calories I will eventually lose weight, even if the scale is up because I'm extra sore or ate a lot of salt.

It sounds like you're approaching skiing from a position of health and personal happiness. It comes through in your words how much you love it and value your progress. It is possible to approach weight loss the same way and still be successful, and shifting your focus to consistency rather than restriction could help you. In other words, make your goals with food about getting in a decent range of calories to support your activities and make the measurable component about logging instead of a scale weight, just until you start to trust the process.

Ok, I edited to add: I have two friends who were in your same situation. One deals with it by weighing once a month, and the other logs it every day so it's not some big surprise and she can see the fluctuations/patterns. There's no one right way to do it, just wanted to add that it's totally possible to go from anxious to ok with the scale.

SkiGeek

I stepped on the scale yesterday after work (and dinner) and this morning. I'm angry I gained weight, -but- i'm also still fitting in my older jeans (that used to be too small for me -before- I gained weight) so it sucks but I -do- see I'm not at my worse and it helps me get motivated.

I'd be lying if I said losing weight wasn't a nice idea! It's a lovely goal, but i'm trying not to kick my self too hard over it. Finding the right balance between accepting my body (I had a very rough pregnancy, and it shows.)

Be healthier in general, less out of breath, getting rid of my back pain. I'd like to set goals that are activity related for a while. Like i -just- started rollerblading (yesterday was my second time) and I do 30 minutes. I still have a-lot- to learn, but I'm logging my time/distance (with my cellphone) so I'll try to use that time/distance as a minimum and then go up from there. I'm sore from it so that's good!

I'll also take measurement to help when i'll start bodyweight training (I'm looking for a trainer near my new place to help me get started)

So yea.. be healthier, weight loss is just an awesome side effect ^^ (at least I'm trying to see it this way, but I'm not fooling my self lol)

leanta7

Hi, Ski Geek. I can relate! I don't want to see my numbers either. I've had shoulder problems for months and haven't been able to work out much--and the current situation isn't a good one.

Best of luck to you!

Lizonia

Hi Hoshiko, Thanks for mentioning the Libra app. Just downloaded and it is fun with trends and stats. I'm a numbers person and the progress graph is visual encouragement. Nice!