CRABY without my carbs!

truckluvingurl

2014/2015 I was 180 ish, 5'8" started MFP and got down to 126lbs. Got pregnant had a miscarriage 12/08/2016 During that time I was harped at that I wasn't at a healthy weight. I started to eat a little better, however, after the loss of my son I went into a DEEP depression and just didn't quit eating!
Sadly my jeans and clothes just don't fit anymore so I'm back BUT I'm SO FREAKING CRABBY! My bf can't do anything right even though he's great! He wasn't here when the miscarriage happened. Long story!
We'd be having our baby or would have had him right around this time. I try to keep conscious of this because I don't need to ride his butt all the time but I just CAN'T help how angry/crabby I am! He's quite literally ALL I have! Last thing I want to do is push him away! The whole miscarriage hasn't effected him like it has me. He doesn't get the pain and loss I feel.
I'm not worried about getting the weight off, once my mind's made up, I'll get there! Makes me really bummed seeing my clothes I can't wear and there's no good reason. Not like I got to go to term with my baby. Meanwhile the weather is getting warmer, I need my summer clothes to fit and ALL I want is to be able to eat my junk food, lay around and sleep and be angry and crabby.
I'm on day 4 of healthier eating and I still have NO energy! I don't feel like going out doing anything ever! I know I'm highly introverted but it can't stop me from my reasonability! I have to find and buy a house. Pack the other one and so on. Seems that procrastination keeps getting the better of me.
When is too much, literally too much!!??

pinuplove

I'm so sorry you lost your baby It's perfectly normal to mourn your loss. It's also (more or less) normal for him to (I'm trying to put this gently) be perhaps less affected than you were. You harbored a tiny life. Your body experienced the physical trauma of losing that life. It's very different, much more real for you. Please talk to your doctor and/or a therapist about the possibility of depression. Many of the feelings you've expressed here fit the bill. Take care of yourself (body and mind). The approach/passing of your due date is not doubt triggering some powerful feelings for you to deal with.

Luna3386

I'm sorry for your loss. I distinctly remember going thru this. I was pregnant again by that time so I didn't think it would be so hard. But it was.

Maybe focus on smaller changes. First, get some help if you need it.

Maybe right now, instead of trying to get into a deficit, just track what you are eating. Maybe you will notice how you reach for food when you are sad... Or how certain foods don't help you feel good. Then, when things get better, you can cut out 250-500 calories.

Feel free to add me.

Sara2652

I'm so sorry.
I think both @Luna3386 and @pinuplove have made good points. Talk to your doctor, talk to a therapist, talk about it here if you feel safe doing so. You have a lot to process.
I'm struggling too with controlling my crabbiness with the only person left in my life, so I'm going for very small deficits, just keeping up with logging and not letting go of my carbs anytime soon. I've gained a lot of weight this past year eating to medicate ( depression and agoraphobia). Honestly being fat is better than the alternative for me so I don't hold resentment toward myself for the weight gain but I'm now able to get back to tracking.