losing weight with husbands who love to cook and eat out
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My husband and I eat quite differently, and we cook differently, too-- but it doesn't jeapordize our relationship or my eating patterns because we communicate about it.
Also, we figured out a long time ago that "mealtime" is more about the "time" than it is about the "meal."
We eat different meals, but we make a point to share the time together. No biggie.
When a friend asked how we talk about eating and cooking differently without getting into an argument, my answer was, how can you turn it into an argument when it's not?!
"I'm making steak for dinner, with some sauteed mushrooms,. Want some?" he'll say.
"Ooh! I'll skip the steak but I'd love some mushrooms with the sauteed eggplant I'm planning" I'll say.
"Do you want some of the Mac and cheese I'm making as a side?" he'll ask.
"No thanks-- just make enough for yourself. Then I won't be tempted by oiey gooey carby deliciousness" I'll reply with a smile. "Do you want some eggplant?" I
"Not really my thing, but I'll try a bite if you make it," he'll answer.
What's hard about that?!4 -
Does your husband need to lose weight? If not, he may actually need to eat those types of food to get enough calories to maintain his weight. If that's the case, the advice here about taking small portions of the rich food and bulking out the meal with non starchy vegetables is spot on. Alternatively, cook a main that suits your needs (grilled or roasted meat and vegetables, for example) with extra sides for him. See if you can find a reasonable option at the restaurants you usually visit; otherwise, tell him you just need to eat out less often. After all, eating out is only fun if everyone can eat something (and while tricks like "box up half right away" are nice, they only work if half of the provided food is actually a meal you want to eat). Maybe he could save the really indulgent barbecue for "boys night out"?
If your husband *does* need to cut down on his calorie intake, you could consider taking up an active hobby together. Find recipes that sound yummy and just happen to be lower in calories. e.g. One of the foods we enjoyed a lot before I started counting calories was pasta carbonara. We probably had it once a week. I did the math one time and realized how little of it I could actually eat without breaking the calorie bank. So, now we make other pasta dishes. Mostly, we make our own meat + vegetable sauce with lots of vegetables in it. But we also tried spaghetti squash carbonara* and it was pretty tasty. Basically, I can either afford the pasta calories or the carbonara calories but not both (unless I want an itty bitty portion and a huge salad on the side).
*Contrary to some claims, spaghetti squash tastes nothing like pasta and its texture is nothing like pasta. But it's a tasty vegetable as long as you're not expecting pasta.2 -
I am very much in the same boat with my partner!
He was previously the head chef in a top restaurant and cooks the majority of our evening meals, which are huge and unhealthy, leading me to gain 4 stone since we got together 4 years ago.
His idea of a healthy meal, last nights example was a jacket potato with full fat houmous and half a pack of chorizo with salad etc, delicious but almost my full days calorie allowance!
He also needs to lose weight but finds that if he exercises very lightly once a week the lbs drop off. I play intensive sports for 1.5hr x 3 per week and have not lost a lb due to my diet.2 -
rheddmobile wrote: »I'm in Memphis, so you have my sympathy about the pizza and BBQ places. In other states, even a pizza place typically has salads as well, but not here! Many of our restaurants serve their only vegetables deep fried.
My advice is to show him the math. Log everything you eat for a normal week of his meals, figure out your recommended caloric intake, and then show him how much his foods are in terms of what you are allowed to eat. It's possible he just doesn't realize quite how few calories a post menopausal woman needs, and how fattening his favorite foods are.
tHANKS... It's hard to meet friends for a night out when the only places are fried or pizza!0 -
SusanMFindlay wrote: »Does your husband need to lose weight? If not, he may actually need to eat those types of food to get enough calories to maintain his weight. If that's the case, the advice here about taking small portions of the rich food and bulking out the meal with non starchy vegetables is spot on. Alternatively, cook a main that suits your needs (grilled or roasted meat and vegetables, for example) with extra sides for him. See if you can find a reasonable option at the restaurants you usually visit; otherwise, tell him you just need to eat out less often. After all, eating out is only fun if everyone can eat something (and while tricks like "box up half right away" are nice, they only work if half of the provided food is actually a meal you want to eat). Maybe he could save the really indulgent barbecue for "boys night out"?
If your husband *does* need to cut down on his calorie intake, you could consider taking up an active hobby together. Find recipes that sound yummy and just happen to be lower in calories. e.g. One of the foods we enjoyed a lot before I started counting calories was pasta carbonara. We probably had it once a week. I did the math one time and realized how little of it I could actually eat without breaking the calorie bank. So, now we make other pasta dishes. Mostly, we make our own meat + vegetable sauce with lots of vegetables in it. But we also tried spaghetti squash carbonara* and it was pretty tasty. Basically, I can either afford the pasta calories or the carbonara calories but not both (unless I want an itty bitty portion and a huge salad on the side).
*Contrary to some claims, spaghetti squash tastes nothing like pasta and its texture is nothing like pasta. But it's a tasty vegetable as long as you're not expecting pasta.
Thanks. He does need to lose weight, and he has been on WW before (unsuccessful), one of those chiropractor's diets (lost a lot; put more back on) but he's quite happy and has no intention of changing his lifestyle--even though he is already taking diabetic pills. I have had the "come to jesus talk" with him and he just isn't going to change. I've decided I could nag him forever and waste my time and ruin a 43 year old friendship/marriage or make myself change.0 -
josieliverpool wrote: »I am very much in the same boat with my partner!
He was previously the head chef in a top restaurant and cooks the majority of our evening meals, which are huge and unhealthy, leading me to gain 4 stone since we got together 4 years ago.
His idea of a healthy meal, last nights example was a jacket potato with full fat houmous and half a pack of chorizo with salad etc, delicious but almost my full days calorie allowance!
He also needs to lose weight but finds that if he exercises very lightly once a week the lbs drop off. I play intensive sports for 1.5hr x 3 per week and have not lost a lb due to my diet.
Yes. I can relate!0 -
Thank you to all who have responded. I returned the healthy eating books and I'll just try to find great menus online. I've rejoined the YMCA and signed up with a trainer. I had my first meet today and I'm pretty healthy but need to drop some pounds. She calculated that 130 would be correct for me, but we both agree that 130 is too light for me at my height. I'm 173 lbs right now. I'd love to be 150 and 140 would thrill me. Anyway, I read everyone's posts and I appreciate everyone's comments, even if I didn't personally reply to you.
Thank you all for replying and giving me a kick in the butt.
Keep kicking!
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SusanMFindlay wrote: »Does your husband need to lose weight? If not, he may actually need to eat those types of food to get enough calories to maintain his weight. If that's the case, the advice here about taking small portions of the rich food and bulking out the meal with non starchy vegetables is spot on. Alternatively, cook a main that suits your needs (grilled or roasted meat and vegetables, for example) with extra sides for him. See if you can find a reasonable option at the restaurants you usually visit; otherwise, tell him you just need to eat out less often. After all, eating out is only fun if everyone can eat something (and while tricks like "box up half right away" are nice, they only work if half of the provided food is actually a meal you want to eat). Maybe he could save the really indulgent barbecue for "boys night out"?
If your husband *does* need to cut down on his calorie intake, you could consider taking up an active hobby together. Find recipes that sound yummy and just happen to be lower in calories. e.g. One of the foods we enjoyed a lot before I started counting calories was pasta carbonara. We probably had it once a week. I did the math one time and realized how little of it I could actually eat without breaking the calorie bank. So, now we make other pasta dishes. Mostly, we make our own meat + vegetable sauce with lots of vegetables in it. But we also tried spaghetti squash carbonara* and it was pretty tasty. Basically, I can either afford the pasta calories or the carbonara calories but not both (unless I want an itty bitty portion and a huge salad on the side).
*Contrary to some claims, spaghetti squash tastes nothing like pasta and its texture is nothing like pasta. But it's a tasty vegetable as long as you're not expecting pasta.
Thanks. He does need to lose weight, and he has been on WW before (unsuccessful), one of those chiropractor's diets (lost a lot; put more back on) but he's quite happy and has no intention of changing his lifestyle--even though he is already taking diabetic pills. I have had the "come to jesus talk" with him and he just isn't going to change. I've decided I could nag him forever and waste my time and ruin a 43 year old friendship/marriage or make myself change.
Good to know! I just needed to throw out the possibility that he actually needed to eat that much - because some big active guys really do, and that can get forgotten around here. In your situation, you're absolutely right. You do you and let him do him.
FWIW, my husband has lost quite a bit of weight as a side effect of me calorie counting without having to make any real concessions outside of "we eat out less". It's amazing how many calories you can save by eating out less (unless you're one of the fortunate few who have a yummy low-cal option available) - or even by switching from certain restaurants to other ones. Admittedly, we're leaning more on our lower calorie favourites and less on our higher calorie favourites - but we frequently have meals like roast potatoes, roast beef (or chicken or pork) and veg - which is what he likes to eat best anyway. He just has to remember to let me take my asparagus *before* he dumps all the butter on his. And his pile of potatoes is way bigger than mine.
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I feel your pain. My husband is a big eater and loves BBQ joints. I love to eat too and try to just portion control. And my mother, who has never been overweight, says if she eats a lot at one meal, she eats less at the next meal and if she eats a lot one day, the next day she eats like a bird. She is VERY disciplined. Lol. I did not inherit that gene, unfortunately.0
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Eat real food, not too much, mostly plants...2
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I do know that males are despised in this country. I didn't know it was because some of us cook your food. For you.0
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I do know that males are despised in this country. I didn't know it was because some of us cook your food. For you.
I don't know you so I must assume you are a "joker" in this community.0 -
I feel your pain. My husband is a big eater and loves BBQ joints. I love to eat too and try to just portion control. And my mother, who has never been overweight, says if she eats a lot at one meal, she eats less at the next meal and if she eats a lot one day, the next day she eats like a bird. She is VERY disciplined. Lol. I did not inherit that gene, unfortunately.
In The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person, Dr Beck talks about 'naturally thin' people doing this without thinking about it.2 -
Goober1142 wrote: »Eat real food, not too much, mostly plants...
Always nice to meet another Michael Pollan fan 0 -
Be grateful your husband loves to cook!1
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Interesting. My daughter lost 40 lbs by "clean eating." I'll have to find out what she really means by that. It could be completely different from my impression.
Jemhh-- Most places where we live are pizza joints and bbq joints. Their menus are quite simple and going elsewhere is quite a drive.
Lounmoun -- I have to figure that out more, that's for sure!Thank you to all who have responded. I returned the healthy eating books and I'll just try to find great menus online. I've rejoined the YMCA and signed up with a trainer. I had my first meet today and I'm pretty healthy but need to drop some pounds. She calculated that 130 would be correct for me, but we both agree that 130 is too light for me at my height. I'm 173 lbs right now. I'd love to be 150 and 140 would thrill me. Anyway, I read everyone's posts and I appreciate everyone's comments, even if I didn't personally reply to you.
Thank you all for replying and giving me a kick in the butt.
Keep kicking!
Look up some Mediterranean diet or DASH diet books, the AHA recommends them. But you don't have to stick with them. Use them for ideas.1 -
I am! He is the better chefBe grateful your husband loves to cook! He just loves to make the comfort foods he grew up with and those consist of a lot of dough, potatoes, and carbs.
However, things may have changed Friday. He returned from a doctor appointment with results that he is way too close to being a diabetic. He finally started to read labels with me at the market. Hopefully, it continues.
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I am! He is the better chefBe grateful your husband loves to cook! He just loves to make the comfort foods he grew up with and those consist of a lot of dough, potatoes, and carbs.
However, things may have changed Friday. He returned from a doctor appointment with results that he is way too close to being a diabetic. He finally started to read labels with me at the market. Hopefully, it continues.
I'm sorry this happened to him. I was in that position too. I actually had just started working with my trainer when I found out. Weight loss and exercise turned everything around in 2-3 months. The two of you together can learn how to make healthier modifications to the things he loves. If he tries to completely reverse his eating, he may feel frustrated & give up.3
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