Having memorial day bbq with a saboteur

carrieoffen

my mother, well intentioned, but is always pushing food on me. She believes women of our family are born and destined to be big.

i know so far shes making hulu chicken (?), fruit salad, corn on the cob and grilled veggies. So i think i can track and eyeball portions but i dont know how to account for unknown extra (like butter on the veggies).

And i just need sone inner mantra when shes starts pushing food on me.

mom216

mantra.... I am kind and loving to myself. Today I choose to take care of myself.

Penthesilea514

You could also bring something to share, that way you can eat part of what she made that you can estimate and eat some of what you brought. A summer salad, veggies, etc. Or try to eat lightly in the morning so that you can have the bulk of your calories at the BBQ.

That is hard though, to have someone push food on you. Usually I say something like I am full and everything was delicious and thank you. If someone pushes harder, I say I will take some leftovers home (and then either portion them out or toss them). If you haven't had a clear conversation with her (it sounds like you may have) but if not and she won't stop, then let her know how you feel. I am so sorry that she is not supportive, but you are in this for your health and you can't please everyone. That is something I would try to remember in those situations too.

Good luck.

toxikon

She thinks women in your family are destined to always be fat? Prove her wrong. Break the cycle. That should provide lots of motivation for you!

Bring along a healthy side or two. A nice big salad is always well-accepted!

Accept that you're probably going to go over calories and make adjustments to make it work. Eat a smaller breakfast and lunch (or just skip a meal all together), hit the gym harder, or eat fewer calories the day before and the day following.

You can do this!

broseidonkingofbrocean

Just enjoy the day with your family. Eat whatever you want. For things like family outings, going out to eat with friends, and things of that nature. I just enjoy my time and rather not think about calories. Life is about enjoying yourself and in the grand scheme of things 1 day isn't going to ruin anything.

NoLimitFemme

What are you bringing to the BBQ? Don't put butter and salt on the corn on the cob. Fruit salad is a great option if she's not putting sweet sauces into it. Why not arrive early and offer to help with the prep ... you'll be able to see exactly what's in everything.

sseqwnp

Why 2 fruit salads?

carrieoffen

To those asking what me bringing a side, i have a bolt house creamy balsamic dressing i think could make a dynamite coleslaw.

carrieoffen

sseqwnp wrote: »

Why 2 fruit salads?

OOPS. fixed, thank you

jemhh

I would take a veggie tray (or your coleslaw) and skip the veggies.

What does she do to push food? Is it offering more helpings ("No thanks," and then start talking about something else) or walking by and flinging butter into your beans or what?

AKARUTHIE

I'm so sorry. Too many of us seem to have one deliberate underminer (when MIL makes omelettes she uses 3x more butter on mine than everyone else ) Around the truly obstinate folks, I load up a huge plate with the most fattening things; pick a bit here and there for awhile, then toss the whole thing when they're elsewhere. My mantra is: "the woman who has Gout and Diabetes will *not* dictate my food choices"! Sigh. Hang in there.

Need2Exerc1se

That sounds like a fairly healthy menu. I'd just eat normal portions and then say "Mom, that was delicious! Thank you." If she pushed me to eat more, I'd say "Oh, I would if I could but I am stuffed. If I eat one more bite I think I'll explode."

Macy9336

My MIL is like that...she's Italian and it's always full fat everything and manja manja you're too tiny. It was really bad when we were newlyweds because she was convinced I was too thin and that was causing the no grandbabies thing ( she's traditional catholic so you do not even speak of birth control in her hearing). So she was always concerned about my "health" and suggesting I eat more so I'd "fill out". Sigh.
What I tend to do is eat a bit and then praise it and ask to take some home. MIL will pack enough to feed an army. I'll take it home and dutifully nibble on it the next day so I can say with honesty how good the leftovers were and then toss the rest. For some reason, eating a bit but taking home a pile makes her feel really good and that she's feeding me well. I think she gets depressed if she makes all this food and then it sits at home unwanted.

susanp57

I was curious, so I googled. It's Huli Huli Chicken, a Hawaiian dish. It's a real thing. Here's a Link, one of many:

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/grilled-huli-huli-chicken

Lounmoun

Remember that it is one day. Have a maintenance calorie day.
Eat lighter your other meals that day or the day before and/or after. Look at your weekly calorie intake.
Take reasonable portions of food you want and then stop eating. Say you are full. Get busy with something else. Pop some mint gum in your mouth.
Get some exercise before, during or after the event. Help set up/clean up. Play active games instead of sitting. Go for a walk.

debtay123

I was just about to suggest banking some calories by eating less for a few days - and as the others have said bring a little something too like your coleslaw- eat some of all of it- and take some home to be polite if need be- I'm sure chuch family, elderly neighbors or someone who knows you would love the leftovers

Rebecca0224

I have found that always having some kind of foid with me helps. We did a family gathering last weekend and I kept a plate with vegetables and cheese with me and no one said anything about how much I was eating.

WinoGelato

Family barbecues, special events, holidays, birthdays, random happy hours, girls night out, date night, ice cream sundaes in the summer time are all things that are an important part of my life and as such, I wasn't willing to give them up or drastically change my habits because I was working on losing weight. I bank calories during the week when I know there's something like this coming up, I exercise that day, I make smart choices (prioritizing eating the things that I really love and passing on things not worth the calories), I drink plenty of water and enjoy myself. I log it, and don't sweat it. 4 years here and I reached my goal and am now in maintenance and never felt like I was deprived, never felt someone was trying to sabotage my efforts, etc.

Enjoy the BBQ and the time with your family.

Ironandwine69

How dare she make yummy food.
My mom forces food down my throat every weekend, telling me how I'm getting too skinny

Tried30UserNames

Eat slowly. If you always have food on your plate and are still chewing, she won't need to offer you more food.

nowine4me

All that stuff sound fairly healthy and delicious. Watch your portions and drink lots of water.