Trying to foster a healthy relationship (ED trigger)

Hanxa13

Hi... So, I'm a little bit of a mess, really. Yes, I want to lose weight, but that isn't my motivator right now. I'm here because I want to get a healthy relationship with food.

At the moment, I can't normally complete days on MFP. I'm not doing too well with depression and anxiety brought on through PTSD and don't always make 500 calories a day, let alone something reasonable. It's not over body image... I almost wish it was as it would be easier, I think, to treat, but right now, the thought of food makes me sick and stressed.

What doesn't help is that I also have pica. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a compulsion to eat non-food items or food items in an unnatural way. For me, it is paper, ice, soil and rust (though I will also go for plastic or metal or graphite... It's quite extensive). Especially paper as it is always at hand. I've had this to varying degrees since I was 8 and it is not related to any deficiencies. It's not a priority to treat right now, but it doesn't help when it comes to real food so I'm trying to tackle it to some degree.

So MFP for me is about trying to eat more but also trying to keep it healthy. Even if it has been an unhealthy day, the reward of being able to complete my diary is so satisfying. It may seem like it means nothing, but to me it means I have accomplished something I have been struggling with.

Here's hoping I can make some progress. A food diary is a positive reinforcement when I'm making progress and a reminder to try for something, anything, when I'm struggling.