How to over feeling intimated and/or embarrassed at the gym?

abbynormalartist

I've only been to a gym a couple times before (honestly- like twice) but I really want to start lifting. I want to lift free weights and move forward with a beginners program so I can have some structure and hopefully see progress in my strength. I went to a big gym yesterday and it was, mentally, incredibly difficult! I was scared to go near free weights so I jogged on the treadmill for a few minutes first. When I finally got up the nerve to go to the weights I could only manage two 5lb plates for bench press. I was sweating and shaking and at my max after just a few reps. It was crazy embarrassing! I know I have to start somewhere and I'm committed to going back but I feel so out of my element. Any suggestions on how to get over this irrational fear?

JoRocka

hair of the dog- do more of the thing.

You'll get over feeling so scared when you feel far more comfortable with what you have to do. write down what you want to do- then go do it.

Penthesilea514

If you are nervous about how to do the weights, maybe a 1 time PT session with a trainer so you are more comfortable and make sure you have proper form? I find that once I know I am at least doing the exercise correctly, I feel more comfortable. Also, having a firm plan of attack (aka planned workout) helps. Otherwise, you will really only get more comfortable the longer you do it and get used to it.

SuzySunshine99

As far as being embarrassed, just know that everyone at the gym is doing their own thing and not really paying attention to you.
People only notice you at the gym if you're being an inconsiderate jerk.

quiksylver296

Great job on getting into the weight room!

What I found works:

1. Find a weight lifting app that tells you what to do. Having a plan makes it easier. Stronglifts.com has a great app that is easy to use and follow.
2. Put together a great workout playlist. Put your headphones in.
3. Go to work!

Shanel0916

Wear a hat to cover your eyes and stay focused on the task.

nomorepuke

Don't compare yourself to ANYONE. Sure! The gals and the guys who have this intimidating bodies. What's so different about you and them? Time! They're just a couple of years ahead of you. Everyone started somewhere. Being vulnerable is power. Go out there in the weight area, do your planned workout, mess up and get right back into it! People resent others who act like the experts (cocky ) If you mess up, you think you'd look stupid? No! It makes you human! Do not con yourself out of an amazing opportunity just because you're intimidated. You will feel much comfortable in a few weeks.
( I've had the same problem. I felt ashamed, I couldn't focus on my work out. So I started watching videos on YouTube in order to learn proper forms. Have a steady work out plan. Do not lift too heavy at first. As you get stronger, that will come naturally. Once you're in the zone. The last thing you will think about is what other people thinking about you.)
Best of luck

gearhead426hemi

Get noise canceling headphones. Create playlist that gets you pumped. Focus on your workout only and ignore everyone else. Just remember you are doing this for you not for everyone else so just focus on you.

nomorepuke

See, I wouldn't recommend headphones or a hat either. It's like masking your fear. Face your fear and be vulnerable. Plus, people waste so much time shuffling thru their damn iPhones,iPods or what have you. Go out there with a bottle of water, a notebook and a pen and work out and get the hell out. You should be working hard at the gym not hanging out at the gym.

upforthecount

Lots of good advice above. Please don't be embarrassed. Every one was new to the free weight area at some point in their life. Maybe find a workout partner to relieve the stress? Good form is important, especially when you are first starting a lifting program. Develop proper form at the beginning so as you age you won't get injured from using bad form with heavier weight.

JennyNelson2

Here is the tough love! No one gives a hoot about you and what you can or can't do at the gym. Everyone is on their own journey and is focussed on their own plan and progress. Everyone has started at the beginning so the skinny chick in the corner lifting really heavy weights may have lost 50kgs. Or she may be gaining muscle as she has always been so thin. No one will judge you in reality and if they do change gym. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't try to do too much to start. Getting your form right from the start is so important. Get a good trainer to help you. Also every one has strengths and weaknesses so what one person finds easy another will struggle with. So don't compare yourself to anyone else. Start your own journey and enjoy it. Laugh and breathe and it will all become easier.

JeromeBarry1

You know you're over that feeling when you're waiting for some bro to rest between his sets somewhere other than your bench.

girlgroves

Honestly - I felt exactly the same. I was desperate to lift free weights, but too intimidated to go do it. I started off using the weights machines (I figured less chance of getting things terribly wrong?!) which helped me gain a lot in confidence. You've got some great advice here - it is nerve-wracking at first, but please keep at it - I promise, it will only get easier! I started the Stronglifts 5x5 programme about a month ago, they have a fab app you can download onto your phone, so you have a plan every time and know what you need to do, the Stronglifts website has really useful videos on form and I've written myself notes that I take with me each time to read in between sets. I booked a one-off personal trainer session to check I was doing it right, but the trainers on shift at the gym are always really obliging if I need any advice/help. I concentrate on me and what I'm doing and try not to look at anyone else - I get more confident and it gets easier and easier every time I go. If I, with my complete lack of experience, can do it (I didn't even know what a bench press was and struggled with the empty 20kg bar at first!) anyone can! Fake it 'til you make it!

abbynormalartist

@girlgroves - fake it 'til you make it might just be the mantra I live by for the next few months!

jessicapk

I like using the headphones and a preset playlist (so there is no fumbling) to zone other people out. For what I pay to join the gym, that time is MY time and, between the headphones and resting b**ch face, most people don't bother speaking to me. The other thing is to have a plan and a goal when you go in. Work for that goal with all you've got and you'll find that you'll stop paying attention to others. If you can do a session with a trainer or at least some kind of orientation, that would be a great help, too. I was super shy when I first started at the gym but all it took was headphones, some knowledge, and a plan. Also, don't forget that there are new people starting there every day. Don't ever think you're the only one.

girlgroves

@abbynormalartist - go for it! At 46, with two kids, absolutely minimal upper body strength (it feels like!) and a really embarrassing shy streak, it's working for me! I doubt I'll ever feel like I comfortably belong in the weights room, but I'm at the point where I can get in there, do what I need to do, and get out again - I can even now go ask to borrow what I call the baby plates (you know - the really tiny 1.25kg ones!?!) from terrifyingly massive chaps who are lifting 100s of kgs and patently not going to be needing them!
And I'm feeling fab about myself after every workout!! Just keep going

JoRocka

nomorepuke wrote: »

See, I wouldn't recommend headphones or a hat either. It's like masking your fear. Face your fear and be vulnerable. Plus, people waste so much time shuffling thru their damn iPhones,iPods or what have you. Go out there with a bottle of water, a notebook and a pen and work out and get the hell out. You should be working hard at the gym not hanging out at the gym.

It's managing. Not masking.

And who cares. It handles the problem- how do I get over this- it's a mechanism that allows OP to get in there and check the box.

If someone needs help handling their fear- going to see a therapist and tackling it in a responsible way is wise- just shoving yourself into a situation works for some but not all.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with headphones and a hat.

jesus Christ.

JoRocka

secondly- who gives a flying Fk if someone is hanging out at the gym? As long as they aren't in your way- what difference does it make to you?

Answer: none.

TR0berts

JoRocka wrote: »

secondly- who gives a flying Fk if someone is hanging out at the gym? As long as they aren't in your way- what difference does it make to you?

Answer: none.

Yeah. Possibly one of the easiest things to do to get used to going to the gym? Go and sit in the lobby (or whatever it may have) for a few minutes a few times. You're there. Then start doing things.

J_NY_Z

This is not an irrational fear. This is real. You feel embarrassed and there's no shame in that. But remember two things: 1.) Everyone started somewhere and 2.) they are all there for the same things. If you have questions, find someone who looks serious and ask them. You are just going to have to work into it. Don't give up. And also, get a lifting plan. Following a plan will help you focus and get to work. Try to avoid the creeps trying to flirt and be a distraction. I'm rambling, I know.

ShrinkingViolet1982

Literally the only time I ever notice or watch people at the gym is when they are being rude, loud or twits about how the etiquette goes. N00bs are a different story, as they don't yet know how to do (or not do) things nicely. I know what you mean though, I started out thinking the same thing, that everyone was watching me. It took awhile, but then I realized no one else cared what I was doing.