How to encourage positive body images in your daughters
LotusCass
Posts: 145 Member
I've had many people say to me that they think my dieting will not help encourage positive body images in my 2 girls. So many people say I don't need to worry about what I'm eating and put so much emphasis on it. I've been easily swayed by these people's perceptions in the past, but have now decided that this is what I want to do long term. My girls have both said to me at times that they're fat though. They're only 10 & 7 and tiny little things. I really try not to say anything about anyone being overweight or fat, I don't even know if they've ever heard me use that word, but maybe my focus on weight loss & healthy eating has impacted negatively on them. I want this to be a positive journey of body image, not a negative one. Wanting to eat well, feel and look better shouldn't be negative.
If you have daughters has your weight loss journey had any impact on them?
If you have daughters has your weight loss journey had any impact on them?
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What is your weight? How much are you trying to lose? What are your eating habits and what makes you think they're impacting your children negatively?0
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I disagree in general with what the crab bucket has told you, I think you're leading by example and showing them the effort required to be healthy and have a body and lifestyle that actually lets them be proud of themselves.
Loving yourself, and being in good physical health, are in my opinion, two different things. Keep working at improving and leading by example.1 -
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I don't have daughters but I have a mom that yoyo-ed as I was growing up. She NEVER said anything about her weight (in front of me at least) or mine. She would talk about how she felt better when she was losing, and she always focused on balanced diet and moderation with treats for us. I think she did an amazing job of focusing on the good healthy habits with us, never talking negative about herself, and never mentioning what she thought about my weight (I was about 10 pounds overweight in middle school). I think the fact that she never said anything about my weight but was happy to help me when I wanted to lose weight helped me immensely.3
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TavistockToad wrote: »What is your weight? How much are you trying to lose? What are your eating habits and what makes you think they're impacting your children negatively?
I currently weigh 156 lbs (down from 168) and am 5'5". I'm only slightly overweight but I'd like to get down to 140.
I've only said to my girls that I want to be healthier, and eat healthier. I have mentioned to other people in their presence that I wasn't happy with all the weight I'd put on recently, so they do know I'd like to lose weight.
I'm not crazy obsessed with my food, though I have been weighing food recently. Both girls have wanted to get on board with healthy eating too, and I made them salsa for their lunch boxes, which they were really happy with until my youngest got teased for having yukky green food for lunch. Then she didn't want to take a salad again.0 -
If anything my weight loss and fitness journey has helped teach my daughter that she is in charge of her physical state.
Unless a person was obsessed with unrealistic goals or forced strange diets and/or exercise on their kids I see parents improving themselves as nothing more than a great example.
Personally I've also made a point of telling my daughter that being around and healthy longer was greatly influenced by her and my desire to be active in her life long after she is an adult.3 -
I went from 202.5 to 150 in a year and my daughter only noticed at the end of that because we were putting together our annual photo book. She was 6/7 at the time but since she saw me every day she didn't notice me shrinking.
I try not to talk calories or weight loss in front of her. She's asked about the kitchen scale and I've just said it's to be sure I eat proper portions because I had problems doing that in the past.
I think that seeing me exercise and be active has had a bigger impact on her. To her that is the norm. She sometimes works out with me and we've been running together lately. My home gym is adjacent to the basement playroom. I remember one day when she had a friend over, they walked downstairs as I was lifting and the girl was flabbergasted to see me lifting weights. In turn, my daughter was confused by the girl's surprise. It was very cute and a bit of a proud moment.6 -
Luckily for me, my DD knows what I do for a living and I also work at her school. So I see how kids treat each other and I always give her daily feedback to how some of the girls act towards each other. You can't control their thoughts, you can only give feedback.
Here's something I did learn though. I did a paper back in college and it was on how females decided on "body image". What I found is that females who play a sport, aren't as concerned with their bodies as much as those who don't participate in any sport. There's a lot more to it than that, but I noticed when girls were in elementary school, many played like boys, ran around, climbed monkey bars, etc. and was trying to figure when the transition happened where they didn't participate anymore. Lot a cool stuff I learned.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I have a 15 year old daughter that is going through the typical teenage girl faze. She play volleyball, cheerleading and dance. She has never been the really skinny girl and never will she just isn't built that way. Some people forget that genetics play a HUGE role in how your body naturally grows and changes. Eating healthy and doing physical activity is just a better way to live. I hate how people these days are all about feelings and being afraid to tell and teach your kids the truth. Being obese causes so many other health problems that as a parent if you allow your kids to be obese you have set them up for failure. Now as kids grow their body will go through different phases of gaining weight, acne, and other changes. Just be honest with them and encourage them through those times. Let them know that everyone has been there. I tell my kids and my wife that I love them to much and want better for them then to allow them to get overweight and unhealthy.
What my wife and I to do with our kids is don't allow them to create unhealthy lifestyles or habits when they are young. Take them out and explore and show them the world and how many great things there are out there. Get them involved in eating healthy and staying active without telling them that is what you are doing. Turn things like cooking dinner into family time. Make eating right fun. We have a family cook book we started when the kids were around 5 and 7. We would pick a recipe online or from a book. We would make it as family and then vote as a family when we all sat down to eat. Is it a keeper or not? If so we would handwrite our own copy and put it in the family cook book. So now when we are planning meals we have our kids open the book or we pick new recipes to try. We have a small farm and are fortunate that we grow the majority of our fruits and vegetables and we raise our own goats, sheep, and chickens for butcher. We don't buy pop, chips or other snacks that most households do. We have a teenage boy that eats more than the other three in the house but we allow our kids to eat as many fruits and vegetables for snacks as they want. They don't even have to ask. So eating healthy for them has just become natural. Another thing that we do is we pick one day a week that we call " family day ". We turn off all electronics and spend the entire day as a family. We let the kids pick what to do. We give them a list of things the night before and let them pick. We can go hiking, mountain biking, walk down the beach, kayaking, or just go explore places we have never been. Now being active isn't thought of as a workout its family time. If I have worked a lot of overtime or we have been really busy around the farm our kids as if we can plan a family day.
Long story short I guess is that it is important to teach our kids to eat healthy and live a healthy lifestyle. It is your responsibility as their parent to lead by example and don't be afraid to be honest with them. You are right to lead by example with your daughters but still let them know that people come in all shapes and sizes. Let them know they are beautiful and you want them to live a long healthy life and enjoy everything the world has to offer.5 -
Luckily for me, my DD knows what I do for a living and I also work at her school. So I see how kids treat each other and I always give her daily feedback to how some of the girls act towards each other. You can't control their thoughts, you can only give feedback.
That's what I was wondering. Could the OP's daughters have started calling themselves fat because other girls in school were practicing the same behavior?
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Here's something I did learn though. I did a paper back in college and it was on how females decided on "body image". What I found is that females who play a sport, aren't as concerned with their bodies as much as those who don't participate in any sport. There's a lot more to it than that, but I noticed when girls were in elementary school, many played like boys, ran around, climbed monkey bars, etc. and was trying to figure when the transition happened where they didn't participate anymore. Lot a cool stuff I learned.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
My girls both do dancing & I wonder whether any of the body images issues may come from that. Dancers are so focused on their body because body type is considered such a big thing, particularly in ballet. So many girls who love dancing are told they're too big to be a good dancer. I worry about this too.0 -
I don't have daughters but I have a mom that yoyo-ed as I was growing up. She NEVER said anything about her weight (in front of me at least) or mine. She would talk about how she felt better when she was losing, and she always focused on balanced diet and moderation with treats for us. I think she did an amazing job of focusing on the good healthy habits with us, never talking negative about herself, and never mentioning what she thought about my weight (I was about 10 pounds overweight in middle school). I think the fact that she never said anything about my weight but was happy to help me when I wanted to lose weight helped me immensely.
This resonates with me so much. My mom never talked or fussed about her appearance, and I credit my relative lack of focus on the importance of that stuff to her behavior. I don't think there's any reason to keep kids in the dark about health and the disadvantages of carrying a lot of extra weight, but I think if vanity is the main focus of weight loss, it may be detrimental for kids to see that. There are a couple discussions related to this in the debate forum that you may be interested in.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10534953/fostering-a-positive-body-image-in-teens-and-dealing-with-potential-red-flags
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10551719/give-them-a-food-complex-or-teach-them-a-value-of-a-calorie
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How do you manage meals? It's much better for you to eat the same as everyone else (but in carefully disguised hidden portions - my plate is always as full as the others' just with different stuff ) if you all eat together.
Also, agree with others to say it shouldn't be mentioning calorie restriction/watching what you eat to the kids at all (even to say it's healthy) because they just don't understand. They don't have the capability. Exercise you can say is healthy because it's fun and moving more is always good for kids.
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I have only a 13 year old son, so the social pressure is different. But I find total honesty is best because they can and DO understand if you're open and explain why you are dieting. Exercise is easy too explain because everyone needs it for healthy heart, joints, disease prevention, and yes....weight.
I explain deficit and don't hide my diet at all and use it as a teaching tool in telling my son that weight isn't important, but that I've gained too much unhealthy FAT and that now I need to lose it to keep my heart and arteries clear, my body balanced (since too much fat stresses the organs and joints), and to live a longer life. I stress the importance of staying fit through exercise, fresh air, and healthy fats and moderate eating. I don't think anyone should hide calorie deficits or diets because it makes it seem like you're doing something wrong. I think it's better to stress the importance of a healthy diet vs crash dieting, fads, cleanses, and extreme exercise.
If teens think all diets are equal...they may choose whichever is fastest and promises miracle results if they were to need to lose some weight. And i think thats dangerous both physically and mentally. Better to be up front and ask the whole family for support and let them be "involved". It could prevent issues for them as well as teach them the healthy way, if they ever need it.1 -
OP -there's nothing you can do about what they hear at school, but PLEASE teach your daughters about nutrition at home. Not weight loss, not "healthy eating" but nutrition, and how to plan and prepare meals. I sure wish my parents had taught me and led by example. Have balanced snacks and meals at home, but also take them out for ice cream once in a while.3
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I wish my parents had talked to me about health and wellness as much as they talked to me about money management
Although honestly, I don't think they understood wellness either.
Growing up as a very active child, teenager and young adult I had no idea that I had to stop eating the same way and/or move more as I got older.
That said your use of the word diet rubs me wrong, I think it is important to get away from the word diet. This will also be helpful as your young adult needs the language to back away from peer pressue, i.e. "No thanks, I'm focusing on some needs for my health" goes over much better than "no thanks im on a diet"0 -
The best way to have a positive body image is to have a nice body.0
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I have 3 daughters. The 2 youngest are today 20 and 26 and live in my house. They were using myfitnesspal to log their food and exercise 2 years before I started doing it. I asked the 26-yo "Why didn't you tell me about myfitnesspal years ago?" Her reply was, "You would just ignore me." That hurt, but it's probably true.1
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Absolutely true. It's NOT uncommon for dancer's to have eating disorders. The industry focuses on body type which does suck to a point, but many dancers look to sites like PRO ANA and Thinspo to get advice on how to keep their weight down. I'd make sure they weren't frequenting those sites.Here's something I did learn though. I did a paper back in college and it was on how females decided on "body image". What I found is that females who play a sport, aren't as concerned with their bodies as much as those who don't participate in any sport. There's a lot more to it than that, but I noticed when girls were in elementary school, many played like boys, ran around, climbed monkey bars, etc. and was trying to figure when the transition happened where they didn't participate anymore. Lot a cool stuff I learned.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
My girls both do dancing & I wonder whether any of the body images issues may come from that. Dancers are so focused on their body because body type is considered such a big thing, particularly in ballet. So many girls who love dancing are told they're too big to be a good dancer. I worry about this too.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
0
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