Emotional Battle

maggiecsan

Hi everyone.

I haven't always been as overweight as I am now. I've struggled off and on throughout the years with my weight but 3 weeks ago I weighed in at my heaviest- 247 lbs. I was so ashamed of myself.

I gained about 70 lbs. after my mother passed away. Food was my comfort. Food and sleep. It seemed to happen so quickly. When I realized how much I had gained, I felt like it was too late and instead of making changes I tried the whole "love yourself the way you are" way of life...until recently when I was told by my doctor that some health problems I was experiencing were due to being overweight. It gave me the push I needed to finally decide that I am unhappy with how I look and feel and for three weeks I have been eating healthy and joined Planet Fitness. I'm determined. I'm excited. And I am impatient. I'm ready for my before and after. I'm ready to go to my doctor and show him that I meant it when I said I would commit to losing the weight. I'm ready to show the world that I did it.

But despite all of my excitiment and determination, I feel sad. I sat down and looked at my gut and cried, remembering how it got there in the first place. Remembering my mother who passed away, and feeling my grief creeping back in.

All of this is making me an emotional mess. Because of my past relationship with food....using it to comfort me...I am so scared of using food as a crutch again.

Has anyone else experienced this emotional rollercoaster while in the beginning stages of their lifestyle change? I'm hoping exercising will eventually make me feel better mentally as well as physically. Any tips from those who felt similarly for a newbie to keep me from backsliding?

_mglo_

I relate to this SO MUCH. I've signed in today after 8 months... 4 years ago I was at a great weight. I was dealing with a lot of problems, my brother passed away, food was my comfort - I gained 100 lbs. I want to cry when I think about it. How I let myself get to this point. I'm just so depressed everyday and don't want to go out and see people. I can't live like this anymore. I want to be happy again. Please add me as a friend and maybe we can support each other

maggiecsan

I sent you a request. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I tried therapy, EMDR (http://www.emdr.com), lifestyle challenges and medication to get the weight off in the past and always reverted back to my old eating habits.. I couldn't stick with any of it. Hopefully support MFP can help by having a little support group.

88olds

You are ok. You are on the right track, exercise will help you control your brain. An under control brain will control your eating.

You have to figure a way to deal with the time element. I look at several WL boards. Impatience with the process is the #1 killer of weight loss efforts.

I didn't exactly decide I loved myself at 285lbs, but I decided I was worthy of having the life I wanted to the extent it was in my control. I could see others control their weight, so it was a thing people could do.

And three cheers for determination. I would like to swap determination for motivation on this board. Motivation is overrated and temporary. Let the excitement die down. Stay determined.

We only get one life. You deserve to decide for yourself how you want to live it. But no one can or will give it to you. You have to go and get it. Good luck. Thank you for the thoughtful post.

Lyds8585

I can so relate with your story. Ive dealt with the emotional side of it as well
Hugs

tabletop_joe

@88olds 's post is pure gold. Join us on the determined side! The time will pass and the weight will go--just keep logging and working out. It takes a long time, but you'll take so much pride in the progress you make along the way.

As you learn other coping mechanisms, the emotional eating will stop too.

2011rocket3touring

Emotionally I hold alot of things in. I'm a man, it's what we do and as manly as I am I do it more than most.
What worked for me was ignoring results and focusing on the process, celebrating every clean meal, every good day. Thankfully the results followed, 50 lbs so far.

Geocitiesuser

Has anyone else experienced this emotional rollercoaster while in the beginning stages of their lifestyle change?

Down 130+ lbs and this is still an every day battle for me. The other night I was feeling really down for some reason (well, I know the reasons, anyhoot), all I wanted was to hide in a dark corner and gorge on junk food for comfort.

I didn't.

I talked myself through it. I loved myself. I reminded myself how food ACTUALLY makes me feel. When you eat for comfort and are bloated or sick after or the scale shoots up, how does that make you feel? Remember that feeling, so that next time you're struggling you can remind yourself how you only THINK food is comforting, in actuality it makes things worse.

Fathater36

Yes I do and even last month I was battling this. Not anymore I started dieting seriously on May 10th and in less than a month I lost 21 lbs thanks to healthy choices. I was 232 lbs, not far away from where you are now. So give it four weeks, dont listen to your wishes and you will succeed. Best wishes.

maggiecsan

Thank you all for your responses. I knew going into this that it would not be easy. Thank god for the Google and Pinterest, too because I've found a lot of yummy stuff to replace the bad-for-you foods that I always turned to. I will try to turn off my "I can't wait to be thinner" thinking and just treat my body well and be patient for results. Easier said than done but I'll get there!

KimbersNewLife

I too gained a lot of weight from emotional issues. I am in the process of losing it but I totally get what you mean it's so hard to look at myself and see my body for what it is now that I have ruined it. It's so hard to be patient but the weight is coming off and will continue to a little bit at a time. What helped me a lot is journaling there is a book called Women, Food, And God... it is NOT a religious book I promise but it is very helpful in dealing with emotional eating and the workbook that goes with it is amazing. It helped me so much I feel like a new person. I have new ways to cope now I REFUSE to do anymore emotional eating it's such a waste and so not worth it. Hang in there feel free to friend me.