Do I subconsciously want to stay fat?

AriesGal329

I was in a 14 year marriage that was not good. I'll spare you the details, but anyone who has lived with a selfish egomaniac with a temper can relate. I've been divorced for 2 years now and it's during this time I've gained about 15 pounds (I was already 15 pound overweight when we split up). I have little desire to date even though my friends and family keep encouraging me to. I keep using the excuse- well right now I'm at my highest weight ever and my body image isn't great, so I'll just wait until I get the weight off. Am I using my weight not to have to "go back out there"?

dutchandkiwi

Only you can answer that.
However I know that for me my weight kept me in the workplace that I did not feel happy anymore and felt trapped. It was not until I decided to take control of the one thing that I could control (me) that I started my journey here.

andyzee69

Possibly but I'm no psychologist. If you're looking to lose some weight then that's fine but don't let weight stop you from living your life. There were plenty of people out there who are overweight and still meet other people.

mrssie1223

@AriesGal329 Absolutely! Most overweight people, including myself, blame their fat for everything that's wrong in their lives when, in actuality, we use our fat as an invisible shield to keep ourselves protected from failure and disappointment. You don't have to start dating. Just go out and have some fun! You need time to just be you. You'll find someone when the time is right. Best of luck to you in your journey! Michelle

sporangia

I cannot answer that question for you, however, I can relate my own use of weight as a shield. Being overweight as a youngster was difficult and, later in life, I now prefer being ignored as an overweight person (a wallflower), as opposed to being slim and seeing the overly nice reaction of strangers as fake. So, yes, weight can be an emotional shield in life. However, I have to think about the use of fat as a shield from a rational perspective and remind myself that fat is unhealthy and will affect my quality and quantity of life. It will be costly in ways that I am no longer willing to support.

By the way, regarding whether to start dating, I think there's a lot of societal pressure to have a partner in life and that if we don't have a partner, we aren't happy. That's so not true! It can be a lot of fun to be on your own.

DebLaBounty

Maybe you are, maybe you're not. Why not try socializing more, and not dating? Take a look at meetup.com (which is NOT a dating site), select activities in the city where you live that you'd like to try, and you'll meet people with similar interests. I tried that and ended up meeting other women for coffee and chatting, and another group for taking hikes (co-ed). So I've met women and men to do things with. It was my experience that men were not there to find dates, just enjoying meeting others and participating in life. The women met once to walk a 5K. The hikers pick hikes of easy and moderate distances. Anyways, you can change your narrative for the busy-bodies in your life to emphasize that you're too busy and too happy with what you're doing to focus on looking for romance.

JeromeBarry1

AriesGal329 wrote: »

Am I using my weight not to have to "go back out there"?

Yes.

You are the boss of you, and you don't have to go back out there until you are ready to.

Now, have a talk with the boss of you about your weight, and ask what the boss wants you to do about it.

We'll be here to help you.