Weight Loss fear?

itwontletmehaveaname

My goal is to overall lose between 100 to 120 pounds. I'm 20 pounds down and feel so much better already, but i am starting to have doubts creep in and as ridiculous as it sounds- fear.
I have always, for as long as i can remember, been the fat funny friend. I honestly can not remember a time in my life where i was viewed as thin or remember thinking i was thin. It probably sounds so so stupid but the next 100 pounds seem so daunting and i am having trouble picturing myself as this new person. This has happened before and i've sabotaged myself but I don't want to do that anymore. I'm 32 and want to have a real life. Has anyone else ever experienced fear over losing weight before or feel overwhelmed with how much weight you have to lose? if so how have you dealt with it?

AliceDark

I think that's pretty normal. When I lost weight back in college, I was invested in being the curvy, nerdy girl, and I was worried about losing that identity.

What helped me was telling myself that I could always gain weight again if I didn't like myself in my new body. You're not necessarily committing to an entirely different life; weight is infinitely changeable. Why not try out losing more and seeing if you like it? Commit to doing it for now, as long as it works within the context of your life/habits/personality/etc., but you can always reevaluate if it takes you onto a track you're not comfortable with.

The other thing to remember is that you will still be the funny friend, and I'd bet that's the part that is important to the people around you. I don't think most of them will care if you're the fat funny friend, or the thin funny friend or the average-sized funny friend. It's the friend part they care about.

cecekins

AliceDark wrote: »

The other thing to remember is that you will still be the funny friend, and I'd bet that's the part that is important to the people around you. I don't think most of them will care if you're the fat funny friend, or the thin funny friend or the average-sized funny friend. It's the friend part they care about.

Such great advice! I too suffer from this paralyzing fear, and I think it's actually hindered my weight loss in the past. I've always been the "fat girl with the pretty face," or so I've been told.

I'm on a journey to lose 70 pounds. I've been overweight my entire adult life and I can't hardly imagine what it'll be like to be a healthy, average size. My fear is that people will look and treat me differently; maybe assume I'm more self-centered and obsessed with my own appearance.

To the OP: Losing weight is more about the physical changes. There will be significant mental changes as well, and seeking support is very important. Maybe you can write in a journal to sort out the feelings stuck in your head--I know that's been helping me. Good luck to you!

Tacklewasher

I was 330, and yeah, it was a bit overwhelming to start. But was never the "funny fat guy", so I didn't have that to lose. All I can say is that, while it seems overwhelming, take it a chunk at a time and focus on the smaller goals and not the end point.

Celebrate the small victories in some way. I bought a new bike at 90 lbs gone. Should be 100 lbs gone by vacation time so I'll take a break for those two weeks.

Moxie42

I get overwhelmed at the amount I want to lose (over 70 lbs) but I try to stop myself and think of it in 5 or 10-lb increments. First, I focused on getting under 200. Now, just barely under that, I'm focusing on getting to 190. When I'm reallllly overwhelmed, I think of it as one day at a time. I tell myself, "just for today, I am going to make good choices and stick to my calorie goal," and then the next day I say the same thing.

I'll admit I don't have a fear of succeeding but I have a horrible fear of failing, and that has lead to countless episodes of self-sabotage. I'm still struggling with that but focusing on the short-term goals does help.

gazellefish

Already love this thread - I was trying to explain to my trainer why it was so scary to lose weight. I haven't been sub-200lbs in probably 10 years? There's so much...unknown. What will I even look like?

Then the scarier issue - I could always say 'it's because I'm fat' as an excuse for things, whether it was dating, or someone being cruel, or whatever...but what if it's not because I'm fat? I'm not looking forward to that self-confrontation. These are the things that keep me self-sabotaging.

These are the things I'm fighting too, but now that I know them, I can fight them.

I agree with the others too - sometimes micro-goals are the way to go. 10lbs increments, just one day at a time, whatever it takes.

gothchiq

Sometimes you just have to take it a day at a time. Anticipating too far into the future is scary on top of which things seldom happen exactly the way you pictured.

Baby1Honey

Wow! Yes!!! That's me!!! (Sort of)
I realized through a bunch of therapy that I fear that if I lose the 75 pounds I want to lose, I'll have a bunch of options as far as men, and maybe I won't stay in my marriage or with my kids!?! My husband is great and we love each other still after 14 years married/16 years together. I haveno interest In leaving him. I love my family! But... (Because my mother left my father for a man with money, after losing 50+ pounds, which crushed my family!)
I worried that I'd repeat this behavior of hers and it's safer to just stay fat.
Such a mess!! Now that I've realized this fear, it's a day at a time to get healthier so I can be a better wife/mother & I'm lucky that my husband has jumped on board too! (He's already lost 30 pounds)
Now that I've realized how afraid I was and why, I feel like I can fight it harder!
Very brave this post is!!
Thanks for sharing!

Rusty740

Yeah, you can take some solace in confirmation that you are correct, it's going to feel very different. It really is going to change you and it will take some getting used to.

Here it is. You want this change; it's good for you. Your challenge is to be who you are. It's tough sometimes, but understand you're not alone. The good news is that after you become a new person, you feel like it, and over time, you'll like yourself better and think, "who was that person I used to be?" in a good way.

CTcutie

I can relate- I was afraid that if I was physically smaller, I would also be less significant as a person?!? It makes no sense, but obviously I found the opposite to be true. More attention was very strange at first, but it helped me to be more outgoing, not less.