Someone taught my toddler the s-word (skinny).

MessyApron

This morning I was helping my 2 year old out of her night clothes, and she said, "Look at my skinny legs!" Now, skinny is a word that just isn't part of our vocabulary, so I figure she must have heard it from an extended family member or a friend. It completely blindsided me. I don't like that she's already using negative words to describe her body, even if she doesn't yet understand the negative connotations of "skinny."

I'm not interested in going on a witch hunt to find out who she heard it from; it'd only stir up drama and place more importance on the word than it deserves. Instead I'll focus on teaching her a positive message.

"Your legs aren't skinny, baby, they're strong! Look how well your legs carry you when you walk and run and jump! What strong legs you have!"

Anyone have a similar experience? Or maybe any advice for fostering positive body image in young children?

WanderingRivers

What is wrong with skinny? It's an adjective like fat, tall, short, etc.

Geocitiesuser

If skinny is a negative word now this planet is doomed.

momofamadhouse

Treating "skinny" as a negative term is no different than treating "fat" negatively. Any negative connotations are most likely internalized. I think it's great to send positive messages, the way you did, emphasizing her body's abilities rather than encouraging self esteem based solely on physical appearance, but children do tend to be very literal and call it like they see it. To her, calling her legs skinny is simply an observation.

And yes, I have had a similar experience but at the other end of the spectrum. My son has Asperger's, and says whatever pops into his head. He is extremely bright and forthright about his observations (more so than typical children ) He is often vocal about physical differences whatever they may be (height, weight, race, ethnicity, etc.) and has made more than one remark in public that to him was an observation, but could have been easily misinterpreted by bystanders. Learning to navigate conversations with him was enlightening, and prepared me for the day he saw a weight loss pill commercial and turned to me and said, "Mommy, you need that because you are fat." In his mind he wasn't attaching emotional significance to the statement or the term "fat", and it was at this moment of uninhibited honesty from my 7 year old that I realized I needed to face the reality other people saw in me every day.

I think it's great that you are teaching your daughter body-positive messages. Please remember that "skinny" can be positive too!

MessyApron

@KurumiSophia I think I hear what you're saying - that we shouldn't allow words to affect the way we feel about ourselves, and I agree. However, that amount of emotional maturity eludes many of the adults I know, let alone children. Therefore I think the best thing for me to do at present is to continue to accentuate the positive.

WanderingRivers

I'm a survivor of verbal abuse among many other things so believe me when I say, I know how much words can hurt. At the same time though, if we are constantly attaching negative connotations to words that are not inherently negative, it does nothing but to limit our vocabulary and create issues where there are none.

Geocitiesuser

Being skinny is no less negative than being fat. You can't celebrate body positivity and then pick and choose what body types you think are negative or positive.

MessyApron

@Geocitiesuse It is true that skinny doesn't have negative connotations for everyone, and I am certainly not trying to blacken the word for anyone who likes it. For me, it has a negative connotation because of a childhood friend of mine who truly despised being called skinny growing up. She would never wear short-sleeve shirt or shorts because she thought her arms were "ugly and skinny."
I want my daughter to feel confident and unselfconscious, so I'm going to focus on body associations that are more universally positive.

ninerbuff

The reality in life is that kids are going to hear things from others. I work in a middle school as a yard duty and especially with girls, this is around the grade where they become very self conscious about their looks (I actually did a paper on this back when studying physiology). My DD is going into 8th grade this year and since she was little, we've always told her that regardless of how people view others, that she can't obsess about physical looks because there's only so much one can do about it.
What I can say and have observed about females, is that those that participate in some sort of group sport, don't seem to talk that much about body image as those that don't participate. This also held true when I've trained kids who looked to improve in their sport.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Geocitiesuser

So then why not teach that the word is positive. This all makes no sense. You don't want your child to be ashamed of being skinny, so you teach her that it is wrong to associate with being skinny? Wat. Skinny is an adjective. The only negative or positive implications are put there internally.


Even skinny ones!

MessyApron

@Geocitiesuser You seem to be operating under the misunderstanding that I'm maligning a body type and glorifying another. To further clarify, I haven't told her that skinny or fat or any of the other adjectives you've used are "bad," and I have no intention of demonizing them either.

kavahni

I love how you handled this! You affirmed your daughter's strength, and you also didn't shame the word "skinny," just turned it in a different direction. With girl-children it is a slippery slope with body image adjectives. She will have people in her life who are skinny, so making it a negative is problematic.

For me, "skinny" CAN veer into the realm of weight shame, eating disorders, and the privilege of the princess.

Affirming girls' strength and intelligence is so so so vital.

But, I have a boy-child and he's got a whole different set of adjectives to deal with.

MessyApron

@ninerbuff Thanks for the input. It sounds like a good approach.

Squatsandbench

MessyApron wrote: »

@Geocitiesuser You seem to be operating under the misunderstanding that I'm maligning a body type and glorifying another. To further clarify, I haven't told her that skinny or fat or any of the other adjectives you've used are "bad," and I have no intention of demonizing them either.

I personally like what you did. You told her she had strong legs and emphasised why she needs strong legs. Whether you like the word skinny or not is your personal preference. On balance, i would always encourage my kids to be "strong" as opposed to "skinny".

Well done you

MessyApron

@KurumiSophia I think I hear what you're saying. I'll take a closer look at my negative associations.
It's like the ancient stoics said - it's not what someone says that insults you, but rather your opinion that it was insulting