isolation when losing weight

lpadronkent

Hey everyone, this is my first post here but this is definitely not my first time facing this issue when attempting to lose weight and be healthy.
Many times when i embark a healthy lifestyle by eating healthy and exercising, i end up becoming a bit of a recluse.
let's face it, eating out is everyone's favorite social activity and eating out also means a lot of calories. unless i want to be THAT person ("dressing on the side, grilled chicken not fried, no cheese please") that everyone will comment on and then the annoying weight loss conversation begins.
even IF one orders by making healthy tweaks, one still doesn't know what ingredients were used, how much oil they used etc, and it's safe to assume it will still be kinda high in calories. i don't eat low calorie, i actually eat 1600/day and i think for that reason exactly i don't want to risk going over my calorie goal.

these thoughts drive me a little nutty, and for that reason i'd just rather not go out when attempting to lose weight, so i can make sure the only calories consumed are the ones i know I'm consuming. no pressure from friends to get sweets, to eat at a restaurant, to order a cocktail etc.

But of course these feelings are conflicting because ... what is the point of losing weight and being "hot" if i can't actually live life in a "hot" person's body? what's the point of looking good if I'm just going to hide in my apartment to keep up this look? i just cannot seem to find a balance. i've struggled with learning balance when it comes to food since i was little. i either underage or binge ate, but these past 2 years i only did binge eating and got to 190 lbs. now im finally getting thinner (by eating right and exercising, nothing drastic) and i just cannot wait to be in my leaner body


I'd really appreciate any advice on how to reframe my thinking to be more balanced and be able to see the shades of grey when it comes to weight loss.

JeromeBarry1

Since these days everybody in public is just staring at their smart phone, you could stare at pictures of food and sms "lol" and "mmm" to your friends.

On a more practical side, order the normal food and order a to-go box at the same time. When you get your normal food, put half or 1/3 of it into your to-go box. Whether you remember to take the box when you leave is up to you, but you can double the value of your $ if you get home with the box and use the contents of the box for another meal. Just tell your friends the portions are too much and give you reflux.

lpadronkent

that's actually kind of genius! lol... thank you

Alisonswim46

Make room for the things you absolutely love. Get rid of that guilt and shame. Often when we go out with friends it's because we are celebrating something. Having a healthy relationship with food is going to be more sustainable than any diet. And there is nothing wrong with a little celebration.

Do you love fried chicken? Than don't have that drink. Do you love that margarita and chips and salsa, than don't have 4 tacos! Have 1 or even two.

Be with your fiends and celebrate! Make room for the food you love and can't live without!

jgnatca

I get a regular order and eat very slowly. I focus on the conversation and keep my water filled. I sometimes get comments I should eat more but I just brush it off. I also like the idea of packaging half.

bbell1985

I'm reclusive when I'm cutting weight too. But I'm not on this "journey" for long, and I need to go pretty low for results. I just want to get it OVER with. I'd rather stay in and eat my stupid protein fluff on the weekend for two months and be done with it.

But I know how it feels. I'm like..."wow, I look pretty good" and at the same time "no, I don't want to go on a date" because alcohol and food. So I'm working hard to sit around by myself? I dunno.

So I was no help. Sorry.

chokhas

I think the trick is to order healthy do without people noticing. for example Italian restaurant instead of a heavy food eat the lower calories one like pasta with tomato sauce'instead with cream sauce. as you eat meat you can get the grilled fish squid etc.
a lot of restaurants also offer side that you can choose so you can'choose the salad or vegetables instead of fries.
I think always eating out salad is not very nice and the dressing can add too many calories so I usually skip salad n eat proper food. you can always adjust the calories on the day you eat out and the next one to balance the food.
eating the leftovers the next day if the portion size is too big is a good idea too

Meg035

Whatever you do, it needs to be something you can live with unless you want to gain it all back. I think a lot of dieters deprive themselves until they reach their goal and then they go back to old habits. Take baby steps. Dieting shouldn't be about giving things up (like delicious food and a social life); it should be about self care. Make choices with food that won't be destructive, leave you feeling bloated and filled with regret. And don't make choices that will leave your body feeling hungry either. Give your body what it needs and you'll feel great. This mindset will hopefully change the way you see the menu.

Hello_its_Dan

What would happen if you cooked weekly dinners for guests?
Then you'd have control over what you ate in that social setting.
Or
Eat a moderate diet, 70-80% whole foods, during the week hitting below your maintenance, then on the weekends when friends want to get together, go out and don't derp out.

EloquentSelfLoathing

Eating out can be tough but there are workarounds. Option one is to order starters and sides as a main or you can sometimes order half portions. Option two: it is ok to OCCASIONALLY eat whatever you want in a restaurant as long as you stick to your diet the rest of the time. Ordering water instead of another drink with a meal is also always a good idea. It's also best to stick to one course when dieting - that is if you have a main then no starters, sides, dessert or drinks with calories in. You don't have to make a big thing of it, just say you're feeling like a lighter meal. Even when I'm not dieting there are days when I'll order salad, sides or the "diet" option because I just don't fancy a lot of food. I've even ordered off the children's menu before to get a portion I could finish!
NOTE: also it is ok to be "that person" who asks for a dish to be made healthier; many of the changes you described are ones that people often make out of personal preference, whether dieting or not. Like I said, if people comment say you prefer it that way.
Once you have lost the weight, if you really pay attention to when you're feeling full and don't push through that you should be fine - even if you order a large high calorie meal, once you get to a certain weight it will likely be uncomfortable to eat all of it, so don't!
And remember, one night out every so often won't stop you from being at a deficit overall; your body doesn't actually use calories depending on the day you ate them and reset at midnight, it's the overall deficit that matters.

aemsley05

I find it helps to research in advance. If I'm going out for a meal, I'll look up the restaurant and menu beforehand and check out the nutritional information (if available) or look for suitable equivalents in the MFP database. It might not be super-accurate, but you should be able to get a rough idea of how many calories are in what. That way you can plan in advance what to order and plan the rest of your day's eating/exercise around it. I'll do a longer run or eat lighter snacks earlier in the day if I know I'm going to have a larger meal. That way you can fit the meal into your calorie goal and get rid of all that guilt or feeling like you have to deprive yourself and become a recluse.

buggleuh749

I have this problem too. And my friends like to go out for dinner and drinks ALL. THE. TIME. I'll go with them occasionally but losing weight is difficult enough without adding in restaurant food. Often times I'll just meet up with them after dinner. I feel better about my health which is my ultimate goal.

oolou

Along with the other great suggestions, perhaps you can also start to look for friends in different circles who don't meet up just to eat and drink, who perhaps are also looking to meet people socially but without the emphasis on food.

For example, I go to a book group that meets once a month and yes, there is a lunch, but they aren't bothered if I have a small portion as the reason for meeting is to chat and catch up with each other and then discuss a book. I also go to a theatre group once a week and again, yes there is a break and usually someone brings something yummy, but no one notices if I don't partake as the emphasis for the evening is not on food, but the plays we're rehearsing.

cj94404

Or join a crafting group (crafters don't snack!) Or a film club or hiking group. But also, the truth is your friends are probably not monitoring what you eat. I don't pay attention to what my friends eat at all. I don't count drinks either. Although I did have one friend who always brought home half her meal for her husband when we had a girls' night. Never occurred to me she was controlling her portions. I figured she was nice or they were on a budget so he skipped.