I am having a difficult time with comments.

janedoedont
janedoedont Posts: 11 Member
edited November 19 in Motivation and Support
Hi all,

I started watching my diet and exercising back in December. I've been trucking along, and doing well using MFP. I've mostly kept this all to myself, save for a few people close to me. I've not told my family, or coworkers.

I'm now at a point where I guess it is noticable and people have started making comments about how much I have lost. This is making me very uncomfortable. I clam up, turn beet-red, and usually walk away. I'm not really one to talk about personal things and I feel like this is very personal to me. I don't know what to say. I don't bring it up and I feel like they shouldn't either.

Help? How can I stop freaking out?

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    edited July 2017
    I agree with Tavis.

    It is uncomfortable when people mention my body or what I eat/drink/don't eat/drink. I think it's just a strong sense of personal boundaries. I am female, and I really dislike any man commenting on any part of my body. I'm not as put off by women, though I'd prefer it just stop completely.

    Since I can't control what other people do and say, I'm back to agreeing with Tavis.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    It is a highly personal question and people nose in all the time, often tinged with not a small dose of envy.

    Try this.

    "Thank you! It's been very hard but so worth it. And don't worry, it's not cancer."

    I say "Thank you" because it is a terrific achievement. I say, "It's been very hard" to let the inquirer off the hook for their own lack of progress.

    I've had to reassure a few people that my rapid weight loss was not due to some sort of fatal illness. But I spare them details. Because as you have correctly noted, this is a highly personal enterprise.

    Try and keep the embarrassment in check. Mean people will use it against you and it just confuses well-wishers.
  • nyponbell
    nyponbell Posts: 379 Member
    I struggle with this as well, I would prefer it if no one saw my body at all ever! I haven't made any headway on this round yet, but I know once I do people willstart to comment. I think in most cases it is well meaning (at least in my experience) and I try to remember that, breathe and just say thank you before moving on.

    Some great advice in this thread too on what to say! I especially like the idea of focusing on healthy living instead of the weight itself (as if that is secondary, which it might be).

    Good luck!
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    That can be a really awkward situation. It's okay for you to feel uncomfortable when people comment on your appearance; please don't feel worse because it makes you uncomfortable.

    Having said that, your goal in those situations should be to either create an opportunity for you to leave the conversation or to steer the conversation away from your appearance. If it's just a passing comment, it's fine for you to say "thank you; it's very kind of you to notice" or something to that effect. Don't bring up anything specific you've done or anything else about yourself, because that signals to the other person that it's an open topic for discussion. It's also completely fine to say "I don't really like to talk about it, but thank you for the compliment."
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
    Enjoy your success and be proud of it.
  • julie2038
    julie2038 Posts: 142 Member
    For myself I always wondered if people were talking about how heavy I was behind my back and then when I lost weight people started commenting that I was "losing weight and looking good," well that just verified that people were talking about me. But with this weight loss journey that I have been on, I have learned a lot about myself and for starters I realized I needed to get over those thoughts. I need to care about myself, be happy with where I'm at, big or small, and most importantly not worry about what people say. If I lose or gain this is my journey, my life, my choices. I truly am not bothered anymore by comments. That's growth for me. I hope you get there too.
  • T0M_K
    T0M_K Posts: 7,526 Member
    I had a guy I knew years ago who changed jobs and is now a car salesman say to me. "Oh Tom...you're a lot heavier than you were before, i didn't recognize you" Mind you the a alot heavier was about 25lbs at the time. What I wanted to say is "Hey Pete, your still as fat as ever and I think you may be even more bald". Some people just never say the right things. either way, good or bad, if it bothers you pass it off and forget it. by all means don't let anyone else dictate how you feel especially if its a bad feeling.

    I've lost the 25lbs and am a lot healthier, yet no one I know, family included has said a word. such is life. its not changing what i'm doing or what my goals are.

    Oh and Pete....the moron I spoke of...we were on the lot to buy a car. he didn't nor will ever get a sale from me.
  • Sunna_W
    Sunna_W Posts: 744 Member
    I am also a very private / introverted person and I dislike drawing attention to myself or talking about myself, so I understand how this is hard for you, when all you want to do is blend into your surroundings.

    One of the hardest things for me to do is accept a genuine compliment. It was suggested to me was that I practice saying "Thank you" and smiling in the mirror so that it wasn't forced or fake looking. If you live in the south, you could say, "Aw, thank you, bless your heart!" and move onto discussing the weather without missing a beat.

    I had to make sure that I had a question for them ready, so that I could turn the conversation away from me onto them. That also requires some pre-planning on your part, so that you are ready with ...."Enough about me, tell me about your grand babies, gall bladder surgery, etc. (or insert something here)."

    This is hard for me because in addition to being very introverted, I generally don't care very much for small talk and I suck at it.

    Congrats on people noticing, though! :)
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,534 Member
    Yup. Thanks and keep moving.

    When people asked me how I was losing, I said "The old fashioned way, diet and exercise".

    You've been doing the right thing, less said the better.
  • eyer0ll
    eyer0ll Posts: 313 Member
    OP, I feel your pain. It is beyond rude to comment on someone else's weight, full stop. You shouldn't have to try and convince yourself not to feel awkward -- they are the ones being impolite, not you.

    Since you can't control what dumb thing someone else is going to say, just be prepared to say, "Thank you," and either walk away or change the subject completely (if this is someone you actually have to maintain a relationship with). You can add a smile if you're up to it, but don't feel bad about immediately shutting down any possibility of further discussion.

    I personally don't think it's out of line to walk away without saying anything, either, but that may not work if these are people you have to deal with in the future.
  • starfruit132
    starfruit132 Posts: 291 Member
    "Thank you or thank you for noticing" is simple and usually ends the conversation. Most people have good intentions and know how hard it is to lose weight. If some pry - and there are always those who want to know how many pounds - you can just say I don't know or walk away.
  • janedoedont
    janedoedont Posts: 11 Member
    I had all but forgotten that I had posted this!

    Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and for all the great insight. I'll be sure to pack these suggestions with me when I head into these situations.
  • PaulaWallaDingDong
    PaulaWallaDingDong Posts: 4,641 Member
    I hate when people comment on my weight. At first it was encouraging. Now I want to crawl out of my skin and slither away, hoping they don't notice they're still talking to my hallowed-out flesh. I try to say "thanks" and tough it out, but that's wearing thin. I hope I start looking "normal" to them soon.
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    janedoedont wrote: »
    Hi all,

    I started watching my diet and exercising back in December. I've been trucking along, and doing well using MFP. I've mostly kept this all to myself, save for a few people close to me. I've not told my family, or coworkers.

    I'm now at a point where I guess it is noticable and people have started making comments about how much I have lost. This is making me very uncomfortable. I clam up, turn beet-red, and usually walk away. I'm not really one to talk about personal things and I feel like this is very personal to me. I don't know what to say. I don't bring it up and I feel like they shouldn't either.

    Help? How can I stop freaking out?

    I also have a hard time accepting compliments. If someone asks me if I have lost weight, I have learned to just say "Yes, I have been working on it" and leave it at that.

    If they say something like "you have lost weight, haven't you? Looking good" I just say "Thanks"

    If they press the issue and ask "how much?", I just say "not enough . . . still working on it"

    If they want to know how I am doing it, my answer always is "eating less and moving more".

    Any more in-depth questions, unless they are good friends or have already shared that they are losing too (get some of those at the gym), get a change of subject.
  • claudeCH67
    claudeCH67 Posts: 11 Member
    Your question really made me think about what it means to all of us human beings to accept a compliment. I could give some tips on standard answers. Funny, straight forward, thoughtful. But I think it's up to you how you want to react to other people.

    Me thinks, your question runs deeper. Much deeper. Why do you feel uncomfortable ? I looked up your profil and it made me kind of sad. ( in no way offended meant )

    You are UNIQUE! We all are unique. God's awesome creations. Some of us struggle with weight, some with this and some with that. At the end of day, we do struggle. Maybe that's the plan. So we can face the struggles and grow. Isn't life about growing ? To overcome challenges ? To reach out to others and ask for help, just like you did?

    I salute you for doing so. No matter your decision what to answer to other people. Always remember that you are OK and unique just how you are.

    I wish you confidence, strength and feel free to reach out to the community at any time, with any question. It's part of the process. And it will never stop. Such is life.

    Actually, by asking for help, you just helped me. I thought about something I wouldn't have done it otherwise. So, THANK YOU! Keep going ....


  • Wysewoman53
    Wysewoman53 Posts: 582 Member
    From my own experience, I have found it is very hard to take a compliment when one is offered. I've been with my husband for 45 years and we had been married about 10-15 years when I complained he never complimented me any more. What he told me changed how I took a compliment from then on. He said: "Why bother? You always make some disparaging remark about any compliment I give you so I quit giving them." Sometimes, when a person is very private or doesn't feel one deserves a compliment, we oftentimes block the compliment without even thinking.

    It's going to be very hard at first but with me, I just started by saying "Thank you" no matter how hard it was for me to do and leaving it at that. Since losing weight with all the people I know but rarely see anymore, whenever I run into one of them, of course it's noticeable so comments are going to be made...nothing I can do about that. So, I do my best to just thank them for noticing and moving on. If I'm asked how I did it, I just tell them I started watching calories and portion sizes and joined MFP. They also know I used to walk with a cane due to a very deteriorated hip and could barely move. When they ask about that, I tell them I had a hip replacement and am finally able to move again. Between watching calories and walking again, I have been able to be successful with weight loss is how I put it all together. Then I change the subject, making it about the other person and no longer about me.

    It is still uncomfortable even after all these years of 'practicing' saying "Thank you" but my philosophy is it's better for me to be a little uncomfortable by taking a compliment than to hurt someone feelings for giving me one. Weight loss may be a personal thing but it is also something anyone around you is going to notice. Do not give up working on yourself, no matter how uncomfortable compliments may be for you. It's really not about others, it really is only about you when it comes to your health and well being.
  • PaulaWallaDingDong
    PaulaWallaDingDong Posts: 4,641 Member
    cbeutler wrote: »
    Have fun and say Coke and Mexican diet pills

    This could actually work. I've been accused of losing weight because of a crack habit (which I don't have, and have never had). I'm assuming you meant cocaine and not Coca Cola. If I'm wrong, apologies.
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