No support system

beledi_belle
beledi_belle Posts: 3 Member
edited November 19 in Health and Weight Loss
What do you do when you have no family support? My husband makes me feel like there are things I should be doing instead of exercising - i.e. find a project around the house that needs to be done and do that instead. He thinks that me weighing and measuring my food is one step away from me throwing up in the bathroom. He tells me I have an obsession- I don't. I work out for about an hour to an hour and half most days. When I DO work out, the kids are constantly interrupting (I try to get up before the kids, but a lot of times it's hard to get up at 4:30 am). It feels like I'm constantly being shown (not necessarily told, but sometimes that happens) that my time, my health, and my self worth are less important than everything else. I'm just feeling so frustrated and discouraged. On top of that, I have been working out and watching what I eat for about 5 weeks and haven't seen the scale budge one pound. I'm not going to quit, but I am just angry/upset/frustrated.

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,454 Member
    Sounds like most peoples' lives.

    Since you have kids, why not do outside exercise with them? Play in the sprinkler, chase a frisbee, ride bikes, kayak, take walks in the park, run with a stroller. There are plenty of things you can do.

    If you want some time to yourself for purposeful exercise, you'll need to learn to insist on it. Get a sitter, leave the kids with their friends, whatever it takes. You deserve some alone time. Make it happen.

    That said, all you need is to eat a little less in order to lose weight.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    I agree with making time and making yourself a priority.

  • juliehmaui2016
    juliehmaui2016 Posts: 32 Member
    I'm not sure what to say other than of course your health is important. You are a better wife and mother when you are practicing a healthy lifestyle which includes exercising and eating right (which includes portion control). Children will learn from what their parents do so keep it up. As for the scale...hopefully it will move soon but in the meantime how do you feel? Hopefully you're feeling more energetic and in time you will see a difference.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    On the one hand, your husband may have a point about projects helping in weight loss - my mother does very little "intentional exercise" but because she spends so much time on the house, yard, and garden, her NEAT is very high and she hovers around Underweight.

    On the other hand, I do see how you are receiving the message that you have no right to Me Time. :(

    I wouldn't support you living in squalor while you are getting in your 90 minutes, but I doubt that is the case here. ;) This may be a topic for marriage counseling.

    Regarding weight loss, you did come to the right place! Since it's been 5 weeks, you should have seen some results on the scale. There are mistakes that people commonly make that cause them to not lose weight that we might be able to spot if you change your Diary Sharing settings to Public: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/account/diary_settings
  • Old_Cat_Lady
    Old_Cat_Lady Posts: 1,193 Member
    edited July 2017
    I lost weight without exercising. I don't want you to get a divorce over this. Reason for scale not moving might be that you are putting on muscle.
    I was tired enough vaccuming, mopping, washing clothes/bedsheets, washing cars, painting room, I even pressure washed and painted an 800 sq ft deck. All that counts as exercise.
  • icemom011
    icemom011 Posts: 999 Member
    TheWJordinWJordin wrote: »
    I lost weight without exercising. I don't want you to get a divorce over this. Reason for scale not moving might be that you are putting on muscle.
    I was tired enough vaccuming, mopping, washing clothes/bedsheets, washing cars, painting room, I even pressure washed and painted an 800 sq ft deck. All that counts as exercise.

    I doubt that you can put on much muscle with house work. Educate your husband, share your thoughts and goals, get him involved. Have him help with kids while you exercise or exercise with kids. When mine were little, we all loved spend time running around the playground, chasing each other, climb monkey bars. Enjoy and embrace that special time and find ways to have "you" time as well, because we all need that for our mental and physical well being. Keep in mind, that you don't need to exercise every day for 90 minutes to lose weight. In fact, every other day is plenty, your body needs recovery days too. In fact, i had injury and could not exercise at all for most of the time that i was losing. How much you eat is most important. Keep caloric deficit and bingo, you wwill shed pounds. Good luck!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    What I would do is talk to your husband about your needs and goals very specifically. Show him you have a healthy plan.
    Show him that a food scale and food diary are tools not signs of a disorder.

    If it is hard for you to get 1-1 1/2 hour workouts maybe try 10-30 minute workouts a couple of times a day instead or activities you can involve your family in- bike rides, hiking, sports. Cut back on the long workout sessions and get your calorie intake figured out.

    It is your body. You can lose weight if you want to without anyone else being enthusiastic about it.
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,169 Member
    edited July 2017
    This is a tough one, for sure. I don't know what to recommend about your husband's lack of support. With the kids, I would have a conversation with them about how Mom needs alone time to work out just like they need time to play. Explain to them what an emergency is, and tell them not to interrupt you unless there's an emergency. Tell them that if they interrupt you during your workout, you will put them in time out. Shut the door. If they interrupt you, follow through with the time out promise in a calm, matter of fact way. Then resume your workout. They should have the consequences, not you. Others might have a different opinion, but this worked for me.
  • beledi_belle
    beledi_belle Posts: 3 Member
    edited July 2017
    I appreciate all of the comments. I try to involve the kids when I can. I live in AZ, so with it being 95 degrees at 8 in the morning, going outside to play with them is hard, but I involve them when I can. I can't shut the door, because the treadmill is in the living room and my youngest is 2, so she doesn't understand my need for me time, but my oldest really tries to help and I let her know I appreciate that.
    I try to track my food carefully - my husband also refuses to eat healthy, so I have to make separate dinners, or make my own dinner when he wants fast food, but it's hard when the temptation is always there. When I try to talk to him about my goals, he gets defensive and says "fine, I just won't talk to you anymore" or something stupidly defensive like I'm blaming him and the kids because I can't lose weight. I'm not trying to place blame, but I wish he were more supportive.

    I opened my diary for perusing, if anyone wants to give me input - although I can say that I don't journal like I should.
  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,748 Member
    That's the first thing you need to work on then. Without knowing exactly how much you are eating, you have no way of knowing what you need to change in order to lose weight.
  • jessiferrrb
    jessiferrrb Posts: 1,758 Member
    and tighten up your logging. most days are half completed or blank. there's no point in half tracking.

    log everything, drinks, condiments, etc. use accurate entries from the database (compare with the label or the usda database), weigh solids since you have a scale and seem inclined to use it.

    it looks like you may be using a fitness tracker to auto-adjust for calories burned through activity. some people find them to be very accurate, others not so much. i found that relying on my fitbit slowed my progress but other people have found the opposite. when you're logging exercise in any way though, be conservative with your estimates until you know through experience what seems to be accurate.
  • KevHex
    KevHex Posts: 256 Member
    edited July 2017
    I agree with gebeziseva above. Your health is important and you should be getting more support rather than being pointed towards house projects and the like. Be honest with your husband and tell him what you want/need and tell him why. Keep going, we are here to try and give you some support.
  • vmbourg
    vmbourg Posts: 125 Member
    Is he nervous or jealous about potential weight loss? Maybe have a talk and see if he has some underlying feelings or fears about your new healthy lifestyle and explain to him why you are doing it.

    I have added a kid to my bunch recently, and unlike my first born, he isn't as easy to get a workout in with. I do bring them on walks but it's hit or miss if I have to stop. I do work over 40hrs a week and can't wake up any earlier eithee, so I do a workout class on my lunch break. If my husband his off on a Saturday, I have him watch the kids so I can hit an early morning workout with a girlfriend. Good luck and keep up the good work. Our health (and sanity) is worth fighting for!!
  • ijsantos2005
    ijsantos2005 Posts: 306 Member
    Put on your big girl pants and tell them all to get the *kitten* out the way!
  • nowine4me
    nowine4me Posts: 3,985 Member
    edited July 2017
    How long have you been at this? I ask because it gets much better over time. Hubs was never against me losing weight, but threw in some road blocks for sure for the first 6 months. Now we are settled in, he knows this is the way it's going to be, and we've found middle ground. He even installed an A/C unit in my garage gym as a surprise. Give it some time. Might wanna move the treadmill to a place with a door.

    Oh, and try not to fuss about weighing and measuring and making separate meals. Just do your thing in the background until everyone gets used to it it will get better.
  • FrancineJM61
    FrancineJM61 Posts: 99 Member
    I'm assuming you husband works and the kids are going to school. So take 20 minutes to do something for you. Walk do an excretes video. While I'm watching TV I walk around. If you have a dog find more times to walk him. I thought I wasn't doing much until I bought a fit bit and found I was doing more then I thought. Ask for help from your husband and kids make excretes a family activity. Ask hubby to go for a walk with you he might enjoy spending time away from the kids with you alone.
  • NewYearNewMe140
    NewYearNewMe140 Posts: 40 Member
    You deserve to be healthy and happy! Also, it's good for your kids to see you as an independent person doing what is good for you. I know my daughter and husband seem to have a new respect for me taking care of myself, even though in the beginning they would be annoyed if I wasn't there to tend to their needs. As a result, I have new respect for myself and am firm when I need to do my own thing.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
    This all sounds very familiar. Not sure really why they do this but it happens.

    Can you just get your kids to entertain each other and get your exercise done. I've often had my boy interrupt me and he has finally learned if mom has put on a video leave her alone.

    I hope you can find a way to get past all these obstacles and get this done for yourself.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,578 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    DON'T rely on support. It may never happen.

    THIS times 10. You must rely on YOU and only YOU. If you expect support from others, expect them to let you down. You must push through the good days and the bad days - and you will have many! This ain't no picnic sometimes. You need to get up every day and be determined to stay on plan for the day. And if you mess up, or go off plan on purpose for a special occasion, get RIGHT back on the wagon IMMEDIATELY. Do not wallow in resentment, anger, disappointment, self loathing, and/or self pity, and don't let your husband's negative attitude affect you!!!

    So, what projects around the house does your husband think need to get done? As pointed out above, yes, household cleaning can count toward exercise but be very very conservative with how many calories you credit yourself with.

    If you haven't lost weight, chances are you are logging incorrectly, logging inconsistently, and/or over estimating calorie burn when eating back exercise calories earned.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    beledi_belle wrote: »
    I appreciate all of the comments. I try to involve the kids when I can. I live in AZ, so with it being 95 degrees at 8 in the morning, going outside to play with them is hard, but I involve them when I can. I can't shut the door, because the treadmill is in the living room and my youngest is 2, so she doesn't understand my need for me time, but my oldest really tries to help and I let her know I appreciate that.
    I try to track my food carefully - my husband also refuses to eat healthy, so I have to make separate dinners, or make my own dinner when he wants fast food, but it's hard when the temptation is always there. When I try to talk to him about my goals, he gets defensive and says "fine, I just won't talk to you anymore" or something stupidly defensive like I'm blaming him and the kids because I can't lose weight. I'm not trying to place blame, but I wish he were more supportive.

    I opened my diary for perusing, if anyone wants to give me input - although I can say that I don't journal like I should.

    Weight loss is about calories. You need a calorie deficit from lowering your intake, increasing your burn or both.
    You don't have to eat a completely separate dinner or eat exactly what your husband eats. You can eat fast food and lose weight. Healthy diet is not a particular food but everything you consume each day adding up to meet your nutritional needs.

    I just take a smaller portion and put more vegetables on my plate or have a salad with my meal. I might skip rice or bread that everyone else is eating sometimes.
    I find it very helpful to prelog my food for the whole day and then just eat what I logged.
    I look up nutritional info for restaurants and make choices that fit my calorie goal.
    I do 10-30 minute workout videos off of you tube or just walk around in my house.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    beledi_belle wrote: »
    I appreciate all of the comments. I try to involve the kids when I can. I live in AZ, so with it being 95 degrees at 8 in the morning, going outside to play with them is hard, but I involve them when I can. I can't shut the door, because the treadmill is in the living room and my youngest is 2, so she doesn't understand my need for me time, but my oldest really tries to help and I let her know I appreciate that.
    I try to track my food carefully - my husband also refuses to eat healthy, so I have to make separate dinners, or make my own dinner when he wants fast food, but it's hard when the temptation is always there. When I try to talk to him about my goals, he gets defensive and says "fine, I just won't talk to you anymore" or something stupidly defensive like I'm blaming him and the kids because I can't lose weight. I'm not trying to place blame, but I wish he were more supportive.

    I opened my diary for perusing, if anyone wants to give me input - although I can say that I don't journal like I should.

    Is there a YMCA near you? The ones I've belonged to have babysitting, lots of programs for kids, activities for kids and parents, and sliding scales, if membership not fitting in the budget is a concern.

    Lots of us have OHs who do not eat how we do.
    • I have proportionately more protein and veggies, and my OH has more carbs.
    • When we have steak, he has a green salad and potato salad, and I have Thai Beef Salad.
    • Some nights, like tonight, I'll tell him I'm having leftovers, and he's on his own.
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