Unsupportive comments when eating with others...

willhope1212

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable sometimes eating with certain people? I had lunch with my mom yesterday and she kept referring to my "healthy" eating... yes, she used air quotes every time she said it. Plus I'm going to a family gathering with my boyfriend today and they always have yummy food, which I DO eat btw, its not like I completely refuse it! But it seems like people still make comments about me eating healthy... like its a bad thing! I always try to just laugh it off, but it really stresses me out. Just wondering what anyone else does in these situations!

tlou5

I just smile deep inside cause I KNOW they are sooooooooooooo jealous! hehe

mspoopoo

I don't know why some people can't just mind their own business when it comes to other people's eating.

I think I got more comments and looks when eating thing when fat.

Work would have a luncheon buffet and while everyone was gobbling down cakes and sandwich, I was eating some fruit and people would comment, Eating healthy are we? I would just want to punch them in the face.

Anyway, just ignore the comments.

Athena53

If that picture is you, you look great. Fortunately I don't know anyone who calls attention to my eating habits- most of my friends and co-workers are similarly inclined or don't care- but my response would be, "eating this way is what got me this body and so I'm going to stick with it." I think it's harder for people who are just starting out and have lost maybe 20 lbs when their goal is 100, but when you get to the point that your success shows, pointing out that it works and letting them know that they aren't going to make you feel bad about it should shut them up.

81Katz

Yes, anymore I don't want to eat around certain people. It's not an enjoyable experience.

EDesq

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable sometimes eating with certain people? I had lunch with my mom yesterday and she kept referring to my "healthy" eating... yes, she used air quotes every time she said it. Plus I'm going to a family gathering with my boyfriend today and they always have yummy food, which I DO eat btw, its not like I completely refuse it! But it seems like people still make comments about me eating healthy... like its a bad thing! I always try to just laugh it off, but it really stresses me out. Just wondering what anyone else does in these situations!

I do not have that problem because I DON'T CARE! MY HEALTH, MY RULES, when it comes to MY HEALTH I see ONLY ME! If you do not have this attitude then your life belongs to any strong wind that blows in, you are not Grounded.

MyJourney1960

yeah I know a few people like that- I think they're just jealous and I tend to ignore them

MinatoandClover

I live in Japan, which is about 6000 miles from my hometown. So I don't get to see my family that often. I started taking an initiative to losing weight sometime in the later part of last year. I was quite pleased with myself because I had lost 3.5kg (~8lbs) and I was thinner than I had been in a while. And I could notice. I could wear a few clothes that I hadn't been able to for a while, clothes I could wear were fitting me looser, my fingers felt smaller and so on. So I was eager to go back and see people looking a little thinner (especially since I had gotten some negative comments the previous year, which is kind of a jerky thing, now that I think of it...)

I was excited to tell people all about how I started exercising, I was eating more vegetables and less junk food and about the results that I was getting. However, when I talked about these things, I got a very feigned kind of "good for you" masking a meh (at best) attitude about my efforts. Like it wasn't a good thing that I'd lost nearly 10 pounds or that I was trying to change to become healthier.

I would have thought that if anyone would have noticed my weight loss, it would have been my family, since they hadn't seen me in so long. People you see every day tend to notice less just because they don't notice the minor changes as you gradually change. Like watching a child grow. Your parents don't notice nearly as much as your aunts and uncles how much you've grown. However, nobody really seemed to notice. In fact, I feel like that attitude I was getting was that of me not having lost -enough- weight. 'So what if you lost 10 pounds? You're still fat.' Granted, nobody actually -said- those things to me, but, well, they didn't have to. It was a really disheartening experience for me.

Guess that's not really about eating with people, is it... Well, nonetheless, still very unsupportive.

tahm42

I am in my 40's and have battled being "fat" all of my life.... So I thought....When I look at pictures I really was not fat but I was a tall girl and very athletic. People were obsessed with the number on the scale instead of bmi and lbm. To say the least what I ate was always micromanaged. When I grew up and controlled what was served it was even worse because it was "healthy".... Even though it was how I managed to stay healthy it was still ridiculed. So as I really grew fat, the comments stopped. I believe that some people just have to critique and complain to make them self feel better. So until they have walked in your shoes tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.
Oh and to Minatoa don't worry about what they think, stay the course and they will be shocked the next time you get home.

AngelicxAnnihilation

My family tells me to "quit being stupid" with everything I do. Whether it's eating healthy, wanting to exercise more, wanting to eat vegetarian. It's always unsupportive because I'm choosing to be different and not eat meat and potatoes for my dinner every night or sitting around all day in front of the tv. You just have to deal with it I guess.

rallen540

I get snarky comments from time to time - Alot of the time people just want to be a round "like minded" people. They will get over it and could just be jealous.

maroonmango211

I just smile deep inside cause I KNOW they are sooooooooooooo jealous! hehe

This! Even my hubby used to make comments about how my healthy eating was getting in the way or inconvenient or simply just not why I was looking better (yes he assumed it was magic) but after baby #3 he put on some weight and joined me. Now he's preaching it to the world how health he feels and how fast he's unbloating. People generally wish they had a lot more self control than they do, whether for exercise, eating, confidence etc. If anything take it as a compliment.

MeowSkull

I've dealt with it in the past and sometimes it would give in and get the fried appetizer just to shut people up. However, over time, I learned to just not let it get to me. I tell people it's what works for me right now and what I'm hungry for. I also just quit eating out with some people because they didn't know how to be quiet over being a food bully.

I don't deal with it much anymore thankfully, now it's just a battle with my own inner voices that want the crap on the menu.

trialstyle

Meh - time to brush up on your sarcasm. If its family or friends smile when you use it.

teagirlmedium

I get good and bad comments about what I eat. They do not bother me. I talk about what I am eating and why I am eating it, but I keep eating it even if the other person does not think it is a good choice for me. I will say that I usually take home food now. Before I used to eat all of my food and what the person with me had left that they did not want to take with them. I do not like to waste food, so now if I cannot finish my food in a sitting I will take it home. I do like that I can be full and still have some food for later, so that may help me in not having a problem when people challenge what I eat, because I can see a difference in the amount I eat at a time.

VioletNightshade

Yes. I live with my grandparents, and my grandfather, being retired law enforcement, is one of those who notices everything everyone does. He's also very critical of everything, and doesn't have a 'filter' for what's appropriate to say sometimes. The kitchen and living room are the same room, and my grandparents have a pretty strict "no food outside of the kitchen" rule, and he gets up earlier than anyone else in the house, so every time I eat, I'm forced to be in the same room as him unless he's not home. He likes to pick up my food and read things off of the packaging like it's a question. He says it's in the interest of "making conversation," but he comes across incredibly critical, and it makes me feel very self conscious every time I sit down because I know he's criticizing my every move.

He got upset when I got smaller dishes for myself, and told me that it was "bs" that people eat less when the dish they serve themselves on is smaller. He got upset when I went shopping and bought only vegetables I like (meaning nothing canned, and no corn, which he says is a vegetable, no matter what I, or reality have to say about it. Also no peas, because I hate peas, so why would I eat them when I get sufficient nutrients from things I can actually stand the taste of, etc) and told my grandparents that because they don't cook anything I can really eat (they cook entirely too much, serve too much, most everything is either cooked in or with meat, and complain when I don't clear my plate, saying I should save the rest for my next meal. What am I going to do with leftover steak, when I haven't eaten meat in seven months, I ask you.) that I'll be cooking for myself and only for myself, since no one else likes the way I cook. They both give me Biblical quotes about why I should eat meat (I'm not a Christian, so what God has to say about the cleanliness of animals is of little consequence to me) and tell me I need the protein and won't hear that I get my protein elsewhere. Explaining any part of why I'm doing what I'm doing becomes an argument, so I'd rather not even discuss it with them, but I still get annoyed when they offer me steak or chicken or something, expecting me to 'crumble' or something as if it's difficult for me not to eat meat, even though I had issue with it even when I did eat it and never liked it to begin with.

My grandmother also refers to my changes as an "eating program," which is her phrase for a diet, and refuses to stop using that phrase. I'm the only one in the house who doesn't eat meat, and I'm the only one who eats certain things. On the other hand, I eat pretty much whatever I want, within reason. I'm by no means on a diet. I've asked her to stop doing this on multiple occasions because it's damaging to my goals, but she, like my grandfather, is set in her way.

ttippie2000

You really cannot do that much to control the comments of the people around you. One of the only things that is within your power to control is how well you maintain personal boundaries and the attitude you have about comments. I do know from experience that looking somebody dead in the eye and setting limits will dissuade them from meddling in the future. For example something like, "Are you under the mistaken impression I need your approval for what I put in my body?" This may take a bit of getting used to, but I find it productive and, in the final analysis, easier than the alternative.

morticia16

Bah, it's jealousy and not wanting to understand why it matters. Plus, it's childish. Either shrug it off or, if these are indeed the people you are closest to, talk to them and explain why it bothers you. Anyway - why does it bother you?

ValerieMartini2Olives

People who are unsupportive are just jealous because THEY can't do it.

Athena53

I had lunch with my mom yesterday and she kept referring to my "healthy" eating... yes, she used air quotes every time she said it.

You know, the more I think about this, it might be interesting next time she does it to ask, "Mom, why are you using air quotes every time you refer to healthy eating?" It will probably stop her dead in her tracks since she's likely trying to be sarcastic and she won't want to admit it.

kdv160

I just smile deep inside cause I KNOW they are sooooooooooooo jealous! hehe

What she said...lol. They are just mad that they can't eat healthy like you do. Ignore them and keep on keepin on!

lithezebra

Take it as a compliment. People have noticed your healthy eating! If you want to be proactive, thank your mother for teaching you good habits and self discipline. That will be hard for her to respond negatively to.

UKMarjie

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable sometimes eating with certain people? I had lunch with my mom yesterday and she kept referring to my "healthy" eating... yes, she used air quotes every time she said it. Plus I'm going to a family gathering with my boyfriend today and they always have yummy food, which I DO eat btw, its not like I completely refuse it! But it seems like people still make comments about me eating healthy... like its a bad thing! I always try to just laugh it off, but it really stresses me out. Just wondering what anyone else does in these situations!

I do not have that problem because I DON'T CARE! MY HEALTH, MY RULES, when it comes to MY HEALTH I see ONLY ME! If you do not have this attitude then your life belongs to any strong wind that blows in, you are not Grounded.

Even water - which doesn't seem stronger than rock - when it falls repeatedly on the rock's surface, will bore a hole through it.

If you hear negative comments repeated constantly it will work on you. This is not a sign of weakness but an observation on the nature of things - just like seeing the hole in the rock. I agree that you have to be at the centre of your needs but it doesn't mean that you are completely alone and unaffected by the things happening around you. No one is living on an island of solitude - and even if they were, sometimes it would rain and it might get them down a bit... Having strength and being grounded is demonstrated by being able to recognize your frailties, and those of others, and forgive them in yourself and them and work to overcome them...

melissaw78

I have had success using the line, " I would LOVE to eat what your having, but I can't seem to tolerate digesting that anymore." Even if it is a white lie sometimes, it still gives a legitimate reason for not eating what they think you should be having, unless they want to put with threatened flatulence.

And they still get to feel superior.

Gee_24

I'm fed up of hearing " You don't need to lose weight!!! Eat this!!! " I'm sorry, but with a starting weight of 9 stone and being 4ft 8, I really do need to go on one! My family give me that phrase most days.

Every day at work, the hotel they serve staff a full fry up buffet. Most people it eat at least a little something, bar me. And people get upset thinking I don't eat at all! But I eat plenty of what I like, at home.

Lunch is usually something hideous, too. Even if its something I love like say, Lasagne, the chefs still make a pretty rank version for staff, so I only eat Nutrigrain if I eat at all at work.

My colleagues are amazing, I love them all to bits, but because they are concerned about me, I get a lot of stick for not eating at breakfast and lunch. Seeing the food in there puts me off food unless its a rice dish. I could eat rice all day. Mmmm.

goodnamegone

I don't know why people have to say stupid things but they will find anything to say stupid things about if they are that type of person. I have the opposite to your post, I feel self conscious eating ice cream even though the other 90% of what I ate today was super healthy. I guess the weigh issue with me is also tied up with self esteem issues/feeling vulnerable about some areas of self. So know you are not the only one who gets these feelings.

seabee78

One response my daughter told me that works pretty good is "Well, I'm diabetic and I have to watch what I eat". And everybody instantly nods and understands and drops the subject.

One convo I had over dinner went like this...
Friend: I see you're having salad. Eating healthier, huh? You know, that salad dressing is fattening though.
Me: You know what? You're right. I should send this back and get the double cheeseburger platter which is what I really wanted to eat.
Friend: *silence*

Antoine112

People who are unsupportive are just jealous because THEY can't do it.

This!

AHack3

Yes, and it does bother me. I just try to remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. I realised that most of the people that do comment are much heavier than I am, so I just tell myself I must be doing something right!

tmm_0127

I find that the people in my life who say those things around me eat worse than I do. My dad once commented on a salad I was eating. It was a big salad with lots of veggies and some tuna on it and he said "are you going to EAT all of THAT?" as he chowed down his meaty chipotle bowl. He makes comments like that all the time. "Are you sure you want to eat that?" I think in my dad's case it wasn't meant the way I took it, but for most people I think they say things like that because they want to put attention on your eating habits to take it away from their own.

TropicalFlowerz

Meh - time to brush up on your sarcasm. If its family or friends smile when you use it.

^^^^^^THIS!