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My sister is being weird again...
Jdismybug1
Posts: 443 Member
I've always been pretty certain my oldest sister has some kind of OCD and/or control issue. She has only ever been diagnosed with anxiety as a child.
(Both of my older sisters live my husband and me. The oldest doesn't make a lot of money at her job so the middle sis buys her groceries. Older sis makes the middle sisters food to help out.)
I've been cooking more often and using the crockpot. (Usually only on sundays)
She came in the kitchen and asked why I use a food scale, that she just eyeballs all the servings that she makes for my other sister.
Then she asked "oh you bought more Rubbermaid containers?"
Yes, because she gets irritated when I use any Rubbermaid containers and will ask me a thousand times if I remembered to bring them home.
Then she came back and asked if I was using the crockpot next Sunday because she needs to use her grill (at 1 am) and we don't have a lot of counter space.
I'm certainly not getting up in the middle of the night to make my food. So yes the kitchen will be free.
If I use certain bowls to mix she will comment that it's hers, and make sure I don't put it in our fridge. She needs it. Then I will look and it's washed but never used by her.
Doesn't this sound a bit weird and possessive? I feel like I can't seem to do anything in my kitchen without her trying to be controlling. 99%of the utensils, pots, pans, bowls have been bought by me, my middle sister, or my inlaws left it here for us to use.
(Both of my older sisters live my husband and me. The oldest doesn't make a lot of money at her job so the middle sis buys her groceries. Older sis makes the middle sisters food to help out.)
I've been cooking more often and using the crockpot. (Usually only on sundays)
She came in the kitchen and asked why I use a food scale, that she just eyeballs all the servings that she makes for my other sister.
Then she asked "oh you bought more Rubbermaid containers?"
Yes, because she gets irritated when I use any Rubbermaid containers and will ask me a thousand times if I remembered to bring them home.
Then she came back and asked if I was using the crockpot next Sunday because she needs to use her grill (at 1 am) and we don't have a lot of counter space.
I'm certainly not getting up in the middle of the night to make my food. So yes the kitchen will be free.
If I use certain bowls to mix she will comment that it's hers, and make sure I don't put it in our fridge. She needs it. Then I will look and it's washed but never used by her.
Doesn't this sound a bit weird and possessive? I feel like I can't seem to do anything in my kitchen without her trying to be controlling. 99%of the utensils, pots, pans, bowls have been bought by me, my middle sister, or my inlaws left it here for us to use.
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I think you're being weird again5
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You are being more patient than I am. Don't get me wrong, I am very patient with my sister. She is bipolar, and have gone through so much with her. I am just not as patient as you seem to be in this post. I would have done told her that this my damn kitchen, and if she doesn't want anything of her used, than put it up with her belongings (room/box/chest/drawer/closet etc.), and I can cook any time I want.
However, if she is having a behavior that is completely different than her normal daily behaviors, I would take a note of it. I would try to keep an eye on her, just in case her anxiety is a little more than anxiety. The biggest thing is determining if these comments/behaviors are stemming from an underlining issue or if this is one of her personality trait.2 -
Why not talk to her. There should be some house rules.1
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Maybe someone needs to move into different living arrangements? I assume it would be your sister. But yeah, no thanks to living with other adult women. I'd cut someone...1
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We've tried talking to her and telling her to cool her heels about things and she repeats the same behaviors over and over again eventually . I know she likes cooking, and she cooks for my other sister, I'm thinking she's afraid that for some reason the tools she needs won't be there? That's all I can fathom.Why not talk to her. There should be some house rules.
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seltzermint555 wrote: »Maybe someone needs to move into different living arrangements? I assume it would be your sister. But yeah, no thanks to living with other adult women. I'd cut someone...
I wish that were the case, she doesn't make enough money, with the way rent is out here she would either be homeless or in a shelter. No matter how much she drives me up the wall I can't do that to her.1 -
Jdismybug1 wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »Maybe someone needs to move into different living arrangements? I assume it would be your sister. But yeah, no thanks to living with other adult women. I'd cut someone...
I wish that were the case, she doesn't make enough money, with the way rent is out here she would either be homeless or in a shelter. No matter how much she drives me up the wall I can't do that to her.
Ah, that is too bad. I understand. Sometimes I forget how bad it is in areas with higher cost of living. I'm sorry it's a stressful situation though.0 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »Jdismybug1 wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »Maybe someone needs to move into different living arrangements? I assume it would be your sister. But yeah, no thanks to living with other adult women. I'd cut someone...
I wish that were the case, she doesn't make enough money, with the way rent is out here she would either be homeless or in a shelter. No matter how much she drives me up the wall I can't do that to her.
Ah, that is too bad. I understand. Sometimes I forget how bad it is in areas with higher cost of living. I'm sorry it's a stressful situation though.
Definitely. I just bite my tongue most of the time. I'm actually at a point I want to laugh at her sometimes because she gets a little ridiculous. I have to vent about it.
She's a very loving and compassionate person in her own way, her quirks make a person want to lost their "kitten" with her sometimes tho.0 -
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Broomstick_Boo wrote: »[img][/img]0
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If it's your place_ your rules. Simples.2
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Broomstick_Boo wrote: »If it's your place_ your rules. Simples.
I want this to be simple. I really do. It's just easier said than done. I'll at least say there's never a dull moment in this house.
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Yeah, I hear that... still, be the wolf or be the sheep...
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Broomstick_Boo wrote: »Yeah, I hear that... still, be the wolf or be the sheep...
I put my foot down as much as I can. It just gets to a point you have to pick your battles.0 -
Jdismybug1 wrote: »Broomstick_Boo wrote: »Yeah, I hear that... still, be the wolf or be the sheep...
I put my foot down as much as I can. It just gets to a point you have to pick your battles.
I used to do that too.... 'til I discovered "affects my life? my fecking battles". Would they prefer a warrior, or a doormat...? The answer says more about the people you're surrounded by...0 -
Broomstick_Boo wrote: »Jdismybug1 wrote: »Broomstick_Boo wrote: »Yeah, I hear that... still, be the wolf or be the sheep...
I put my foot down as much as I can. It just gets to a point you have to pick your battles.
I used to do that too.... 'til I discovered "affects my life? my fecking battles".
I'm just not going to fight my sister when she's going to repeat the same actions again and annoy me.
I'd rather battle over making sure the bills are paid and everyone has a roof over their head.
I'm more than willing to vent my annoyance and thinking it's weird rather than have the same fight over and over.0 -
Venting your annoyance doesn't trump facts. Believe me. I know.0
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Broomstick_Boo wrote: »Venting your annoyance doesn't trump facts. Believe me. I know.
So you're saying I need to argue with my sister and make things even more tense than they are, when I think it's an OCD/anxiety thing she's doing but I'm not sure why?
Cause if I argue with her I know she's going to start repeatedly asking if we're going to kick her out. (Because she's never had to pay rent before and doesn't grasp the concept of who has rights) Which we would never do. #1 we are not the landlords #2 she's probably having a deeper anxiety that she's not going to tell us about.
My guess is that it's because both of my parents have passed, me and the middle sister are all that she has, she's probably letting her anxiety make using the kitchen a bigger deal than it is.
I'm just going vent my annoyance, and pick my battles with her because sometimes a simple sentence from me can be a bomb to her anxiety, and im not about to trigger her problems for my convenience, because it will just start another problem.
Getting her to address her own issues is like trying to catch a fart in a hurricane.0 -
I'm saying, her issues are not yours unless you wish to make them so. What you choose to do about it, is on you. Own your actions. Or lack, thereof.0
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Well until she agrees to help do something there's going to be a lack there of... and some venting from me.Broomstick_Boo wrote: »I'm saying, her issues are not yours unless you wish to make them so. What you choose to do about it, is on you. Own your actions. Or lack, thereof.
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Have you asked her why she's doing this? You seem to have a compassionate attitude towards her, even though she's driving you bananas. So instead of fighting with her, next time she asks something unreasonable, ask why she would say that and if something else is bothering her. Then, if it were me I would tell her politely but firmly, "I'm not going to do that. This is my kitchen too, and I'm going to use this bowl." (Or whatever.)
Three of my sisters have various degrees of mental illness, and dealing with it can be challenging, but it's not necessary or helpful to ignore it or cater to it. If she really is ill, she needs care and medication, not enabling.2 -
Jdismybug1 wrote: »
Well until she agrees to help do something there's going to be a lack there of... and some venting from me.Broomstick_Boo wrote: »I'm saying, her issues are not yours unless you wish to make them so. What you choose to do about it, is on you. Own your actions. Or lack, thereof.
And so you're waiting on her to decide how YOUR life plays out? No. YOU control YOUR life, no one else. As hard as it may be.2 -
rheddmobile wrote: »Have you asked her why she's doing this? You seem to have a compassionate attitude towards her, even though she's driving you bananas. So instead of fighting with her, next time she asks something unreasonable, ask why she would say that and if something else is bothering her. Then, if it were me I would tell her politely but firmly, "I'm not going to do that. This is my kitchen too, and I'm going to use this bowl." (Or whatever.)
Three of my sisters have various degrees of mental illness, and dealing with it can be challenging, but it's not necessary or helpful to ignore it or cater to it. If she really is ill, she needs care and medication, not enabling.
I think my struggle is that I haven't asked this, and I have the feeling when she does answer it's going to be an excuse to side step the underlying issue.
When we were younger she was on Zoloft, I don't know the medical history behind it.
I do know that not long after she was off of it my parents both became ill. My dad was in the hospital with walking pneumonia and the beginning of Alzheimer's, about the same time he was discharged my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away 2 months later. My dad lived for 5 years after my mom passed, and all three of us took care of him until he passed from heart failure.
Her problems were brushed under the rug, because we had to take care of my parents as a priority and as a team.
She is functional and has a job. We had a hard time getting her to get a job. It took a few years of convincing, getting her to move in, etc.
We are going to try to get her issues addressed, but you can only help someone when they are willing.
I'm starting with that approach, the middle sister will also be involved in addressing whatever mental illness she seems to have.0 -
Remind her that it's your house and you do what you want. If she doesn't like it she can move out.0
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Jdismybug1 wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Have you asked her why she's doing this? You seem to have a compassionate attitude towards her, even though she's driving you bananas. So instead of fighting with her, next time she asks something unreasonable, ask why she would say that and if something else is bothering her. Then, if it were me I would tell her politely but firmly, "I'm not going to do that. This is my kitchen too, and I'm going to use this bowl." (Or whatever.)
Three of my sisters have various degrees of mental illness, and dealing with it can be challenging, but it's not necessary or helpful to ignore it or cater to it. If she really is ill, she needs care and medication, not enabling.
I think my struggle is that I haven't asked this, and I have the feeling when she does answer it's going to be an excuse to side step the underlying issue.
When we were younger she was on Zoloft, I don't know the medical history behind it.
I do know that not long after she was off of it my parents both became ill. My dad was in the hospital with walking pneumonia and the beginning of Alzheimer's, about the same time he was discharged my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away 2 months later. My dad lived for 5 years after my mom passed, and all three of us took care of him until he passed from heart failure.
Her problems were brushed under the rug, because we had to take care of my parents as a priority and as a team.
She is functional and has a job. We had a hard time getting her to get a job. It took a few years of convincing, getting her to move in, etc.
We are going to try to get her issues addressed, but you can only help someone when they are willing.
I'm starting with that approach, the middle sister will also be involved in addressing whatever mental illness she seems to have.
You have my sympathy on your parents passing. My husband and I moved in and helped my mother care for my dad after his stroke until his death - he had vascular dementia - and it was the most stressful thing I've ever been through. I feel like all three of us had PTSD afterwards. I completely understand how your sister's needs would get pushed to the side during that time.
As long as your sister is high functioning, there's really nothing you can do to force her to seek help. You can make getting help as easy as possible for her - remember that if she does actually have a mental illness, her brain is physically making things difficult for her, it's not just her choosing to be obnoxious. Hang on to your compassion and I wish you the best.0 -
rheddmobile wrote: »Jdismybug1 wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Have you asked her why she's doing this? You seem to have a compassionate attitude towards her, even though she's driving you bananas. So instead of fighting with her, next time she asks something unreasonable, ask why she would say that and if something else is bothering her. Then, if it were me I would tell her politely but firmly, "I'm not going to do that. This is my kitchen too, and I'm going to use this bowl." (Or whatever.)
Three of my sisters have various degrees of mental illness, and dealing with it can be challenging, but it's not necessary or helpful to ignore it or cater to it. If she really is ill, she needs care and medication, not enabling.
I think my struggle is that I haven't asked this, and I have the feeling when she does answer it's going to be an excuse to side step the underlying issue.
When we were younger she was on Zoloft, I don't know the medical history behind it.
I do know that not long after she was off of it my parents both became ill. My dad was in the hospital with walking pneumonia and the beginning of Alzheimer's, about the same time he was discharged my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away 2 months later. My dad lived for 5 years after my mom passed, and all three of us took care of him until he passed from heart failure.
Her problems were brushed under the rug, because we had to take care of my parents as a priority and as a team.
She is functional and has a job. We had a hard time getting her to get a job. It took a few years of convincing, getting her to move in, etc.
We are going to try to get her issues addressed, but you can only help someone when they are willing.
I'm starting with that approach, the middle sister will also be involved in addressing whatever mental illness she seems to have.
You have my sympathy on your parents passing. My husband and I moved in and helped my mother care for my dad after his stroke until his death - he had vascular dementia - and it was the most stressful thing I've ever been through. I feel like all three of us had PTSD afterwards. I completely understand how your sister's needs would get pushed to the side during that time.
As long as your sister is high functioning, there's really nothing you can do to force her to seek help. You can make getting help as easy as possible for her - remember that if she does actually have a mental illness, her brain is physically making things difficult for her, it's not just her choosing to be obnoxious. Hang on to your compassion and I wish you the best.
Thank you!
You must be quite the troooer. My uncle had vascular dementia. He passed away in January.
We lived close by so we visited often and helped my cousin care for him.
All illnesses are a like for one reason. They're all a long hard road. This is what family/support is for.
I feel by now I should have PTSD.
My mom always tried to teach us to be patient especially with my sister. I always try to look for the good and compassionate things my sister does rather than the annoying. That's why I came here to vent, and make sure it wasn't just me seeing the odd behavior.1
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