Old User Returned After A Few Years Of Chaos

graelwyn1

Managed to re-log onto my original account, so shall re-post below on that name.

Graelwyn75

And here is a rather boring and long-winded introduction that will probably be of little interest but I shall write it anyway.

I logged here for several years back in 2012-2014. My main goal then, as now, is to keep my eating disordered thinking at bay and to convert that to fitness goals. I was, when younger, severely anorexic, weighing 70Ibs at 5'11 and have struggled on and off with EDs, alongside mental health issues for almost 30 years. I also discovered four years ago that I am on the Autistic Spectrum, most likely why I have struggled so much with weight and eating fixations.

Anyway, when here before, I studied everything I could regarding nutrition, fitness and training and managed to go from 126 Ibs and 20% bodyfat to 140Ibs and 12% bodyfat. I loved training hard and pushing through my COPD (65% lung function since the age of 28) and proving that I could achieve optimal fitness in spite of my historical and current health issues.

Unfortunately, I made the grand mistake of quitting the gym(rather silly reason - my PT upset me by shouting at me on a sensitive day) and soon after ended up on an anti depressant called Cybalta(Duloxetine). The result was that I stopped caring about everything and although I didn't eat a great deal more, I became almost entirely inactive, and in the last two months on that medication, gained around 28 Ibs. I had never been over 145Ibs in my life, no matter how inactive or how much I ate, so it was a huge shock.

I weaned myself off that medication. It took me months to be able to walk any distance again without leg pain, and then another 2 months before I dared show my face at my old gym. I could only manage 5 minutes before feeling sick whilst before I had happily managed 6 classes in a row. After around 6 months, I had managed to get myself back to my old weight, but not my old level of fitness because I had once again quit the gym due to frustration at the time it was taking to get back to my old fitness.

So here I am. I am back on my bike after two years and tracking my food again with hopes of building back up to some semblance of my old level of fitness. I am doing this because for one, my obsession with my weight has become problematic again and for two, intense activity seems to work much better than any pill ever could in my case. It helps stabilise me. Obviously, I doubt I would be inspiring to those who are here to lose any amount of weight, but I am hoping that those struggling with EDs might see some hope in the fact that, for the most part, it can be turned around and converted into something less destructive.

Feel free to add me. I am currently 5'10 and 128 Ibs. My diary is not clean (I am still working towards a return to my mostly natural foods focus) but it is balanced, I think. If anyone is interested in my preferred way of eating, my last food log prior to my current return was on September 8th, 2014.