so you had one binge - it's ok!!!! *trigger warning*

milsyafrochic

So im in anorexia recovery... I use that term loosely, as although my weight has somewhat improved, and I am managing the emotional and social side of the disease better, I am still well and truly stuck in a mental cage.
However, I have transitioned from exercise addiction and extreme calorie restriction, to slightly less severe exercise addiction, orthorexia, and restriction interspersed with occasional uncontrolable binges - which are truly terrifying, especially for someone who is so used to being in control.

However I think things may be improving.... as today I had a massive binge (for me - this *may* not be a usual binge... I don't know- it's still well over 2000 cal!), and I have decided that, *kitten* it - I just don't care. There's no use in trying to pretend it didnt happen, and keep it secret and feel guilty. This is my way of letting go, and putting it out there that yes, i DID eat all of this, and yes i AM going to have to deal with consequences, but ITS OK, because it just means that I have to come face to face with the fact that I am only bingeing becuase mabe my daily diet isn't enough for me, and maybe this is a sign.


So this is what I ate today:

6am - 5pm : 5 jelly beans, a pack of mentoes
5pm - 8pm: 1 clementine, 1 orange, a few tomatoes
8pm - 10:30pm: pack of mini sweetcorn dipped in soy sauce, 2 table spoons golden syrup, a bowl of branflakes (dry), 2.5 slices of bread, 1/3 frozen pizza, chocolate buttons, a tin of beans

oooft I feel full. and I want to cry.
But I wont.
I should be feeling proud.

Its the first time in about 2 years that I have eaten baked beans. And that I have voluntarily eaten pizza with cheese.

small victories, eh?

Graelwyn75

I remember when I was recovering from anorexia. I had no support at all as my doctor knew nothing about it and simply told my parents I had 24 hours to live. I regained a lot of my weight quite rapidly as I took to binge eating. To this day I still struggle with binge eating as soon as my body senses a shortage in supplies.

It is just the way your body is telling you that enough is enough. It is also a means, after so long of rigid control, to release that and just not care for a small moment.


It is good that you have accepted it happened and are not panicking wildly. But you also need to be careful that you don't end up in a binge starve cycle either. The best way to deal with this is to ensure you are getting enough nutritious food on a daily basis and enough calories to let your body know that it is not under threat anymore and does not need to grab whatever it can. You also need to find peace with eating the amount your body needs to get better. It is very challenging. I am just emerging from a mild relapse into scale obsession. But then I am now 42 and after decades of on and off struggles with one or another ED I am getting rather fed up of it.

I truly hope you find a way to free yourself and turn your focus into less damaging things.