Defeated and discouraged

alyssakhartwig

I feel this is the best place to vent instead of other social media sites because some people just don't understand.

Since the fall of 2015, I've lost 70 pounds. I still had about 20-25 more that I wanted to lose. I started enjoying life a little more than I should and in the last 5 months, I've gained back 30 pounds. I know they say not to focus on the number on the scale but it's extremely difficult. I've always been self conscious about my body so the scale is a huge deal to me. I used to weigh myself every single morning. I've since then gotten out of that bad habit but the scale is all I focus on. The inches don't mean anything to me. I hate the way I look, I hate the way my clothes feel. I just feel worthless.

I haven't been wanting to eat healthy. I have no problem going to the gym, that's the easy part. The nutrition is what I struggle with constantly. I know the basics and what to do, I just have no control to apply what I know.

JeromeBarry1

Read this, take notes, and implement the suggestions. http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/economics-weight-loss/

middlehaitch

Don't eat healthy if you don't want to.
Eat at a deficit that makes you feel good and fulfils your nutritional needs.

Healthy, clean, bad, dirty, etc are all just trendy words. Aim for nutrition, and get that anyway you like.

Don't feel bad, you have caught the gain and are wanting to do something about it.

Cheers, h.

asteriskthat

So, I know it's expensive especially if you're in the US, but maybe speak to a psychologist? A lot of people think they're 'not bad south's or 'don't have that kind of problem', but it can be a lot of help, since it sounds like you have a lot of self esteem issues.

If that advice doesn't feel right, @middlehaitch 's advice is pretty golden. It's a much less restrictive and 'moral' approach.

RodaRose

alyssakhartwig wrote: »

I feel this is the best place to vent instead of other social media sites because some people just don't understand.

Since the fall of 2015, I've lost 70 pounds. I still had about 20-25 more that I wanted to lose. I started enjoying life a little more than I should and in the last 5 months, I've gained back 30 pounds. I know they say not to focus on the number on the scale but it's extremely difficult. I've always been self conscious about my body so the scale is a huge deal to me. I used to weigh myself every single morning. I've since then gotten out of that bad habit but the scale is all I focus on. The inches don't mean anything to me. I hate the way I look, I hate the way my clothes feel. I just feel worthless.

I haven't been wanting to eat healthy. I have no problem going to the gym, that's the easy part. The nutrition is what I struggle with constantly. I know the basics and what to do, I just have no control to apply what I know.

Eat less of whatever you are eating. Weigh it and log it.
Food does not have to be whatever it is you mean by healthy.
Eat what suits your lifestyle and what fits into your calorie day. Get enough protein and fat.

theman900

Firstly realise as cheesy as it sounds that no matter what body you have your beautiful and enough the very fact that your taking action in gym and fitness makes you a winner. Also its alright to vent cry so aslong as you pick yourself right up and continue
Now that being said realise your goal is definteley achiveable could take a while aim for about a 1 to 2 pounds a week but try and make weightloss as easy as possible make it a part of you so no chance of rebound find tasty healthy staples you enjoy and can make prep easy get and surround yourslef with other people freinds who are into fitness can help massively perhaps incorporate intermittent fasting or eat clean these are anfew of countless ways to reach your goal realise aslong as you continue you will find a way and reach it eventually best of luck to you

veggie16mfp

You are not in a bad place. You have 3 sets of 10lbs to shift. It's not a big challenge. Add on the other 25lbs and this time next year you could easily be at maintainence. What would you prefer, feel the same this time next year or be heading on to a new challenge?
You are in control, whether you feel you are or not.
Check your vitamin, make sure you are getting enough. That will help with mood and sleep. I find also working on hitting my protein macro keeps those cravings at bay. Wishing you the very best. You can do this.

kommodevaran

alyssakhartwig wrote: »

I haven't been wanting to eat healthy. ... The nutrition is what I struggle with constantly. I know the basics and what to do, I just have no control to apply what I know.

I think you want to eat healthy, but that you think healthy eating is something you don't want - difficult, boring, expensive, tasteless and disgusting? Knowing the basics is a start, but applying it takes some effort - not so much control, as insight and experience.

Get a cookbook - any normal cookbook will do. Ask your librarian, or just buy this one: "Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook" by Ellyn Satter.
Learn to cook. It's not difficult or time-consuming to prepare simple, tasty, healthy, balanced meals.
Eat food you like. No foods are off limit. But some foods are more nutritious than others. We need a wide range of nutrients every day, and a variety of real foods is the easiest way to achieve that.
Enjoy your food. Eat with others if you want to and have the opportunity.

CattOfTheGarage

Are you logging what you eat? If not, do that. Don't change anything else for a while, just log what you eat. That way you will give yourself time to adjust to the idea of getting back into a deficit. Also, you will glean important information about when you tend to overeat and on what, which could be very useful in deciding strategies to eat less.

One step at a time, and logging is the first step.

tumsashrinks

It sounds like your first weight loss experience wasn't fun (re: "started enjoying life a little more"), you might have had a strict, "clean" diet and from my experience, it's what makes things hard.

I lost half of my excess weight that way and then I refused to lose the rest because it was too strict, too hard, not fun etc. Took me a few years on maintenance (that was mostly a mix of month of overeating and a month of eating clean, gaining and losing the same 2-3lbs) to figure out the problem is, I want to have fun, I want to eat out with friends and family, I want to enjoy my piece of brownie or a slice of pizza on Sundays. So now I eat relatively clean, I am a vegan, but if you look at my diary, I also eat things like portobello mushroom burgers, I have pizza with friends, I have days when I snack on crisps or eat a bar of candy. Today I had fries for lunch, and I am about to make a cup of hot chocolate. I just stick to my caloric goal and find a way how to fit these foods in there. I do eat my salads, veggies and fruits because they contain minerals, vitamins and other awesome stuff, but I stopped putting food into "good" and "bad" categories. I want my life to improve, I want this journey to be enjoyable, so I make it that way. I might be losing weight slower this way but so far I have not had a single day where I longingly think about foods I wish I could eat.

facetocallhome

Firstly, you're not alone. I feel like I could have written this myself, word for word.

I think there are bigger issues here that go beyond weight loss, and you should try and identify them and deal with them. Once you're in a better place, it might not seem as daunting. For example, you sound like you struggle with self esteem issues that are similar to mine, and they need to be addressed. I lost 3 stone in 2016, and I thought it was going to fix everything and it helped, but I still had days where I hated how I looked, and I wanted to burn all of my clothes! Then I fell into the trap of thinking that it wasn't worth doing it because I still felt horrible about myself. So, I started eating again, and put a stone of that weight back on. I've realised that it doesn't matter who is looking back at me in the mirror, there's still going to be part of me that hates how I look. I've been battling these feelings my whole life, they're not just going to disappear overnight. So, this time around, my motivation isn't how I look, it's about how I feel, for example, healthier and more energetic. As well as that, I'm working on finding things I love about myself, whether it's my eyes, or the fact I'm smart, or that my friends come to me for advice because I'm someone they can confide in. I'm sure you have lots of fantastic qualities, so make a note of them. If you find that really hard, ask friends and family for things they like about you. I did this before, and put them all in a book which I'd read whenever I felt like I was worthless. If speaking to a professional isn't a possibility, I imagine there's lots of guidance online about activities you can do to try and boost your confidence. It's a slow process, though, so be patient with yourself. Also, remember, that everyone feels that way sometimes - even people who you think are absolutely beautiful will have days when they wake up and don't like what they see. It makes us human.

As far as the not wanting to eat healthy/having no control, again, this is a learning curve and can be caused by other issues. For example, I'm an emotional eater, so when I binge, it's because there's something bothering me. I may not be aware of the issue right away, but eventually, it twigs and then I realise, "oh, that's why I've been eating so much!" I recently moved away from my family, and I've spent the past month or so, eating terribly. I was having fast food every other day, and then I found myself crying about missing everyone I'd left behind and things started to make sense. So, I did my best to deal with that by reaching out to people and once I felt better, I was less likely to reach for the junk food. Sometimes, things are pulling at us from behind the scenes and make us behave certain ways, so it takes a little focus to realise what's bugging us. Maybe have a think and see if there's anything else in your life that you're unhappy with, or worried about, and try to create a plan of action to tackle them.

Ultimately, what everyone else has said here is right - you don't need to deprive yourself, or be overly strict. Don't think of foods as "good" and "bad", it just leads to be overly strict and miserable. You can eat whatever you want, as long as you enjoy it in moderation. As a chocoholic, I know how impossible that can be some days, but you can work on it. You can still have food you enjoy, just make sure you log it and do your best to not go overboard. Some days will be easier than others. You won't be the only person in the world to sit and stuff your face (I'm probably doing it, too!) so don't be hard on yourself about it - tomorrow is a new day, start again. It's a million little steps, but if they're all going in the right direction, you'll get there.

Hope you feel better soon

facetocallhome

"So, I started eating again, and put a stone of that weight back on" was supposed to say "So, I started eating carelessly again, and put a stone of that weight back on." Oops!

HeidiCooksSupper

Most folks go back to old behaviors and put the weight back on. That's just the truth of it. You've learned that if you stop weighing daily and recording all your food, you go back to old habits of eating enough to maintain your old weight. I have the same problem which is why, when I do go back to MFP after a long hiatus I don't usually need to change the starting weight. I hop right back up to 283.

So, you know what to do. That's not the problem. The problem is deciding to do it. It is definitely the hard part. But do remember, we are here to cheer you one. Many of us know EXACTLY what you are going through. This old lady doesn't want you still hauling around extra weight in your 40s, 50s and 60s until you get sick.

Only you have control over what you decide to do but YOU DO HAVE THAT CONTROL. The longer you wait to do it, the more pounds you'll need to lose a second or third or fourth, etc. time. But we won't BLAME you because a lot of us are in the same boat and know how hard it is.

tomteboda

alyssakhartwig wrote: »

I haven't been wanting to eat healthy. I have no problem going to the gym, that's the easy part. The nutrition is what I struggle with constantly. I know the basics and what to do, I just have no control to apply what I know.

Quit trying to" eat healthy". Figure out how many calories you need to lose 1 lb/week. Buy a kitchen scale, weigh everything, and log it honestly. Eat the foods you enjoy. Stick to your weekly calorie goal. Win.

DebLaBounty

Ugh. Eating "healthy" just zaps the fun out of life sometimes. Mix it up. Eat things you like. I can't sustain a regimented "clean" diet. I just make some healthier choices here and there and the weight is coming off.

MegaMooseEsq

I agree with the advice to start with logging. I genuinely believe that losing weight is easy - it's keeping it off that's hard. I think it's best to focus on the second goal from the start, because yo-yo dieting may be worse for your health than just being overweight, and besides, it makes people miserable! So about logging: figure out what you're eating now and how many calories you're averaging per day/week. Look at what you can change, and start making changes. Maybe just one little change at a time. You won't lose weight fast, maybe you won't lose at all at first, or even keep gaining, but if you keep making gradual, sustainable changes, you'll find yourself in a deficit you can live with and you will lose weight. I started logging six months before I started losing weight, but I feel pretty comfortable at my 1-3 lbs lost a month and feel confident I can keep it up. Good luck!