Cravings and feeling like in a deficit on maintenance
skymningen
Posts: 532 Member
Things are getting weird here. I need some support, I think.
For a start, I am a PhD student trying to finish (and apply for PostDocs), I have a small side job (for the fun, not the money, but it is currently getting stressful and more than I signed up for) and live in a long distance relationship.
I lost weight last year without actually focusing on it, but when I realized I do not want to gain it back I put myself on maintenance calories (actually started with a slight surplus, but back to maintenance now) with the goal of losing body fat % and keeping/building muscle with strength training (3x a week).
Then I started to realize how little that is. I somewhat feel I am eating not more than I was last year when I lost about 20-25lbs during 9 months. I feel like in a deficit.
I introduced some healthier choices and now am a big fan of whole wheat pasta. But how many calories are that?! Wow. I haven't had ice cream but one time so far this summer. I usually skip dessert when offered, I even replace some breakfasts with protein shakes and maybe one fruit so I can eat more for lunch and dinner. And I like healthy food. I love salads and avocado, broccoli and generally most vegetables. I enjoy many fruit, right now I am totally on a peach hype for example.
It's not that I drastically changed what I eat. I just feel it is less and I am depriving myself of treats.
I have to plan like a maniac to be able to go out for lunch with friends and not have to starve for dinner.
It stresses me out to have fresh food available, as I have a very small fridge, a freezer, but no microwave and no car. No use buying a microwave, as I am planning to move out in some months. I used to go shopping once a week, but somehow this does not cut it anymore. But shopping once more after a work day together with going to the gym is eating away my time. I would rather increase gym time though because I feel this is what keeps me mentally healthy.
I tried telling myself all is well. But now I just feel incredibly stressed and like I don't want to think about the consequences anymore and just stay home, cry and eat ice cream. Which I can't, luckily, as there is so much to do at work and no ice cream in the freezer. My brain is totally buzzing and I feel deprived. Deprived of food and real relaxation where nothing bothers me. Despite I try my best to stay true to my goals, my body fat % does not budge at all, and my weight did go slightly up. So I should probably eat even less calories. I honestly cannot do it. I keep under my limit most days, I weight my food and try to log what I eat out as best as I can and I am averaging around 1300 calories usually (while my maintenance would actually be 1500 on sedentary).
Is this how it is supposed to be? It feels terribly little and I totally understand how my body and mind feels deprived. But I also see no result at all, so I don't want to make it worse by going up with calories. Fitting in a treat means I have to be hungry for half of the day. I am lost and suddenly close to giving up.
For a start, I am a PhD student trying to finish (and apply for PostDocs), I have a small side job (for the fun, not the money, but it is currently getting stressful and more than I signed up for) and live in a long distance relationship.
I lost weight last year without actually focusing on it, but when I realized I do not want to gain it back I put myself on maintenance calories (actually started with a slight surplus, but back to maintenance now) with the goal of losing body fat % and keeping/building muscle with strength training (3x a week).
Then I started to realize how little that is. I somewhat feel I am eating not more than I was last year when I lost about 20-25lbs during 9 months. I feel like in a deficit.
I introduced some healthier choices and now am a big fan of whole wheat pasta. But how many calories are that?! Wow. I haven't had ice cream but one time so far this summer. I usually skip dessert when offered, I even replace some breakfasts with protein shakes and maybe one fruit so I can eat more for lunch and dinner. And I like healthy food. I love salads and avocado, broccoli and generally most vegetables. I enjoy many fruit, right now I am totally on a peach hype for example.
It's not that I drastically changed what I eat. I just feel it is less and I am depriving myself of treats.
I have to plan like a maniac to be able to go out for lunch with friends and not have to starve for dinner.
It stresses me out to have fresh food available, as I have a very small fridge, a freezer, but no microwave and no car. No use buying a microwave, as I am planning to move out in some months. I used to go shopping once a week, but somehow this does not cut it anymore. But shopping once more after a work day together with going to the gym is eating away my time. I would rather increase gym time though because I feel this is what keeps me mentally healthy.
I tried telling myself all is well. But now I just feel incredibly stressed and like I don't want to think about the consequences anymore and just stay home, cry and eat ice cream. Which I can't, luckily, as there is so much to do at work and no ice cream in the freezer. My brain is totally buzzing and I feel deprived. Deprived of food and real relaxation where nothing bothers me. Despite I try my best to stay true to my goals, my body fat % does not budge at all, and my weight did go slightly up. So I should probably eat even less calories. I honestly cannot do it. I keep under my limit most days, I weight my food and try to log what I eat out as best as I can and I am averaging around 1300 calories usually (while my maintenance would actually be 1500 on sedentary).
Is this how it is supposed to be? It feels terribly little and I totally understand how my body and mind feels deprived. But I also see no result at all, so I don't want to make it worse by going up with calories. Fitting in a treat means I have to be hungry for half of the day. I am lost and suddenly close to giving up.
1
Replies
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Your maintenance sounds dreadfully like a permanent and very restrictive diet - that's neither enjoyable or ultimately sustainable.
That amount of stress over what should be a "normal" part of life is going to harm you physically and emotionally.
Suggest you do increase your calories, your body seems to be clearly telling you to eat more.
You may well find that you can actually maintain on a higher calorie allowance, feeling deprived and low in energy supresses your NEAT, sometimes significantly. It also impacts your exercise and recovery from exercise.
Just losing some of that stress (cortisol) can have a big impact too.
If you bump up 200 cals a day for a month as an experiment you will have a much better idea what your true maintenance is.
Treat it as a mathematical experiment if that makes it easier!13 -
what are your stats to maintain on 1500 cals?3
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It sounds like you're under a lot of stress from the PhD work. The part-time job also adds stress and the long distance in your relationship may be adding stress, too. Your food problem with few treats is only adding more stress.
If you don't need the money from the part-time job, why not resign and eliminate that stress?
With the time saved from the part-time job, why not do an activity that's fun and reduces stress?
What about buying a small portable freezer you could take with you when you move, or sell? Then you could cook in batches and freeze meals you would enjoy more.
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Don't give up!! Sometimes the answer is right in front of you. Often when things seem stressful and murky, the key is not within drilling down into "the numbers"....it's within your state of mind.
Stress itself changes the way that your body utilizes calories....possibly you can make room for yourself to feel less stressed and confined. If you are people- pleasing right now, that is the first thing that needs to go.
I know this because I tend to do similar to what I've described above...
If you can, physically get away from your situation, cut yourself a break from feeling like " Oh I'm getting fat", and really think about the "WHY" in your life: why you are doing what you're doing, and how every single thing you're doing lines up with that.
Then start getting rid of anything that doesn't align. Put yourself first. Nothing is more important than your state of mind.6 -
That's a great idea, because doing an experiment is so me. Thank you!Treat it as a mathematical experiment if that makes it easier!
Hard to say, as I calculate in kg and meters. It is 51 kg, 160 cm (5'3-4" and around 103 lbs?)TavistockToad wrote: »what are your stats to maintain on 1500 cals?
I know that I am stressing myself too much and that much of this is in my head.Your food problem with few treats is only adding more stress.
If you don't need the money from the part-time job, why not resign and eliminate that stress?
I helped build up this startup to some extend and right now they are in no position to lose me. I started working there as part of my PhD, but got more into it because I like the people and it used to be easy enough. Now I am preparing my way out, but it is a long way to go. I don't want them to crash land for my sake.
Theoretically, I know that and I believed I was acting accordingly. But the problem is, happy, pleased people are what makes the whole stress worthwhile for me. I am ina catch. I need to work more, but I know I can't handle it. I try to keep up with my weight and health goals because I am doing that for me and it is important to me. But some part of me just wants to be able to comfort eat to make life easier. On the other hand my progress has already been slow so far, I don't want to undo everything I reached through one weekend of binge eating.Ready2Getcut wrote: »Stress itself changes the way that your body utilizes calories....possibly you can make room for yourself to feel less stressed and confined. If you are people- pleasing right now, that is the first thing that needs to go.
\
Thank you all for your comments. I just had lunch so I am for now not starving and I also got some nice food for though.
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If you want an example of how stress can affect weight...
(This was purely physical stress of training hard in a deficit.)
Eight weeks out from a big cycle event decided to switch from maintenance to lose a 1lb a week for 7 weeks, train exceptionally hard and then taper off the exercise and taper back up my calories in week 8.
Weeks 1 - 5, feeling good, training well. Losing expected 1lb a week.
Week 6 - training starting to suffer, elevated resting HR, recovering badly, feeling tired and hungry. No weight loss.
Week 7 - abandoned my deficit a week early, back to maintenance calories. Training and recovery picked up, feeling properly fuelled again. Lost 2lbs despite eating more.
Week 8 - taper down exercise, resting HR back to normal, felt really good. Still at same maintenance calories but weight now steady.
There are times you simply have to listen to the messages your body is sending you.15 -
If you want an example of how stress can affect weight...
(This was purely physical stress of training hard in a deficit.)
Eight weeks out from a big cycle event decided to switch from maintenance to lose a 1lb a week for 7 weeks, train exceptionally hard and then taper off the exercise and taper back up my calories in week 8.
Weeks 1 - 5, feeling good, training well. Losing expected 1lb a week.
Week 6 - training starting to suffer, elevated resting HR, recovering badly, feeling tired and hungry. No weight loss.
Week 7 - abandoned my deficit a week early, back to maintenance calories. Training and recovery picked up, feeling properly fuelled again. Lost 2lbs despite eating more.
Week 8 - taper down exercise, resting HR back to normal, felt really good. Still at same maintenance calories but weight now steady.
There are times you simply have to listen to the messages your body is sending you.
Wow. I am exactly 6 weeks away from where my workout intensity increased and also to some extend the stress at work did. This is quite eye opening. Maybe I need to stop being scared of eating more to be able to recomp.7 -
At0
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With 51 kg for 1.60 you are underweight, so it's no wonder you're hungry. :-)
PHd work is incredibly stressful. There have been reports that over 40% suffer from depression (google it). You are in a highly competitive field where a few years of incredible hard work will determine your future or perhaps failure. That is very stressful indeed, even if you don't recognise it as such.
So my advice would be to give yourself a break. Not just from the part time job, but also from dieting too strictly (since your maintanance is actually a diet: you are underweight).
You need the mental headspace to finish up your PHd properly and succesfully. THAT is what will determine your future life and succes, not a few kg more or less.
Also: Could it be that trying to take control over your foodchoices/calories gives you some form of relief from not being in control in the extremely stressful field of academics? The insecurity of not being sure you'll get tenure, constant pressure to produce atricles/papers, etc. Not saying this is the case, but I think it IS something you should honestly examine.
Not sure I wrote this down properly since English is not my first language, but I hope you understand. Wishing you hapiness and succes in your endavours. :-)
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NelwynnValala wrote: »With 51 kg for 1.60 you are underweight, so it's no wonder you're hungry. :-)
PHd work is incredibly stressful. There have been reports that over 40% suffer from depression (google it). You are in a highly competitive field where a few years of incredible hard work will determine your future or perhaps failure. That is very stressful indeed, even if you don't recognise it as such.
So my advice would be to give yourself a break. Not just from the part time job, but also from dieting too strictly (since your maintanance is actually a diet: you are underweight).
You need the mental headspace to finish up your PHd properly and succesfully. THAT is what will determine your future life and succes, not a few kg more or less.
What gives you the impression that I am underweight? My BMI is calculated around 19-20 (depending on the tool you use), which is perfectly normal. The lowest normal weight for my size would be 49 kg, some say even 47 kg (but I don't want to get there). My body fat % is 25, so I am also not low on "energy storage".
I am 100% in control of academics. My supervisor is there when I need him, but otherwise very hands off, so it is all my decision what I do and how. I am not fixed on getting tenure yet. There are years as postdoc to come to show if I can and want to do that. I have been working in industry before, I know that I am not going to die if I have to/decide to go back. I actually have offers from industry for jobs after my PhD, but as I want to move to my Significant Other I am not planning on taking them up. I am actually trying to not base my future happiness (life and success) on my PhD. Yes, I love academia, but there is much more to life. My stress from the PhD is not about the pressure of insecurity it's about the ratio of work/time currently.
It sounds a little that you are trying to imply I am depressed and underweight. I have been depressed before, currently, I am in a completely different state. A stressful one, yes, but an exciting one too. I love working out or spending time with my friends. In a depressed state, I would most likely avoid all that. I am also very aware of the risk of getting underweight by trying to reduce body fat. This is why I am tracking what I do eat and weight. The problem is, I am trying to avoid the guilt of binging on treats because I would run the risk of trying to "starve it off", losing only muscle and no fat which I definitely don't want.
I must have eaten less while I was actually losing weight. I felt better than I do now. I am trying to figure out, why and how to avoid being caught in any kind of downward or upward spiral. My goal is recomposition, first more on the side of getting body fat% down at least a bit and then increasing the muscle growth.
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skymningen wrote: »NelwynnValala wrote: »With 51 kg for 1.60 you are underweight, so it's no wonder you're hungry. :-)
PHd work is incredibly stressful. There have been reports that over 40% suffer from depression (google it). You are in a highly competitive field where a few years of incredible hard work will determine your future or perhaps failure. That is very stressful indeed, even if you don't recognise it as such.
So my advice would be to give yourself a break. Not just from the part time job, but also from dieting too strictly (since your maintanance is actually a diet: you are underweight).
You need the mental headspace to finish up your PHd properly and succesfully. THAT is what will determine your future life and succes, not a few kg more or less.
What gives you the impression that I am underweight? My BMI is calculated around 19-20 (depending on the tool you use), which is perfectly normal. The lowest normal weight for my size would be 49 kg, some say even 47 kg (but I don't want to get there). My body fat % is 25, so I am also not low on "energy storage".
I am 100% in control of academics. My supervisor is there when I need him, but otherwise very hands off, so it is all my decision what I do and how. I am not fixed on getting tenure yet. There are years as postdoc to come to show if I can and want to do that. I have been working in industry before, I know that I am not going to die if I have to/decide to go back. I actually have offers from industry for jobs after my PhD, but as I want to move to my Significant Other I am not planning on taking them up. I am actually trying to not base my future happiness (life and success) on my PhD. Yes, I love academia, but there is much more to life. My stress from the PhD is not about the pressure of insecurity it's about the ratio of work/time currently.
It sounds a little that you are trying to imply I am depressed and underweight. I have been depressed before, currently, I am in a completely different state. A stressful one, yes, but an exciting one too. I love working out or spending time with my friends. In a depressed state, I would most likely avoid all that. I am also very aware of the risk of getting underweight by trying to reduce body fat. This is why I am tracking what I do eat and weight. The problem is, I am trying to avoid the guilt of binging on treats because I would run the risk of trying to "starve it off", losing only muscle and no fat which I definitely don't want.
I must have eaten less while I was actually losing weight. I felt better than I do now. I am trying to figure out, why and how to avoid being caught in any kind of downward or upward spiral. My goal is recomposition, first more on the side of getting body fat% down at least a bit and then increasing the muscle growth.
I plugged in your stats, and yes you're BMI is around 19, which is technically normal- but on the verge of underweight. Don't be so defensive- people are answering trying to offer advice. Eat more and don't stress about food, focus on strength training and fitness for stress release. But eat more, you'll feel better
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"I helped build up this startup to some extend and right now they are in no position to lose me. I started working there as part of my PhD, but got more into it because I like the people and it used to be easy enough. Now I am preparing my way out, but it is a long way to go. I don't want them to crash land for my sake."
It sounds like you are really really valuable to this startup, and I completely admire your desire to not let them down. However they need to be looking out for you too. It may be you need to let the leadership know how much more difficult this is making your life, and see if there is some way they can ease the stress on you. Just a suggestion....0 -
Even my maintenance calories feel like so little. It sucks.6
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OP I'm in the same boat. Exactly. I've gained 10 lbs from my lowest 3 years ago because of that... I feel deprived ALL THE TIME and even all the exercise I do isn't cutting it. I guess the good thing is that I only gained 10 lbs, and I should have gained double that if my Fitbit was accurate! I'm still in the normal BMI range but I'm not going to lie, it's really hard. I feel way more deprived and hungry than when I was losing.5
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fitdaisygrrl wrote: »
I plugged in your stats, and yes you're BMI is around 19, which is technically normal- but on the verge of underweight. Don't be so defensive- people are answering trying to offer advice. Eat more and don't stress about food, focus on strength training and fitness for stress release. But eat more, you'll feel better
My BMI is nearly 20. Where I live, no-one would ever see that as underweight, it is more like average lean. Under 18.5 would be considered underweight and I am far from that. I admit I felt slightly offended by that, especially together with suggesting the PhD is what I need for a happy life (which I see as a very unhealthy view on success). I would rather be healthy and fit and not end up with tenure than the other way round.
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skymningen wrote: »Things are getting weird here. I need some support, I think.
For a start, I am a PhD student trying to finish (and apply for PostDocs), I have a small side job (for the fun, not the money, but it is currently getting stressful and more than I signed up for) and live in a long distance relationship.
I lost weight last year without actually focusing on it, but when I realized I do not want to gain it back I put myself on maintenance calories (actually started with a slight surplus, but back to maintenance now) with the goal of losing body fat % and keeping/building muscle with strength training (3x a week).
Then I started to realize how little that is. I somewhat feel I am eating not more than I was last year when I lost about 20-25lbs during 9 months. I feel like in a deficit.
I introduced some healthier choices and now am a big fan of whole wheat pasta. But how many calories are that?! Wow. I haven't had ice cream but one time so far this summer. I usually skip dessert when offered, I even replace some breakfasts with protein shakes and maybe one fruit so I can eat more for lunch and dinner. And I like healthy food. I love salads and avocado, broccoli and generally most vegetables. I enjoy many fruit, right now I am totally on a peach hype for example.
It's not that I drastically changed what I eat. I just feel it is less and I am depriving myself of treats.
I have to plan like a maniac to be able to go out for lunch with friends and not have to starve for dinner.
It stresses me out to have fresh food available, as I have a very small fridge, a freezer, but no microwave and no car. No use buying a microwave, as I am planning to move out in some months. I used to go shopping once a week, but somehow this does not cut it anymore. But shopping once more after a work day together with going to the gym is eating away my time. I would rather increase gym time though because I feel this is what keeps me mentally healthy.
I tried telling myself all is well. But now I just feel incredibly stressed and like I don't want to think about the consequences anymore and just stay home, cry and eat ice cream. Which I can't, luckily, as there is so much to do at work and no ice cream in the freezer. My brain is totally buzzing and I feel deprived. Deprived of food and real relaxation where nothing bothers me. Despite I try my best to stay true to my goals, my body fat % does not budge at all, and my weight did go slightly up. So I should probably eat even less calories. I honestly cannot do it. I keep under my limit most days, I weight my food and try to log what I eat out as best as I can and I am averaging around 1300 calories usually (while my maintenance would actually be 1500 on sedentary).
Is this how it is supposed to be? It feels terribly little and I totally understand how my body and mind feels deprived. But I also see no result at all, so I don't want to make it worse by going up with calories. Fitting in a treat means I have to be hungry for half of the day. I am lost and suddenly close to giving up.
As long as you are fine with a smaller one, a microwave is only $35-45. It's worth it for several months.0 -
Also- there's a reason that so many PhD students are on anti-depressants/anxiety meds. If stress & despair are getting the better of you, see a Dr.1
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Add a couple of bloody Mary's, life is long, what do you think you need? If you're too hungry add some fat. Like popcorn with butter. Don't think about it today Scarlet, just keep swimming...1
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skymningen wrote: »fitdaisygrrl wrote: »
I plugged in your stats, and yes you're BMI is around 19, which is technically normal- but on the verge of underweight. Don't be so defensive- people are answering trying to offer advice. Eat more and don't stress about food, focus on strength training and fitness for stress release. But eat more, you'll feel better
My BMI is nearly 20. Where I live, no-one would ever see that as underweight, it is more like average lean. Under 18.5 would be considered underweight and I am far from that. I admit I felt slightly offended by that, especially together with suggesting the PhD is what I need for a happy life (which I see as a very unhealthy view on success). I would rather be healthy and fit and not end up with tenure than the other way round.
I think people were going off of your weight/height guess in pounds and inches. *That* figure was underweight. Your actual height and weight in metric is perfectly normal.
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Just trying to help Daisy. Sorry you're taking it the wrong way. I'll leave this thread now, again I wish you all the happiness possible. -)2
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