Support and Motivation failure

rosey0104

So I have a question for everyone. I have had a great group of friends for many years that have been supportive at other times of my life but not when it comes to me losing weight. My group of girlfriends are all on the larger side and things have become infinitely worse since I began a healthier lifestyle.

Has anybody else has issues with friends when their lifestyle changed to a healthier one?

I really hate to lose my previously great group of friends but nothing I have tried has worked. I've tried the just ignoring them, just ordering healthy items or not really talking about my workouts/anything weight loss related. It is now at the point that they have become insulting/degrading about anything remotely healthy or related to healthy foods/exercise.

Any and all help is greatly appreciated.

jemhh

rosey0104 wrote: »

It is now at the point that they have become insulting/degrading about anything remotely healthy or related to healthy foods/exercise.

Could you put this in context a bit? Usually my advice is not to talk about your weight loss effort with others. More info on this part of your post could help you get better answers.

Tiffmomof5

My advice is to not talk to others that run down your fitness efforts. Just do this for yourself and maybe you will motivate them some time to change. Until then dont let others knock you down. I say find some friends on here to help you be motivated so you can stay strong. You are more than welcome to add me as a friend I will help you as much as I can.

Msfugly

They don't really sound like friends they sound jealous

rosey0104

jemhh wrote: »

Could you put this in context a bit? Usually my advice is not to talk about your weight loss effort with others. More info on this part of your post could help you get better answers.

We get together about once a week for coffee, drinks, shopping, etc... and the past several times we have gone out the comments have come up such as if we are deciding somewhere to eat "oh well Rosey is trying to lose weight so lets eat at the fried chicken place so she stays fat" or when I order something healthy "If you keep eating healthy stuff you'll just be fat AND unhappy". Just aggressive crap like that. I don't know if it stems from they think if I lose weight none of us will be friends anymore.

It's getting to the point now that even if I just mention "hey I can't hang out" or just hey how are you it automatically turns to blaming me because I'm changing my lifestyle. I stopped mentioning anything weight loss or food related and yet they keep turning everything back to it. I hate to lose all my close friends but its now at the point that I dread hanging out or even talking to them.

vespiquenn

rosey0104 wrote: »

jemhh wrote: »

Could you put this in context a bit? Usually my advice is not to talk about your weight loss effort with others. More info on this part of your post could help you get better answers.

We get together about once a week for coffee, drinks, shopping, etc... and the past several times we have gone out the comments have come up such as if we are deciding somewhere to eat "oh well Rosey is trying to lose weight so lets eat at the fried chicken place so she stays fat" or when I order something healthy "If you keep eating healthy stuff you'll just be fat AND unhappy". Just aggressive crap like that. I don't know if it stems from they think if I lose weight none of us will be friends anymore.

It's getting to the point now that even if I just mention "hey I can't hang out" or just hey how are you it automatically turns to blaming me because I'm changing my lifestyle. I stopped mentioning anything weight loss or food related and yet they keep turning everything back to it. I hate to lose all my close friends but its now at the point that I dread hanging out or even talking to them.

Have you been direct and told them the bolded?

Jmb11388

It's easier for them to put you down rather then put in effort themselves. I think your doing the right thing by making a healthy life choice that will eventually lead to you feeling more positive about yourself. I've recently gone through this with my group of buddies, I lost 30lbs and they make fun of me more then trying to motivate. Sending positive vibes your way

rosey0104

vespiquenn wrote: »

Have you been direct and told them the bolded?

I haven't in those exact words. We went out to eat last night and I had just had it. I told them they that were being Sh** friends and that sabotaging me was not something friends do. I just paid my bill and left. After all the insults and what feels like backstabbing I had just had enough.

ladyhusker39

[/quote]

We get together about once a week for coffee, drinks, shopping, etc... and the past several times we have gone out the comments have come up such as if we are deciding somewhere to eat "oh well Rosey is trying to lose weight so lets eat at the fried chicken place so she stays fat" or when I order something healthy "If you keep eating healthy stuff you'll just be fat AND unhappy". Just aggressive crap like that. I don't know if it stems from they think if I lose weight none of us will be friends anymore.

It's getting to the point now that even if I just mention "hey I can't hang out" or just hey how are you it automatically turns to blaming me because I'm changing my lifestyle. I stopped mentioning anything weight loss or food related and yet they keep turning everything back to it. I hate to lose all my close friends but its now at the point that I dread hanging out or even talking to them. [/quote]

I hate to say this, but from what you describe it sounds like you don't have the relationship with the people that you thought you did. By definition people who are unkind to us don't actually care about us whatever they might pretend. I am truly sorry you're going through this. Reach out for new friends who share your goals and interests. All the best.

lauracups

I am sorry that you are going through this. I experienced something very similar with one person. They are no longer in my life. The only thing I can offer up is that you cannot change their perceptions, r reasons for their behavior. You can change time you choose to spend with them and maybe join groups clubs events that will open up the opportunity to meet new people. Good luck and kudos on your progress!

facetocallhome

I'm sorry to hear this. I've had similar experiences and it's not nice. It shouldn't be like that. They don't sound like particularly great friends from the way they are behaving. You should surround yourself with people who empower you and encourage you. Hope you find those people soon, or your current friends realise that what they are doing is wrong and can support you with your goals.

I'd definitely recommend making plenty of friends on MFP, too. There are some fantastic people on here who are so supportive, because they're going through the same thing. It's made quite a difference to my experience.

Good luck!

Spiegelchan

I can't read their minds, obviously, but my guess is that your effort to improve yourself and your health is making them feel bad about themselves and their attempts to love themselves as they are. The fact that they have a group of people to support their unhealthy decisions is encouraging them to be more vocal and maybe cruel than they would be otherwise, because it reinforces that feeling of belonging and that they're okay.

They're doing what's best for themselves, at least emotionally if not physically. You need to do what's best for yourself and leave. I think you should also clearly and calmly explain your reasons, probably by individually sending them messages, because maybe if they get your comments one by one, instead of as a group where they can see and bounce off each others' reactions, you'll actually be able to reach through their pain to their compassion and the care they felt about you. But who knows what kind of people they are?

The point is, even if they can change and decide your friendship is worth the brutal honesty it shines on their lives, it's a decision they have to come to on their own and it's probably not going to happen by continuing on as you have been. You can't make them do it. So get away from their negativity, find new friends, and be proud of doing what they can't handle