Unsupportive System

stina72682

How do you deal with people who are unsupportive? I'm talking close friends and family members. I feel like a disappointment and embarrassment to my father (who is an alcoholic) and completely shut down when he mentions anything to do with my weight (always negative). Today he posted an article on my Facebook page about a woman who lost 100+ lbs after her friend died from obesity related complications. His caption read, "Chris, please take your life back. I don't want to bury you." Sure, this seems supportive and maybe encouraging, but when I've lost weight in the past he has never said anything to me, let alone "liked" my weight loss status on Facebook. Many of you might say that I should prove him wrong, which I would love to do, but there is this voice inside me screaming "*kitten* YOU!!!" I also don't want to lose weight just to prove him wrong because I feel like once I lose the weight he will take credit for it. You know, because he "encouraged" me. Advice?

xandra47

Post the same type of stuff about alcoholism. Every time he wants to bring up your weight, flip it back on him, he'll probably catch that clue pretty quick.

tcunbeliever

your father is an alcoholic...how is he qualified to to be supportive of anyone, he can't even take care of himself properly

you need to live your life for you, including any weight or fitness goals you choose to tackle - you set your goals, you achieve them, you applaud your efforts, successes, etc

you are the only one who is truly relevant in your life

pineapple_jojo

Block him from your FB and tell him why. You don't need hurtful comments, you need support!

Lyric_Momma

The only person to do this for is you!!!
Sure I want my children to live healthy lifestyles and be there for them as long as I can. Although I say it's for them, it is really for me.
If you want to talk about unsupportive you should meet my husband. After I lost 60 lbs- I got down to 190. He told me I was skin and bones and too thin. I let this discourage me and after having 2 kids I gained back the weight and then some. Others opinions do not matter. Do this for you! I plan to drop 100 lbs. People can support me or they can be some extra weight lost.

GlassAngyl

I will never understand why people feel they need support to follow their own star. The only support you need is your own convictions.

MichelleSilverleaf

There are a few things you can do: talk to him (only if you think he'd hear you out or you'd feel better for getting your feelings out), stress that your weight and weight loss is no longer a topic of conversation between you, or limit how much interaction you have with him. Not knowing you personally or your dad personally, I couldn't say which would be the better option. Some people are negative because they're negative people, some don't realize that their negativity doesn't actually help. The latter can sometimes be made to realize that what they're doing isn't actually helpful and change. On my facebook I have a friends list that I post about my weight loss stuff to, and it's only people I know are supportive. I'm not a believer in tolerating the company of anyone who insists on doing or saying things that I wouldn't tolerate from a stranger, but I also believe in saying something to those people if you can. Sometimes you can just get a sense of whether it's worth it to say something or not. Friends and family don't get a pass to make me miserable just because they're friends or family, life's too damn short. And setting boundaries are very healthy.

pinuplove

If deleting him from your social media will cause drama you don't feel like dealing with, put him on your restricted list and change your settings to ignore his posts. I'm of the 'my dietary choices aren't fodder for public comment' ilk, so I don't post or talk about weight loss anywhere except here (other than with my immediately family, with whom I live, of course).

ETA, if you DO in fact live with him, that makes matters a bit more complicated. I'd still restrict him on social media. Life's too short for that *kitten*.

LonniJay

I had an alcoholic father who always harped on me about my weight. I would start exercising and he would belittle me about that too. I cut that a-hole out of my life and haven't talked to him in 10 years. Best decision I could have ever made.

Lose weight for yourself and your health. Forget about him and his unwanted opinions and selfish advice. Alcoholics like people to be miserable while also playing the selfless victim. Think about what you want nothing else.

stina72682

suzannesimmons3 wrote: »

He's an alcoholic...the only person he really cares about is the one serving him his poison of choice. Block and forget as it doesn't get any better.

Edit to add I'm the daughter of an alcoholic who out of spite stopped treatment and finished himself.off because he was p!ssed off we wouldn't pander to his tantrums anymore....they care about no one but themselves and it's all them them them so o.p no matter how you lose it'll be all his doing isn't he a star

Thank you. I sent you a friend request.

stina72682

Thank you all! I think I'll kick my father the throat because I'll be taking kick boxing classes!

enyagoboom

posting crap to your facebook feed like that is rude because it is so freaking public. it sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and a good heart, but take what he says and does with a grain of salt - regardless of his own demons.

i second the al anon meetings. do what you need to do for you, not for him, or for anyone else.

Fuzzipeg

My family all "knew" why my weight was so high, never stayed off. For me it came down to was untreated Hashimoto's, over many years, which along with regular use of antibiotics for different things, particularly in my younger years seems to have caused the loss of dietary microbes, which also led to my body being unable to make digestive enzymes to digest the foods causing intolerances. I was unable to achieve regular help for all my health issues, joint pain, restricted diet, breathing problems and chemical sensitivity. I was fortunate one or two good people crossed my path with ideas to help me. Helping the body work properly by the use of supplements is not readily accepted by the medical profession let alone ordinary people. I hope you can find the right help for yourself. Supplements, digestive microbes and enzymes have been a life saver for me. Now I'm more healthy they sing a different song.

Having an alcoholic or few in the family is not at all helpful. They consider themselves to be perfection, above reproach, they see what they want to see, not the damage they have done in their bouts of self-pity, expecting undying devotion, they don't know what to do to get it back.

Please block him on fb, I'm not on it, its not the place for a parent/grandmother, I don't want to view what the family are doing, I love to hear what they tell me.

TorStar80

Your father is what I call a toxic person. I know you love him but if I were you I would just cut him out. Maybe he thinks his intentions are good but what he's doing is hurtful and accomplishes exactly the opposite. I have cut close family members out of my life, it's not easy but boy did my life improve. I wish you luck in whatever you decide, if nothing else, try to ignore him and realize that picking on you is easy... what he should be doing is looking inward first.

VeronicaA76

Ready for this: Haters are Everywhere. Ignore them. It's verbal bullying, adult edition. People are going to say things about your weight, then about your weight loss, then about that you lost too much, anything they can nitpick on for the simple reason that they probably have thier own self esteem issues.

You're not getting healthy for them, don't let them get to you. And if they do, find a healthy way to deal with it. Me, I go work out my anger in the gym. I feel better then get on with my life.