For those of you with "fit" significant others - do they help or hold back your progress?

abbynormalartist

Love my husband but he's one of my biggest hurdles as far as my diet and fitness goals go.

My husband was very overweight when we first met but he's been lifting weights for about 10 years. He's in the best shape of his life right now- honestly, like a magazine model with abs and a 7 minute mile. I'm about 3 months into my very first serious diet/exercise program. My win is that I'm 3 lbs lighter and can finally do 5 standard push ups- no knees for me! So you see, we're at very different places in our fitness journey.

In the past, we've noticed that we subconsciously hinder each other's fitness goals. "Dieting? Oh that's no fun, here have more pizza". "Going to the gym tonight? Oh, but wouldn't it be more fun to stay and watch a movie with me?". We both did it to each other. A few months ago we decided that we'd make an effort to stop that and really support each other. It's helped a lot but I notice him sliding back into old habits. For example, just last night he was encouraging me to eat cake but wouldn't have any himself since he's "cutting".

Another thing he does is try to encourage me in ways that feel very discouraging. He likes to show me youtube videos of people who have great success in the gym. He thinks this will inspire me but I'm obviously a long way from that so it just makes me feel like a failure. He loves to tell me what he thinks I should be doing and how quickly. For example, when I told him a current goal is to be able to jog a mile without stopping to walk, he said I should easily be able to do that after working at it "a couple of times". Yeah... I've been working at it for 2 months. It's going to take more than a couple more runs to get there.

And the last hurdle for me is that I'm doing this as healthily as I can. A balanced diet, a multivitamin, protein shakes, maintenance calories and lifting weights to re-comp, etc. I know it's going to take a while to really see results but I'm (mostly) okay with that. My husband has taken fat burners, pro-hormones, and will occasionally eat with a huge deficit- especially considering how hard he works out. I'm not open to that so of course my changes are not going to be as noticeable as his. It's difficult to see him go on and on about his massive results while I don't look at all different in the same time period.

Anyone else with a significant other making your diet/fitness harder?

Any suggestions?

Every time I bring it up to him he ships up for a bit then gradually slides back into old annoying habits.

enyagoboom

We often model what behavior we want/find helpful to others so what he is showing you is what helps him. Thank him for his encouragement and then show him what *you* find encouraging - what ever it is that you are using for motivation. You both need to speak the same language here, or at least understand you're not speaking the same language.

when he uses language that is discouraging do what you need to do to say thank you and let it go. In this, as much as our marriages are about both of us, our fitness goals are about our relationship with our *self* - you do you.

And try not to take his accomplishments personally. You are doing it differently and you are a different person. It's not a competition. You got this. Good luck!

Ironandwine69

Yes. He works out too and we have a young child, so we have to "take turns" to go to the gym. If he was lazy and not fit, I would be at the gym all the time.

aeloine

GORGEOUS S/O and can eat like a horse. It's been tough when he's cooked for me because he needs the high carbs of potatoes and such to keep up energy levels for his lifting/bulking. I, on the other hand, eat small portions and lots of veggies. He's super encouraging of my efforts and is very conscious of me when we go out but I have to cook triple the amount of food when he comes over and have to eat before I go over to his place.

jennybearlv

My husband used to be fit, but isn't anymore. When I first started lifting and losing he would give me all sorts of obnoxious advice and tell me how I was doing it wrong. He would offer me junk food that didn't fit my calories or question why I was eating junk food when it did fit my calories. I ignored him or said no over and over. After a couple of months and losing a chunk of weight he finally started taking me seriously and being supportive. I know everyone is different, but in my case I just had to prove to my know-it-all husband that I knew what I was doing by getting results.

quiksylver296

My hubby has been nothing but awesome. I'm pretty dang blessed.

He doesn't complain about my gym time. We both lift 5 days a week, and work our schedules so we can both fit our workouts in. I'm pretty much in charge of the food, so he doesn't have much input there. But if he is cooking, he asks what I want or can fit into my day. He's been supportive of my hiring a powerlifting coach, even though it's spendy. He doesn't make any comments/suggestions about my diet or workout, leaves that all to my coach. He has taken information I've gotten from my coach and incorporated it into his workouts.

I need to thank him more.

ETA: Oh, and he helps with food prep by smoking the chicken breasts every Sunday.

everher

My SO is extremely fit, but he knows I don't really want or need his advice when it comes to me losing weight or my workout routine. He's content to do his own thing and I'm content to do mine. We support each other (he's cutting right now) though he does think I've lost enough weight now.

I would just tell your husband that while you appreciate his advice you don't really need it at this time. As far as him offering you food and things, just say no. It sounds hard, but after the first few times it's almost routine.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

My husband is my best friend and trainer. He kicks my butt and supports all my goals.

Chef_Barbell

We encourage each other for our goals.

daneejela

I don't think it's very much related with the fact that he is fit. My husband and I are both unfit (but working on it ) and we give each other hard time all the time. At first I think that he made more trouble to my weight loss, but now I think it's quite the opposite.
We are both very passionate about our interests, we can spend days and days doing research after which we both have strong opinions about stuff.
Most of the time I guess we are both wrong
At first he did just like your husband - he would try to impose his findings on me, but at the same time he would talk me into eating hamburger at 2 am. But at the time I was pretty lean, with only few extra pounds, so I think that he just thought that I would handle it somehow and not gain weight.
Last year I've gained a lot of weight and I guess that was the first time that he has seen me out of control. This year he has actually kept me accountable (I made a new year announcement that for me this is a sweets&cakes free year) and he has been an awesome support by just letting me doing my stuff while he has been doing his stuff. From time to time I have very strong opinion about his stuff, but then I try to give him the same support as he has given to me.
Since I can recognize myself a bit in your husband at the moment, maybe if you can just repeat him calmly that he is not helping you and that you need to do things your own way, even if that way is sometimes not the best way possible.
The other thing that I hope you want get offended with is - although it's great help if your spouse is supporting you in the right way, very often we take our spouses as an excuse. Don't do it. Just stick with it, I can see on your profile that you're doing great!

HealthyBodySickMind

My husband and I have very different needs for "motivation." I like to do things as cheaply as possible (walking is free, I found my bench, bar, and weights on craigslist for $25, and made my own squat rack). He isn't motivated unless we spend all the dollars on his crossfit classes and spartan races (which he needs special shoes and clothes for). While it's annoying if I'm short sighted about it, I know in the long run, the improvement in and maintenance of his health will be worth it, so I try to look at it as an investment. We're also different on the tracking. I track everything, and he doesn't.

As to how this relates to the op, others have already said it. I do me. My husband does his thing. We try not to get in each other's way.

SammieCosme

My husband is actually underweight if he was given the weight I lost he would be solo happy. I try to help him because it is his eating habits he will eat one if I'm lucky I can get him to eat two meals a day. I always sneak in extra fat into his food to try to get more calories in there. But yeah he is supportive we go for walks around the parks together and stuff. He eats what he wants and I eat what I should. Its all about give and take. And of course self control

tulips_and_tea

Communication, communication, communication. Honestly, that's what it takes.

As you said, "Every time I bring it up to him he ships up for a bit then gradually slides back into old annoying habits". It will be that way for a while, particularly considering you said this is your 3rd month into a serious lifestyle change. Just be consistent, keep communicating what works for you and what doesn't and eventually he'll get it.

esjones12

My boyfriend (future hubby) and I met because of Spartan Racing. I still have quite a bit of weight to lose though and he is 7% bodyfat and can run a half-marathon without training for it. He is also my coach, as he is certified in many fitness things including Spartan SGX and Yoga. His level of fitness is way beyond mine even when he has had to take months off of solid training due to injury.

Communication definitely is key and we are still working some things out. We both are total foodies and like to go on trips and eat organic farm-to-table meals together....great healthy food but usually just too many calories for me. It's definitely hard when I really want to eat something I shouldn't and he knows I shouldn't but he also knows I really want to. It's not fair of me to put him in that situation. We are both human.

So yeah.....it still takes work even when you are both on the same page working towards the same goals. I would question the status of my relationship if there was continued sabotage or intentional ruining of my goals. Being healthy and fit is a lifestyle....and I can't imagine trying to continue a relationship with someone who didn't regard it as such.