Feeling deprived
Raspberrybelle
Posts: 5 Member
Hey all,
I've been calorie counting for 3 weeks now. I've lost very slowly but my goal is only to lose 15 Lb and being short, having too big of a deficit isn't sustainable.
I don't feel hungry and I'm not starving myself, however I can't shake off this "deprived" feeling when I need to restrict my consumption of, say, chocolate. I do eat higher calorie food that I crave (e.g chocolate) as long as they're within my caloric allowance, but still I can't help feeling depressed at not being able to eat as much of it as regularly as I want to! My eating habits used to be fairly bad, I would eat packs of biscuits everyday, etc, which probably is the reason why I gained 15 lbs over the past year. I feel like perhaps I'm having withdrawal symptoms!
I know this is silly but honestly this is bringing me down. furthermore I'm very small (5'1) and my TDEE is very low. My current calorie deficit is very close to what my TDEE will be at my goal weight. This makes me even more depressed. Has anyone experienced this and how did you get over this feeling?
I've been calorie counting for 3 weeks now. I've lost very slowly but my goal is only to lose 15 Lb and being short, having too big of a deficit isn't sustainable.
I don't feel hungry and I'm not starving myself, however I can't shake off this "deprived" feeling when I need to restrict my consumption of, say, chocolate. I do eat higher calorie food that I crave (e.g chocolate) as long as they're within my caloric allowance, but still I can't help feeling depressed at not being able to eat as much of it as regularly as I want to! My eating habits used to be fairly bad, I would eat packs of biscuits everyday, etc, which probably is the reason why I gained 15 lbs over the past year. I feel like perhaps I'm having withdrawal symptoms!
I know this is silly but honestly this is bringing me down. furthermore I'm very small (5'1) and my TDEE is very low. My current calorie deficit is very close to what my TDEE will be at my goal weight. This makes me even more depressed. Has anyone experienced this and how did you get over this feeling?
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Replies
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Increase your exercise to get some extra calories to spend on what you want. But honestly, if you've only been going three weeks you're probably still getting a bit of sugar withdrawl. Once you educate your body in better habits you won't feel so deprived - once you're used to only one or two biscuits, you rarely want another. I don't say never, but if you log everything before you eat it then its surprising how quickly you look at those extra calories going on and think, do I really want to deprive myself of ...(something you were going to have later) or do I want to do some extra exercise to make up for it?
You have made an important first step in NOT eating that whole packet of biscuits - there are plenty of threads on here starting "I have been going x weeks but now I've totally failed because I ate y". Try to find something to distract you - your hands are used to dipping onto those biscuits, so try something which requires clean hands - knitting, scrapbooking, crochet or whatever floats your boat.
You're doing fine, you recognise the changes needed and are trying to follow them. Once you are at your goal weight you won't feel deprived because you won't want to eat a whole packet of biscuits any more!5 -
I know you say you're losing slow but what rate of loss have you set yourself to?0
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tinkerbellang83 wrote: »I know you say you're losing slow but what rate of loss have you set yourself to?
My rate of loss is 0.3 lbs a week. Tbh I'm probably eating what I used to eat before I gained weight, but my body has probably gotten used to eating junk.
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You can eat all the sweets, chocolate, cake etc that you like. No one is stopping you. Doing so will likely put you over your recommended calorie intake so you won't achieve your weight loss goals.
What's more important to you? Which one are you prepared to sacrifice more? Eating whatever, or your weight loss goal?2 -
Then I think @mazdauk has the right idea, try increasing your activity to allow yourself a bit more wiggle room and maybe try to bulk out your meals with lower calorie nutritionally dense foods to give yourself a bit more room for treats or try to incorporate smaller amounts of the treats but more often.
For me this can be having a seasoned chicken breast with half a plate of broccoli instead of where I might previously have thrown some oven chips on or using quinoa to bulk out a salad.
I buy packs of the Dairy Milk Little Bars which are 95 calories per bar and have 1-2 of those after my dinner.3 -
increase your TDEE by doing some exercise...
other than that, you need to change your mindset - you don't need to eat loads of chocolate every day... you may want to, but you dont need to. so you choose, do you want to eat lots of chocolate or do you want to maintain a lower weight?1 -
Thanks for those who provided helpful replies
TavistockToad wrote: »increase your TDEE by doing some exercise...
other than that, you need to change your mindset - you don't need to eat loads of chocolate every day... you may want to, but you dont need to. so you choose, do you want to eat lots of chocolate or do you want to maintain a lower weight?
In regards to the second part of your post, I can see that you can't relate to how I'm feeling - which is entirely understandable, not everyone is the same.
However I found what you said very condescending. If my first post seems to imply that I THINK I need to eat chocolate everyday, then maybe I worded it wrong, who knows.0 -
livingleanlivingclean wrote: »You can eat all the sweets, chocolate, cake etc that you like. No one is stopping you. Doing so will likely put you over your recommended calorie intake so you won't achieve your weight loss goals.
What's more important to you? Which one are you prepared to sacrifice more? Eating whatever, or your weight loss goal?
Finding a balance is what is important to me.
No one is stopping me eating all the chocolate I want, of course. I am exercising restraint myself and I'm trying to find a way to cope with the resulting feelings of deprivation. which is why I started this thread.1 -
Raspberrybelle wrote: »livingleanlivingclean wrote: »You can eat all the sweets, chocolate, cake etc that you like. No one is stopping you. Doing so will likely put you over your recommended calorie intake so you won't achieve your weight loss goals.
What's more important to you? Which one are you prepared to sacrifice more? Eating whatever, or your weight loss goal?
Finding a balance is what is important to me.
No one is stopping me eating all the chocolate I want, of course. I am exercising restraint myself and I'm trying to find a way to cope with the resulting feelings of deprivation. which is why I started this thread.
You have to want the weight loss more. I was in a similar position for years and never managed to overcome it until a light bulb moment when achieving my goals meant more than finding satisfaction in lots of treat food (I could literally eat bags of sweets, blocks of chocolate, packets of biscuits etc).
I started to find comfort and satisfaction in fuelling my body well and knowing that I was doing the right things to reach my physique goals.2 -
I think some of the thoughts you're having at the moment, may be dragging you down. You don't lose more slowly and you can't eat less just because you're shorter, your calorie needs are proportional to your height. You are not having withdrawal symptoms, you feel like you are missing out.
If it can be of any help, rest assured that most of us would like to be able to eat everything all the time, but we can't if we want to stay fit and healthy. But that doesn't mean that you always have to say no. It's always a choice. Knowing that you can say yes, makes it easier to say no.1 -
I can relate to this. Have been counting calories again 3 weeks now and eating at a teeny tiny deficit, and am finding the long term prospect challenging and a little grim. Because I'd made a habit of eating whatever I wanted lately, and it's not realistic. I found mazdauk's comment comforting - hopefully by sticking with it the desire to eat whatever we want will dissipate! There's only one way to find out. Raspberrybelle we can do it!1
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I agree that exercise would definitely help get you more calories. I love cycling just bc being on a bike is fun. However, it doesn't hurt that I can burn 1000+ calories in one ride either!
But the 2nd part.. have you considered switching up your chocolate/treats? For instance, I don't do a great job of limiting my chocolate if I'm eating a candy bar bc I know it's still out there. However, if I eat ghiradelli squares that are individually wrapped, I can eat just one (for 53 calories). I especially like the sea salt soiree ones bc it gives me that sweet and salty all in one. It doesn't leave me feeling the pull to go finish something.2 -
I used to eat two desserts whenever I went out to eat, seriously - I'm known for it. Two entire desserts, after a full meal including starter and cocktails. A quick snack getting in from work would be a huge bag of mini eggs or one of the big sharer cadburys bag. Or an entire chocolate orange. Or two packs of Oreos. My sweet tooth was legendary.
After a few months of calorie restriction I've got used to the new normal - I think a lot of my over eating of sweets was habitual. Like you I felt weirdly deprived, even though I wasn't hungry at all. But I decided I needed to kick my own *kitten* a little and stick to it, so I weighed out my small portions of chocolate (9 mini eggs is a serving, who knew?!) and eventually that seemed normal to me.
In fact the other week I had loads of exercise calories to eat so I gave myself an entire bag of mini eggs to eat. I ate some and then just felt done and put the bag back...
The next day out of interest I counted how many were left in the bag... I'd eaten 9.
Try sticking it out a little longer, and if all else fails do some more exercise so you can eat more sweet stuff.5 -
My suggestion would be to find new treats which you love but which fit into your calorie goals. My favorite treat is a latte made with unsweetened almond milk, cinnamon, and shavings of dark chocolate - 42 calories. Another one is berries with Greek yogurt. Even zero calorie treats like herbal teas can be helpful in giving you the same pleasure you used to get from overeating.
Speaking for myself, I find it helpful to avoid added sugars as the taste makes me crave more. My experience is that after about two weeks, your taste buds reset and natural sugars taste much sweeter, while most sugary sweets taste too sweet. Not everyone has the same issues around sugar, but if you find that eating one biscuit just makes you want more than one, it's something to consider.2 -
Another thing I find helpful is doing some exercise when I get in from work (especially if I'm in earlier than the rest of the family as we all have different patterns), then obviously I need a nice bath, do my hair etc. By the time I've done that everyone else is in and so I cook dinner. Otherwise I would sit down and watch rubbish TV with a snack of some sort -and not have a smaller dinner! This way I just have the dinner and the calories saved on NOT having the snack (plus the exercise calories) cover my wine. That's lady maths! 3
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You have to experiment to see what works for you. I can totally relate to this, so I've fixed my diet to include only my favorite foods, and I do a lot of cardio so I can eat about 1700-1800 calories a day (burning 500-600 during exercise).
I eat 1-2 candy bars a day, and I've found you can eat anything you want in moderation, really. I have these meal kit delivery services - Plated and Blue Apron, and the food is yummy, but I split their 2-portion meals into 4 portions to cut back the calories, and I put one portion away for lunch the next day, since it's just me and my two kids. I always feel like I'm eating amazing gourmet meals.
I love chocolate too, and I've found that hershey bars are great because I know how many calories are in each (220) and I can sit down and really enjoy it - small bites, savoring the moment. I usually buy one or two every day at a corner store, so I don't have chocolate sitting around in my house.
Like someone else said, if you eat a lot of low-calorie, high-nutrition foods for meals, you can splurge a bit on snacks. I've learned to experiment with salads - adding goat cheese or other exotic cheeses, nuts, and fruits (in small amounts) makes salads yummy, and you only need a tiny bit of dressing. The great thing about salads is that you can eat huge quantities, and they take a long time to eat.
Like others have said, some of your struggles likely have to do with your mindset. Don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself credit for the things you are doing right! The Beck Diet Solution is a good book that might be helpful, as it focuses on the psychological aspects of successful weight loss - how to change your thinking so you can be successful.
Feel free to message me if you need anything. I totally get how you are feeling.3 -
I'll apologize in advance. Grow up.
Real weight loss is for adults. Real sustained weight loss means we have to, well, swallow a big dose of reality.
Life is about limits. We don't get all we want. We likely won't live as long as we'd care too. Our good health will decline. We may not get as much love as we want. Maybe not as much money, respect, social standing. Maybe our boss doesn't appreciate our efforts. Perhaps our children aren't much for expressing gratitude. It's all about limits.
You recognize it's a choice, either cut back on chocolate or live with the extra pounds. It's one or the other. Stay at work and advance your career or go to your kid's game. All that talk about "having it all"- it was talk.
But you are ahead of the game, you recognize it's a choice, chocolate or extra lbs. But in your post you seem to morn the loss of the fantasy. We do not get all we want is sort of a bitter pill. We're all going to die. The good news is this is an area where you get to chose how to live.
How did I get over this hump? I told myself it's OK. We live in this physical universe. If I drop my favorite coffee cup, it falls to the floor and breaks. Disappointing, but it's the laws of physics. Eat too much, I gain weight. It's the laws of physics. It's not an injustice. I'm fortunate to have a healthy body that can store extra calories. I'm fortunate to live in remarkable times when I have never known real hunger and likely never will. I'm blessed many times over. But even with everything I have, life has limits. Its OK.
If you decide you want to live thin and fit, go get it. It's within your control.12 -
I really don't think he was trying to be a jerk. What he says is true. It may be hard to swallow, but it's true. I also am having a REALLY hard time giving up eating what I want, when I want, and as much as I want. It is the way I have eaten for most of my life, and I don't want to give it up. Right now I don't seem to have the strength to, but I have hope that I will get there.3 -
Actually I think that's one of the best posts I've read on MFP - when I was fat (and I finally think I no longer am) it was because I genuinely acted like a kid with food - I'd only eat precisely what I wanted (oh there's "nothing to eat" despite having stocked fridge, freezer and cupboards, so I guess I'll have to order pizza for the fourth time this week) and I never, ever told myself "no", hence the habitual having of two desserts.
It was only having a toddler and giving him boundaries about what he can and cannot eat for the good of his health (no you may NOT have smarties as a breakfast food) that made me realise maybe I needed to be an actual adult and do the same for myself.6 -
I do know how you feel. That feeling of deprivation is very frustrating because it feels like someone is punishing you or like you're a kid whose been grounded on prom night. You have to delve a little deeper into your emotional state to discover why you feel this way. Perhaps you've been using food or a particular food to comfort yourself, relieve stress or "reward" yourself in some way? You are making good choices in wanting to lose weight and eat healthier but those choices don't have the same instant "payoff" that a big bar of chocolate has, so I get it. The good choice "payoff" takes a lot, lot longer and is slower to achieve, meanwhile, your psyche feels like it needs a "reward" now!
What I did to avert that was to reframe what a "reward" meant to me. Maybe, rather than chocolate, reward or pamper yourself with a bubble bath, complete with scented candles and your favorite soft music followed by curling up in your fluffy bathrobe with a cup of hot tea and an old movie. Or maybe, stop by the market on the way home and buy yourself an inexpensive bouquet of flowers or stop by a store and pick out some new makeup or a new hair color. These are all ways to reward yourself and get that instant feeling of comfort without making it about food.
You also have to ask yourself, why eating "whatever I want" makes you feel in control. Did someone in your life tell you to lose weight, restrict what you eat or try to control your diet? If so, eating "whatever I want" may be a subconscious way of saying "I'll show you!" to whoever in your life is (or was) in a position of control over you. Dig deeper and you may find your answer to why you feel emotionally deprived.4 -
Iamnotasenior wrote: »I do know how you feel. That feeling of deprivation is very frustrating because it feels like someone is punishing you or like you're a kid whose been grounded on prom night. You have to delve a little deeper into your emotional state to discover why you feel this way. Perhaps you've been using food or a particular food to comfort yourself, relieve stress or "reward" yourself in some way? You are making good choices in wanting to lose weight and eat healthier but those choices don't have the same instant "payoff" that a big bar of chocolate has, so I get it. The good choice "payoff" takes a lot, lot longer and is slower to achieve, meanwhile, your psyche feels like it needs a "reward" now!
What I did to avert that was to reframe what a "reward" meant to me. Maybe, rather than chocolate, reward or pamper yourself with a bubble bath, complete with scented candles and your favorite soft music followed by curling up in your fluffy bathrobe with a cup of hot tea and an old movie. Or maybe, stop by the market on the way home and buy yourself an inexpensive bouquet of flowers or stop by a store and pick out some new makeup or a new hair color. These are all ways to reward yourself and get that instant feeling of comfort without making it about food.
You also have to ask yourself, why eating "whatever I want" makes you feel in control. Did someone in your life tell you to lose weight, restrict what you eat or try to control your diet? If so, eating "whatever I want" may be a subconscious way of saying "I'll show you!" to whoever in your life is (or was) in a position of control over you. Dig deeper and you may find your answer to why you feel emotionally deprived.
Wonderful post. Thank you!1 -
Ugh. This thread got nasty quick.
I agree with those who recommend increasing your activity to allow for your favorite things. It's a good approach for those of us with low TDEEs who want to avoid becoming a joyless ascetic (aka adult).
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InkAndApples wrote: »
Actually I think that's one of the best posts I've read on MFP - when I was fat (and I finally think I no longer am) it was because I genuinely acted like a kid with food - I'd only eat precisely what I wanted (oh there's "nothing to eat" despite having stocked fridge, freezer and cupboards, so I guess I'll have to order pizza for the fourth time this week) and I never, ever told myself "no", hence the habitual having of two desserts.
It was only having a toddler and giving him boundaries about what he can and cannot eat for the good of his health (no you may NOT have smarties as a breakfast food) that made me realise maybe I needed to be an actual adult and do the same for myself.
yup - sometimes tough love needs to be tough - and you can't sugar coat the truth3 -
Interesting discussion!0
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I appreciate the helpful suggestions - thank you, it really made me feel better and I'm looking forward to trying them out, and exploring avenues to help me cope with my new lifestyle more easily.I'll apologize in advance. Grow up.
Honestly even as adults, I don't think we can always control the way we feel about things. If we could, then we would surely never be sad, heartbroken, angry - all negative feelings we can't help having throughout our adult life, but which I presume the majority of us would prefer not to feel.
What we can do, however, is devise ways to cope with these feelings if we are unhappy about having them, and this is what I'm trying to do. For this reason, I didn't find your post particularly helpful, however if others did, that's completely fine - we all see things differently.
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I cut out most added sweets because I have a medical problem. I tapered off them with a shake with chocolate in it -- that helped me in the beginning. I went through a period of craving and fortunately the cravings went away.
I think treats are very important to keep us sane. I tried sugarfree chocolate and other candy, but didn't like the way it tastes, plus it still has loads of calories. Sugarfree gum, though (Orbit brand), helped me.
Fat in my diet really helped, like almonds and avocado in my salads. My main treats are limited fruit.
The mindset change suggestions are true. You can psyche yourself into wanting something else more than the candy and give yourself nonfood treats. You might try a beautiful new water bottle or coffee/tea thermos, exercise clothes or shoes, or a bike or other equipment.
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I used to feel deprived all the time. When I started to do OMAD, one meal a day, I found that I could eat huge amounts of anything in one sitting, including chocolate or desserts. Eating all your Calories once a day instead of spreading it out throughout the day made me satisfied. Then I fast for 23 hours or so. But knowing that I can eat like that again keeps me looking forward to the next day. Maybe IF or omad may be helpful in allowing you to feel not so deprived.0
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I used to feel deprived all the time. When I started to do OMAD, one meal a day, I found that I could eat huge amounts of anything in one sitting, including chocolate or desserts. Eating all your Calories once a day instead of spreading it out throughout the day made me satisfied. Then I fast for 23 hours or so. But knowing that I can eat like that again keeps me looking forward to the next day. Maybe IF or omad may be helpful in allowing you to feel not so deprived.
For me, I don't think stuffing myself once a day and then going without for the rest of the time would be enjoyable or healthy.0 -
I couldn't eat once a day. Once I'm full I have to stop. Then a couple of hours later I would be hungry again. So I could easily eat my day's calories three times over with an extra snack or two if I wasn't kept busy! And I'm not nice to be around if I'm hungry.....0
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