How to help a friend?

Nanananaba

Hi! I'm here to ask for an advice to help a friend. She recently went through a traumatic emotional experience, and still fighting with it. I know she's taking anti depression pills and been on 800 calories a day. She's obsessed with her weight, her goal is 100 lbs(5'8") and was worrying if her pill was making her gain weight... Personally I think that much of caloric deficit is way too extreme for a woman. When I met her for a hike, her body was too weak, we had to stop time to time for a break. And the hiking wasn't hard at all for me. I've been studying diet and fitness, so tried to tell her what I know, to eat more for energy, and workout with some weights at the gym instead of doing cardio(hiking) all the time. She told me she hikes twice a day! I also suggested her to take some vitamins too. Sadly, I don't think she would listen to me tho. Is there anything I could tell her next time I meet her again?

rebbylicious

Why not just ask her to join mfp? Talk about how fun it is and hoe you can keep each other on track? That way she will eventually find the information on here

RedSierra

She wants to be 100 lbs for a 5'8" woman. That's an alarming eating disorder. She needs professional help. Hopefully, whoever prescribed the antidepressants will check her physical condition. Can you speak to her family who could talk to her doctor?

Alatariel75

Her weight loss goal is skeletal and dangerous. Your friend needs some professional help.

usmcmp

Give her this information and encourage her to seek professional help.
https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources

She's obviously not dealing with the trauma at all and needs professional help.

Nanananaba

I can definitely suggest her to join here and learn fitness and healthy eating. But when I talked to her on the hike it seemed like she didn't really have her health on her mind but only care about her body weights on the scale. I never had anyone near me with eating disorder and was really worried about her condition. I'm not really sure what to do. I need some advice so I can help her effectively. I can tell her to get a professional help for her eating disorder but it seemed like it would be hard.

Alatariel75

If she's looking to be 100lbs at her height, and eating 800 cals a day, she is not concerned for health at all. What does she weigh now?

usmcmp

Tell her that the road she is going down ends in long term damage such as organ failure, loss of her ability to have kids, and possibly even death. Do you want your friend to die? Tell her you care about her, but she's killing herself and you won't watch her do it.

Psychgrrl

OP can tell her friend all of that great advice, and while it's all true, I really don't think it's going to register.

It seems like the friend is trying to come back from a traumatic experience over which she had no control, by controlling something else--how much she eats. I've seen eating disorders develop in this way before.

OP, the struggles your friend is having go beyond what you alone can do for her. As hard as it might be, please consider going to someone in her family and/or directly to her doctor with the information about her "goals."

Your friend is so lucky to have you in her life! Please keep letting her know you care and keep trying to encourage her to be healthy. Please also realize she may get worse before she gets better and that's not your fault--there's a limit to what you can do for her until she gets the help she needs.

Nanananaba

She told me that her current weight is 110lbs, and she's working hard and really wish to lose that last 10lbs. I felt that she wanted some achievement or some sort. I'll convince her to see a doctor and discuss. I'm very sad that someone that is close to me is going through this.

Nanananaba

I can't reach out to her family though. I really wish I could but I have no contact. Is there any way I can convince her?

MichelleSilverleaf

I don't know if she'd even be willing to listen, being that determined. Surely her family is on facebook, or something? Do you know any of her other friends who might be able to reach out to her family members?

mmaegan973

I don't think you can convince her to change her health habits and my concern reading your story is that you seem like a good friend which she needs right now, but if you continue to try to tell her what she's doing isn't right she'll end up avoiding you. When you meet with her, why not try discussing other interests of hers/things that make her feel good and encourage her to pursue activities and interests that would give her a sense of achievement unrelated to weight/fitness.

Alatariel75

Nanananaba wrote: »

She told me that her current weight is 110lbs, and she's working hard and really wish to lose that last 10lbs. I felt that she wanted some achievement or some sort. I'll convince her to see a doctor and discuss. I'm very sad that someone that is close to me is going through this.

She's already significantly underweight, and starving herself. She really needs some help, but getting her to accept it will be difficult...

RedSierra

Nanananaba wrote: »

I can't reach out to her family though. I really wish I could but I have no contact. Is there any way I can convince her?

Another option would be to talk to a professional yourself about what you can do. Here's a national anorexia organization. They have contact info as well. I found them through a Google search. There are many more organizations like them.

http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/how-to-help-a-loved-one/

HarlemNY17

If she doesn't want to listen to you then why bother? You tried to help . If she wants to be 100lbs then let her be .

Nanananaba

So I talked to her last night! She said she'd eat more and I encouraged her it is all to live a healthy and happy life. I felt that if she starts to eat more healthy food and have some room for sweet treats time to time, she won't even need antidepressants pills no longer. So I told her that too. Please wish her luck and I'll keep my eyes on her and check on her consistently. Thank you everyone!

usmcmp

Nanananaba wrote: »

So I talked to her last night! She said she'd eat more and I encouraged her it is all to live a healthy and happy life. I felt that if she starts to eat more healthy food and have some room for sweet treats time to time, she won't even need antidepressants pills no longer. So I told her that too. Please wish her luck and I'll keep my eyes on her and check on her consistently. Thank you everyone!

Food and exercise don't necessarily impact depression. She could do everything perfectly and still need pills to help her function.

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RedSierra

Nanananaba wrote: »

So I talked to her last night! She said she'd eat more and I encouraged her it is all to live a healthy and happy life. I felt that if she starts to eat more healthy food and have some room for sweet treats time to time, she won't even need antidepressants pills no longer. So I told her that too. Please wish her luck and I'll keep my eyes on her and check on her consistently. Thank you everyone!

Good luck. You sound like a kind friend. Keep an eye on her and encourage her to see a doctor/psych if things get more out of control.

DebLaBounty

You seem very caring and supportive of your friend. Continue to reach out to do activities together so she can talk to you about anything and everything (if you want to do that; otherwise, suggest she see a therapist to talk with). She's lucky to have you in her corner! I agree with the suggestion that you steer her toward MFP so that she can log her calories and perhaps feel some measure of control over herself. But MFP will set her minimum calories at 1200, and she should eat back any calories she earns from exercise. She's already underweight for her height (125-168 pounds is the "normal" weight range for a 5' 8" woman).

She will NOT be able to cure depression without medication just by eating more healthy foods. Healthy food and exercise can relieve some stress and bolster health, and certainly hiking has some benefits, but they are not means to a cure.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/what-should-i-say

Mezzie1024

Unfortunately, my friends with eating disorders were very good at lying and saying what we wanted to hear. Each needed professional help; one had to be hospitalized first. Be there for her when *she* realizes she needs help.

And please don't try to tell her that eating more can mean she can stop taking potentially life-saving psychological medication.