Anxiety before Being Social?

nykoeldkahn

Hello all,

I started on August 1 with a goal of losing 0.5-1 lbs/week and I've been really good so far. I had one night where I went out drinking with friends earlier this month and really blew my calorie goal, but overall I'm staying right about where I want to. But I knew that I had friends coming into town to visit last weekend, and I knew that they were going to be on vacation and that I was going to be hosting them - I knew that this meant 2-3 meals/day at restaurants or food courts or snack carts while we were doing touristy stuff.

I spent all day last Friday completely anxious knowing that it would be nearly impossible to keep my calories in check and that running/climbing/yoga (my normal forms of exercise) would almost certainly not happen.

Then, the weekend happened and I was right. We ate larger than normal meals for almost every meal, I went waayy over my calorie goal on both Friday and Saturday, and I didn't have any time to exercise. This week, I feel uncomfortable in my body and I'm really disappointed in myself.

Do any of you experience these types of feelings? If so, how do you deal with the anxiety/disappointment? I hate this cycle and feel like this has to be unhealthy for me....

88olds

Well, life can get in the way of weight loss.

First thing is to stop kicking yourself today. As they say about things at my yoga class, "not to judge, but to learn."

Weight loss is an extremely complicated skill set. It is lots of little things. The only thing I find instructive in the Biggest Loser is that it shows the ability to lose when people are removed from their lives. Few can do that.

Do you have an open field in front of you? If so, make a good plan for the days, hopefully, weeks ahead.

What I would not do it try to compensate for this past weekend. The past no longer exists. Try to make a livable plan for a moderate calorie deficit. Work on building good habits. When social functions, or restaurant dinners come around maybe you can plan better if they only come at you one at a time. Try to keep an attitude of experimentation. Keep learning and problem solving.

Do you keep a food diary? Make sure everything is recorded. Especially the stuff you may prefer not to record.

With a set of helpful habits in place, you can try to do better next time you have folks for an extended visit. Sometime the best you can do is aim for no gains or limited gains. Few people will follow an austerity program for long.

TavistockToad

nykoeldkahn wrote: »

Hello all,

I started on August 1 with a goal of losing 0.5-1 lbs/week and I've been really good so far. I had one night where I went out drinking with friends earlier this month and really blew my calorie goal, but overall I'm staying right about where I want to. But I knew that I had friends coming into town to visit last weekend, and I knew that they were going to be on vacation and that I was going to be hosting them - I knew that this meant 2-3 meals/day at restaurants or food courts or snack carts while we were doing touristy stuff.

I spent all day last Friday completely anxious knowing that it would be nearly impossible to keep my calories in check and that running/climbing/yoga (my normal forms of exercise) would almost certainly not happen.

Then, the weekend happened and I was right. We ate larger than normal meals for almost every meal, I went waayy over my calorie goal on both Friday and Saturday, and I didn't have any time to exercise. This week, I feel uncomfortable in my body and I'm really disappointed in myself.

Do any of you experience these types of feelings? If so, how do you deal with the anxiety/disappointment? I hate this cycle and feel like this has to be unhealthy for me....

you chose to eat larger than normal meals... nearly everywhere serves smaller portions or salad - you could have picked lower cal options or just eaten half of your meal.

anyway its done now, so just get back to your deficit.

anechka1981

First of all you have to realise that no one is perfect. You are not a super human, and you already have done really well, by loosing 0.5 lb per week. The most important thing now, is not to get disappointed and give up, just because you kind of had two bad days. Just pick yourself up and curry on. You don't just suddenly become absolutely perfect in something new, without making mistakes or failing few times. You don't just suddenly go and drive a car, without learning, or sometimes even failing couple of tests. You don't just start speak new, foreign language or play a piano perfectly, without spending years learning Loosing weight is the same. You are trying to change your dieting habits that you accumulated through years in a single go. It doesn't work like this unfortunately. I would suggest to give yourself much longer goal: two years, three years from now. Don't be hard on yourself,, trying to achieve some unrealistic results after couple of months. New diet is a new learning curve and it take years to get used to it completely, without turning back. This is my advise

nykoeldkahn

Thanks all for the responses. I hope that it gets easier the longer I do this. I've lost a significant amount of weight in the past and then gone up and down since, but in the past I've dealt with weight with a lot of unhealthy methods and I'm still struggling with many of those unhealthy mindsets.

TavistockToad wrote: »

.

you chose to eat larger than normal meals... nearly everywhere serves smaller portions or salad - you could have picked lower cal options or just eaten half of your meal.

anyway its done now, so just get back to your deficit.
[/quote]

Yes, I could have just ordered salads or eaten nothing all weekend while I was out with friends, but when everyone else agrees on "let's skip having actual dinner and we'll just get cheese, wine, and tapas at the bar" then I have the choice to be anti-social or deal with the fact that I'm going to probably go over on calories that day because we aren't ordering "real food" and tapas are really difficult to track because they aren't easily measurable. I wasn't really asking for advice on how to stay within my calorie limitations. I actually think staying within the 1400/day limit is quite easy, as long as I don't have a social life.

In the long term, though, I'm going to need to figure out a way to maintain a healthy lifestyle, while also having a social life. I know that sometimes going over my 1400/day is going to happen and I don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with anxiety every time I want to go to dinner with a group of friends. But from the responses I have otherwise, maybe it's just going to take time and seeing that going over every once in awhile won't sabotage an entire month...

nykoeldkahn

88olds wrote: »

Well, life can get in the way of weight loss.

Do you keep a food diary? Make sure everything is recorded. Especially the stuff you may prefer not to record.

I have been trying to be really diligent about my food diary and also honest with myself about how much I'm actually eating. Which, on days like this weekend, is really difficult. It's a lot easier to "forget" to record that ice cream that we had after dinner...

I think that the hard part is dealing with feeling guilty the next day. Because while I know that one bad day isn't going to ruin all the work that I've done for the most part, I think that I feel like I should be "stronger" than that.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I think that yes, I do need to realize that I'm only human and sometimes I'm going to want my *kitten* ice cream. But that's not the end of the world, as long as that day isn't every day.

cwolfman13

Perspective...big picture...don't drown in minutia...

In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal...it's only a big deal when these things are what you're doing most of the time. Life happens and life is to be enjoyed...vacations happen, birthdays happen, holidays happen, etc...these are occasions, not everyday happenings...enjoy them.

middlehaitch

It does take time, practice and a number of errors to learn how to work social situations into your deficit, or even your new lower weight, thus lower calorie, maintenance.

This was a good learning experience for you. Figure out what made you feel good, and what you would like to be able to do different. Other occasions will happen so it is good to be prepared enough that you won't stress, but flexible enough to enjoy yourself.

You have just started so probably don't have a good idea of your appropriate portion sizes.
As well as weighing all your food, look at what you are eating and the size of your portions.
It is not perfect when eating out, but being able to look at a plate of food and separate out the appropriate size portion, taking the rest home for another time, is extremely useful. As is having a loose running tally of calorie content.

Sharing with friends is always great, you would be amazed at how many people are willing to, but don't like asking- especially when it comes to desert.

Tapas, meza, etc are some of my favourite ways of eating with friends. I can have a taste of most things without having overeaten.

I have been maintaining for years, my SO is more than twice my weight, and most friends at least 40 lbs heavier than me. I have learnt not to pay attention to how much thy are eating and drinking, and most definitely not to try and match their intake. I eat what is a reasonable amount for me- and don't stress if I am over for one day, as it all evens out long term.

Learn to accept, and work with these events as the occasional, not the normal, and they are going to happen a few times a year for the rest of your life.

Cheers, h.