Need advice about hubby and my weight loss impacting our relationship...

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  • MarylandRose
    MarylandRose Posts: 239 Member
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    dani_1977 wrote: »
    I also should state, that my hubby is not a fan of my getting up at 5:15 mon-fri and 7:30 on Saturdays to work out. He'd rather have me in the bed sleeping next to him. The side effect of waking up that early is Im sleepy by 9pm some nights. Then he is grumpy because our only a lone time is after 9 and Im nodding out on the sofa.

    So you are not alone in this. So understand the need to balance family, health and work

    Yup - I am so, so thankful for my fiance, and I make sure he knows that I see his awesome. I get up for the gym M/W/F at 4:40. This wakes him up 100% of the time. I get up before him on T/Th probably 75% of the time - when I do, it always wakes him up. On Saturdays, I get up at 6 to go to the gym. This wakes him up 100% of the time. He doesn't mind the sleep deprivation (I could not deal if our roles were reversed) and because I'm getting up early and getting to work early and coming home on time, my gym time doesn't take time away from him/us.
    ...Except that I am tired, need to go to bed early, and am occasionally brutally sore. Our love life has declined a bit since I started really committing to my health. If my fiance were to get jealous or suspicious, I think this would be one of the drivers.
    I only get 24 hours in a day, so by choosing to spend a one more hour/day focused 100% on me, something had to give, and that definitely was "us time."
  • MsMaeFlowers
    MsMaeFlowers Posts: 261 Member
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    I had a similar issue with my husband at first. So we had a talk about it, and then I ignored all of his jealousy after that talk until he had it reigned in and under control. Might not work in your situation, but it did work in mine.
  • Out_of_Bubblegum
    Out_of_Bubblegum Posts: 2,220 Member
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    essexgirl1971 wrote: »
    why do men think women lose weight and start looking after themselves for someone else. i lost 49lb so far and ive done it for myself and my own health . i am also married and want to look nice for my husband,you both love eachother so sit down and talk . well done on the weight loss, doesnt it feel great....

    For the same reason that women think the same when men start looking after their appearance.

    A change in routine prompts the internal question 'Why', and human nature usually provides the worst answer...

  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    A few thoughts:

    -Have a talk with him about your goals, your plans to reach them, and why they are important to you. Obviously there are the basic health reasons, but when I started out I never knew how empowering taking control, losing weight, and meeting fitness goals I set would feel. He may not realize how these things can boost you without external feedback from anyone else. Also the more he know and understands what you are doing hopefully the more comefortable he will feel.
    - Thank him for his support. Even though he isnt being overly supportive right now if you let him know you appreciate the bit you are currently getting you may encourage him more in that direction.
    - It is really hard not to shut down when questions like that are raised, but it doesn't help anything when you do. Being direct without being confrontational is usually the best approach. If he starts with the questions I would just say something along the lines of "I care about you and this relationship. If this is something we need to talk about I would like to do that now ( or whenever depending on the situation)"
    - lacy things never hurt, let him share in your confidence boost too :wink:
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    bwmalone wrote: »
    essexgirl1971 wrote: »
    why do men think women lose weight and start looking after themselves for someone else. i lost 49lb so far and ive done it for myself and my own health . i am also married and want to look nice for my husband,you both love eachother so sit down and talk . well done on the weight loss, doesnt it feel great....

    For the same reason that women think the same when men start looking after their appearance.

    A change in routine prompts the internal question 'Why', and human nature usually provides the worst answer...

    And as I mentioned up thread, sometimes you start getting a little more attention and looks and whatnot from people of the opposite sex...which can tend to make one a bit on edge I think...
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
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    My mom used to teach Weight Watchers, and she has said this is very common. She used to see husbands bring their wives chocolate just when they started to get noticeably thinner and take a renewed interest in their appearance!

    Sometimes if you can't talk to someone without getting emotional, you can put your feelings in a letter. Try writing him. This way you can go over what you want to say and make sure you say it right. He needs to be reassured you love him. That should be the beginning, middle and end of what you have to say: you love him, and only him.

    Making some extra time to show off your new body for him might help too.
  • buellkyleej
    buellkyleej Posts: 26 Member
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    Make time for just the two of you... date night with no kids.. with all those hours you work he might just miss you... maybe ask him to run with you once in awhile "even if it means going at his pace". Also communicate.... he cant read your mind and you cant read his. Newly married so I may be way off but its worth a shot... Dont forget to compliment him more too..
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    OP does say that she runs once he leaves for work, so I don't know that the running time is what's bothering him.
  • Gisel2015
    Gisel2015 Posts: 4,140 Member
    edited August 2017
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    TeinyWinehausen wrote: »
    ironmelanie wrote: »
    Maybe he just misses you? 50 hour minimum work week plus 80 miles running is a lot. Just a guess. The only way to know is to have an honest conversation about it.

    The 50 +80 is a lot of untogether time.

    @TeinyWinehausen

    80 miles a month (please read the OP again) is about 2.67 miles per day; and probably done in about an hour a day since she is at work at 8:30AM and she starts running a 6AM after he leaves for work. So except for the 50 hours a week working at her job, I don't see that as a lot of time of not being together. Most of the people working in "corporate America" do work more than 40 hours a week these days. I know I did when I was in the workforce.

    I agree with the other suggestions that communication is the key. They need to sit down and talk about what is going on.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    I'm getting the same thing. My wife is constantly threatening to scratch the eyes out of women I work with and of my mfp friends. She's mostly harmless. I think your husband is, too. Just keep being you, being open with him, and he'll adjust. His mind has to catch up with your bodily changes the same way your mind has to catch up with your bodily changes.
  • joemac1988
    joemac1988 Posts: 1,021 Member
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    You don't need to answer this, but is he in shape himself? If not, that's probably affecting his self esteem and creating insecurity. My recommendation would be to get him running with you.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    I'm getting the same thing. My wife is constantly threatening to scratch the eyes out of women I work with and of my mfp friends. She's mostly harmless. I think your husband is, too. Just keep being you, being open with him, and he'll adjust. His mind has to catch up with your bodily changes the same way your mind has to catch up with your bodily changes.

    While this may be the case I would still be a little worried. Not necessarily that she is going to scratch the eyes out of a MFP user, but often the things we say in jest are things we are really feeling but can't find a way to talk about. It may pay to be proactive about addressing these types of feelings with spouses, sometimes things that seem small just fester and grow.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    I'm getting the same thing. My wife is constantly threatening to scratch the eyes out of women I work with and of my mfp friends. She's mostly harmless. I think your husband is, too. Just keep being you, being open with him, and he'll adjust. His mind has to catch up with your bodily changes the same way your mind has to catch up with your bodily changes.

    My ex was like this... and he just got worse and more ridiculous until he was my ex husband. I don't have patience for unnecessary jealousy.
  • atingleyar
    atingleyar Posts: 1 Member
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    I think its easy for someone who has lower self esteem to struggle when something changes like this. Think about it - what do those who are "looking" start to do? They lose weight, update their style, get new fancy panties (lol). He's feeling unsure and you are focused on a better you (maybe not him so much). I would do a few things here and there to validate the he's the only man in your life and give him a taste of what this new hot body can do with and for him. I'm sure with some strong validation (through action not words) as well as time, he will be just as comfortable with the new you as you are !!! Way to go and strong props for considering his feelings too!!

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