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Never comment on someone's weight ever? Yes or No?



  • Kullerva
    Kullerva Posts: 1,114 Member
    VioletRojo wrote: »
    lporter229 wrote: »
    Kullerva wrote: »
    I don't comment on others' appearance, period. Unless--they mention it first. For instance, those of us that lose often get asked how we did it. I don't take this as an offensive inquiry, but I also don't bring it up unless people ask me. (I get "rabbit food" comments endemic to the vegetarian community, but usually nothing worse.)

    Joking once about weight I get (some people are just insensitive), but five times seems excessive. Perhaps your mother should focus more attention on worthwhile things, instead of getting stuck on the same (offensive) one. If changing the subject doesn't work I would be very direct (read: scary intimidating) with her. Sadly, I'm with your husband on this one--your mom sounds a lot like my dad (and that's not a compliment. I don't talk to my dad anymore.)

    So you find it inappropriate to tell somebody that you like their new hairstyle or the dress they are wearing?

    This subject came up on a thread in the motivation forum a month or so ago when the OP was saying that she was uncomfortable with comments on her weight loss. I was very surprised at the overwhelming number of posters that said that comments, even those intended to be compliments, on a person's weight were out of line.

    I have, on many occasions, commented to friends and family on their weight loss efforts. All of these comments were made with the best of intentions in an effort to support and encourage their efforts. It is hard work to lose weight and I have a hard time understanding why congratulating somebody on getting the job done is so taboo. When I read these comments, I was pretty horrified to think that I may have inadvertently offended a friend or made them uncomfortable. When I have lost weight in the past, I know that I have always appreciated when people noticed. It made me feel like my efforts were paying off and often gave me that little boost to keep going. After reading these opinions, I will likely refrain from complimenting anyone on their weight loss efforts in the future, although i still have a hard time understanding why it is inappropriate or offensive.

    I'm not the OP of that post, but I find it inappropriate to comment on someone's body unless they open the topic. Commenting on hair or clothing isn't the same thing at all, although unless there has been a drastic change for the better, I wouldn't comment on hair either.

    Concur on that. Complimenting a haircut or clothing is different than weight, though again, I don't offer those things unless the other person opens that door. I'm good with commiserating with people on positive changes that they clearly enjoy, but I don't use my voice to pass judgment on appearance.
  • NadNight
    NadNight Posts: 794 Member
    it depends firstly on how well you know the person. If my mum commented then it wouldn't be too weird, but if a stranger commented that would be unacceptable. Secondly, I was brought up on the saying 'if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all'. If you're telling someone they need to lose or gain weight or something along those lines then just keep your mouth shut. However I wouldn't mind a friend commenting that I was looking more toned if I had been working hard at the gym. All in all unless it is something like the gym thing (ie people you know who know your goals) then it's okay. However most of the time it's a no go. I remember when I was 12/13 and starting puberty my grandma commented on how my thighs and hips had gotten bigger and although to her it wasn't a bad thing and he saw it as a sign of health, it stuck with me for years
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,177 Member
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Thanks guys! Yes, my mother is obnoxious... I've reached peace with the idea I won't change her behavior toward me, but acting like this to my husband is a bit too far! I was just wondering if people felt like sometimes it's ok in terms of a compliment or if it's always a bad idea? I mean, you wouldn't want to say to someone at work "Great work, you've lost so much weight!" and have them say "actually the chemo makes it so I can't keep food down."

    Unless it's brought up I never mention it...I was once asked if my weight loss was on purpose.....backhanded way of asking if I was sick.

    I would consider a co-worker announcing in the lunchroom that they joined Weight Watchers (or whatever) bringing it up. If there is obvious progress, I would comment something like "looking good". I would never say anything if they have not lost an obvious amount and DEFINITELY would not bring up weight under any other circumstances.
  • cdkelly
    cdkelly Posts: 101 Member
    I think it's perfectly acceptable to compliment someone. I wouldn't comment on something specific however I agree that "you look great" is a wonderful thing to say and hear.
    I can't imagine getting offended by someone telling me that.

    However to say something negative...that's 100% completely unacceptable in my opinion. I would tell her how you guys feel.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 32,497 Member
    edited August 2017
    . nm
  • melissaulmen
    melissaulmen Posts: 123 Member
    I will make a comment to someone who has lost weight, if I know that they were trying to lose weight. Something encouraging, which I completely feel like I can do since I have been there and got "not encouraging" comments.

    As far as what your mother said to your hubby...WOW! Sounds like she says what is on her mind, I would probably not say anything and avoid contact for awhile. If she asks why, tell her.
    It is a horrible feeling to be working your butt off and then have someone come in and undermine it.
  • hydechildcare
    hydechildcare Posts: 145 Member
    It depends on the person and how they would react. I have a friend that we openly talk about things like our weight. We mention each others weight as to help each other. While my sister in law I mention she was getting really thin. She eats alot of food and her weight was dropping. she went to get doctor's round out she has a galbladder problem that was causing her to not asbor what she was eating. It is someone I am not close with I don't mention it unless it is brought up first.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 941 Member
    If someone ASKS for your opinion, then it's open season.

    For example, a gym friend showed me a picture of herself from a couple of years ago and a picture of now. She asked for an honest evaluation of the physical difference. Yes, she has put on some fat...no, it is not nearly as much as she thinks.

    It is hard to objectively evaluate yourself.

    Otherwise, you should keep comments to yourself.
  • PokernuttAR
    PokernuttAR Posts: 74 Member
    I don't make a positive or negative comment unless I'm asked to give honest feedback because unsolicited feedback can be taken wrong. For example, I have lost 60 pounds, but now working on gaining muscle weight. I find it rude for people to say that I look skinny. They mean it as a compliment, but after I have put on 15 pounds of muscle, I don't see myself as skinny.

    So you might be thinking you're giving a compliment, but you're actually insulting someone.
  • amandaeve
    amandaeve Posts: 720 Member
    edited August 2017
    Only solicited comments about weight are appropriate. Ever.

    Example: A trainer at my old work repeatedly commented about a co-worker's thin figure while teaching a class. The co-worker kindly, by repeatedly explained to the trainer that her "compliments" were unwelcome, and the trainer took offense. The co-worker was going through chemo, lost a lot of weight because of it, and had a right to keep the reason private.
  • eyer0ll
    eyer0ll Posts: 313 Member
    Positive comments (only) on someone's clothing, accessories, hair, makeup, nails, etc. are fine.

    I was raised to think (and still believe) it's incredibly rude to comment on weight -- positive or negative, loss or gain, healthy or unhealthy appearance -- at all. Ever.
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,177 Member
    eyer0ll wrote: »
    Positive comments (only) on someone's clothing, accessories, hair, makeup, nails, etc. are fine.

    Well, unless they have their skirt caught up in their underwear or something. I do mention wardrobe malfunctions BUT it depends on the person and the situation.

    Basically, if the person can do something about it, I mention it. If not, I will not embarrass them more. For example: a missing button on a blouse will never get a mention, a button that came undone will. Toilet paper on someone's shoe will get a mention but a run in a stocking will not.

  • MadDogManor
    MadDogManor Posts: 1,131 Member
    I would have said something not so sweetly to Mom about that in the moment.

    I don't think it is ever okay to comment on someone else's body in any way. Not, "Nice haircut," not, "Did you lose weight?" not, "Gee Mr. Neva, you're looking like a concentration camp guy." (WTAF?)

    I try not to comment on appearances. Appearances have nothing to do with a person's character. I admit I slip sometimes and say, "You look nice." Ugh, even that makes me feel weird to say it. Like my opinion is somehow needed. I don't know. I don't like it when people say stuff like that to me, so I'm probably too sensitive about it. It feels intrusive to me.

    When people comment negatively about anything regarding my flaws, clothes, weight, anything...I say, "How would you like it if I pointed out stuff about your body - ?" Then I look them up and down... I've never had that fail to work. Yet. :lol:

    I usually say something like "I like your hair, it looks different". And leave it at that. Nothing else. And you're lucky if you get that - I just don't care. I'm pretty sure all my female coworkers think I'm really weird, but whatever. I'm there to work, not make friends.
  • Mezzie1024
    Mezzie1024 Posts: 380 Member
    I keep my mouth shut unless the person says something first.

    I think it's fine to compliment a haircut/dye, nice outfit, cool tattoo, etc. But body shape and size are off limits. No matter how well intentioned, it can easily offend.

    That said, I generally don't care if people comment on my body. I've never heard anyone say anything, good or bad, that I didn't already know, and I generally assume either good intentions or obliviousness.
  • bingo_007
    bingo_007 Posts: 101 Member
    I think commenting like this might be too much. seems like the mom was worried but it did not come across well.
    I have spoken to friends when I worry about their size and eating habits at both sides of the weight range. I have one friend at 46 kg size is a bit under 160 that is trying to loose weight. so she will only get salad without oil n no protein. or she freaks out about sugar. so after a 2 hour cardio session she will eat what I mentioned as a meal. At the same time she complains she has no energy n is not feeling well. So yes I told her that I worry about what she eats and that she does not get the required nutrition which is why she is not feeling well.
    But I usually don't comment with oh you are so slim just eat more etc.
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    I've had family members gently say one time each that I'd put on a bit of weight, which was helpful criticism.

    But 5 times in one night?!

    Have you asked your mum how she would like it if you both nagged her about her weight and/or appearance?