Need help... ANY help!!!

MinkChicky

5 foot 5 inch female, 32 years old, 196 lbs....

I want to lose weight! But, I can't seem to motivate myself....

Setting goals (even small ones) doesn't help.

Buying "cleaner" foods doesn't help (They end up rotting in my fridge...)

Getting equipment and/or Games/DVDs for cardio doesn't help (they eventually start collecting dust after a week....)

Motivation is a key factor. I feel I'd rather lay around than move my lazy butt around. And it doesn't help when the people around me, while meaning well, say things that enable my behavior.... "You're allowed to relax yourself!" "Treat yourself to some sweets once in awhile!" <---define "once in awhile" please.......

Is it all in my mind? Am I preventing myself from reaching my goals? What am I saying, of course I am!!!! >_<

So how do I break this lifestyle? I do I commit? Is it all just a matter of forcing myself?

At this point, I seriously need a drill sergeant.....

Ohwhynot

It's definitely a matter of forcing yourself. I hate it, but it works. Best of luck to you!

ivory32

How about buy an item of clothing that's a smaller size and aim to get into it? Or aim to walk or run a specified distance? Find something other than the number of lbs losing to work towards.

Good luck.

Mouse_Potato

Motivation comes and goes. What you need is discipline and commitment. Once you start seeing results, you may find them very motivating. I know I do. Good luck.

rainbowbow

You need to slowly start building your self discipline.

The difference between individuals who actually achieve their goals and those who don't is that they actually follow through on the steps necessary to reach said goal. Day in, Day out, whether you're feeling motivated/crappy/tired/etc. you must perform the steps necessary to achieve your goal.

Essentially, it's a good idea to remember that if everyone waited until they were actually motivated to do something then no one would ever accomplish anything. Do i feel motivated to brush my teeth? No. Do i feel motivated to pay my bills? No. Do i feel motivated to do my laundry? No. I do these things because the end goal (having teeth that aren't rotting and painful, having a house to live in, having clean clothes) is worth the inconvenience.

Motivation wanes over time, is a transitory period, and is an absolutely terribly thing to rely on.

Once you can slowly start developing self discipline the sooner these things become a habit. The sooner it becomes a habit the less you have to consciously think about doing them and can focus on more pressing (and hopefully exciting) things happening in your life.

rainbowbow

Actually, if you've never used this concept before i highly recommend you watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=supVPLOHWPg

Kullerva

Motivation is not a thing. Willpower is *not* a thing. Gah, these are *not real things*, but everyone thinks they are and it drives me nuts.

A while back when I was struggling to break a stress overeating habit (bordering on BED), I looked into the psychology of decision-making. I simply couldn't understand why I would continue to overeat when I'd made a strict, inflexible decision that I wouldn't do that. I'm a pretty disciplined person, so it made zero sense that this would happen--yet it would, over and over and over again.

It turns out there are two factors at work here. First, the brain is constantly making decisions. We're processing information even as we sleep. Though the research is in its infancy, most psychologists agree that we make the decision to do something a long time before we "pull the trigger" on whatever that decision is. It may feel like we make decisions in the moment, but that's simply not the case.

To take my overeating as an example: I would overeat because, throughout the day, I would be exposed to a great deal of stress, and I became habitually accustomed to work out those stressful feelings by eating food instead of doing something else. I had followed this pattern so often that it had become a habit--part of my daily life.

Which brings us to the second factor: habits. Habits are damn near impossible to break. Ask any smoker. You can't really get rid of a habit, but you can replace it with another one. When I realized what was happening, I set out to shift my overeating habit to something else.

Habits have three pieces: a "trigger" (something that kicks off a behavioral routine), a behavior (the habit) and a reward. For me, those pieces corresponded to:

(1) Trigger: Stress
(2) Behavior: Emotional overeating
(3) Reward: Satiation/fullness/comfort

Over the course of several weeks (yes, it takes a while--sorry), my habit became:

(1) Trigger: Stress
(2) Behavior: Play game or read book
(3) Reward: Fun/distraction/comfort

Putting a label on the worst emotions that caused overeating allowed me to appropriately set my new rewards. I slipped up plenty of times...but I've gone several months without even wanting to binge, so it's effective.

Good luck, OP. You're right--it's all in your head.

kayeroze

I struggle motivation too on the daily. I find that working out right after work (gym bag packed the night before) and heading straight to the gym helps with at least 3 workouts of the week for me. Eating better comes down to calories. If I obsesses too much over my macros and other benefits, it becomes too much for me to keep up with. Working out at least 3-4x a week for me is success, Sunday is always a rest day, and I always try to workout on Mondays.

It helps to create a routine, not put too much pressure on yourself, and get back into it, even if you don't diet and gym for two months or a year (I have done both).

diannethegeek

This is one of my favorite posts about motivation: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818701/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead/p1

What it comes down to is that until you decide that this is something you're really going to do, and not something that you'll wait around for the motivation fairy to stop by (she's very busy these days and rather flaky), you're not going to get anywhere. Make a commitment and follow through.

sstrack123

Definitely mind set for me! I go through phases of great motivation to really low motivation. I know how great I feel when I take care of myself. I took some advice from "tough love" Robert Kennedy yrs ago. He ask how long has it been since you really examined yourself in a full length mirror and learn to love yourself. He also said some may cry which I did but then the tough love needs to come in and learn how to discipline yourself to be consistent in making healthier choices because no one else can do it for you! Start small and overtime you will see how great it feels to show yourself love! The mirror will begin to show the love you are giving yourself.

4legsRbetterthan2

Ultimately, the only one that can make you do it is you. The only one who can come up with good enough reasons is you. You just have to do it, or don't.

MegaMooseEsq

This all sounds really familiar - I might have been you a year or so ago. Here's my advice based on my experience so far:

1) Forget about exercise - it's overrated in terms of weight loss anyhow, and you can do that later. Or not! So along with this, stop buying equipment you won't use. You can lay around on your lazy butt and still lose weight so long as you eat less.

2) Also forget about buying food you won't eat - that's just a waste of money and food and rotten food is super depressing. You don't need to eat "clean" or "green" or whatever to lose weight.

3) Try logging what you eat now. Don't try and change anything, just start logging. Read all the stickies about accuracy, buy a food scale, keep your diary private so you don't have to feel guilty about logging those six Twinkies you ate for breakfast, or, in my case, the fact that I probably had a drinking problem. Just log everything. And don't feel bad if you hang out just doing this for a while - I spent about six months just logging and slowing gaining weight before I realized I'd topped 200 lbs for the first time in my life and was going to have to buy all new clothes soon and it was time to do this thing.

4) Learn about maintenance calories and figure out what your number is. With your stats, I'm going to guess 2500 (I didn't actually guess, I used https://www.supertracker.usda.gov/bwp/index.html). If you aren't gaining or losing weight and your logging isn't coming out to around this number, read those stickies again and make sure you aren't under-counting calories (and for real, don't track exercise or stress about nutrients at this point - that's future-you's problem). As it happens, 2500 is a really comfortable amount of food. As you get comfortable logging, you'll figure out how those calories are distributed through your day, what foods you can eat a ton of without feeling full, what times of day you get hungry, etc. All very good information to have.

5) I know you say you've tried small goals and it hasn't worked, but have you had actual data backing up those goals before? Believe me, I tried to do a lot of things, but once I had some actual numbers staring in my face, it became a lot easier to say "Self, that soda is about a million calories and you don't even like soda that much - how about a nice [low or zero cal option] instead?" And it took time and I messed up a lot, but the only way forward is to keep moving, even if it's really discouraging.

6) You know what's also a comfortable amount of food? 2000 kcal/day, which is probably going to be the recommended number of calories for you to lose a pound a week. Some people are going to be all "you can afford to lose 2 pounds a week, OMG 2000 is so many, how about 1200?" but forget those people. If you're not a short elderly lady who sits on her couch all day, 1200 calories a day is almost certainly too low. Also, 75% of people who say they're eating 1200/day are under-counting. I wouldn't even start with 2000 - I'd start with 2400 for a couple of weeks, then try go down to 2200, then blow it all in a weekend and end up at 2300, but actually manage to lose a pound in a month, and maybe this isn't going to be so bad after all.

7) Keep reducing your average daily calories in ways that are comfortable to you. Keep logging. Track your weight. Ask for help if you want, but remember that the first response to "why aren't I losing weight?" will always be "are you using a scale to measure your food?" Remember that maintaining your current weight isn't failure, it's just a neutral. And this is the really cool part - once you start seeing even tiny successes, you will want to keep going. In six months, maybe you'll say to yourself "self, I've lost a few pounds, maybe I should check out this "endorphins" thing people who exercise are always talking about." And maybe in eight months, you'll realize that you're losing two pounds a week, you're a third of the way to your goal, you're still drinking reguarly but not so much that you're hung over ever weekend, and you're wasting time at work writing essays to strangers on the internet about how they too can get past that motivation wall.

Good luck!

threec

If you'd rather be lazy and relax then this isn't something you really truly want. If you really want it then you will find the motivation and other people won't be able to influence you or impede your progress

diannethegeek

A piece of advice that someone once gave me here that worked for me, though it wouldn't work for everyone, is just to put your gym clothes on. You can tell yourself that you may or may not exercise after that but right now you're just putting your exercise clothes on. Once you get them on, there's a greater chance you decide to workout. Or just start for five minutes. Tell yourself you'll do five minutes (or ten or fifteen or whatever). Once you get five minutes done, there's a good chance you'll keep going. Getting started is the hardest part. Once you trick yourself into that, you'll usually keep going. Not always, and that's okay.

Sure, it's silly. And some people will probably scoff at it. But some days I really had to white-knuckle it just to get myself off the couch. Take your diet and exercise routine changes day by day (today I'm going to work out, I don't know what will happen tomorrow or next week, but today I'm going to do it) and sometimes even hour by hour (just in this hour I'm not going to overeat. I might choose to later, but right now I'm not going to).

Silentpadna

Hmm. Motivation.

No one else will give it to me because they can't. If they gave it to me it would rot in the fridge.

No one will sell it to me because they can't. If I could buy it, it would rot in the fridge.

No one can make me want it more than I want something else because they can't.

No one can make a choice for me because they can't.

No one can impart the desire for motivation for me because they can't.

No one can break any of my habits because they can't.



I can choose to be motivated regardless of whether I feel it.

I can choose to want health over immediate comfort.

I can't change previous choices, but I can make the next choice.

My success, so far, has not been because of some magical motivation. My success, so far, has been because of a vast majority (not all, but most) of "next choices" made. You can't worry about every decision coming. Concern yourself with the next one. That's how you build discipline - which is a far better thing than motivation.

capaul42

rainbowbow wrote: »

Actually, if you've never used this concept before i highly recommend you watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=supVPLOHWPg

Now I want the book.

clayelliott847

Make sure you go to the grocery store at least once a week. If you have food at home, you will go on that late night McDonalds run a lot less.

Who is telling you "relax you deserve it"? Tell them you are going for a walk. Want to come with?

scarlett_k

I started off by getting the hang of logging what I eat (and drink) without changing anything. Just seeing the numbers go crazy high helped me to set calorie goals and start trying to stick to them.

kimny72

Stop trying to motivate yourself to do things you don't want to do, and find things you do want to do that will move you to your goal.

If your goal is to lose weight, you need to eat less calories than you burn. Figure out little steps to do that without forcing yourself to do/eat stuff you don't want to. You don't have to eat "healthy" food. You don't have to do a "workout". Take a walk and put less cheese on your sandwich. Eat half the rice and twice the broccoli with dinner and dance around the living room for 15 minutes.

If you can't find any things you can start doing to lose weight, then you don't really want it that bad. As I've often read here: Being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. Choose your hard.

A great place to start is to get a food scale and just start measuring and logging your food. Don't worry too much about hitting your goal, just log. Afterwards look back at a week or so and see where you wasted calories, see where you did really well, and learn.

rayzerwolf

i watch tv and have a work out dvd going at the same time on another screen two birds one stone. I also have a stepper in my living room and i go up and down on that thing while i watch a movie.

Tried30UserNames

diannethegeek wrote: »

A piece of advice that someone once gave me here that worked for me, though it wouldn't work for everyone, is just to put your gym clothes on. You can tell yourself that you may or may not exercise after that but right now you're just putting your exercise clothes on.

This has actually worked extremely well for me over the years and I think it is great advice.

I also tend to set rules for myself. If there's something you do every day that you really, really love, make a rule that you can't do it until after you've exercised. Back in the olden days, I was a soap opera addict. I was not allowed to watch GH until after I'd exercised. Or maybe now, I'd not let myself turn on my computer or pick up my phone until after I'd exercised.

It also helps me to preplan my daily menu and write it down (and make sure it contains appealing foods that I have in the house). If I just have a mental menu in mind, that doesn't help me stick to it. If I make a menu of foods I really don't want to eat, I won't eat them. If the menu is dependent on me getting to the grocery store that day, it's unlikely to happen. It works best if I make my usual favorite recipes and just healthify them. Maybe thicken a casserole, soup or gravy with pureed cauliflower instead of flour and butter. Or swap out some of the starches in a recipe for vegetables. Or switch out full fat sour cream with Greek yogurt. Or make a salad with a salsa dressing to fill me up so I eat a smaller portion of a main dish.

belleflop

If you always look for motivation from others you end up doing nothing for yourself. As others have mentioned, motivation isn't a thing. My guess is you are unhappy and fearful of failure if you try to change. So you build up internal excuses and get really good at making them. Teach yourself to embrace the fear of failure, conquer it, understand failure is the main path to success. Weight loss is and maintaining weight loss is mostly a mental challenge in the long run. Get your head right and the body will follow.

boredloser

It's basically "do or do not". I'm terrible with motivation, and I would really love to do nothing but lounge on the couch all day. I was going to yesterday but then I forced myself to take my dog a walk to and around the park (just under 2 miles). I was glad I did it, because according to my fitbit I had burned 400+ calories, which was great.

I'd recommend a fitbit if you don't have one already. I got my first one in 2014 and wore it everywhere, it motivated me to walk just for the sake of it. The built in challenges were pretty fun to take part in too. I with almost daily walks between 5000-10,000 steps and some bike rides during the summer (Scotland doesn't get many days where I could go out), I ended up losing 50lbs, and when I stopped going these walks I started getting unmotivated, feeling less energy and started over eating again gradually because I wasn't doing anything else.

If you have a phone or MP3, get some music playing and get out walking!

CampLondon

I am going to follow my sport leagues while I do weekly weigh ins and record my results on graph paper. My first week I was down 6 lbs.

wenrob

Minkgirl wrote: »

5 foot 5 inch female, 32 years old, 196 lbs....

I want to lose weight! But, I can't seem to motivate myself....

Setting goals (even small ones) doesn't help.

Buying "cleaner" foods doesn't help (They end up rotting in my fridge...)

Getting equipment and/or Games/DVDs for cardio doesn't help (they eventually start collecting dust after a week....)

Motivation is a key factor. I feel I'd rather lay around than move my lazy butt around. And it doesn't help when the people around me, while meaning well, say things that enable my behavior.... "You're allowed to relax yourself!" "Treat yourself to some sweets once in awhile!" <---define "once in awhile" please.......

Is it all in my mind? Am I preventing myself from reaching my goals? What am I saying, of course I am!!!! >_<

So how do I break this lifestyle? I do I commit? Is it all just a matter of forcing myself?

At this point, I seriously need a drill sergeant.....

I had a girlfriend who, for years, asked me to motivate her, kick her butt if she "fell off the wagon" etc. etc. My answer always was and always will be that the only person who can do that is you. I'm pretty sure she spent a couple years being fully pissed off at me because I "wouldn't help her." You need to find your "why" and when that starts slipping you have to push through anyway. This isn't on anybody but you. Losing weight is actually relatively easy, it's the mental aspect that needs to be dealt with and only you can do that. That friend? It finally clicked with her. She went out, busted her butt and stayed the course. She's down 42lbs.

nowine4me

This doesn't require a massive overhaul of your lifestyle, just small changes that add up over time. A good start is to tally up your current calories to get an idea of where you are right now.

mlrtri

I always wanted to lose weight but always listed the barriers to a healthy lifestyle. Finally It clicked. I saw a picture of myself which was brutal to see. I had to buy new clothes because my old wouldn't fit. I had to buy a size bigger and let me tell you none of it was my "style" just my size. I hit a low then decided it was up to me. I have scheduled in gym time. I treat it like work. I have to go even if I don't want to. I don't enjoy it but I do it. I hope to enjoy the benefits soon. I hope to set my kids on a good path so they don't end up where I did. To stay motivated I have the horrendous pic of myself hanging next to a pic of me at my best. It looks like 2 different people.

theabsentmindednurse

I am unable to add the excellent, sound advice you have been given.
In my walk of some years, I have learned this journey is not linear. You go forward and backward.
Every time you fall over you must pick yourself up and keep going. It's not motivation that drives, but a determination and that despite our failures, we forgive ourselves, we learn, we grow and keep pushing.
In my walk. Discipline has been forged from my failures.
You can do this. Just push!