Working mom rant

adrscheuerman

Do any other moms out there have trouble making mom friends? I work (a lot) and I am already struggling with keeping house and juggling kiddos. Most moms I meet are SAHM and always want to spend time with their fam in the evenings/weekends when I am actually available. Does anyone have a good suggestion for how to meet new mom friends?

WanderingRivers

I struggle with making mom friends since I don't drive and I'm socially awkward (thanks neurodivergent brain). Honestly most of the mom friends I've made, I end up making online.

caco_ethes

You don't want mom friends. Trust me. They're the worst. All they do is complain about their kids and yearn for the days when they could just go somewhere without first making sure everyone is fed and arrangements have been made for everyone to survive while they're gone.

Source: I am one. We're the worst

RedSierra

Can you find time to join something? If you live in the USA, the YWCA has all kinds of classes for kids that I see moms attending too (you could look at a local website for more info). You might also look for local volunteer activities where you can take kids along.

Unknown

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caco_ethes

beingmore1 wrote: »

caco_ethes wrote: »

You don't want mom friends. Trust me. They're the worst. All they do is complain about their kids and yearn for the days when they could just go somewhere without first making sure everyone is fed and arrangements have been made for everyone to survive while they're gone.

Source: I am one. We're the worst

Agreed mom friends are the worst! I avoid mom gatherings like the plague.

I might start a thread on how to get rid of mom friends. At least.. IRL ones.

Motorsheen

although I'm not a mom, I have been called a mother

.... I'll be your friend, I damn sure will

CaliMomTeach

I have no time for new friends, lol. It's not that I don't want to do things with other moms, it is just that I am too tired when I have free time. I find myself cancelling plans in a way I NEVER would have done before I was a mom.

For the handful of women I consider actual friends, I met them all at my place of employment. I work at the elementary school where my own children are and have been students. That sure made it easier. I think that as your kids get more involved in sports and other activities you will find yourself talking with more moms at the kids' events. Suggesting play dates where you and the other mom are present can help.

There are quite a few moms who I have met over the last few years that I know I would love to become better friends with and would have fun hanging out with, but I just haven't had the time to invest in building these friendships. Sometimes, I miss the freedom of earlier years...sigh.

A couple of my good friends are stay at home moms, but it would be nice to have more friends like me, single parent/working full time. They don't have time for me anymore than I have time for them, lol. While my stay at home mom friends have an understanding that I don't have the same freedoms, I don't think they could ever really get what my day-to-day life is really like. But then again, I have my perceptions of what their lives must be, but never having experienced it myself, I don't really get what their reality is either.

GemstoneofHeart

I too am a working mom and most of my friends are from work. Since we can chat in passing and have lunch easily together, it makes sense. I rarely see them outside of work though except for the occasional kids birthday party.

The only place I have been successful making friends is at church, mostly through our small group. I'm not super close to any of them but close enough to get interaction and lean on them if necessary.

Nicolee_2014

I find I've made friends through my kids sports or at child care etc which isn't associated with the school. That's better, I think.

slessofme

I think it's hard for adult women to make new friends in general. Just be open to making friends with people that have similar interests.

JadeQuetzal

Yeah, I do for several reasons. I'm talkative but socially awkward. I don't feel very comfortable around most people. When I do find someone I can get along with, we hang out once, maybe twice, then they keep cancelling or just being all around unreliable. Yeah, it's annoying when I declined other plans so we can go out, then I get a last minute (or late) text that so and so can't come. Also why does everyone who does want to hang out, only want to go somewhere that costs money? Yes, I know it's only $7, but that $7 could buy a meal for my family, and I can't afford it. We have LOTS of places we can go without spending money. Heck, let's go window shopping!

Then I think I just don't fit in with most moms. I'm into anime, owls, and languages... not fashion, social events, or politics. I know a lot of people find me a bit odd, and I don't seem to find much I have in common with most moms. Even when I do find someone who likes the things I like, they get so in depth talking about this plot or that character, while I don't tend to get so caught up in the specifics and am very forgetful. Yes, I LOVE akatsuki no yona. But if we start talking about it, I'm going to tell you that I like Yona, think Hak it hot, but of the dragons I favor the dude with the furry mask. I can't remember names easily and I confuse plots. Then whoever I'm talking to adapts this attitude like I don't really know what I'm talking about or actually haven't watched it. Yet I HAVE watched it, like 4 or 5 times, and have read all of the currently translated manga... but I have an awful memory and it makes these discussions so awkward.

So all in all, I try to make friends and fail for one reason after another. Those that I would readily hang out with, are too far away

GlassAngyl

I don't do friends. They have expectations. I enjoy staying home with my kids or dragging them along with me to college or work. If I accidentally made a mom friend I'd probably drag them along to that as well.

Lounmoun

Expand your selection. Make friends with people whether they are moms or not.
Go do an activity and meet people who also do that.
Join a book club.
Take a class of some sort.
Volunteer somewhere.
Get together with people you meet through work.
If you listen to a band or podcast, game or something join their facebook fan group and get to know other fans. There may be meetups. Go to a convention or festival.
Resign yourself to getting together with people as a family. Invite the whole family to get together with your family. I bet there are a lot of working mom's who want to be with their family's on evenings or weekends too.
Make friends with your spouse's friend's SO.

Making friends with other parents so your kids can be friends is kind of a thing when your kids are very young but as they get older it seems like you might be better just trying to find people who share your interests rather than making mom friends. Kind of like when you were a kid your friends were all the same age... maybe the same gender, went to the same school, lived close by but then you got out of school and know people of all sorts.

Ironandwine69

I can barely keep up with my long time friends, let alone make new ones. Nobody got time for that

JLAJ81

I'm sure there are plenty of dads that will be your friend

denversillygoose

Make friends based on your own personal interests. I'm a mom, but that doesn't mean I have anything in common with other moms.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

My method is just to not have any friends.

mlrtri

I find that when you are a parent just having time to commit to a friendship is difficult. I mentioned that to my mom one day and she told me that things change with every stage of life and I will have time to spend with friends when in a different life stage. Your true friends are still there. She said when she was raising kids she rarely saw her friends but now that they are empty nesters they have rekindled and go out often.

JadeQuetzal

denversillygoose wrote: »

Make friends based on your own personal interests. I'm a mom, but that doesn't mean I have anything in common with other moms.

Few moms have my same interests, and few that I share the same interests with are either reliable people or are willing to deal with the strings of a mom friend. I do have to wonder if it's easier for someone that lives in a populated city? I've never lived in a city before, but my husband makes it sound like it's soooo much easier to have and hang out with friends (he grew up in a big city).

jennyooh99

It's so funny reading all of these comments...I can relate to all of them... My friendships since becoming a mom have definitely evolved over the years. As a new mom I joined mothers groups in order to find some friends for myself and my daughters b/c we had just moved to a new area. That was great for awhile but then they got so gossipy and cliquey (I got sucked into it to a point) that I just couldn't stand it anymore. I have 1-2 friends from that experience who I don't see very often but we check in with each other occasionally. Next came school mom friends which have also come and gone, as kids go to different schools as they get older or move out of the area, or in my case alot of friends went back to work. I continue to be a SAHM so I'm available all day, while most of my friends work and are avail in the evenings...when my kids and husband are home, who I'd rather spend my time with anyway! And that's when we're shuffling them around to all of their after-school activities. So it's interesting how things change and evolve over time. I like the idea of reconnecting with old friends as empty nesters. And I also use the free time I have now to do what I enjoy (b/c it used to be all about the kids especially when they were little)...exercising, reading, gardening, etc... I never had time for any of that! My suggesion for adrscheuerman is to do what makes you happy, and the friends will come.

Francl27

It's kinda funny how you mention that SAHMs are too busy with family on week ends and evenings, because that's when I actually want to see people (when we're not taxiing kids left and right), while one of my friends who is a working mom is the one who likes to relax with her family on week ends and evenings...

My friends are pretty much my daughter's friend's parents and a couple of their friends. All it took really is for me to actually talk to my daughter's friend's dad to set up a playdate after 6 months of ignoring him, and we've been good friends since (and I met his wife, and through her more people). He doesn't work so we get together during vacations during the day, but otherwise it's typically on week ends. I actually love having parent friends because we're going through the same thing, and we can hang out together without having to worry about finding a babysitter for the kids (although we've hung out without the kids a couple times too). But we typically just hang out at one of our houses and rarely go out.

I have way more in common with that friend's dad than with the other moms though, but it doesn't mean that we don't get along very well. I tried finding other friends through a hiking meet up but didn't really connect with anyone (I'm an interovert and it's not very easy for me). I mean, kids are a big part of your life, and adults without kids (or with older kids) don't always relate to that. But yeah, meet ups, church, random clubs and groups are always a good way of meeting people.

That being said, I met one of the moms I consider a friend 4 years ago, but we really only talk after school while the kids play, and it took me 8 years to find the friends I hang out with all the time. I didn't have any friends before that (moved from France and never really met anyone since). It's just hard to find people you actually want to make an effort keeping in touch with, IMO.

In the end though, it's just about commitment. Lots of parents are just too busy with family and friends and kid activities to make the time honestly.

TwinkieDong

Church. Good wholesomeness

TwinkieDong

Burning Man festival. Both opposite ends of the spectrum

GemstoneofHeart

JadeQuetzal wrote: »

denversillygoose wrote: »

Make friends based on your own personal interests. I'm a mom, but that doesn't mean I have anything in common with other moms.

Few moms have my same interests, and few that I share the same interests with are either reliable people or are willing to deal with the strings of a mom friend. I do have to wonder if it's easier for someone that lives in a populated city? I've never lived in a city before, but my husband makes it sound like it's soooo much easier to have and hang out with friends (he grew up in a big city).

Not sure what your definition of a big city is, but I live in a place of roughly 1M in the metro and it's no easier to make friends than when I lived in a town of 30K. Just my experience though.

mlrtri

I think if you are really wanting to connect with other moms try reaching out to those you are already crossing paths with. Are your kids school age? Try to get to know other moms better at school activities or extracurricular activities. Do you attend church? Try to get to know other moms there. My social circle has shifted from my "old friends" to parents of children at my kids school and our church.