Anyone struggle with body image after weight loss??

jrowden0711

I'm not even sure if this is the right category for this question, if not I apologize. But, has anyone on here struggled with body image following weight loss?

My original goal was to lose approximately 100 lbs, so far I am down 72 to 75 lbs depending on the day. I feel amazing for sure. However, some days I struggle with the fact that the person in the mirror seems almost unrecognizable to me. Just typing that seems so ridiculous because I know I am so much healthier now and in such a better place than I was previously. But, confidence was never an issue for me. In fact, it was something I was very proud of, the fact that I felt comfortable in my own skin.

Now, it seems things are a bit different. I look in the mirror and I just don't see me. I see a very pretty person, but it just doesn't seem like me. Does that make sense to anybody? I told my husband I just feel like I don't really have an identity right now. Before, I was always the pretty, confident fat friend. What am I now? How do I know what am I now? Am I the only one that struggles with this? My husband suggested that maybe I just need to update my wardrobe. Which I really have been putting off, so I do feel a little grumpy in all of my clothes that are too big on me.

Would love to hear other people's thoughts or experiences though. Thanks in advance!

SandraNancy

It sounds like you're in the process of discovering who you are now, which can be a little scary, but ultimately so rewarding. Maybe now you're the pretty, sporty hiking friend, or the pretty, bendy yoga friend. It's okay not to know just who you are at the moment, because it sounds like that person is still being forged. And hey, most exciting, you can DECIDE who you want to be now. You've taken "fat" out of the equation, but there are so many other things you can be, and they'll be better for your health.

Good luck finding the new you-- I'm sure she's amazing.

Rincewind_1965

During the process you will always have this moments when your inner picture of yourself will not be the one you get from the reflection in the mirror.
That's normal and should be no problem as long as you remember two things:
1. The picture in the mirror is not what you are. It is just a reflection of what you look like.
2. At the end of the journey (Goal weight + app. 6 months) inner and outer picture should match and you too should feel comfortable in your skin again.

photogmkr

I have a friend that lost a lot of weight like you have. The conversations I had with him were identical to what you're saying. He was very lost. He didn't have an identity, or self image, and lost all confidence - confidence he used to have. His wife suggested changing his wardrobe too, which he did. That helped him out a little. He felt better in his clothes and how he looked but he was still a bit lost which lasted over a year. He would tell me that every time he went to look at clothes he would automatically go to the XXXL section and his wife would have to remind him he wasn't that big anymore. So even though he was a slender guy he still went to that section. He wouldn't want to ride rides at the amusement park because he was worried that he wouldn't fit and be embarrassed. So he was this slender guy walking around in his big mindset. As soon as he changed his mindset his whole life changed. He started telling himself "I'm fit, I run marathons, I'm a size medium, I'm active, I no longer get tired walking" and everything started changing for him. I honestly think you need to change your perspective. When you look in the mirror you don't recognize yourself because you're looking for the larger version. You need to start seeing your new self. You're now jrowden0711 version 2.fit! Start seeing the person you've worked so hard to be! And remind yourself who you are!

brookielaw

I struggle with body image, to an extent. You are NOT alone. And you are beautiful!

My starting BMI was 68.something, and is currently 26.something. I have lost almost 239 lbs.

I mentally know that I wear a size 8 dress and can squeeze into some vanity-sized Old Navy 6 jeans with no muffin top. I mentally know the math of how much I have lost in terms of clothing size and weight. Mentally I certainly know that I am healthier---but when I look in the mirror, I certainly see my flaws first. I'm human. I know that I am unrecognizable as the previous brookielaw because many people don't recognize me now. It makes for a great ninja skill. . Does that change the fact that my thighs look like they have elephant or rhino wrinkles from sagging skin? Nope. But in my tri kit I don't see it as much. Does it change the floppy saggy gut and stomach wrinkles? Nope, but shapewear is my new BFF. Do I have arm sag and wings? Sure a bit, but that is one area where I can focus on the awesome GI Jane tone my arms are getting as I lift more and become stronger....so I do my best not to linger in the mirror on the worst areas if I can help it. I still get a slight panic going into "regular" clothing stores where you have to deal with staff because my inner former super morbidly obese girl is waiting to be treated like she doesn't belong (think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman)...but sometimes you just have to suck it up and see that some of those issues are just in your head.

As far as suggestions to help here are a few:
- Take a full body pic, and put it right next to an old full-body pic. If you're anything like me and avoided pics like that, do a face-to-face comparison at least, or find a full body pic that's not your biggest (See my icon. Not my biggest by any means, but it was a full body pic and it does help drive the difference home to me at least.)
- Get out a tape measure and take some new measurements. Write them down and do so every month or so.
- Get some new clothes. Your bigger/baggier clothes are not doing you any favors. Is money an issue? Try goodwill or look on a FB garage sale type site. Shop at discount stores. Ross is my dear friend for wardrobe replacement purposes.
- Don't just get new clothes but get some that flatter your changing figure! There are some department stores that will give you a personal stylist. Yes, i'm a cheapskate and haven't done this myself but I do have a fabulous BFF who has helped me out for years. TREAT YO SELF!
- I love what Detritus said above. The mirror is merely a reflection of what you look like.
- Honestly, if you have the resources and it is weighing heavily on your mind, there's always professional help out there for the mental aspects.

88olds

Yes. I lost the 40 of 100lbs on WW. I did a post on the WW message boards that I called "A Fat Guy Changes Careers". They moved it to the WW front page. My post was about what am I going to do with myself when I make goal wt and don't have WL as a never ending project?

Beware. You haven't made goal yet. Dissatisfaction with success will wreck you. There is always a part of our brain that wants no change, period. Also, somewhere in there is a person who wanted to be 100 lbs heavier. What do you think you're about to lose by changing from that person?

Keep in mind, I'm a guy. At 285 lbs I dressed like an unmade bed. I rewarded myself for the first 25 lb loss with a new suit. Game changer. I spent a bunch of money on clothes while losing. A waste? I don't think so. New found pride in my appearance got me to goal. Give it a try. Nothing better than clothes that fit right.

bikecheryl

I've been over weight my whole adult life. 13 years ago I lost 105 lbs, mainly thru logging my food and running - alot!
17 halfs, 4 fulls and an ultra.
I distinctly remember having a panic attack in a shopping mall parking lot - hyperventilating, the shakes - it was scary.
I sat there in my car thinking.... they're going to all find out what a phony I am. This thin person isn't really me and any minute now they're all going to know I'm a fraud.
It took me half an hour to calm my heart rate enough to drive out of there.
How crazy is that?????
I don't think I ever got totally comfortable being at "normal" weight.
Then well, I had surgery on one knee... then surgery in the other knee.... then kind of lost myself for awhile - if I wan't a runner, what was I????
I'm back on track now.... trying to be more balanced in my exercise as I've got a knee replacement scheduled.
I've lost 52 lbs since April with another 75 or so to go.
I'd like to think I'm better prepared this time around but it's really hard to explain to people who have never gone thru it.

azulvioleta6

It can take a WHILE for your mind to catch up with your body. Give yourself time.

cenafan

I've lost 35. I want to lose about another 50 (and then I'll reassess). I'm struggling with how other people are reacting. You get used to being kinda invisible. Dealing with attention is hard for me. I still see myself as before.

jrowden0711

cenafan wrote: »

I've lost 35. I want to lose about another 50 (and then I'll reassess). I'm struggling with how other people are reacting. You get used to being kinda invisible. Dealing with attention is hard for me. I still see myself as before.

Agreed! I didn't realize just how invisible I was before, but now all kinds of people are coming out of the woodwork to comment on my weight loss. Some, are very supportive, others not so much. For instance, some tell me I look amazing and can see the hard work I am putting in. They ask what I have done to achieve my goals and seem genuinely interested in my responses and my further goals. Others, accuse me of never eating anymore (which is completely untrue), put me down for the food choices I do make, telling me it's okay to splurge every once in awhile. These comments further make me feel a little lost in my identity, these are my friends and fanily, they should be supportfamily,

I truly enjoy my life so much better now that I am well on my way to my ultimate goal weight, I feel so much better, I am able to do so much more. Can't they see that? Can't they be happy for me? Who knew losing weight would be so complicated? Geez. Luckily my husband is amazing and so supportive. I'm sure I'll find my groove here soon.

jrowden0711

Thank you everyone for all of your input! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that has experienced this! Good news, I did go shopping today and got a few things in my new size which definitely helped a bit! I did not realize just how big my clothes were on me. It doesn't help that I wear scrubs for a living, which have zero shape to them. But, the jeans and tops I got were a few sixes down from what I had been wearing, I can actually see my body in them! Keep the suggestions coming, love hearing from all of you!

seltzermint555

Yep. I know those types of feelings. I certainly do. I went from morbidly obese to healthy weight around the age of 35 so I got to see all the signs of aging that my extra 100+ pounds had been hiding. So that was really fun (HA!) for about a year I felt like someone's sporty old aunt and freaking hated my reflection. After a couple more years, I'm starting to like myself again. Time really does help.

I still see myself as plus sized even though there's not a plus sized store in the land that carries my current size. Am I body positive and happy with my curves, just like I always was? Yep. Do I talk about it in front of anyone who is even 10 or 15 lb larger than me? Nope. I've learned my lesson.