I 'm eating because he's cheating

dlm4mom
dlm4mom Posts: 252 Member
edited November 21 in Motivation and Support
Just wondering if there are other women here also struggling like me.
«1

Replies

  • Renaissance_Turtle
    Renaissance_Turtle Posts: 960 Member
    Wait, he's cheating on you with someone else?
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,372 Member
    Please value yourself greater than he does. Take steps to resolve the issue, if he chooses not to stop cheating, you can choose to go.
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    What will that achieve?

    You can't hide from it, you know it is happening.

    Start dealing with it, do you have friends you can talk to?

    Eating really isn't the solution.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Sounds like a country song...

    I can hear the twang :D
  • KeepOnMovjng
    KeepOnMovjng Posts: 44 Member
    Use his cheating as your motivation. Get out of there if he can't be faithful, you deserve better and instead of using the food as a comfort focus on the body you want and pug the energy into that. Good luck :smile:
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    But you know...so it still considered cheating at this point?

    Seriously though, deal with the problem.
  • moxie1962
    moxie1962 Posts: 165 Member
    Ironandwine69 wrote: »
    But you know...so it still considered cheating at this point?

    Seriously though, deal with the problem.
    Cheating is doing something behind someones back. He isn't being honest with her, and she hasn't told him to his face if she is ok with it...so yeah...it is still cheating.

  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    I can totally understand emotional eating, I have been guilty of it in the past and fall back into that pitfall every now and then still. You just have to take a hard look at your life and ask what is this really solving. The food isn't actually fixing anything, and for me it was just making myself feel worse about myself, a path I knew I needed to stop from going down.

    As for the cheating, time to move on and move out. I don't know all the details but from the little blip here I am thinking things are beyond the point of saving. Hope you have a way to get out, if not please find help in doing so.

    ~best wishes
  • GlassAngyl
    GlassAngyl Posts: 478 Member
    I know the pain. I did the same thing and tried to salvage my marriage for our kids for 5 years. He went out to have his fun, I gained weight. Then he brought two girls home at 3am and into our bedroom. He said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm married."

    .. And the girls freaked out. They were embarrassed and horrified. I realized then that I was done with him. I calmed them down and told them they could have him if they wanted (not surprising that they didn't) and I made up the guest room for them.

    Next day I made them breakfast and introduced them to my kids. They stayed with me for almost a year and my husband hated me for it. In that almost year I dropped over 100 pounds hanging out with them.

    Sadly I made that same mistake with the next few boyfriends. Not because they were necessarily cheating either. I had trust issues after that and assumed that guys get bored after awhile. I made their lives pretty miserable. I gained the weight back in every case and lost it again after leaving them.

    I've been single now for 5 years and love it. I needed time to mature. To show myself that i don't need anyone to make me happy. I believe now I could handle a relationship, only, I've gotten so use to it just being me and my kids. I'll give it another 2 years when my youngest is 18 and CONSIDER dating again.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    GlassAngyl wrote: »
    I know the pain. I did the same thing and tried to salvage my marriage for our kids for 5 years. He went out to have his fun, I gained weight. Then he brought two girls home at 3am and into our bedroom. He said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm married."

    .. And the girls freaked out. They were embarrassed and horrified. I realized then that I was done with him. I calmed them down and told them they could have him if they wanted (not surprising that they didn't) and I made up the guest room for them.

    Next day I made them breakfast and introduced them to my kids. They stayed with me for almost a year and my husband hated me for it. In that almost year I dropped over 100 pounds hanging out with them.

    Sadly I made that same mistake with the next few boyfriends. Not because they were necessarily cheating either. I had trust issues after that and assumed that guys get bored after awhile. I made their lives pretty miserable. I gained the weight back in every case and lost it again after leaving them.

    I've been single now for 5 years and love it. I needed time to mature. To show myself that i don't need anyone to make me happy. I believe now I could handle a relationship, only, I've gotten so use to it just being me and my kids. I'll give it another 2 years when my youngest is 18 and CONSIDER dating again.

    Wow. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. That's horrible.
    No man is more worth than self respect. Ever. Good for you to get out of that relationship.

    And I know us women think we are trying to make it work for our kids, but kids are better off being raised by separated happy parents than a miserable family.
  • amtyrell
    amtyrell Posts: 1,447 Member
    Does your reaction make anything better?does it stop his cheating? Does it make your life better long term?
    Probably you answered no to those so find something that makes a yes answer.
    That could be marriage counseling personal consoling divorce ect
  • Heather4448
    Heather4448 Posts: 908 Member
    So drop him. What are you waiting for?
  • LiftHeavyThings27105
    LiftHeavyThings27105 Posts: 2,086 Member
    Emotional eating is clearly a sign of 'comfort'. @dlm4mom When you are ready - and no one can tell YOU when you are ready - try to turn this to a positive thing. I know, I know....it seems like your world is all twisted and turned upside down now. He betrayed you. He betrayed your family. Well, there are two sides to every story. But that is a totally different conversation. Take this somehow as a positive thing....you know his true colors now so you can decide how you are going to handle this. And, no one can comment on how you handle this.

    I like the suggestion to move from emotional eating to training. Whatever the situation is, wouldn't it be great to make a life style change?
  • LiftHeavyThings27105
    LiftHeavyThings27105 Posts: 2,086 Member
    TOTAL SIDEBAR -

    @GlassAngyl EPIC! Good for you. When you are ready, I am on the other side of NC! LOL! Nah, girl! Just messing. But love the way you said "F**k me? Really? F**K YOU!" and turned the tables on him.
  • GlassAngyl
    GlassAngyl Posts: 478 Member
    CWShultz27105 wrote: »
    TOTAL SIDEBAR -

    @GlassAngyl EPIC! Good for you. When you are ready, I am on the other side of NC! LOL! Nah, girl! Just messing. But love the way you said "F**k me? Really? F**K YOU!" and turned the tables on him.

    Thank you. Sometimes our mistakes are just ways to teach us to be stronger. :smile:
  • GlassAngyl
    GlassAngyl Posts: 478 Member
    Ironandwine69 wrote: »
    GlassAngyl wrote: »
    I know the pain. I did the same thing and tried to salvage my marriage for our kids for 5 years. He went out to have his fun, I gained weight. Then he brought two girls home at 3am and into our bedroom. He said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm married."

    .. And the girls freaked out. They were embarrassed and horrified. I realized then that I was done with him. I calmed them down and told them they could have him if they wanted (not surprising that they didn't) and I made up the guest room for them.

    Next day I made them breakfast and introduced them to my kids. They stayed with me for almost a year and my husband hated me for it. In that almost year I dropped over 100 pounds hanging out with them.

    Sadly I made that same mistake with the next few boyfriends. Not because they were necessarily cheating either. I had trust issues after that and assumed that guys get bored after awhile. I made their lives pretty miserable. I gained the weight back in every case and lost it again after leaving them.

    I've been single now for 5 years and love it. I needed time to mature. To show myself that i don't need anyone to make me happy. I believe now I could handle a relationship, only, I've gotten so use to it just being me and my kids. I'll give it another 2 years when my youngest is 18 and CONSIDER dating again.

    Wow. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. That's horrible.
    No man is more worth than self respect. Ever. Good for you to get out of that relationship.

    And I know us women think we are trying to make it work for our kids, but kids are better off being raised by separated happy parents than a miserable family.

    Thank you. In our case it was just me raising the kids. When I finally told him it was over, he pulled a gun on me. Got him landed in jail for a bit. I TRIED to be nice and do joint custody (no parent should lose a child) but he broke that trust by kidnapping his kids. The DA had to go get them and it landed him back in jail. After that the courts advised me to move away. So that's what I did.

    He has spoken a few times on the phone with his kids but then he told my daughter women have no right to speak and to shut up (she was telling him about her my little ponies).. She handed the phone to her brother who took it, listened on the line, then hung up on his dad. Handed the phone back to his sister and told her she was forbidden to speak to him again, then went back to his book. They were 8 and 10 at the time. My son is 18 now and has never forgiven his dad for how he spoke to his sister. That man clearly has some issues he needs to work out.

    I never felt like I was a victim though. He seems more of the victim of whatever screwed him up so bad that he chose this path for himself. I've always been a loner so being alone isn't a punishment for me. It's a vacation.
  • LearningToFly13
    LearningToFly13 Posts: 329 Member
    The best revenge is a life well lived.
  • LearningToFly13
    LearningToFly13 Posts: 329 Member
    suzannesimmons3 wrote: »
    A great diversion from food is packing his bags.....

    And this
  • cheriebah
    cheriebah Posts: 13 Member
    OP I know what you're going through and how hard it is. I hated myself when I found out, thought I wasn't good enough etc. When you are down on yourself its hard enough, but when you turn to food and start gaining weight whilst feeling that way it makes everything so much worse. You CAN get out of this and you CAN be strong, do it for yourself! Anytime I found out he was at it again (happened many times with many promises it wouldn't happen again. Even when I was in hospital just after the birth of our daughter) the only way I could get my mind off things was to get out of the house and go for a walk. So maybe try and start with something like that? The more you do it, it turns to habit. But all in all girl from personal experience, the best solution is to get out and if you do you will feel so proud of yourself for doing something for you! That the effort of exercising and reclaiming yourself will feel like nothing compared to heartache. I wish you all the best and just remember you can do anything you set your mind to!
  • dillydaisys
    dillydaisys Posts: 132 Member
    Being happy is always the best revenge. Take some time out for yourself and remember to look after yourself mentally and physically. Eat to nourish your body, binge Eating is an temporary fix but for the long term it'll make you feel worse about yourself. Focus on your strengths, you are beautiful.
  • MyBoyG
    MyBoyG Posts: 104 Member
    His behavior is unacceptable and it only denigrates your self esteem... time to get it together and either both of you go to counseling or you leave his sorry self. No one should deal with disloyalty, no one. You are better than that, never doubt it.
  • BlueAfternoon
    BlueAfternoon Posts: 40 Member
    Look, I've been there. I get it that his behaviour makes you feel bad. But the most empowering thing you ever need to learn is that he is not responsible for your actions. If he makes you feel bad, don't just keep eating if that makes you feel bad too. Change what you need to for yourself and get your power back!
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    I can't see how eating will stop or help with the cheating.
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
    I say focus on a new direction with or without him. It is possible to work through this but it won't be easy. Don't let food be your crutch. Instead start working out and eating healthy foods. Get a mental image of yourself that says "I am better than this" and elevate yourself.
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