Special occasions make this feel impossible

cefleischman

I'm struggling. When I'm at home during the week and have 100% control over my meals and portions, I do okay. On the weekend when it's someone's birthday, a housewarming party, wedding, basically any celebration with food... I fall off the wagon and hate myself. If I have a piece of cake then I feel like I ruined my diet for the day (which it kind of does because it takes up so many of my daily calories). If I don't have a piece of cake then I think about it for hours. Unfortunately, I'm not even kidding. I actually think about how bad I wanted *insert unhealthy food here.* I feel like I'm missing out by turning down drinks, dessert, etc... Any advice for someone new at losing weight/struggling?

GemstoneofHeart

Can you eat at your deficit throughout the week and then eat at maintenance on the weekends?? Lots of people do this and still lose weight from their weekday deficits.

Yes the weight loss will be slower, but you'll still lose weight!

Unknown

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wpbarrett

I just ate a cupcake today... it was 450 calories... i had to skip dinner because of it ! I've found staying under my calories for the day still works when i blow the diet eating something high in calories... but it's often at a great sacrifice, such as an entire next meal!

cmriverside

A small piece of cake is about 400 calories. Surely that isn't going to ruin everything.

I think it's easy to get into that "all or nothing" mindset, but if you actually look at what you are telling yourself it doesn't make sense.

Everyone has life-parties. You have to be a little flexible. Maybe skip breakfast that day. Maybe skip breakfast the day after. Whatever...it's easy to make up 400 calories. Take a half hour run. . .

eyer0ll

I aim for one of the following depending on exactly how special the occasion is:

- Leave something (anything, even just one bite) on my plate/in the glass
- Eat half the piece of cake/drink half the glass of wine
- Eat a bite/take a sip of spouse's cake/drink

Depending on the event and my mood I can feel like I'm participating in celebrations and still eat less.

seltzermint555

I have gone to so many parties where I ate several pieces of celery, 4 baby carrots, and a decadent dessert. If it's happening every week, maybe that's a really bad idea. But once in awhile, not a problem.

estherdragonbat

I try to anticipate what might be served and make room for a controlled portion. If I've pre-logged a 400-calorie indulgence, I find it easier to stick to that. I may eat lighter during the rest of the day or work out a little more, but when I have those 400 calories, I skip the guilt and negativity, which makes me less vulnerable to going off the rails and taking more.

Also, I know it's frustrating now, but I find that after having been on MFP for some time, my temptations are less. I still indulge, but I find it easier to moderate.

rmgnow

Log all of it.

Javagal2778

I evaluate every bite of whatever treat I am having. I ask myself as I chew that first bite "Is this worth it?" There are times where it absolutely is but there are also a lot of times when it's not. The anticipation made it seem better than reality. In those times, I stop eating it. If I'm going to indulge with my calories, it better be worth it!

fiddletime

When I eat a piece of cake I try to stick with just one. I log it. I've pre-logged the rest of the day and it'll push me into the red, which I hate. If I'm set to lose a pound a week 500 cal over one day won't make a big deal out of the 3500 cal/pound lost (or gained).

potatoyeti

Their is no need to feel guilty. The reality is the harder you try to just eat clean the more likely you are to fail and regain weight in the long run. Basically it's okay to endulge every now and then your only human after all.

WinoGelato

I often bank calories during the week for more indulgent weekend events. As you described, family bbqs, parties, dinners out often happen Thurs-Sun for me. So I often bank 100-200 cals less during the week to have 500-1000 cals extra on the weekends. It's the total calorie deficit over time that leads to weight loss, not coming in at or just under goal every single day.

What are your stats, goal, and current goal rate of loss? Often people take an extreme approach, trying to lose the weight as fast as possible and thus choose to cut calories aggressively, which doesn't leave room for foods you enjoy, and often isn't sustainable.

Also, do you exercise? Do you eat back the calories from exercise? You may want to think about factoring in something extra on days when you have those special events, to give yourself even more wiggle room.

Bottom line, this is supposed to be a lifestyle change, and all those things you described are part of your life. The best thing you can do is figure out how to still enjoy those events AND achieve your weight loss goals. Thinking that you've blown your diet and you might as well eat everything in sight is not a long term strategy. Allowing yourself to have a small indulgence without beating yourself up, is...

claridiva2000

Having a cheat day can help your goal. The human body is smart. If you stay in deficit for a long time you body goes "i see what you're up to" and adjusts. An occasional refeed/high calorie day can help you. So have your cake and jump back on the wagon without the guilt. As long as its planned, eaten mindfully and you don't indulge too often, it will be OK.

kristen8000

It's life. If you want to keep the weight off, you'll need to adjust your thinking. You'll need to think about how much you eat for the rest of your life. There will always be a vacation, or a wedding, or a birthday. If keeping your weight stable is important you'll figure out how to plan ahead.

shaunshaikh

For this lifestyle to be sustainable you have to do something that doesn't feel like torture. My suggestion would be to indulge moderately during the weekend so you're not binging and you're not acculumulating the desire to binge. Then, make up for all your overages throughout the week.

It's another reminder also that exercise calories can help make your eating lifestyle and diet more sustainable. One of my best friends is known to pair Friday/Saturday overages with his "long run" on Saturdays to help balance out the calories.

Whatever works for you personally, but my opinion is that you should be managing the cravings in a responsible way and not have an all or nothing attitude about them if you want to keep this up and not be back here later.

Carlos_421

Something I had to learn to keep from blowing my deficit every weekend: occasions that occur every week are not special occasions. Also, some occasions that are special for someone else (friend's birthday) aren't necessarily special for me.

DebLaBounty

I pre-log what I want to consume before I go. Then I go for a run or a bike ride. So I eat a light lunch, log the cake and glass of wine, and see what's left over. And I don't chide myself if I go over my calorie budget for the day. Please don't beat yourself up, it really saps the joy out of life for no good reason.

HeidiCooksSupper

If feeling bad about ourselves caused weight loss we'd all be skinny. So, stop it. Stop punishing yourself for leading a normal life. To lose weight, one needs to eat at a calorie deficit on average over the long term. For some of us that's more difficult than for others. That's not a moral failing that's just life.

You've decided to try to eat at a deficit over the long term. You have identified an aspect of your life that's making that difficult. Now you get to decide what to do about it. The birthday cakes are getting in the way of your calorie deficits. Choose. Eat the cake and either have less of a deficit or increase your deficit on other days to make up for it. Or don't eat the cake. Whichever you choose is your decision.

Nobody is perfect. In fact, no one really knows what perfect is! So stop judging yourself on some mythical ideal. Controlling how much you eat is hard enough without setting traps for "moral failure."

lorrpb

Have you considered taking smaller portions so you can have a taste but fewer calories? For thing like cake that might be pre cut, cut off half or a third, eat the smallest piece, then throw it out or set it aside. Hard to do at first, but it will either go to "waste" or "waist". You don't help anyone by eating more than you want.

jemhh

If I had frequent special occassions, birthday parties, etc., I wouldn't eat the cake every time. Instead I would wait until there was a cake that looked exceptionally delicious, as most party cakes are pretty terrible IMO. Unless you are surrounded by fantastic bakers and chefs, my guess is that you are more in love with the idea of cake than the actual taste of most of the cake you eat. My only suggestion would be to be stingy about what you spend your calories on.

Rincewind_1965

Where is the problem?
You (usually) know in advance that such an occasion is going to happen.

The easiest way to solve your problem: Raise your calorie budget by sports.
The way to go is not to avoid "unhealthy food" (for whatever that is) but to reach the point when you ask yourself "Is it worth it?"

Example: A piece of cake X has (assumed) 800 kcal this would mean ~ 80 minutes of medium to high intensity workout ... Is it worth it? If the answer is "Yes", then by all means get the cake and have a decent run afterwards, or walk the long way home, or, or, or,
Saying that you "Fell off the wagon" in fact is the easiest and worst possible way out.
Granted, one ruined day will not ruin the whole project, but exactly knowing when this is going to happen and doing nothing about it is a lack of consistency, not more, not less.

ladyhusker39

competecompetecompete wrote: »

F it
It won't kill you
Don't worry about what you ate last
Think about what you're gonna eat next

I love this comment so much! Whether you succeed or fail totally depends on what you do next.

CSARdiver

How many special occasions do you run into?

It's not the 1000 kcal overages once a year that lead to weight gain, it's the daily 250 kcal overages that do that.

Slow it down and make it simple. Take a bite sized portion of each dish and taste it. Drink a glass of water 30 mins prior to a meal. Rest your fork between each bite. All these little changes in behavior add up to dramatic changes over time.

KelGen02

99% of a healthy lifestyle is mind over matter. Well at least it has been for me. I started this healthy lifestyle the Monday after Thanksgiving. I chose that date because I figured if I was going to be successful lets see how I do getting through the holidays and the new year and did exactly that, not only did I get through them I lost weight. A couple tricks that has helped me get through these social situations. I stopped drinking beer (soo love my beer), I switched over to Tito's and seltzer with a splash of cranberry. Cut the calories and the carbs and NO ONE was was the wiser when the 3rd drink was only seltzer/cranberry so there was no peer pressure so to speak. I started bringing healthy dishes to social events, salads, fruit/veggie trays. Things that I could fill up on so I could say no to that creamy starch filled dish that I really didn't need. I also make sure that I get in a good workout in the morning before going to a social event, as well as prelog my "indulgences" in an effort to stay on track. Some days its just not going to happen and you are going to indulge. Key is to not beat yourself up over it, own it and move on. We have these preconceived notions of what healthy is suppose to look like and we have to reprogram our mind sets. My husband and I went to a wedding over the weekend. I opted for the Veggie/Bean dish over the steak or chicken dish with the knowledge I was probably going to drink my face off as we were shuttled to and from the event. I didn't have any wedding cake, but I sure did enjoy the assorted cheeses and picky foods that were being passed around. Been doing this now for 8 months, I am down 70lbs and I can honestly say that feeling of depriving myself is no longer and issue. I want something I eat it, it may not be the same portion size I would normally have but I do eat it. I find the longer I have been eating this way the need to over indulge has been far and few in between as I want this healthy & fit lifestyle more than I want/need that piece of cake. Make a plan, stick to it and be forgiving, in time it will be second nature... Good luck!!

apullum

If it's happening every weekend, then it's not a "special occasion." It's just what your normal eating habits look like. So, you need to do one of a few things:

1) budget your calories to accommodate these weekend meals (which may mean "banking" calories during the week)
2) change your weekend eating habits (possibly by attending these events but eating less of the food involved at them)
3) eat at maintenance on weekends (which may slow your rate of weight loss)

Regardless of which of these things you choose to do, you need to change your mindset toward eating. You did not "fall off the wagon" if you ate a piece of cake. You just ate a piece of cake. There is never, ever a good reason to hate yourself because you ate something. If you know you're going to eat cake every Saturday, then factor it into your calorie goals.

Lounmoun

Raise your calorie goal. If your calorie goal is so low you can't live a normal life that is not very sustainable. Choose to lose at a slower rate or start exercising more.
Look at your weekly calorie goal instead of just daily. You can eat lighter a couple of days or exercise a bit more to have more calories for events that week.
Have a maintenance calorie day once a week. If you have a deficit the rest of the days you can still lose. The more maintenance days the slower the loss will be though.
Prioritize and make choices. Don't try to have it all in one day. If you want the cake then maybe you want to choose low calorie or no calorie drinks. If you want beer or wine that day you might need to eat lower calorie foods and/or only have one drink. Maybe you want to skip breakfast so you can have dessert later. Maybe you decide you don't have to go to every event you are invited to if it is every week and stressing you out. Maybe look for ways to be active at events like dancing, playing games, helping clean up, taking pictures.
Don't sit or stand by the food table.
If it is appropriate for the occasion bring a dish to share that you feel comfortable eating.
Eat slowly and really savor whatever you are indulging in.
Eat reasonable portions and then pop some mint gum in your mouth.
Don't bring home party leftovers.

melissaulmen

The weekends are always tough. You need to figure out a balance so you can still enjoy the weekend festivities.

Come up with a plan that works for you, if it is not working, try again. This is a learning experience and you need to figure out what works for you. Eat healthy on the weekdays, but allow yourself some wiggle room on the weekends.

You have to allow yourself to enjoy those extra moments or else it will be hard to stick with anything for long term.

veganbaum

Carlos_421 wrote: »

Something I had to learn to keep from blowing my deficit every weekend: occasions that occur every week are not special occasions. Also, some occasions that are special for someone else (friend's birthday) aren't necessarily special for me.

This is a good frame of mind to have, OP, along with the advice to just eat a small portion, or take a bite to see if it's really worth it.

If you have a "special occasion" every weekend, how special can it really be? I wouldn't see a housewarming party as particularly special. Get together with your friends and celebrate their purchase of a new home? Okay, but is that really an occasion for cake?

Just like budgeting your calories for every other day of the week, you could just take smaller portions of the things you'd like to try. Or, you could bank calories for the weekend and have larger portions of those things. I typically bank 1,000 calories for the weekend, plus have a longer walk on Saturday and Sunday so that my calories both those days are higher than M-F. So, I can eat quite a bit on the weekends and still maintain my deficit.

There are ways to work around the "special occasions" that are not painful or guilt-ridden.

abicuffyxx

Don't punish yourself! Try to limit the damage done (less cake, just drink water) and then balance it out with some exercise.

cefleischman

Thank you all for the helpful suggestions!!