breakups

scarlettsky7

how do you handle breakups? food, music, movies... i would love your advice!
eating ice cream and watching louis ck is just depressing.

scarlettsky7

aquarabbit

Embrace the bad feeling. It's part of the whole process. Let yourself feel super super sad. Don't try to stop it, don't try to suppress it. Then find the things from the your relationship (clothes, photographs with the two of you, movie tickets, stuff like that) and get rid of it. Charity, trash, or find a way to give them back. Time will take care of the rest, but it is easier to move forward if you can minimize those little things that will bring you 2 steps back.

gmallan

Depends what kind of emotions you're experiencing. Boxing would be good for any anger. As much as you want to sit at home, cry, watch soppy movies and eat ice cream from the tub, if you can get out and do some exercise you'll feel a hell of a lot better

My0WNinspiration

Screw his brother

Nessalee77

Think about the five stages of grief,
- Anger
- Denial
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance.

When you are feeling really bad, or debating on actions to take, think about which one you are in right now, and try to work through that emotion rather than avoid it or supress it. For example, if you are angry, try to really isolate the reasons you are angry and examine whether that is really justified. Is he really a total a** hole or just a nice guy who isn't really into you? Or is he just a guy who made a mistake?

Depression - is it really reasonable to think that you will never be happy with anyone else? ever? Is he really that special or unique?

Try to forgive.

Be really aware of bargaining stage - that can make you do some stupid things, like send begging, pleading text messages that you will be totally embarrassed by later And watch out for denial because that will just prolong the agony even longer. And don't listen to denial-enablers who tell you that he might come around in a couple of weeks - because that just gets your hopes up and you will crash even lower when you finally do.

I went through all this in the last two weeks - it was only a short relationship so I'm mostly over it now, but still getting sad at random times of the day.

Stay busy, exercise and eat well.

Good luck

scarlettsky7

thanks for the support. i watched high fidelity and rode my bike. that's a start.

JerZRob

When I got out of my first really long term relationship I got a membership to the gym and hit it hardcore to rub it in her face. And it worked!

scarlettsky7

any books you'd recommend?

this relationship has been an addiction. we've broken up several times and yet somehow we get back together. it is obnoxious and embarrassing. i could use a self help book or tough love advice.

whitebalance

My suggestion: Reconnect with yourself again. Rediscover your favorite color, music, places to go, all that stuff, and enjoy the gift of personal time for a while. Too many people settle for a bad relationship because they just don't want to be alone. Don't do that, with him or with anyone else.
Don't read his letters. Don't take his calls. Don't be available.
And whenever you start your inner mental dialogue with him, remember the three magic words: "Your loss, Toots."
You're free. :glasses:

ETA: Book suggestion, since you asked - "Learning to Love Yourself," by Louise Hay. And then "He's Just Not That Into You."

toothpastechica

"My suggestion: Reconnect with yourself again."

This...oh my friend, so this. I will never in my life forget living post breakup after a guy who told me he was going to marry me, who almost convinced me to move across the country for him after he moved, dumped me...I literally cried for days, . After convinced his sister to let me stay at her house because I was going to fly out there and tell him why it cant be over, crazy ex stuff right.....well about 3 days I needed to do something, anything, to feel alive. So with terrible motives I started running (Maybe he will be jealous and want me back if I get in shape and look good kind of terrible) I gotta say running was a lifesavor in that time, I wasn't very fast, but it gave me room to be butthurt and feel emotion but to put it back out as energy. About 2 weeks after a friend suggested going hiking..I hadn't hiked in over 5 years but I went because they wouldn't take no for an answer...I still remember getting to our destination (the top of some mountain somewhere) and smiling. It was the first real smile I had in a while...it helped me to find my identity as ME, not as half as us, but that I accomplished this, and that I loved doing it. That first summer I did a lot of hiking and running, and honestly, I believe getting back into things I had forgotten that I love (and are good for my health and endorphins) are what got me through. Oh and venting with my hiking buddy that summer helped....a good set of ears can help give some perspective and make you realize you deserve better then someone who can't stick out the bad and the good..and there ARE other fish in the sea, might take some time to go fishing again, but in the end its worth getting to know yourself better to figure out which fish are better suited to who YOU are...not them.

scarlettsky7

found an amazing book called: "It;s called a breakup because its broken." hilarious and inspiring! i feel a whole lot better now

ThickMcRunFast

Best advice I ever got about going through a breakup, oddly enough from a football blog. It works just as well for women as men:


"Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself for a little while. Take two to four weeks to drink more than you should and listen to every sad song that you own. Be a miserable bore to your friends, who want to support you and hang out with you, but not if you’re just going to mope all night.

There. You got to wallow in your misery. Now it’s time to move on with your life. Let’s go to some numbered steps.

1. Realize that you shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you.

“But what about all the hot sex and funny banter we had?” you ask. SHE STOPPED ENJOYING IT. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU. It’s stupid and selfish to want to be with someone who doesn’t want you.

2. Break off all contact.

Don’t do that “let’s be friends” BS. Your ex-girlfriend wants to be your friend for two reasons: (1) so she can continue to receive attention from you, and (2) so she doesn’t have to feel so bad about rejecting you. *kitten* that noise, let her feel bad. If she’s keeping you on the emotional hook by remaining in contact with you, ask her to stop because you want to focus on moving on with your life. From then on out, no contact. I SAID NO CONTACT. Block her on Gchat. Hide her Facebook timeline from your feed. No email, no texting, no anything. Pretend she’s dead. So sad she died, right? Oh well, better get a move on with your life.

3. Begin self-improvement.

Don’t worry about dating or rebound sex. (If you’re comfortable with it, go right ahead, but understand that re-entering the dating world can be a depressing experience after the emotional/sexual cocoon of a relationship.) Take your sadness and anger and your newfound free time and funnel it towards self-improvement. Start a new workout regimen. Sign up for cooking or bartending or wine-tasting classes. Throw yourself into your job. Volunteer for a children’s program or animal shelter. Out of the pyre of your failed relationship will emerge a stronger, more knowledgeable, and more caring person with new circles of friends from your new activities. YOU ARE A MAGNIFICENT PHOENIX.

In time, the more fit and more interesting person you become will also be naturally more confident, and you’ll end up dating women who are better looking and smarter than the stupid b*tch who broke up with you in the first place."

linky-link: http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2012/12/ksk-mailbag-index-answers-for-every-common-sexrelationship-question.html#ixzz2bKeiM2ua

crandos

Best advice I ever got about going through a breakup, oddly enough from a football blog. It works just as well for women as men:


"Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself for a little while. Take two to four weeks to drink more than you should and listen to every sad song that you own. Be a miserable bore to your friends, who want to support you and hang out with you, but not if you’re just going to mope all night.

There. You got to wallow in your misery. Now it’s time to move on with your life. Let’s go to some numbered steps.

1. Realize that you shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you.

“But what about all the hot sex and funny banter we had?” you ask. SHE STOPPED ENJOYING IT. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU. It’s stupid and selfish to want to be with someone who doesn’t want you.

2. Break off all contact.

Don’t do that “let’s be friends” BS. Your ex-girlfriend wants to be your friend for two reasons: (1) so she can continue to receive attention from you, and (2) so she doesn’t have to feel so bad about rejecting you. *kitten* that noise, let her feel bad. If she’s keeping you on the emotional hook by remaining in contact with you, ask her to stop because you want to focus on moving on with your life. From then on out, no contact. I SAID NO CONTACT. Block her on Gchat. Hide her Facebook timeline from your feed. No email, no texting, no anything. Pretend she’s dead. So sad she died, right? Oh well, better get a move on with your life.

3. Begin self-improvement.

Don’t worry about dating or rebound sex. (If you’re comfortable with it, go right ahead, but understand that re-entering the dating world can be a depressing experience after the emotional/sexual cocoon of a relationship.) Take your sadness and anger and your newfound free time and funnel it towards self-improvement. Start a new workout regimen. Sign up for cooking or bartending or wine-tasting classes. Throw yourself into your job. Volunteer for a children’s program or animal shelter. Out of the pyre of your failed relationship will emerge a stronger, more knowledgeable, and more caring person with new circles of friends from your new activities. YOU ARE A MAGNIFICENT PHOENIX.

In time, the more fit and more interesting person you become will also be naturally more confident, and you’ll end up dating women who are better looking and smarter than the stupid b*tch who broke up with you in the first place."

linky-link: http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2012/12/ksk-mailbag-index-answers-for-every-common-sexrelationship-question.html#ixzz2bKeiM2ua

Good post

UhohDanny

When I got out of my first really long term relationship I got a membership to the gym and hit it hardcore to rub it in her face. And it worked!

I am in the process of doing the same thing.....its pretty good motivation so far

jlclabo

i use them as fuel to lift even more really heavy *kitten*...........

mssteel90

Get angry and train hard.

LFiestan

Best advice alright

I brokeup with my boyfriend 4 weeks ago, havent spoken to him since and it fueled/motivated me to change and improve myself. Plus them exercises help due to the endophins...Elle wood's words kept popping in my head "Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins makes people happy"