Dealing with "You're too skinny" comments?

amandaeve

Being told you're "too" anything is insulting. If I'm feeling up to it, I'll respond with "I'm going to assume you're trying to compliment me, but it doesn't sound like it."

SueSueDio

Meghanebk wrote: »

I'd agree with others that people compare their image of you to what they are used to and what they remember of your appearance. Observer error - if their idea of your previous weight is their "normal" for you, then dropping significant weight would make you look "too skinny." They just need a lot of time for their mental template of what is "normal" for you to change. And if their immediate community is mostly overweight that affects their subconscious idea of "too skinny" too.

I've had something similar to this recently, from a former colleague whom I've only seen once (in March) since I was laid off nearly two years ago. The first time she saw me again I'd lost about 55lbs and she kept going on about how she didn't recognise me. I saw her again just a couple of weeks ago - I've only lost another 10lbs or so since March, but she told me I was "wasting away". I assured her there's still plenty of me left!

As she's very slim herself, I presume that she only thinks I'm skinny because she remembers me as the 220lb gal she worked with. I am most definitely NOT "skinny", but having only seen me twice since then she hasn't had an opportunity to come to terms with my new size and I seem skinny in comparison to her memories of me.

I do think that clothing makes a big difference too - if you wear clothes that are too big for your new size, I think you often look "skinnier" relative to that than you would if you wore well-fitting clothing.

SummerSkier

I think the people saying this may have never seen a true anorexic. I did in high school, and I will never forget what she looked like before she went in the hospital. It's sweet that they are concerned. But it is also very irritating. You have worked so hard to get in shape and lose. Normally the first step is congratulating you on loss and then a few weeks later the "too thin" stuff starts. I think if when the first comments start on the loss you shut them down, then you don't have to deal with the too thin stuff. When people at work started noticing my loss a few weeks ago I told them (true) that I was working on my running and trying to get my pace down. So I assume in a few more weeks they will start telling me I need to quit losing weight or I am too skinny - I will then fall back on the every ounce means 15 seconds of my pace response or something stupid like that...

LiftHeavyThings27105

I guess that it all depends on how you take the comment. And, that decision comes from multiple data points: the person telling you that, their tone of voice, your perception of their intent, previous conversations about nutrition and fitness, their "state of health", et al.

If they are someone who knows you and loves you, then that is one conversation.

If it is some random person at work then that is another conversation.

This is not directed at you....so please do not take it as a comment aimed at you....but I think that people are too sensitive. My level of "dgaf" (you can figure that out....) is pretty darned high.

This is just my personality, but if this is coming from some random person at work - who maybe has made this statement a few times - and that person is shall we say 'not so pleasantly plump' then I would have a very specific response. There is a lot of passive-aggressive behavior out there and bullies do not sit will with me. So, again - this is just my personality - I would hit them in the mouth (not literally) with a very specific comment. In other words, I would shut down that conversation with a quickness.

It all depends on the context of that statement. Passive-aggressive.....well, you know my reply. That might not be the right response, but that is my response.

nursebravo14

Just say, " wow, you're super obese! "

Lillymoo01

Meghanebk wrote: »

I'd say "My doctor is happy with my weight and fitness level." (As long as you actually are at a healthy level. If your doc/a healthcare professional is one of those telling you to put on weight, that's serious.)

I'd agree with others that people compare their image of you to what they are used to and what they remember of your appearance. Observer error - if their idea of your previous weight is their "normal" for you, then dropping significant weight would make you look "too skinny." They just need a lot of time for their mental template of what is "normal" for you to change. And if their immediate community is mostly overweight that affects their subconscious idea of "too skinny" too.

I got comments like that too from friends and family - when I was 5' tall and 125 pounds, so no-one's definition of "too skinny." They were just used to me with a shape that was 165.

My doctor was one of those telling me that I was too skinny. I told him I wasn't. He had to agree with me when he took my measurements and found my BMI was 21.5. I know it was all out of genuine concern though because my weight loss journey began after trauma.

piperdown44

Yep, heard it in the beginning and it irritated me to no end. What it did end up doing is providing a bit more drive to hit the heavy weights and stay consistent in the weight room.

Fast forward these past couple of years I don't get the skinny comments anymore but I do get complemented on staying healthy.

I'll also point out that I've noticed people have a skewed view of what a healthy weight looks like. So the comments about being too skinny might just be because it took them seeing me at this weight for a couple years to get used to it.

DX2JX2

To be fair, while individual perception and recollection of when you were not skinny do drive most of these statements, there are some people who actually look better at the high end of normal.

I'm one of them, I'm not sure what it is but when I get towards the middle of the normal BMI range, my cheeks look too sunken in and the area under my eyes become more pronounced. I think my chin/jawline is too weak or something. My SO would ask me to put on a little weight and I ignored her until I actually saw myself in pictures.

Anyway, once I moved towards the higher end of normal (185 vs. 175), my face filled out nicely and I actually do look much healthier.

SarahR2412

I have had a couple comments recently about my weight and people asking me when am I going to stop, saying I’ve lost enough and need to stop. But the people that have said it to me are ones that have started diets and given up within a couple weeks and piled it on again and then some, so I’m guessing these couple of people are jealous and want me to stop cause they want me to be like them and give up.

You’ll know when to stop and you will do it when your ready and not when someone else passes skinny comments

AnnPT77

Several thoughts:

+1 to some of it just being people being shocked by change, and more so in a culture where the average person is at least somewhat overweight.

I also do think that when we're in a deficit for a long-ish time, we can look sub-ideal at first, even if the deficit wasn't extreme. I feel like I looked better at goal weight a few months into maintenance than at first, for a range of reasons: Stress of long-term loss, slightly slack skin especially face, stringy neck and more that was improved probably by glycogen replenishment after being in maintenance for a while, and more.

Anecdotally, it seems like quite a few people here say their faces and bodies continue to change and adjust in maintenance, even without dramatic behavioral changes.

My doctor first told me it'd be OK for me to be anywhere in the normal BMI range, then told me not to lose more when around 15 pounds above the low end. Go figure!